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About Redlily

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  1. I’m not sure if you’re still struggling with this. I deal with trauma issues and PTSD, so nightmares are a normal part of my life. I’ve tried and found many things that help, but I think these things vary by individual. Many things listed here help me: I listen to guided meditation sometimes with good results. I also sometimes self spank before bed also with good results. Many things listed here don’t help me. Melatonin has never worked for me. I wouldn’t touch a sleeping pill- ever. My biggest terror is loss of situational awareness and being taken by surprise again. What works for one doesn’t work for another. My point here is that the things that will help you are specific to you. The biggest thing that helps me is self awareness. I’ve paid attention to my triggers. For example, I can’t have the tv on within an hour or so of bed. I get triggered by voices. If I am overstimulated before bed, that’s an almost certain nightmare for me. So, I need time to quiet myself and dump all the adrenaline of the day. This doesn’t cure all my nightmares. I still have them, but I’ve seen a big reduction. If you understand your triggers, and try to think of ways to mitigate risks before bed, I think it might help.
  2. Why are so many being mean about someone sharing an experience? I don’t understand. How could you possibly know if someone is real or not? Maybe I’m naive, but isn’t this supposed to be an inclusive site? I haven’t been here that long, so maybe I don’t understand how it works.
  3. I don’t chat often because I find it intimidating. For the most part, I just read what people are talking about. I only remember seeing spanking themed discussions a couple of times. Most of the time, people are just talking about normal things with people that they seem to know. It would be difficult to talk in main chat even if you wanted to do so. Within a couple minutes of being in chat, I am inundated with pms. I was talking to six people at the same time one of the last times I was in chat. There was very little discussion going on in main. I am one of those people that find it hard to be rude, so when someone asks to chat, I rarely say no. That’s why I don’t go in often. It’s stressful, and I only last 20 to 30 minutes. Having said that, I consider this a business problem. Like most companies, dilemmas comes with growth. Demographics change. The needs of the market change. I think this site has a community feel to it, but only through discussion and analysis can you determine if you’re still meeting the needs of the market. If people aren’t talking in main chat, then main chat is broken in some way. It isn’t meeting the needs of the market any longer. That’s where analysis and innovation come into play. Kroger is a great example of a company adapting to the ever changing market. You can order groceries and pick them up during a time you select without ever leaving the car. You can order groceries and have them delivered. They came out with scoop meals to compete with meal delivery services. They thrive because they do market research and are innovative. On the other side of this coin, we have Marsh, a higher end grocery store that went out of business because they reacted to market change too slowly. One of the worst business decisions ever is to ignore the need for change. That is a certain death blow. I feel confident that the leadership is not entrenched in this type of thinking. There is a way for this site to maintain relevance as a community but still offer new things that meet the needs of members. It will take honest discussion and analysis to get there.
  4. I rarely come to this site. I mostly only read comments instead of posting because it’s been my experience that kinky people don’t want to hear dissenting views. If you dissent, you are considered judgmental and unloving. Obviously, that isn’t true. We are all free to have differing opinions, but I’ve found that people that scream the loudest about judgement are often the most judgmental. So I mostly just stay quiet and in the background it’s a nice safe place to be, and I highly value safety because I rarely feel safe I couldn’t help but respond to this post because it hits so close to home. I wholeheartedly agree with Finally Free. I mean no disrespect toward the person that was marked during a directed self spanking. The ER should have stopped. He should have held up his end of the deal. That was wrong on his part. But the bottom line for me...maintain situational awareness at all times. This is our individual responsibility. We can still be victims even if we do this, but the least we can do is maintain awareness of our surroundings and retain awareness of our own conditions. Now this doesn’t always work. There are bad people in the world. I was beaten, raped, tortured and left for dead by two men. I was in my own home in a place where most of us don’t think about needing to look in every dark corner. When your control is completely taken away, you can beg, scream, cry and struggle to no avail. When your control is stripped from you, the other person has complete and total control over you. So please, maintain control over yourself when you can lest you become a victim. And please, think of those of us that have been victims. Again, I’m not judging or intending to make light of something that another person as gone through. I’m just asking that in your posts you remember that there are some of us that have walked through hell and sometimes continue to live there. We would give anything to have been able to say stop and have had it work.
  5. I think there is room for erotic good girl spankings even in DD. While actual roleplaying doesn’t make sense to me, I’m glad there is room for everyone’s kink.
  6. I don’t think I would agree to follow a rule that I really hated. Aren’t those negotiated? I could definitely see myself arguing to get out of a speeding rule - late for a meeting, biological needs, wind was pushing me.
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