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boy_otk

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  • Age
    21
  • Location
    India
  • Gender
    Male
  • Experience
    Novice
  • Role
    Spankee

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  1. I've never been spanked yet. But with whatever little conversations and exposure I've had in this forum, I feel it has certainly improved my empathy towards others. This site has enabled me to learn a lot more about this activity without actually participating in it. I read various stories of how people developed this need, or what this need means to them , and while I may not necessarily identify with all of them, It acts as an eye opener that there are different people in this world and how it's important to respect each of their needs even if we don't "get" them. While empathy is an area of improvement for me, I can't say this spanking need of mine has been entirely positive either. I've spent enormous amount of time browsing through spanking forums, reading spanking stories or watching videos, which could have been no doubt spent doing something else which could have reflected more productively on my academic life. But there was a lesson to learn from it as well. As with any activity, irrespective of how important it is to us, it is imperative to find a proper balance. I learnt the power of self control through the consequences of my over indulgence in spanking related activity. I'm sure there are more to learn down the road and I'm looking forward to it.
  2. Wow! And you are a spanker? A spanker without empathy, uh? That's scary. No one wants you to fix their life for them. Low self esteem may be a result of how the society has treated an individual, or it could be because of the feeling of being neglected, or being put in a state of constant comparison with their fellow peers etc. The sheer lack of empathy and humanity in your post is appalling. Having plenty of cats around is a highly preferable alternative to having someone with utter neglect and indifference to one's feeling.
  3. You are taking things too seriously, Jeffd. This site is a dedicated spanking community. As with any community, there are good, bad, hypocrites, judgmental, non-judgmental people around. Your own quote is a testimony to the site that most people are welcoming and warm towards each other. An one off incident with a person cannot be made a baseline to criticise the quality of the people or the quality of content generated by the site. So, what? You didn't get the expected response or conversation with this person. There are a number of others who may connect with you on here. It's imprudent to be upset just because one virtual stranger you met on this site signed off your experience as a lie. You are free to visit any site you want to. But this statement is rude. Politeness and understanding still exists here. You cannot come to the conclusion that there are no amiable people on here based on one disappointing chat. What kind of a message are you sending to the other members of the site, who genuinely contribute to the quality, wisdom and enrich the forum with their experience? I can't think of one other spanking site which has the genuine usable information as this one does. I understand that you had a bad experience, but your implication that politeness does not exist in this site is unacceptable to me, and quite frankly, this community does not deserve such unwanted criticism. With that said, I hope you find better chats in the future, or whatever it is that you may be looking for. Best of luck.
  4. I got no experience of any events or anything related to spanking, I'm still a novice. Your experience has been that some women play with you privately but not publicly at events. Why do you even play with such women who choose not to play with you in public solely because of race? (If you didn't, ignore that).I was in no way referring to a "Spanking community". It goes without saying that in any given community, there is bound to be biases, discrimination and other such societal idiocy . Spanking as a stand alone activity, is a kink. As long as racism exists in any given community, a "spanking community" would be no different. The racism that you have faced within the spanking community is present in the society at large and it's not specific to our activity. I don't understand, really. I live in India. If someone was saying that they don't find any white spankos here, that would be stupid. There are not a lot of white people here, so how would they find white spankos? Your comparison with an Employer also doesn't make any sense to me. Ideally, an employer is supposed to take employees based on the skill set and talent of a prospective candidate. Depending upon the location and the diversity of population specific to that area, the chances of hiring a white/black employee could be 50/50 or vary drastically in favour of one. One can't live in a white populated country and hope to meet the significant amount of black spankos which is comparable to their white counterparts. Add to this, the racism that you mentioned renders one is even less likely to meet a black spanko. My only issue was when the author of the topic mentioned how to make spanking lifestyle less white. That is not the point of voice against racism. It's not about making less white, it's about equality irrespective of colour.
  5. Lol, come on!! Let's leave the deeply entrenched and explicitly inhumane term out of this lifestyle. I see your location is listed as US. You live in a white majority country and you are obviously going to meet more white spankos than black. That's just probability and it doesn't speak to the "racism in spanking". Spanking is not a racist lifestyle. It's just a kink/fetish lifestyle. And the question, "What can we do to make it less white" is just wrong, even if it is silly. If you had asked "What can we do to make it more equal", I might've had a good laugh and it would've amused me.
  6. I don't understand. How can you be good with non consensual spanking? That's not even a thing. A spanking without explicit consent is Abuse. I understand this is a forum where everyone's opinion is respected but views such as "I am good with non consensual spanking" is BS. And this isn't the first time I've gotten such a vibe from one of your posts either.
  7. Happiness is not something that is out in the world. It comes from self satisfaction, acceptance and enjoying what is given to us, rather than longing for something we don't have. It comes from the simple pleasures of life. Anytime I feel about complaining about what I don't have in my life, I immediately think about what I do have. A home to live, food on my plates even before I feel hunger, a job and good parents. There are millions and millions of people out there who don't have one, or more of these. Who am I to complain? I'm young but an over thinker. I've had a number of nights thinking "Is it all for nothing?". I mean, we are born, we grow up, we get a job, we spend money on things we don't need, then die. Is that it? Pretty much it. But happiness is between all these moments of growing up, getting a job and so on. It's everywhere. We just need to be open minded enough to let the sore day pass and have hope that the better days are still ahead. A lot of us are so focused on the illusion of some utopian sort happiness that the future might hold for us and we make the mistake of letting the every day moments slip by. I'm not sure if any of this makes any sense or if it is of any use to you. Nevertheless, what am trying to say is, you are alone. There are bitter days for sure, but just keep up the hope that there are better days ahead. You are probably not looking for advice, you just want someone to hear you out. I just want to say that hope is the only thing we got that will help us pass through the bitter moments of life. I hope you feel better soon. Take care.
  8. Thank you for your kind words, ma'am My lack of any real experience with spanking usually refrains me from posting in many topics. Nevertheless, I do my best to contribute where I can. Thank you @AfterGeometry and @rubyredd.
  9. There is no one size fits all. Every relationship is different. Personally, I do not believe that spanking should be the foundation for any marriage. A couple must be able to understand each other, effectively communicate with each other and get along well even without spanking. I see spanking just as an added essence to a relationship. It can add a new dimension, and for some people, even increment the emotional connection they have with their partner. Spanking should only be a part of a wholesome relationship that is underlined by trust , care and genuine respect for each other. I'm very wary when I read things life "Spanking saved my marriage and such"..a spanking cannot save a marriage. It can only be one of the many ingredients which makes a healthy marriage. It doesn't matter whether it is M/f or F/m or F/f as long as it is safe, sane and consensual.
  10. boy_otk

    not sure

    I wasn't referring to the consensual dynamics. I was talking about the society's pressure on any individual , irrespective of gender, to be in a certain way which is deemed as "acceptable" traits with respect to that gender. I believe imposing any kind of pressure on anyone to be traditionally masculine or feminine is toxic. Also, "traditional gender roles" essentially boil down to the fact that many women were oppressed and were forced to take up the docile role, serving in the kitchen, taking care of the family etc. Just because it has been passed on from generation to generation doesn't make it right. I believe "gender roles" are essentially toxic to the society. There should not be any roles associated with any gender. However, an individual, can choose to be any way he/she wants to be. If that choice conforms to the norm of "gender role", I have no issue with it.
  11. boy_otk

    not sure

    The traditional stereotypical masculinity is absolutely toxic for everyone of us. Every individual is different. He /she should not be subjected to any judgments based on the gender. If a significant other does come to that sort of judgment, then it just shows their lack of maturity. A lot of movies have portrayed masculinity in such a way that anything less than a toned set of abs and bulging biceps and broad shoulders will not be tolerated. Is that masculinity? No. If you are brave enough to stand up for your significant other in times of stress, if you can be independent, take care of yourself and show the maturity that a real man should,then you are masculine. Your desire to get spanked or be submissive do not have connection to your biological need to be "masculine". I think it's high time we stop associating this nonsensical traits attributed to the society's notion of what is "masculine" and "feminine".
  12. First of all, I'm a novice spankee. But I sure have thought about what an "ideal" spanking session would like and it constitutes a lot of things that you've touched upon in your post. In my opinion, the physical impact caused by a spanking will be fading away by a few days. On the other hand, an emotional impact is more likely to stay with us for a longer duration of time. Especially, for someone like me, who might have low self opinion about myself from time to time, a harsh comment or two during a spanking session will likely leave a more devastating impact than a paddle or hairbrush. Also, I strongly believe my "need" for spankings stems from the fact that I crave for that kind of emotional bonding and closeness with a maternal figure. Someone whom I could simply trust in and not be worried about being judged or anything. I'm not a masochist, hence I certainly won't be enjoying the spanking as it happens. And you are right. A small act of kindness during a spanking will go a long way. For me, it's the contrast between the loving maternal hand and the ability of the same to give me the necessary discipline that makes it work for me. Without these acts of kindness, It simply doesn't do anything for me. As far as "emotional aftercare" is concerned, I'm not looking for someone to tell me that I'm perfect and hence everything will be fine. I know I'm not perfect and I'm perfectly fine with not being perfect. Rather, I'd want to be reassured that I am loved and cared for despite my "flaws" because that's what makes me who I am. Simple but meaningful words coming from a true sense of word is what matters to me. There are a lot of sophisticated things one can say but all I want to hear is a simple "I care for you" and a comforting, reassuring hug to go with it as a part of my aftercare.
  13. I haven't been spanked yet but a few maternal disciplinarians I've had the pleasure of talking with have addressed me as "Young man" quite a few times. It has a certain gravitas associated with the term since it makes me quite nervous to read it and puts me in my place. While it might be a rather common term, when it comes from someone whom I look up to and rely on for maternal discipline, I believe it can be quite powerful. I've also been called "kiddo" which I think is a very affectionate term. It makes me feel quite powerless and completely accountable for my actions to a maternal figure.
  14. Playful banter with a brat like persona can often bring lightness and joy to the dynamic in my opinion. But there's a time and place for everything. As a spankee ( and potential submissive), I would probably engage in "playful" bratting. It will be nothing serious as to "breaking a rule". It just might be a way of expressing myself in a jovial manner. It crosses the line when it becomes disrespectful or directly breaks a pre-agreed rule. For instance, if "NO swearing" was a rule, and if the playful bratting resulted in uttering of a swear word, I think that crosses the line. I don't consider myself a brat (occasionally, maybe?) but in a honest, healthy relationship, I would never want to earn a punishment voluntarily or displease my dominant voluntarily. A little bit of playful bratting should be fun as long as no rule is broken and preferably even safer when the implements are packed away far from the spankers reach 😄
  15. For me, it depends on the person who holds that authority. I detest it when it comes from someone who tries to control all aspects of my life in the name of authority. I've always hated the authority of teachers at schools, professors at universities etc because they often used it in an unfair manner. I won't blindly comply with any rule taken in an one-sided manner without discussion. I don't care for those who say "You do as I say, because I am the one in charge". No, never. I may want to be a submissive but am not a doormat. I have to believe that the rule being placed is going to be beneficial to me and the entire relationship in the long run. When I can trust the other person and know for sure that they have the best interest in heart, I wouldn't have a problem with authority. I don't have a problem with authority as such. But when it's used unfairly to take advantage of me or anyone for that matter, that's a warning sign that the particular relationship is imbalanced, non-beneficial and often heading towards self-destruction.
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