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Longtimespanking

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Everything posted by Longtimespanking

  1. I think that ejaculating during a spanking shows disrespect for the person punishing you when the setting is intended to be non-sexual. Some disciplinarians require the one being punished to masturbate before the spanking begins in order to alleviate this situation, and in some cases to intentionally humiliate the one being punished by watching them do so. But it would also be possible for the one doing the spanking to simply send the spankee off to masturbate privately. My thinking is that if ejaculation happens without the permission of the spanker, or at a time other than when the spankee has been instructed to masturbate, then additional and perhaps more severe punishment needs to be added to what was already going to take place. Also, let's make it clear that there are many disciplinarians who are OK with the spankee becoming aroused and ejaculating, and in those instances the earlier suggestions about simply placing a towel in the area necessary to catch the semen as it's released would be the perfect situation. But if this is going to be allowed, that needs to be discussed and given approval before the start of the actual spanking.
  2. As I see it you have a couple of options here. First, let's explore the possibility of expanding the sort of spankings you are able to get from your husband. I think you should be able to have a rational conversation, at a time when spanking is not going to take place, and explain that you want him to try spanking you harder with an implement, just so you can learn how you will respond to that. It seems like a reasonable thing to request based upon him already knowing that you like to be spanked, and you are not at this point asking for a dramatic change in the dynamic of your overall relationship. I think you can make it clear this is an experiment and that afterward you can discuss it further. Should it turn out that you totally enjoyed that sort of spanking from him, you can work together to incorporate similar spankings in your future, and if you realize that it's no longer what you are looking for, you can say so and hopefully he will respect that choice. Secondly, as a disciplinarian with decades of experience spanking women, I see nothing wrong with you seeking out someone outside your marriage who is safe for a non-sexual spanking experience which you can negotiate the details of. I can assure you that it is possible for someone to give you a non-sexual spanking, although not everyone who would be interested in spanking you is going to want to keep it non-sexual. Over the years I have spanked many women whose husbands or romantic partners were not aware that I was providing that service, and it has worked out very well, everyone involved has been discreet, and those I spank have been very pleased they are able to safely get this need taken care of. As someone pointed out earlier creating such a relationship facilitates some definite bonding experiences with your disciplinarian which are not in or of themselves a bad thing, but you will find yourself becoming friends with him, even if you had not planned for that. It does not ever have to become romantic, but outsiders who do not understand the dynamic of the relationship between a disciplinarian and a woman who is choosing to be spanked by him may not find that easy to accept. The real issue with seeking something outside your marriage is how you feel about that, and whether or not you think it is a great plan to keep that from your husband. While it is possible to have a very discreet relationship with a spanker who only interacts with you in the realm of spankings, you have to consider that it's possible your husband could somehow find out and be upset. There is also a very real possibility that your spanking will leave marks or bruises which your husband may see afterward, and are rather difficult to explain when he already knows you like to be spanked. Feel free to send me a private message if you wish to discuss any aspects of this further. If you were nearby, or traveled through the midwest occasionally, I would be able to safely provide what you are seeking.
  3. "As long as no one is being hurt against their will" is one way I often heard that expressed.
  4. I can't see how any professional would have any issues at all with a white or blue standard adult diaper. It should be very easy to explain, if anything is even said by them. I never hesitate to wear one even if I know that someone will be seeing it during an examination or other situation. I totally agree that it is best to be honest and open about kinks, particularly ones like spanking which could leave marks and bruises. A young woman I know recently became seriously ill overnight, and ended up in the ER the next day before being admitted to the hospital for major abdominal surgery. At some point in her diagnostic path, she was assisted in undressing by a nurse and a medical technician for some sort of scan, who saw her very bruised bottom and following required procedures, took photos of the marks and entered a notation into her chart. The next day a hospital social worker visited her and she explained that she was kinky and had been into consensual spankings for several years, and that was noted in her chart and the social worker told her it was no problem at all, but the nurse had to follow a specific protocol regarding documenting and investigating any potential signs of abuse. So, fast forward a week or 10 days after she had surgery and was being released to go home, the nurse giving care instructions and limitations on things like no driving, mentioned that there was a note in her chart showing she participated in consensual adult impact play, so she added in to the restrictions no spankings or impact play until after you are cleared by the doctor. It was all handled in a very clinical and matter of fact manner, so that proves it is possible to pass their protocol if you are honest about what is taking place, and that they only have the patient's best interests in mind.
  5. This sort of answer may be taken as defensive by some medical people, who might then feel obligated to make a report. For that reason it would be better to simply state that one was into consensual spanking and leave it at that if they did not want to disclose anything further. It should be perfectly fine for one to state that they participate in consensual spanking activity with adult partners. If one chooses to elaborate further, which I have done on several occasions as my doctors asked questions, I gave them a bit more insight and a few more details, and ended up with the statement that "you'd probably be surprised at how many people like to experiment with kinky stuff, or choose to do so safely on a regular basis." My doctors know that I have been spanking women for a number of decades and do so with their full consent. And that was always accepted and acknowledged by them as being OK as long as everyone was on board with what was taking place. As far as diapers, many adults wear them either full time, or some of the time, for a variety of reasons. Most are due to some form of incontinence, so that would not be any surprise for a doctor to hear at any age. There are also many people who simply have difficulty making it to the bathroom in a timely manner, particularly when they are in unfamiliar locations or traveling by car. I recently attended a urologist for a prostate exam and she instructed me to pull my pants down and bend over the table, and she would take care of the rest. While she was pulling my diaper down for the exam, she asked if wore a diaper because of leakage, and I told her yes, that was the reason. She said that was a very common problem and many people wear either a diaper or a pad inside their underpants for that reason. So diapers are not considered strange by medical professionals at all, as they see them all the time so there should be no issues with explaining why one has a diaper on. For those who wear them for other reasons such as having a diaper fetish, they can either choose to explain in a sensible manner that it gives them pleasure and is comforting for them to have a diaper on and leave it at that, or simply use occasional incontinence as the explanation.
  6. This sort of answer may be taken as defensive by some medical people, who might then feel obligated to make a report. For that reason it would be better to simply state that one was into consensual spanking and leave it at that if they did not want to disclose anything further. It should be perfectly fine for one to state that they participate in consensual spanking activity with adult partners. If one chooses to elaborate further, which I have done on several occasions as my doctors asked questions, I gave them a bit more insight and a few more details, and ended up with the statement that "you'd probably be surprised at how many people like to experiment with kinky stuff, or choose to do so safely on a regular basis." My doctors know that I have been spanking women for a number of decades and do so with their full consent. And that was always accepted and acknowledged by them as being OK as long as everyone was on board with what was taking place. As far as diapers, many adults wear them either full time, or some of the time, for a variety of reasons. Most are due to some form of incontinence, so that would not be any surprise for a doctor to hear at any age. There are also many people who simply have difficulty making it to the bathroom in a timely manner, particularly when they are in unfamiliar locations or traveling by car. I recently attended a urologist for a prostate exam and she instructed me to pull my pants down and bend over the table, and she would take care of the rest. While she was pulling my diaper down for the exam, she asked if wore a diaper because of leakage, and I told her yes, that was the reason. She said that was a very common problem and many people wear either a diaper or a pad inside their underpants for that reason. So diapers are not considered strange by medical professionals at all, as they see them all the time so there should be no issues with explaining why one has a diaper on. For those who wear them for other reasons such as having a diaper fetish, they can either choose to explain in a sensible manner that it gives them pleasure and is comforting for them to have a diaper on and leave it at that, or simply use occasional incontinence as the explanation.
  7. Over the years as a disciplinarian, I have had several men bring their female partner to me for a spanking, which they witnessed. In these cases it was done either because the male partner had his own reasons for not wanting to spank her, or it was done to increase her humiliation over being spanked by requiring someone who was basically a stranger to her to do it. I have also had men send their female partner to me for a spanking, during which photos or video will be taken, and sent to him so that he may see exactly what was done to her. These situations were for similar reasons, either the man did not want to do the spanking on his own, or wanted to humiliate her by having a stranger remove her clothing for the spanking. When everyone involved is on the same page about what will be taking place, everything is fine.
  8. Mine are stored in a duffel bag, and that goes in an out of the way location where it's accessible when needed but not easily seen when it's not. Having everything in one place makes it very easy when it's time to go deliver a spanking to someone. A friend who recently moved from her house to a retirement place used to keep all her implements in a basement room set up for such play, either hanging on the wall or laying on top of a table. But no one ever went in that room unless there was good reason to.
  9. I'm 72 and still actively spanking, and occasionally being spanked myself. Yes, I have had that discussion with my doctors over the years, who all feel that spanking is no different from many other activities which people do such as exercising, since all of them increase the heart rate. I was told as long as one is generally healthy and not carrying things to extremes, if everything is consensual there is no reason not to engage in spanking whether giving or receiving. Obviously the spanker must always be aware of how the spankee is responding to what is taking place, and ask for feedback to be given, which applies to every spanking activity regardless of age. I find that my best spanking interactions are typically with women over about 35-40, although I am currently active with someone who is 20 and occasionally with another who is in her early 80's, and several others in between those ages. Just yesterday I gave a fairly hard belt spanking to a woman who is 70 with no issues at all.
  10. If he did, since you have clearly stated that you want to be totally submissive to him in all things, you would therefore need to comply with his instructions and not question the reason behind them. There is quite a bit of overlap between the BDSM realm and the spanking realm when it comes to training the submissive partner in a relationship or making them aware of their submissive status as part of punishment. Requiring someone to wear an intrusive and sometimes very uncomfortable device in their rectum is one of the things found in both realms. The actual device and size of it can vary, two of the more common such intruders are butt plugs of many sizes ranging from the thickness of one's thumb all the way up to a couple of inches thick and 6" or more long, and stainless steel anal hooks which are tied off to a strap around the person's waist, or to a training collar around their neck to keep tension on the hook and assure it stays deeply buried in the position of discomfort. These devices are nearly always inserted into their rectum by the dominant partner, and may be required to be left in place only during the spanking or punishment session, or for a stated number of hours such as 4, 6, or 8 hours afterwards. Some submissives are required to wear an intrusive rectal device 24-7 and it may only be allowed to be removed during showering or when making a bowel movement.
  11. I agree that no matter the implement, the intensity with which it is applied, and the number of strokes per minute are huge variables that need to be taken into consideration. One could easily give a fun spanking with a heavy thuddy wooden bath brush by lightening up on the force and making the strokes further apart, perhaps once every 10 to 15 seconds. At that point although it would still sting, it could even become enjoyable to someone who was not receiving a punishment spanking. Or the same wooden bath brush could become absolutely brutal in the punishment realm if applied as hard as the spanker could possibly swing it and at a very rapid rate like once per second for several minutes or longer. Generally when I'm giving a spanking only for fun and the pleasure of the woman receiving it, I will do much of the spanking by hand and then add in some of the mild to moderate implements. When it is for punishment, or for someone who is into extreme spankings, the heavier implements are sure to be used.
  12. The large paint sticks are amazing, and one of the favorite implements I use the most. They hurt quite a lot. I've found that one is enough, but certainly two or even more could be better. I've never cracked or broken one, but it's possible to do so. You can leave bruises and marks with them if applied with enough intensity. For extremely intense stinging pain, there are few things better than an electrical extension cord, a piece of rubber automotive hose (fuel line or vacuum hose types about as thick as your finger) or a rubber tie down strap with the metal hooks removed from the ends. These implements will leave welts and marks similar to what you would expect from a cane, and will also cause bruising if applied hard enough and long enough. Wooden paddles and bath brushes are in a class by themselves. They cause a very strong pain and can easily leave lasting bruises.
  13. There is a very diverse range of behaviors and one can't nicely put everyone into strictly dominant or submissive roles in daily life and in the realm of spanking and discipline. Certainly there are some who are always submissive in everything in life, and others who are not. Many who have jobs that require them to show authority and direct or manage others find that they want to step back from that when they are away from work. Personally, I have held management positions and nearly always take the role of disciplinarian in the spanking realm but there times on occasion when I like to be spanked myself and can become totally submissive to the one who is spanking me. Likewise, I have had a number of very successful spanking relationships with women who hold management positions or other high level/high visibility jobs in their everyday lives, and they tell me that it is a welcome relief for them to be submissive for an afternoon or evening during their spanking. But at the same time, there have been equally successful spanking relationships with those who do not clearly fall into the dominant or submissive category in their work or home life.
  14. There is a very diverse range of behaviors and one can't nicely put everyone into strictly dominant or submissive roles in daily life and in the realm of spanking and discipline. Certainly there are some who are always submissive in everything in life, and others who are not. Many who have jobs that require them to show authority and direct or manage others find that they want to step back from that when they are away from work. Personally, I have held management positions and nearly always take the role of disciplinarian in the spanking realm but there times on occasion when I like to be spanked myself and can become totally submissive to the one who is spanking me. Likewise, I have had a number of very successful spanking relationships with women who hold management positions or other high level/high visibility jobs in their everyday lives, and they tell me that it is a welcome relief for them to be submissive for an afternoon or evening during their spanking. But at the same time, there have been equally successful spanking relationships with those who do not clearly fall into the dominant or submissive category in their work or home life.
  15. There are two distinctly different and separate situations in which a married woman, or one in a long term committed relationship, could attend the services of a disciplinarian for the purpose of being spanked or otherwise punished. One would be that the woman has the spanking fetish, her partner does not, but is compassionate and understanding of her needs and allows and even encourages her to seek a safe outlet for that desire. This is actually more common than one might suspect. I've successfully interacted with many women in this situation. There are also women who have the desire to be spanked but do not want their partner to know about it, and can find ways to interact with someone safe to spank them. It's very possible for either of these spanking relationships to last for years or even decades. The second situation would be where the partner has their own valid reasons for not wanting to spank the woman, but she is sent to a disciplinarian to be punished, often accompanied by a detailed set of instructions on how he wants that to be done. I have dealt with cases where the man feels that he can't do something that would cause her that much pain even though she is submissive to him, because it may cause her to resent it. There are also cases where the man feels that sending her to an outsider (a stranger with whom she has no other interaction other than disciplinary sessions) for punishment is far more humiliating than it would be if he were to do it himself, and chooses to require her to be punished by someone else. I've has this sort of spanking relationship with a number of women as well, and this arrangement can also last for many years.
  16. My experience over the past 50+ years with vanilla people is that you can't usually convince more than a very few of them why you would want or need to be spanked. Occasionally it's possible to piss someone off badly enough through behavior like I accidentally managed to, that they will do it out of frustration but it never becomes a habit. She was definitely not a happy camper while she was spanking me, but I hope she liked it. I know that I deserved the punishment, so all is good. But I would totally love it if she would be open to spanking me more often. She is very clear on me being kinky, but does not play like that at all.
  17. This, exactly. As a male disciplinarian I would never suggest that EVERY couple should have that sort of relationship. It has to be done by mutual agreement with plenty of discussion beforehand. What works for one couple in a relationship could be a total disaster for a different couple. When a woman already knows that she is submissive by nature and likes the concept of being held responsible to her partner, then it can work very nicely. I support those who make the choice to have a DD relationship but it is definitely not for everyone and therefore cannot be the norm. I do think there are a whole lot more couples in DD relationships than we know about, since some of them may choose to keep that private. There are also many couples in DD relationships where the female partner is the head of the family, and that can work equally as well.
  18. I am mainly the disciplinarian for other women, my wife is quite vanilla but knows about my spanking love and that I spank others. A few times over the years she has decided that I did something that needed a good spanking and actually gave it to me. A couple of years back I was careless and backed her truck into an immovable object which caused significant visible damage that made her really upset with me. Closer to furious. After she calmed down, and on her own, she decided that I needed a spanking for that and announced that I would actually be getting two spankings several days apart because she didn't think she could spank me as much as she wanted to all at one time. I did get two really good, hard bare bottom spankings with a belt within a week or so after that. Yes, my bottom was bruised afterward and it hurt to sit down. She said that was good, and what I needed. Proves you never can tell with vanillas, but she does not like to be spanked at all, and only rarely willing to give me one.
  19. The overall dynamic of spanking someone of the same gender, or being spanked by someone of the same gender, is different from the usual cross-gender interactions. I think it depends a lot on both people involved having a similar comfort zone which they can agree to interact within, and set rules for what will and will not take place. The scenario where one is significantly older than the other can work well for many people who look at it as being spanked by an authority figure such as a parent or teacher. The only times I had been spanked by a male were as a high school student being punished by a teacher or the school's disciplinarian. A couple of those were in my senior year after I had turned 18. But it was a different situation that went with the territory of attending a private school, and was not the result of my wanting to be spanked and seeking someone to do it. Someone earlier mentioned humiliation as a factor, and at 18 being spanked bare bottom by an older male definitely was humiliating and I expect it was intended to be an effective disincentive toward further bad behavior. Nearly all of my spanking relationships have been with females as the submissive. When I was younger, perhaps around 35-40, I would occasionally spank a male college student who had asked to be held accountable for grades. I also worked with a few couples back then in which both the husband and wife wanted to be spanked by an outsider. I haven't done either any time recently though, and have been strictly limiting myself to female spanking partners. I find that spanking the opposite gender works best for me, so I choose to focus my attention on that.
  20. I have one ongoing spanking relationship with a woman that I first met and spanked in 1978, we have remained good friends and she lives nearby, so I still get to spank her multiple times every year. So that may set a record, currently 43 years and going strong. She is by far one of the kinkiest women I have ever known and there's absolutely nothing in the realm of spanking or BDSM that she wouldn't be up for. The story of how we got started is really interesting, and I was NOT expecting it at all, she took me totally by surprise! I've had many other really good spanking relationships that lasted 15-20 years or so, some of those only ended when the person moved far away after being transferred from work or retiring.
  21. That becomes really difficult to facilitate, unless your spanker either lives with you, or lives in close proximity making it easier to coordinate times and days.
  22. I see that Tessa has not logged in again since mid-May but I hope she is reading all the responses so she will know that there are many people supportive of her curiosity and able to provide a safe first experience for her. There are a lot of us who are into spanking in the midwest area, within a few hours drive from Cincinnati. Tessa, please always play safely! Many first timers are unsure what they want or what they can handle, and unknowingly give permission for something that was beyond their comfort zone. I make it a point to discuss one's expectations and limits well before actually giving a first spanking.
  23. Over the years, I've come to realize that it happens for me pretty often. I have no clue how or why it works, but many people have told me that I seem to attract fellow spankos like a magnet, and in a wide variety of locations and situations. I am not afraid to test the waters if there are clues, or when I have strong feelings that it may be the case. If someone makes a comment about spanking, discipline, or punishment in casual conversation, I will respond to it in a manner that makes it clear I am interested in further discussion about what they are saying, or even make an offer to help them with that. No one has ever responded negatively and I have actually been able to spank a number of the women. It makes me wonder, if they also can sense that there is a person who shares their interest, and either subconsciously or intentionally proceed to say or do something that will make me aware of it. However it's happening, it does work for making that connection!
  24. If it's really important to you, then it needs to be brought up within the first couple of dates. Those of us who realize we are hard wired to enjoy spanking also know that those urges and needs are not going away, so it's only right to get it out into the open and learn what the other person thinks about it.
  25. Over the years I have had a few women who told me they were able to orgasm just from being spanked, one of them could have multiples. It's just how their bodies react to the sensations of the spanking. I've been told that some people have slightly different distribution and position of nerve endings in that area of the body, if that's so, it seems like a reasonable explanation why it only happens to a small percentage of people. Along similar lines, I've had many women get very aroused and very wet during a lengthy spanking, but were not brought to the point of orgasm simply by being spanked.
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