Jaded

Having mutual respect for each other is crucial for the relationship to work. If respect was broken, as a result of their falling out, then without resolution the relationship will most likely fizzle out over time anyway. The person may just be staying involved, because they don’t want to lose the spanker yet.

Possibly see if she agrees on a timeline for your work projects. Even if she’s not on board with said project (example: x must be completed by such and such date). Maybe there are smaller behaviors to start out with. Like swearing. Think you guys need to start slow and communicate a lot, hopefully things will get better

Great post! Some spankees or new people may feel the “need” to send explicit pics to someone, just because they say they are a “spanker”. I hate seeing people be manipulated. Or they could be afraid of losing that person to chat with etc...if they don’t send a pic. Anyone asking for such photos are doing so for their own gain. Again, great post and reminded, to watch how much you share until mutual trust is built, which takes time.

If you are being spanked often/on a regular basis, the bottom skin toughens up. (Sometimes called “leather skin”). Bruising will be less, regardless of position. If I didn’t spank someone for weeks, they tended to bruise more easily.

I am not 100 percent against writing lines. Lines do have the repetition, so the person rethinks the behavior. Over time, I saw essays were more beneficial. For example, writing a 500 word essay about the dangers of texting and driving (providing statistics and actual facts of accident/death info) may teach someone more than writing “I will not text and drive “1000 times. Everyone learns differently, so that has to be kept in mind also. On a side note, I have used corner time a lot, but see no need that the person must be completely naked in the corner, unless it’s erotic spanking. Just my opinion.

Losing privileges (electronics etc). Writing an essay. Going to bed early. It’s best to come up with a suitable punishment that fits the offense, so hopefully it works.

I think punishments need to be more serious than a playful/maintenance spanking. I never included any humiliation or having them dress a certain way. Going otk for a spanking is embarrassing enough.

The need can be quite strong, but meeting someone you barely know, usually won’t get you the best results. In my opinion, the whole spanking experience is so much better and less awkward if you know your spanker well. The time you spend, getting to know your spanker/ and them getting to know you, will be well worth it. Having a spanker who cares about you/knows your limits etc makes a difference. Having a spankee you know well, helps in a variety of ways. They know what the ee wants/what triggers are/ knows their story. Great friendships can build from this. Some are ok with meeting with a stranger or being spanked by whoever at parties. To each their own. I personally need an emotional connection for the dynamic to work.

If you think a hand spanking is what you can handle, I’d recommend sticking with that until you are entirely comfortable with maybe moving on to an implement, ONLY if and when you are ready. Good luck

With the stay at home order, I’ve been weight lifting much more 😉

- health - my dog - Metroparks being open

Very good topic. Hard to answer, as I think the answer is different, per individual. I know for myself, I have gen anxiety/depression/ocd/ptsd. I started cutting in high school. When I discovered my spanking interest, I met with a spanker from time to time. I also wanted to meet him, when I was really stressed. I wasn’t submissive. I didn’t respect him. In that moment , the spanking changed my mood. I thought the same thing. Was I replacing cutting for spanking? He eventually tried to get sexual. So I joined this site to learn where I belonged. Long story short, I found someone I mentored / spanked for years. I never cut or even thought about it. Maybe I was content that I had found the role that fit my personality. Even though I have no spankees atm, self harm hasn’t entered my mind, and this last year has really been the most stressful and saddest year of my life. Just my opinion, I think it can be a form of self harm for some, for others it may be the release of endorphins during spankings that help them feel better. We all know ourselves and our needs better than anyone. Always practice self care/ seek help, talk to friends when overwhelmed. Counseling has helped me a lot in the last 2 yrs.

I have ptsd, along with anxiety/ situational depression/ ocd. My night terrors don’t occur often, but when they do, they seem to happen for several days in a row before they stop. It’s exhausting, because after waking up from a night terror, you feel shaky/heart racing and wide awake. If I manage to go back to sleep , crazy dreams will wake me, shortly after falling asleep. Talking to people helps the most. The problem is, for me, sometimes the timing isn’t right to bring up such a serious topic I’m having triggers about. Or just don’t have a person to open up to when I need to.

That’s a hard one to answer. Some can be offended by something, where the same thing wouldn’t bother another in the least. Personally, I find rudeness offensive. Guys messaging perverted comments. I don’t engage, it’s easy enough to block people. I don’t like seeing spankers pushing spankees into things they don’t want to do. I also find it offensive when some say, “spanking is sexual for all”. For me it’s just not. Again, I just don’t reply. Everyone thinks differently in this lifestyle. The key is trying to find someone who you get along with, and who you respect, and who is on the same page as you are in spanko land.

No, I’m not. I keep this part of my life private. Friends / Family are very likely not to understand. Some come out to others, for me personally, this is private for me. Spanking is not sexual to me. But as an example, people don’t usually discuss their sex life with family/friends in detail (some may lol). I’m a believer in, as long as things are consensual, what goes on behind closed doors, belongs behind closed doors.