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Ed J

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About Ed J

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  • Birthday 01/01/1965

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    Lansing MI
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  1. I am going to respond to this issue somewhat technically with some additional commentary as appropriate. First we need to define the terms: Spank: to strike an appropriate area within appropriate instrument or the hand or part of the hand for the purpose of causing pain Please note that as we describe some of these body areas that the term spanking is usually not applied but given the definition above it is appropriate e.g., breast whipping, thigh caning, etc. Furthermore, I will add some appropriate notes to clarify issues for those that are unfamiliar. The target areas are: Buttocks note: I’m just going to assume that everybody knows all about this target and the necessity to avoid coccyx, lower spine, etc. There is no doubt whatsoever that this is the safest target. Many ERs will give great attention to the ischial tuberosities (sit spots) to make a lasting impression. A very wide variety of instruments may be used. Inner thighs note: Extreme caution must be exercised especially to avoid unintended nearby structures but, that said, this area provides very sensitive targets. Posterior thighs note: This area provides a more sensitive target that is generally safe for lighter nonpenetrating implements such as straps, light canes, light whips. Additionally, intentionally allowing wraparound with straps and whips can also target the extremely sensitive inner thighs. The popliteals (back of the knees) must be completely avoided because of the underlying structures. Calves note: Care must be taken to only strike the belly of the muscle. Typically lighter less penetrating instruments are used for safety sake. Genitals/Anus note: Extreme caution must be exercised! While these areas provide the most sensitive targets, they are also easily and even permanently damaged. Generally to be avoided by the vast majority of players. Breasts note: Extreme caution must be exercised but that said the breasts and nipples for women more so than men provide very sensitive targets. They are typically struck with very light rods or more frequently light whips. Sometimes, this may be accomplished by snapping very light flexible rods or even rubber bands because it provides much more precise control of the strike in the amount of force. Basically, you are only looking for the surface application of force and no thud. Abdomen note: Extreme caution must be exercised. That said, the rest of the comments would be very similar to breasts above. Anterior thighs note: Typically light canes or straps are used here. One must avoid the inguinal region because of vascular and nerve structures traveling immediately below the surface. One would be generally safe in the middle third of these large muscles. Typically, the EE is commanded to do a partial squat to tense these muscles to stretch the surface skin for more pain and prevent deeper penetration. Muscular areas of the upper back/shoulders note: Extreme caution must be exercised and many people do not have sufficient muscle or fat mass to sustain strikes in this area. Typically strikes are performed with light whips although light canes may also be used. Again, you are only looking for the surface application of force and no thud. Palms of hands/Soles of feet note: I have never had any involvement with this but I would imagine that caution must be exercised to prevent bruising that would limit or prevent dexterity/ambulation. Hope this helps! Ed J
  2. I just found these valuable safety rules posted by Lady Pandora: https://www.spankingneeds.com/board/applications/core/interface/file/attachment.php?id=6192 Very well done!
  3. Geeky_Child thank you for your insightful posts! Gator, thanks for the safety reminder! I know Geeky_Child wasn't trying to avoid the topic and the goal was to look closely at what happens IN a spanking session but having a "safety call" in place BEFORE you meet someone for a session, ESPECIALLY your first session cannot be overemphasized. If you think about it there are several other techniques that provide even greater safety but they also are more work as well. If you have done your due diligence then a safety call is little bother and a good idea ESPECIALLY your first session.
  4. RBG & Rude-Rumps, I thank you both and I appreciate you both more than you know. You have both helped me a lot! Normally I agree with you both 100% but on this one I have to disagree. Out of desperation I too have tried self spanking. For me it bears no resemblance to receiving a spanking from somebody else and I don't understand precisely why that is the case. Perhaps I know that I am actually in control? Doing it myself seems to substantially reduce the pain that I feel. Perhaps because, I know exactly when the strike will hit? I have largely abandoned self-spanking because I sustained a lot of damage without much benefit.  Just sayin' I still love you both though! Ed
  5. I think that this is the best solution for exactly the reasons that DarkSteven states. Problem is how to meet within the community. If anyone knows how to find community events or any other get togethers would you please communicate how to find those for the safety of newcomers? I think that this is really the only practical alternative to the above post. However the one above, I believe, is by far the better choice. The reason is that actually watching a scene shows you exactly how the ER/EE interact and really nothing can replace that. Also people can mask their true self during a meeting, even one that is hours long. That said it does provide an opportunity for intuition but you need to pay attention to that.
  6. Thanks to Christy, because I had missed the obvious that the spanking situation is very different now than when I was in BDSM 20 years ago or so. Then, there were several built in safeties. We only met at parties so there were a lot of people (witnesses) and damn near everyone, at least in that environment, demanded that everything be consensual. Meeting alone with somebody you don’t know and making yourself vulnerable, especially for women, could be very dangerous. Thanks to Sadie for providing this perspective. I am switch though I greatly prefer bottom. So I can get a glimpse of the Top's perspective. But as a bottom I believe that the ER is way too frequently overlooked. I want the experience to be as good for the ER as for me (better if possible) because if we both enjoy ourselves we can develop a durable relationship. If my ER wants to know something I would really want them to have it so that they would be more comfortable. Thanks to you both! Ed
  7. Thank you so much rude_rumps! You said, “Many people are really really judgmental about these things...I'm sorry to say I think many people honestly view us as freaks. So for many of us I think 'coming out' could have major negative consequences for family relationships, friends and careers. The good thing is that I do think society has made some progress... When I was a teenager and young adult it was much much worse. There were no places like this to meet and talk to people...I felt truly alone like I was the only person in the world.” I agree on both counts wholeheartedly. What about those poor souls with this compulsion that are lawyers, doctors, nurses, or other professionals that have licensure, hence careers completely dependent upon that license. I could easily see the bar pulling a bar card or the board of medicine or nursing pulling a license for this. They would claim that it was a character flaw that violates the public trust. Why should we have to fear the destruction of our lives for something that is entirely consensual and only involves those parties. Yet, here we are! I am very appreciative of you all for your thoughts and that I’m not alone. Thank you so much RedBottomGirl for this! “The fact is, if this is a part of you, it simply is. I think we often try to make sense of everything, put meaning behind our behaviors, which is natural. But whether it is something you learned and experienced, or something that was just there from your earliest memories...it's there. It's a part of you, and it's natural and normal. It doesn't make you less or inferior or mean anything is wrong with you. Everyone has different needs and everyone has their own ways of fulfilling their needs. Yours and all of ours here just happen to include spanking. So just know that this need doesn't take anything away from you and isn't damaging. It's just a part of who you are. And there is a whole site here of people who are wired the same way. It's not as uncommon as we think. It's a need, and it works for us. If it makes us happier and better people, than there is nothing wrong with engaging with this need and desire.” I agree with the first part; “something that was just there from your earliest memories...it's there. It's a part of you” because it IS a part of me despite 20 years of trying to forget and deny it. I have to disagree with the second part; “it's natural and normal. It doesn't make you less or inferior or mean anything is wrong with you.” The reason I say that is despite my wanting to tell myself that I’m OK, I absolutely know with 100% certainty that, were this to be known publicly, I would be judged by society and clients that would definitely say SOMETHING MAJOR IS WRONG! I would lose trust, my career would be wrecked, and I would lose everything. The trap is worse still because I can’t escape it. It is even in my home from my best friend of my whole life, my wife. After 20 years of marriage, I finally worked up the courage to ask my wife for DD because now that I am finally able to cut back my work schedule to a mere 60 or so hours/week, I want to be the kind and loving husband that she deserves but I can’t break out of my horrible habits that carry over from constantly making very high stakes decisions under great pressure e.g., snapping at the least interruption, crushing dissent, having no patience whatsoever, etc. I begged her to severely spank me for DD so I could break these DEEPLY embedded habits and become the man that I want to be. It rocked her world so bad I was damn near divorced on the spot. It took months to convince her otherwise, 20 years of working so hard for us almost trashed. This is killing me! But I can’t continue like this. I am so thankful for those of you that are willing to help! Now I’m going to have to go into 007 mode to get it done.
  8. OMG Jaxx 216 I cracked up when I read both of your posts 🤣: “Love the kitchen gadget isle in the dollar store or grocery, there I always stop and look at all the different imements hanging like wooden spoonz and spatulas. Always feel my heart race a little and get a feeling of arrousal in my loins. Samething happens at the clothing isle with belts.” “Forgot about the hairbrush section....sensory overload!” I would add the following: When I’m in these departments I can’t help from “testing” the merchandise. I look around to make sure nobody is looking then I slap the implement against my palm or thigh with a lot of force to try to get a feel whether they would be a good addition to the other toys. Silicone spatulas can give an unbelievable sting (man do I love them)! Every once in a while I get into the test too much and some poor unsuspecting soul comes around a corner and sees me and stops dead in their tracks. When I finally realize that I’m being watched I’m sure I give the “hand in the cookie jar” look and if I wasn’t so embarrassed, I would bust out laughing at the strange looks that I get in return 😨! Usually I’ll say something stupid like “They have really nice spatulas here”🙄. They slowly nod kind of like one would nod to a potentially dangerous mental patient 😬. Wouldn’t it be a dream come true if one of them said, “Turn around bad boy and I’ll show what it really feels like!” 😈 Finally, the Bed, Bath, and Beyond heavy teak bath brushes are truly amazing. I can’t help myself from testing those every time that I visit😈. God, it makes me feel better to read things like this! I thought I was absolutely alone in my insanity.😁
  9. I would love to have a sadist ER! I want my ER to enjoy my pain. I want them to want to give me more pain and REALLY ENJOY punishing me! This not my own idea. I can't quote w/o permission but in essence, there is an unfair distribution of focus and attention on the EE most of the time today while the ER is largely ignored or worse still, seen as the servant of the EE. My ER deserves every possible pleasure from my punishment. If they enjoy seeing my pain I will show them and I hope they want more! If they want me quiet, I will keep it in and hope they enjoy that. I believe that giving the ER all that they want creates a wonderful synergy that improves the experience for all. Both deserve to enjoy the complementary nature of the power exchange. I will do my best to make sure my ER does!
  10. In a different post I stated, "Spankee should be reduced to incoherent crying if possible. Once that is accomplished for an appropriate time, allowing a recovery pause for return of comprehension would allow the spanker to rest her arm and allow the punished to truly atone for their failures. The spanking should restart when the spanker is ready & do it again to really make a point. This may be done more than 2 times." I believe that it is also true if a bottom is numb. The break allows the return of not only sensation, but enhanced pain because the EE is already sore. Also I found that when an ER changes implements, you have enhanced pain because it is different pain. Canes in particular can always upgrade the pain severity probably because the pain is so intense and concentrated. One may also rotate punishment targets. For example, if the butt & upper rear thighs become numb, one may rotate to whipping inner thighs, quads, etc. Finally, there is a phenomenon of "sub-space" where a bottom goes to a different level of consciousness and they feel pleasurable sensations not pain. I have never experienced it but others have described it to me as a sensation like flying.
  11. I hope you all will enjoy this, a very interesting method: http://www.spankinglife.com/how-i-spank-my-husband/ “He will try to talk me out of what he has coming, even while he is being prepared so he cannot stop me when I get started no matter how hard he tries. His arms are secured with wrist bands that have small chains hanging from each. I put them on and then have him hug himself and clip them in the back. Quick and easy to fasten, each buckles and one chain has a clip on the end that clips into the links of the other. They act like a little straight jacket – he is rendered quite helpless. His arms completely out of the way and prevent much struggling at all. We found this idea about 25 years ago and have used them ever since. When he is over my lap, I then encircle is legs with a small belt placed just above his knees. It’s an old boy scout belt that is easy to slip on and tighten. With his legs clinched together, I can enjoy his attempts to kick the floor as he remains completely helpless. Within minutes Terry is fully prepared and over my knee with the part of his anatomy that I will be paying attention to bare and aimed skyward. Even though he is actually bigger than I am, between the two restraints it allows me complete freedom and he is quite unable to do anything to avoid his spanking.” Enjoy 😯
  12. Brilliant answer RedBottomGirl (Emphasis added): "Everyone has unique tastes and interpretations of what certain reactions mean. I think that as a spanker learns what the spankee is looking for and expects in a spanker, spankees also need to learn what a spanker is looking for as well so both sides can fully benefit. Communication is key. If a spanker says they expect you to be still and take every swat without moving or yelling, and you are willing to do that, do it. If they expect you to authentically react, do that if it suits you. Learn about each spanker in each situation and do what works for both of you." Thank you VERY much. I'll ask from now on & sincerely try harder to be better!
  13. 20 years ago when I was heavily into the BDSM scene mostly as a bottom I was classified as a "pain slut" because I wanted to be broken or at least be driven to cry and that never happened. I thought at that time the greatest complement that I could pay a top was binding myself to their will and receiving the punishment "perfectly" which for me meant no movement, not making sounds, and pretty much just taking everything that they dished out without any complaint. Then I ran into a female top that stopped in the middle of a really rigorous punishment session and asked me, "does that hurt?" I replied that it was excruciating. She then asked me, "Why are you denying me the pleasure of your suffering? I might as well be beating a punching bag!" I had never thought of this before and I asked her if I should just let the pain out by allowing myself to make noise or comments. Once I began doing that I believe that the scene became much more pleasurable for the both of us. I would be very interested in everyone's thoughts on this topic. Should you give the ER feedback like that?
  14. Awesome thoughtfulness so far! My, aren't we spankos and insightful psychiatrically oriented lot? I agree that a witness is a wonderful way to increase humiliation. Placement of the witnesses if there are any could enhance this. For some, having the witness observing their face while they take the pain can be quite humiliating especially if they are laughing or really enjoying the torment. There is another example below. Another method to increase humiliation that shouldn't be forgotten is positioning. If the EE is positioned such that the legs are spread and cheeks are parted many people would find that very humiliating especially if there were witnesses behind them. I think the last thing that I have to offer here is that one should not underestimate the power of scolding comments that may be made from witnesses or the spanker. For example, if I were to involuntarily move after an especially painful impact a woman ER that said something to the effect of "I thought you were supposed to be tough and here you are whining and trying to get away. Little girls take harder spankings than this without sniveling and here you are butt dancing because you can't take it. You ought to be ashamed of yourself! Not much of a man are you? Think about that the next time you do the crime if you can't do the time!" This would be very humiliating for me. Just some off-the-cuff thoughts.
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