Chastener

Christy was right to repost this topic, as it is probably the most central and crucial to the spanking culture. We must recognize that control is a basic issue in spanking, and depending on how it is used, can be good or ill. We also must recognize that the instant after the internet started some people began using it for sinister purposes. I can only stress that women in particular confirm and reconfirm as best they can the character of the men they are going to meet. Second, again women in particular immediately take themselves out of the picture once anything untoward presents itself to their instincts. Women can sense a charlatan, women can sense danger, and if they keep that as a watchword they should be all right.

I'll bet you have. I just hope that you were convinced by what followed not to do it again.

Start a new subject. It should be interesting, and I will no doubt be roasted for it.

In the past, I've spanked a number of women for the use of "bad" language because it was unladylike. Yes, unladylike. There are gender tropes which we rely on, and language is one: We expect women to be more civilized than men in their discourse. (Not a bad expectation, and not a wrong one.) The interesting result is that many of these spanked women have reported back to me that they felt more feminine when punished for swearing and then curbing their behavior. Maybe the gender tropes are right?

I've seen in some spanking fiction women or girls be spanked (or caned, paddled, etc.) and then being required to sit on hard wooden benches. It seems to me that this is just that, fiction, but that it does impart the lesson of the sting referring to the memory of the immediately-past discipline, which does contain a kernel of truth.

Not a big fan, since I've heard that the effects can be really serious if swallowed. As a fantasy it makes a great punishment, though.

Both arms grasping the seat of a chair is always good.

Thank you, thank you. I had no idea that there was a limit, or that I approached it. Going through my messages was a nice memory, too. Anyway, I think I'm below 50%, so that should hold me for a while. Again, thanks.

A member who was trying to send a private message to my profile told me she received a notice that I was "unable to receive messages." Is this right, and can it be fixed?

You are to be commended for knowing that you need strict guidelines and consequences. If you like, you can privately message me on my profile site, as I may have some suggestions for you.

Very few of my spankings involve only one position. Of course, a hand spanking to start is always OTK. Other positions for other implements probably will require other positions, and, indeed those others can also increase the spankee's awareness of her nudity (or near nudity) and her submission to discipline.

"Discomfort" seems to be the word of the day, and that's pretty accurate. Almost all women I've spanked have experienced some discomfort sitting afterwards. The important part, as I've stressed (ad nauseum, I know) is that the pain in a woman's backside brings back memories of her discipline, of what caused it and how she submitted to it. If that connection is made, then the "discomfort" is more than sensory.

If you want to chat and see what happens, I'm game.

Chawsee, I couldn't agree more. The wrist flick is imperative!

I think of the spanking as a kind of tennis lesson, where --in most shots, particularly the service-- a slightly looser grip is preferred. When I spank by hand, for example, I loosen the wrist to allow for maximum sting, Paddling is the same thing: A slightly looser grip increases the sting.

I've said a million times before, and I'll say it again: The feeling of embarrassment or humiliation (never degradation) is the fundamental element of discipline. Exposure (either full or partial) is a part of this, but the scolding -which I like to do as a series of rhetorical questions- is another crucial segment. And for those who haven't read my (innumerable and boring) posts, the sting on a woman's behind will fade; her feelings of embarrassment for her conduct and for submitting to discipline will last, well, forever.

I can only report what my spankees have told me, and they say that spankings coupled with their intrinsic understanding that they will be punished for certain bad behavior definitely has curbed that behavior. Very few say they are "cured" of bad traits that they built up over a long time, but the vast majority cite an improvement in their conduct.

I spank women, so often I will begin with my hand on the panties and then on the bare. After that I go to implements, usually a wooden kitchen spoon, a ping-pong paddle, or a long ruler.

Hey! That's my territory! [Laugh]

No question: The wooden kitchen spoon.

You've had good advice from a number of experienced members. As a male spanker of women perhaps you can appreciate this view: The crucial element is, of course, trust, and that can only be built up through several (written) conversations. I'd avoid someone who appears too mild as well as someone who appears too severe. But in essence, the answer to your questions comes down to who can make you feel disciplined, who can make you feel under his or her authority while quietly expressing the trust that you seek. Remember, the feeling inside that you are being disciplined is what you are looking for; the sting on your backside is only a tool toward that end. And, of course, the good thing about online discipline is that you can always walk away if it seems too severe or dangerous. Good luck.

AllieJane, I just saw your topic. While it is certainly commendable that you feel pride in your understanding of protocol and consequences, I would hope that you feel a certain amount of shame for your bad behavior. Your bottom is only one part of the spanking: The other is your mind.

I may be crashing the party, as I'm a spanker. My feeling is this: I don't give a damn whether a woman is or is not submissive in daily life, whatever than entails. In fact, most of my disciplinees are exactly the opposite in their outside lives: They run things, they administer departments, and the like. The only thing that matters in my discipline is that THERE the woman is submissive or whatever you want to call it, follows orders promptly, and calls me "Sir." Quite frankly, outside of my discipline, I don't care if she carries a bullwhip --although that might lead to further discipline if she uses it for the wrong purposes. [Smile]