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About boy_otk

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  1. I agree. False praise actually results in further deteriorating my self-esteem. I believe anything unearned by hard work is not exactly beneficial psychologically. Just the other day a close family member was praising me for something and while I had a happy face about it on the outside, deep down, I knew I didn't deserve that. I knew that the praise is coming from a point of view where the other person doesn't know the entire story and the thoughts inside my head. It only results in negative impacts on my overall thought process and nothing positive is yielded as the result of such praises. Also, it matters a lot from whom the praise is coming from. I highly value it when it's coming from someone who knows me as a person, someone who knows my flaws and accepts me anyway (No such person in my life yet, so this is imaginative). Then there is the other case when some distant family member praises me for something without even knowing the process and the effort I put behind it.
  2. I visit Spankingtube whenever I am craving to watch some spanking action. I am interested in videos which are realistic F/M consensual adult spankings which reflect a real life dynamic rather than a staged made up one. I am not into watching over the top and overtly brutal spankings. Simple realistic spankings where the spankee is treated with respect, love and consideration are my favorite. My big turn-ons in videos are the dynamic between the spanker and her spankee, the use of authentic verbal and spanking discipline. The things I find extremely distasteful in videos are when the spanker mocks the spankee for showing his pain , or using harsh verbal language to demean and berate the spankee. Unnecessary nudity is also another big no no. Last but not the least, I love it when the video ends with a warm hug and some loving words from the spanker to the spankee.
  3. When I mess up, I am quite hard on myself. I don't think I need someone else coming down hard on me as well. Coming from that perspective, I don't want someone screaming at me or belittling me.I am someone who can have very low self opinion at times, so if my spanker starts to scold me harshly, my "walls" would get thicker and I'd never get the necessary release from the spanking. I would prefer a more supportive conversation highlighting my positives and thereby motivating me to live up to my potential.
  4. This is certainly not a "Yes" or "No" question. Some vanillas are more open to experimenting with different activities than others. It purely depends on what kind of individual one person is, how open they are, and to what extent are they willing to go in order to satisfy their partner's needs. It's never a 100% guarantee that you may or may not be able to convert someone. Even if you do, what are the chances that they won't wake up one day and figure" Well, I am done with that"? It's different for people with innate spanking needs and it is a whole other world for someone who is introduced to it later on and only engage in it to satisfy their partner's needs.
  5. Well, there are a lot of things that you *could* do, but if you actually do those things, then what *right* do you have to discipline someone else? Don't worry, I understand that this is an entirely imaginative writing. Just saying that although you *could* do them, you *can't* do them if you want to keep the trust and respect of your spankee.
  6. This is the place to meet fellow spankos who share your interest and needs. I don't exactly see this as a place to receive discipline, but rather a place to make some friendships with those who share similar insights about a topic which is not an every day banter conversation. "Big mouth, smarting off....etc"....these things have more to do with self discipline and internal motivation. While spankings *might* help, the larger part of the "correction" must come from within. No amount of spankings nor paddling or anything could be useful. Whenever I see people mentioning being "sassy" or "rude" as a reason for needing spankings, it definitely alarms me. I mean, it seems like we should be able to control these behaviors quite easily. Nevertheless, what am trying to say is, ANY improvement in behavior must only come from within. While spanking might provide a motivational addition to the journey, it is NEVER the answer to our problems. So if you really want to stop these habits, the first and foremost step is to develop self discipline and self control. Good luck!!
  7. Hello Ma'am. Considering there isn't a dedicated site to FLR yet, this seems great to me. I tried to register up for it but it says that feature isn't ready yet. I am looking forward to join and learn more about FLR.
  8. Who cares if adult spankings are weird? Within the fetish and BDSM community, spanking might actually be the least weird of all. But that said, when you engage in an activity with another consensual adult, whether it is weird or not doesn't matter. If you enjoy it, then have fun. As simple as that.
  9. That's something you need to ask yourself. Every individual is different. I'm a male spankee, and I want to be spanked by female spankers only. Why? Because I am more comfortable with women, I can be more open and vulnerable with women than men. There are also sexual preferences that some people take into account. I do too at some level. Being a straight male, I just prefer a woman to do the spanking. But then, I don't view spankings as a purely sexual thing. And yet, I have that preference. Childhood experience (if any) might also influence your choice. At the end of the day , only you can answer the question of "why" you prefer one gender over the other.
  10. Safeword is a must when the two people involved in the spanking are meeting for the first time. And it is wise to keep the safeword for a few more sessions...this will ensure a smooth experience in getting to know each other and deepen the level of trust. Ultimately, as time goes by, I'm sure the spankee will feel safe to let his/her guard down without the need for safeword. But that kind of commitment takes time and convincing. It's not to be rushed. It's indeed ironic since a spankee isn't supposed to have control over his/her discipline....but giving a safeword nullifies that part. But, safety is of paramount importance and once the necessary level of trust and communication is established, eventually, safewords can be deemed unnecessary.
  11. Welcome to SN. This is quite an amazing site for us spankos. Have fun and be safe. Also, the best way to connect with others is to participate in the forums and eventually getting to know each other.
  12. I think chastity is simply under hard limits for me. I don't fear it. I just don't want it at all. It's something that grosses me out. I wouldn't want to be controlled on that level and it seems completely unnecessary to me. But then again, each and every relationship is completely different. The dynamics are different. So I would just have to find someone who has the same hard limits as me...or something. That said, any woman who demands chastity, that's not a "potentially successful relationship" with respect to ME and me only. I'm sure there are many guys who are completely willing to submit on that level. It all comes down to choosing the right dynamics.
  13. Being a male spankee with no experience, I still love the idea of a FLR. Although, due to my lack of experience, this is still a fantasy and I don't actually know what it's like to be in a real time FLR. That said, I've read through a bunch of articles on the topic, and "chastity" takes quite a bit of importance in the lifestyle. But is it necessary? I understand the man is submissive to the woman, implicitly and explicitly. Myself, while i *might* be able to be submissive to a woman provided we have known each other long enough and there is solid trust involved, the idea "chastity" is still not convincing to me. I guess I'm just not THAT submissive? I'm not sure what to make of it. While I love the idea behind the FLR...and I understand the need for discipline and accountability, I just can't seem to wrap my head around the concept of chastity. I always associate it with a deeper BDSM world. Can FLRs never exist without the component of chastity?
  14. Wow. Finally, someone with common sense!! Thanks for this amazing post, StrictGent. I've seen so many posts over the years in different sites which make this blatant assumption in the name of "belief" that " women *must/should* be......" At first , I used to be extremely angst about the idea of even thinking of such concepts. As time went by, I just started laughing at it, because, more often than not, such posts were generally from fake profiles who wanted to have some fun with their fantasy. That said, considering there is contact information given with the post, I'm assuming it is a real person. And that fact makes it even more worse. Many of the dominants forget that submission is a choice, not an order or something to bring about by force. Nevertheless, thank you standing up to say what you said.
  15. I used ipunishment for a long time. It's a pretty good site. There is no main chat room though, or just no one ever uses it. So if you want to get in touch with someone, you will have to friend them first. Also, the site consists of overt nudity at times unlike SN. So, if nudity is an issue (which for me it is, I hate seeing unnecessary nudity in a spanking scenario), you will probably start to dislike the site. As usual with any other online network,the site is home to a ton of fake accounts and males posing as females. At the same time, there are some genuine people too. Hope this helps.
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