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About RedBottomGirl

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  1. I agree 100%. That attitude can go both ways and is definitely not something that comes across well to me. Spankers who act like a spankee should feel lucky to be talking to them or being thought of by them, and spankees who act the same way towards spankers are just displaying a level of arrogance that no person would enjoy dealing with. If there isn't mutual respect on a human level of the other person and their time, no matter the role, it isn't going to work...at least for me.
  2. Thank you everyone for the great advice, the support, and for taking the time to respond. I'm in no rush to seek a spanking from an ER, and will be cautiously taking my time with that sort of thing. And I will definitely be adding the additional precautions that you all of been kind enough to share with me once I get there. I very much appreciate having a community like this where I can be open and seek this kind of advice without fear of being judged, so thank you. This thread has been very helpful for me in this aspect of my spanking journey moving forward.
  3. It didn't happen yesterday, it happened a little over a year ago
  4. I have been a regular self-spanker for about 6 years...but a little over a year ago, I decided to have my first (and only) adult spanking session with another person. It was a bad experience. To give context, the physical spanking itself was fine...it wasn't too hard or anything. My self-spankings are harsher than what he did to my bottom physically. We talked online for over a month getting to know each other, and we met twice in public before setting up a session. I had a safe call (she knew my location, but I told her I was on a tinder date due to my interest being secret). I explained to the ER that being spanked for me is stress relief, not discipline. I told him that I'm not a submissive and don't want to be treated as such, which he agreed to. We also agreed it would be completely nonsexual. The day of the session, all was going fine. He spanked me a bit over my pants to start and it was going well. But once my pants were down and I was back over his knee, he started speaking to me inappropriately. He was calling me sexually degrading names and asking explicit, sexual questions. I asked him to stop speaking to me in that way, and he didn't. He pulled my panties down to bare my bottom while continuing to make sexual remarks...which made me feel extremely uncomfortable. I felt very disrespected, so I said my safeword to end the session... but he was much stronger than me and he immediately locked my legs and held me down in place. He basically told me he was in charge, I didn't have the right to end the session, and I had to obey and take whatever he decided to do to me. He then spanked me until he decided he was done. The session was a little less than an hour...it was over before my safe call was due to call me, which was after 1 hour. But it felt like much longer while it was happening. I know it could have been so, so much worse than what happened. (I did report him and his profile was removed from the site where I met him). But it still shook me up to be held down and spanked, my power and safeword disregarded. I am happy and satisfied with self-spanking, but I would eventually like to try to engage in spanking with another person again. I'm just honestly scared to try it again because I don't want the same thing, or worse, to happen. Do any experienced EEs (or even ERs) have any advice on how I could start working my way back into that aspect of the lifestyle? Are there additional precautions that could have been used? Any advice from those more experienced in the spanking lifestyle is welcome.
  5. No credit card debt or anything, but I just finished college in December. So let's just say that my personal finances are getting a long, serious spanking from my student loan debt.
  6. Love this question. It definitely got my mind going and thinking about what I really want to experience. Self-spankings are my only personal experience in my 6-ish years of exploring the spanko lifestyle...so I definitely have some experiences I hope to have eventually. -- SCENERIOS -- • Be spanked by someone else (once I'm ready to explore that option again) • Go to a spanking party (prefer a smaller local party, but would definitely be ok going to a national one as well) • Get spanked otk • Get spanked over a couch armrest • Be in a romantic relationship that involves spanking • Use a spanking machine -- IMPLEMENTS -- (✔ means I have experienced it with self-spanking, but still want to experience it at the hands of a spanker) • Hairbrush • Wooden school paddle • Birch ✔ • Belt ✔ • Bath brush ✔ • Slipper (any type of shoe will do) • Strap (especially a Canadian prison strap) • Carpet beater (seen it in videos...seems very interesting to experience) • Switch • Hand spanking
  7. For me, the idea of role play is pretty much solely based on fantasy, but also gives me a way to experience a certain level of power exchange dynamic without it feeling too real. I'm not really a submissive person, and spankings are pretty much used for stress relief. For me, it is the physical sensation and pain itself that does something for me. While I have no interest in being personally disciplined and have never been disciplined that way in my life, it is a bit of a fantasy now. Using role play to create a fictional disciplinary element would just allow me to play out that fantasy in a different headspace than my own. Being disciplined is a fantasy that isn't aligned with who I actually am as a spankee, so being in a character and fictional dynamic would allow me a way to have that experience without compromising my personal spanking needs and desires. I will add that my fantasies are always with both roles still being adults, such as college student/professor or secretary/boss...just scenerios that involve a level of power exchange needed for a disciplinary spanking fantasy. No parental fantasies either...just not for me.
  8. That doesn't sound self-absorbed at all. I'm actually the same exact way. If every message is error after error from start to finish, I definitely start questioning things a bit.
  9. Absolutely true. There are different levels, some can just feel a bit off, others can be big signals of potential danger. For me, my red flag about a spanker acting as if spanking is a selfless act that they do not benefit from whatsoever is more a red flag that they aren't being truly honest with me on their end. They may absolutely see it as a service they provide, and that's fine. But they wouldn't choose this route if they didn't feel drawn to spanking to begin with...these relationships require a level of trust and transparency, so it just felt off to me when they wouldn't even acknowledge that much while expecting me to be completely transparent on my end spanking-wise. But I definitely get what you mean. It was a very different type of red flag when people would try to arrange a meeting after only talking for a few minutes, and then get aggressive and manipulative when I said we needed to get to know each other more first. Those are the experiences that contributed more to me sticking with self-spanking.
  10. Haha, I never thought of it that way, but I can see that. I heard variations of that line quite a few times...I like harder spankings, so I think they thought that saying that their hand spankings are as hard or harder than paddlings would impress me.
  11. Very true. There is a balance. It's really just when a spanker simply refused to acknowledge that they wanted to spank me and acted like being a spanker was a completely selfless thing for them...which I know simply isn't true. They wouldn't choose to be a spanker if they weren't personally drawn to it. If I were considering that kind of a relationship, it's based on trust. And if you can't even be honest enough to say you also get something out of giving the spanking, that just feels off to me.
  12. Of course. It's a lot to take in when you first start exploring. Adult spanking is incredibly vast, more than I think any of us realize going in. I browsed the forums on here for years before becoming a member, and it was and still is an amazing resource. I'm glad you're finding it helpful as well.
  13. Absolutely. Spanking between two people can be used in many ways- from discipline, to stress relief, to sexual arousal and more. Self-spanking is no different...both can be effectively used for the same variety of reasons. Whether someone finds one or the other more effective is simply based on personal preference. At least I see it that way.
  14. Butt-blistering is just another term for spanking...it doesn't mean my butt gets literal blistering.
  15. I found that when I used to talk to potential spankers, there were some common things that I would hear repeatedly that would automatically turn me off personally from wanting to meet them, and even phrases that came off as red flags. What are some common things that are said to you as an ER or EE (I know it must go both ways) when speaking to potential partners that make you question if you want to consider meeting them? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A personal turn off phrase I've heard a lot is some variation of, "My hand is like a paddle." It just always came off as braggy and arrogant, and it always automatically made me significantly less interested in the idea of meeting them. A personal red flag I often came across was when a spanker would try to act as if spanking me would be a completely selfless service. It always felt off to me when a spanker wouldn't acknowledge that they also get some form of personal satisfaction from delivering a spanking as well...after all, they wouldn't do it if they didn't get something from it.
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