Amethyst_Moon

Yesterday it was still happening, but it seems better today. Hopefully that's a good sign. I'll let you know if it becomes a problem again. Thank you.

For the past few days, I am getting repeatedly locked out of my account. Every time I try to log on, I will get denied and locked out 5-10+ times before I am finally actually able to successfully log in. I always access the site from my phone, and my username and password are set to automatically fill in on my device. So I know that incorrectly typing those can't be the problem. I attached the email I am receiving when I get locked out.

Their paddles are great. I just recently bought their Joker paddle, and I absolutely love it

This is such a great description of the self-spanking experience.

Very true, in general. I was specifically talking about chatting interactions on spanking sites, not looking for a spanking partner or using dating sites. My point was more about how some use the existence of fake profiles and troll accounts on said spanking sites in order to manipulate people into sending photos. Someone's character is important, though. I don't care if someone is into spanking if they're not a decent person. On the note you mentioned, I agree in general. Someone's character is more important than their spanking interest. But for some of us, a romantic partner who is also a spanko is honestly very important, even essential. While I have a nonsexual interest in spanking, it is also sexual for me. It's not a kink that sometimes turns me on, or a side dish with sex. Spanking is my sexuality. Sexually, spanking has the place sex normally would. Being with someone who isn't also a spanko would be incredibly difficult, because we would be completely incompatible sexually. And while sexual compatibility isn't the most important thing in a relationship, I can't pretend it doesn't matter enough to have a serious impact. We're all different, and it may not be an essential part of a happy and functional relationship for everyone on this site. But knowing the place spanking has in my life, it is a very important factor for me.

I think as someone who doesn't use spanking as discipline, but for nonsexual recreational fun and stress relief, I would definitely need some give and take with a spanker. I'm not currently in a spanking partnership, but that is a big point of compatibility for me. Because spanking, for me, would be for mutual enjoyment, we should both get a say. Of course everything would be worked out before a scene, not during. But if I am really in the mood for an otk hairbrush spanking, I should be able to express that I want that and have that incorporated as a part of the session. He can still spank me in ways he specifically wants to in the session, within limits. But if there's something I want that are within my partner's limits, I should feel free to ask for it and know it will be heard and respected. Call it "topping from the bottom", but I ultimately have as much of a right to get spanked how I want as they have to give spankings how they want. I would certainly never try to control every portion of a spanking, like I'm giving them some blueprint they have to follow to the letter. I want them to be able to top the scene. All I ask is if I'm specifically craving one or two implements, they be incorporated into the session somewhere. I ask that my desires be heard and fulfilled by my top, and I will absolutely do the same in return as their bottom. But of course, all of this is in a non-disciplinary partnership.

I like the phrase "warm your bottom" for a spanking. And if belts, straps, or something similar is used, I always call it a whipping. It just sounds a little more intense to me, and I just love it for some reason.

My thing was I definitely always argued back with my parents. I would not go down without a fight if I felt attacked or like they were wrong. Most of the time, it was really just personality conflict. I lived with my mom and stepdad. My personality is a lot like my dad, and my mom and dad's personalities just clash...hence the divorce. But those arguments definitely crossed the line often, and the very concept of having respect for my parents definitely went out the window in the heat of the moment. Honestly, I barely had respect for them in general. I respected every other adult and authority figure, but I didn't respect them. And I didn't even try to hide that disrespect. Most times, we would all just walk away and then pretend like it never happened. After a couple of the worst ones, I was grounded for a weekend at most. But I never even went out, so that wasn't a punishment. Staying home was what I was going to do anyways. So even in the rare time I was "punished", I still really got away with it. Do I think I deserved to be actually disciplined when I disrespected them verbally? Yes, absolutely. Of course it would have ticked me off in the moment, but I needed to respect them as my parents. Their authority meant nothing to me, and I wish that they had enforced their authority more. I think it would have saved us years of intense arguments and kept what arguments we had from escalating to such a bad point. I think we would have had a healthier relationship. Fortunately, we're in a good place now. But I definitely deserved more discipline than I received.

I always use SpankingTube because, like you said, it's free and has a good assortment. Like you, my favorite to watch are more "just because"...a spanker and spankee engaging in a spanking together because they both just like it. That's my favorite because that's the type of spanking I enjoy personally, and what I would want in a spanking partner. I like watching content I can at least somewhat relate to. And while I'm not into being spanked as actual discipline myself, I do enjoy watching disciplinary spanking. Not family or school fantasies, or anything highly produced. Just a general real disciplinarian/spankee dynamic or domestic discipline between a couple. I think I like it because the spankings are a bit harsher generally, and I like harder play personally. And discipline videos often have zero erotic or sexual elements, which I much prefer. I just like to watch good real amateur spanking videos. No sexual acts or erotic tones, no plugs or figging or anything like that, no unnecessary nudity...that all kills the mood for me. I just love videos of good, old-fashioned, nonsexual spankings.

As someone who struggles with depression, anxiety, and has had my share of suicidal thoughts and actions in the past, I would definitely say that right now, your mental health needs to be your priority. I'm glad you're seeing that maybe this situation brought what was already happening to the surface, and there might be more to it. Right now, try not to worry about spanking. Focus on yourself and getting yourself in a mentally healthy place. And absolutely let your doctor know as soon as possible that you are struggling mentally, even while on your medication. They can evaluate and make adjustments as needed, which might really help. Reach out and get whatever help is necessary to get you through this. Don't even worry about revisiting spanking until you're in a better place mentally. Wishing you all the best, my thoughts are definitely with you.

I'm absolutely open to some cyber role play to mix it up. I'm a self-spanker, so it might be nice to at least interact at this capacity with a spanker. Feel free to send a message if you want to talk.

I have not talked to any family or friends about spanking being a part of my life, and that would not change if it were a part of a relationship. Spanking, even when nonsexual, is a very personal and intimate thing for me. Talking to them about my spanking life would be equivalent to them talking to me about their sex lives, which they don't do. I'm perfectly happy with it being that way. I don't need to know about the intimate parts of their lives and relationships, and they don't need to know about mine.

I'm so sorry that your entrance into spanking was rooted in so much pain. I hope that now it has taken on a more positive place in your life.

We all have to vent sometimes. In my own way, I understand. I'm only 25, but I have yet to even have a real relationship, let alone any relationship or partnership that involves spanking. And while my needs as a spankee are 99% fulfilled with self-spanking...there's still that 1% that desires so deeply to share this with another person. Loneliness is difficult, but I hope that you are able to fill that void very soon, and that you will be able to share in spanking and life with someone that compliments you in every important way.

As an active self-spanker myself, I still clearly remember my first ever self-spanking...what I used, what was going through my mind, how I felt physically and emotionally. And I have often wondered what it was like for others the first time the decided to spank themselves. If you feel comfortable sharing any aspects of your experience, please share. I will obviously share mine below: -------------------------------- I was 18, and I was "on my own" for the first time. This proclivity towards spanking had been a part of me for as long as I could remember. While I grew up in the age where the internet was getting bigger, it was one of the few things my parents were really strict about. As a result,I never even searched spanking on the internet until then...I didn't want to risk them finding out. Once I looked it up, I realized I wasn't alone. But to be honest, I still hated this part of myself. I always did. I didn't want to be a spanko. But I couldn't help but to look at sites like this and spankingtube once I knew they existed, because they showed the reality of a deep personal part of myself that, until then, I thought could only live in my mind. These sites are where I learned self-spanking existed. I don't even know if it would have occurred to me to spank myself if I hadn't found out others did that. My fantasy and interest had always exclusively been with being spanked. I hoped that the reality of being spanked would destroy the fantasy. I basically wanted to spank the spanko out of me. I took a thick wood cutting board and a metal spatula and just started doing it. It hurt so much more than I had ever imagined...but still, I loved it. I loved the feeling, the rush, the butterflies of anticipation, the sound, even the pain. The more I spanked, the more I loved it. I kept going harder, and honestly way more severe than I should have for a first session. I kept making it harsher, hoping to eventually hate it. My cheeks were both solid bruises before I finally gave up. I ended that session and knew that this was a part of me, and I had to accept that. But I also felt so amazing having this deep, innate part of me fulfilled for the first time ever. The reality outdid the fantasy in every way for me. That first session confirmed that this truly is a part of me, and I have enjoyed self-spanking ever since. I also now fully accept the spanko in me and even love it.