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About pavium

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  1. It is definitely and ideal for me. I don’t usually cry from the pain though. It is more about my feelings in relationship to the pain and the ER that helps me to cry.
  2. It is vitally important that the bottom always feels safe, liked, and that they can end things (escape) at any moment. If any of these things are broken, you are risking long term trauma.
  3. I think it depends. This opinion is from the perspective of a D/s relationship rather than a HoH. This should be heavily negotiated and discussed ahead of time. The EE should have a safe word and a history of using it. The ER has just as much responsibility to be very clear about expectations and avoid acting in anger. I have definitely been spanked where, at the beginning, I felt indignant and defensive, yet a few minutes in I was genuinely “singing a different toon”. A spanking can break through defensiveness and force the EE to consider the bigger picture (at least that has been true for me). The bigger picture may include reflections on the relationship agreement and your shared values (as opposed to some trivial disagreement). I will definitely use my safe word though. It is my responsibility to take care of my emotional safety. It is my job to protect Her valuable property (me lol). If I got all the way through a spanking, disagreed with it, and didn’t use my safe word, well a lot of that would be on me and I would own it. Oh we’d be talking about it, but it wouldn’t be me blaming Her.
  4. “You didn’t remind me!” wasn’t successful for me.
  5. I get praised a lot. Writing that that makes me feel really grateful! Hearing “good boy” really reinforces my desire to please and makes me feel proud. My praise to spanking ratio is around 100/1.
  6. This has been a big area of self investigation for me. For me, it is closely related to the question of why I am a spanko. Here is a bit of what I have found. I want to please my partner, so I have found joy in giving service. I like to feel that there is a higher authority, so I find joy in submission. I like to feel cute and desired in a way that allows me to ask for (and greatly appreciate) direct control. I like catharsis, adrenaline, and pain mixed with pleasure, so I pursue sadomasochism with my partner. A lot of these give me the same thrills that receiving spankings give me. It has been fruitful because many of them are more sustainable (my butt can only take so much!) and I can get some fix in between spankings, and I can need them less often.
  7. I have paid to be spanked, and I total support and recommend it. I don’t think it is sex work, but I also wouldn’t care if it was. You are hiring a *professional* to do something that requires skill and experience. Just like hiring a nurse, a message therapist, an acupuncturist, a life coach, a mental health professional, etc. Sometimes we need help. Sometimes we need to feel right. Seriously it is benign.
  8. I have come to think off spankings as a bit like language. They can express different motives and intentions, if both parties are fluent. For me, one spanking may be for correction while another is a gift.
  9. Can you ask for a spanking? It can be humbling to ask. I find it very difficult to do, but I get most of my spankings that way (for much the same reasons as you). If you loosen up on discipline being the reason and allow yourself to just need it sometimes, you may be able to optimize rather then take away from your goals. Being happy and fulfilled should benefit you both. Call it a reward spanking.
  10. Has anyone seen the latest Jillian Keenan video Long Diatance Dynamics, Pt 1? It is fantastic. I love the seeing all these awesome spankos!
  11. Definitely yes, if if everyone wants it. Aftercare should be discussed up front. Not everyone is a hugger, including spankers, and that is okay.
  12. I have experienced that. I have also experienced starting a spanking thinking I was in the right and coming out regretting my behavior, seeing the error of my ways. It is powerful magic. Being punished for something you didn’t do sucks, but has also worked for me as fantasy material later on. Self righteous indignation plus a spanking! You said you would do it again (so would I). Care to talk about why?
  13. Would it be appropriate for people already in an FLR to join for discussions?
  14. I think it depends. Diaper position is a real test in obedience. It is very hard to keep holding your ankles when all your most tender spots are getting lit on fire. That doesn’t make me feel submissive, but it definitely tests my submission. On the other hand, some positions deliver submissive head space for me. OTK is classic. I also like it if my spanker sits on my back while I’m prone. Anytime I’m held in position by my ER I feel submissive. One other way is if I’m scruffed or in some sort of predicament. If I don’t dare move, even while being spanked, I will feel very submissive.
  15. As an ER, I often go from stingy to thuddy. My theory is that heavier thud numbs out the butt. Don’t want that. I also just like sting on a fresh bottom. I think there is tradition in going from less intense to more intense.
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