Amethyst_Moon

I can't offer much advice, but mostly my understanding and support. It can definitely be lonely being wired this way. It makes dating more complicated than it already is, and it gets even more difficult with how diverse spanking is. People are in this for different reasons and often have very different preferences. So finding someone that is somewhat local, genuine and trustworthy, compatible personally, and is not only into this, but into this in a compatible way...it's difficult. Like as a spankee, I am not at all submissive and it isn't disciplinary for me. It's stress relief, and just an innate part of me that needs satisfied. I wouldn't be compatible with a disciplinary spanker, or in a domestic discipline dynamic. Whereas you need a spankee who is specifically into that. But while it's difficult, I do think it's worth it if it's that important for you. Yes, this adds an additional complication to relationships...but even vanilla dating can be complicated and even messy. Not to say that I don't believe it can work between spankos and vanillas. I absolutely think it can, if they truly love each other and can find a way to make it work. Everyone is different, and we all value and need different things in relationships. Spanking is certainly not the most important thing in a relationship or partner, other things matter more like personal compatibility, trust, and character. But the fact is spanking can still be incredibly important, and even essential for some of us to have a fulfilling relationship. Only you know if you can have a truly fulfilling relationship without it or not. If you know that it is a deeply important part of a relationship for you, then I think it is worth it to wait for a relationship that will give you what you need and desire. I understand what you're dealing with, and I know it isn't easy. I hope that you find that relationship that you're looking for.

I've tried several times over the years. The method was always the same and very simple: stop engaging in anything spanking-related. I quit self-spanking and left spanking sites I was a member of, deleting accounts when possible. No more watching spanking videos, and no more reading or writing spanking stories. I just cut all things spanking out of my life completely. And sometimes it worked...for a little while. But it always came back eventually. This has been a part of me for almost my entire life. It's just a natural, innate part of who I am. It wasn't formed from personal experiences or encounters for me. It was just naturally there. I was basically born this way. I can deny it and try to ignore it, and it will sometimes even lay dormant for a bit. But it always comes back. It never truly goes away for me. I've just learned to accept, and even embrace, that it's a natural part of me that will always be there.

That's part of nonsexual spanking. I'm not talking about flogging of any other body parts, like back or elsewhere. I'm talking purely in bottom spanking context, since this is specifically a spanking site. But nonsexual spanking can be for stress relief, discipline, "just because"...a multitude of reasons. My use of the term "nonsexual spanking" encompasses spankings for any non-erotic, non-sexualized purpose, including therapeuric and stress relief. So using a flogger on someone's bottom for non-erotic and even therapeutic purposes fits the definition of nonsexual spanking and part of the first answer.

I think a lot of it has to do with the stereotype of BDSM...dungeons, bondage, nudity, blatant eroticism and sexuality...something more boldly sensual and sometimes dark. It incorporates so many activities, many far beyond the interests of a solely spanko person. Of course, it's a stereotype that fits some, not all. As HannahKae refers to it, I am a plain spanko. I do technically identify myself as a part of the BDSM community. My only problem when engaging with BDSM community at large was the recurring view of my interest in spanking being an entryway to the world of BDSM rather than accepting it for what it is...a deep and innate nonsexual part of me, as well as the sole root of my sexuality. It was never a just a part of a draw to the whole world of BDSM, or just one form of play to enjoy among others. The fact that I am solely interested in spanking and nothing else was sometimes a source of condescension, unfortunately. It did make me separate more from association with BDSM as a whole from feeling invalidated. I am still technically a part of the BDSM community, but I find engaging with other plain spankos who are more disconnected from the larger BDSM community to be more affirming and in tune with who I am in the world of spanking. I do agree, spanking is technically a branch of BDSM. Though if someone doesn't want to identify their personal spanking identity in that way, or feels that doesn't fit what spanking is for them, I don't see a problem with that. For me, I do feel that when I engage in spanking, I am engaging in BDSM, even with only that one activity being a part of my identity and experience, and it being one of the most mild forms of BDSM. Being a spanko alone kind of makes me feel like the closest thing to vanilla I could be without actually being vanilla. So I'm technically in BDSM, but barely, to the point it's hard to truly identify with it as a whole. I just try to be clear in my descriptors that separate my interest from the stereotype of BDSM. I do enjoy the pain of spanking, and while that is technically masochism, I always describe myself as a spanking-only masochist to clarify that I have no interest or enjoyment of any other pain play. I am into spanking, but I'm specifically into nonsexual, non-erotic, old-fashioned domestic style spankings. You might see me at a spanking party, but you won't see me at any event that incorporates any other BDSM activities. Spanking is within BDSM, but it is also a world of its own.

I think what is difficult with this question is it isn't always a simple answer. I think most of us with this interest have asked ourselves this question, and just in these forums you see so many answers to it. Some people, like me, will say they are hard-wired or born this way. Some of us, there is no clear reason we developed this interest. There is no personal memory or event that caused this to suddenly become a part of us. It was just always there. The moment we learned it existed, it triggered what was already there. I struggled for a long time over the fact that I was like this when there wasn't a "good reason". I couldn't accept it was just a part of who I have always been. This is such a natural and innate part of some of us, and who knows why. Genetics, cognitive wiring, personality, who knows. With time, I've learned to be ok with the fact that this is a natural part of me that has always existed, and I may never learn how this can be such a natural part of me or anyone else. It could absolutely be something in your past you do or don't remember. It could be things you experienced, saw, or heard about from others. And if it is, it may not even be anything that big or dramatic at all. It could also just be a natural part of who you are. I'm not saying in that case you have no control over it, but it may then be more deep-seated than you otherwise thought. A good starting point is maybe trying to remember what exposed you to the existence of spanking in the first place and going from there.

I do have a rattan cane I use for the occasional self-caning. The cane is definitely one of the more difficult to use. You are a good bit more limited with it by nature. Because it is used horizontally across the cheeks, and the nature of how one's arm has to be bent for self-spanking, it's hard to get a sufficient and accurate swing. You can't really bring your arm back as far and use the level of force you can with paddles or brushes or even straps (which though used horizontally, can wrap around to hit the cheeks unlike canes). The cane can still be effective, but in my experience, having a good wrist flick is key to an effective self-caning. With limited arm swing, being able to use good wrist action will be what makes the cane swish down more harshly, effectively, and accurately. As far as how to do it correctly position-wise, it will just be trial and error, like any other self-spanking. What position allows you to cane (or generally spank) yourself the most effectively is very dependent on what position allows for the most comfortable use of your arm and what allows that implement in particular to land correctly. But those specifics will differ by the individual, since body type and proportions, as well as flexibility, have a big impact on that. I looked on spankingtube for a few different examples of ways to cane oneself and found a couple that seemed like good places to start. The second one is very similar to how I do it, and a good example of the wrist action I mentioned. Hope this all helps. https://www.spankingtube.com/video/64407/a-date-with-the-cane https://www.spankingtube.com/video/72248/self-caning-and-switching (**warning** - His junk is in the thumbnail, and he lowers his pants and underwear facing camera. Quickly skip to about 15 seconds in if you want to avoid having to see his junk. I obviously was not so lucky, haha.)

That specifically was just back when I was in college and living with roommates, and almost never had the place to myself. I had to find implements that were quiet enough to not be heard outside my room, so I had to get more creative. A meat mallet just ended up being the one that worked best for that. It was very quiet, it hurt enough to work, and could leave some bruises. Definitely some of the least harsh spankings I had, but it was the best I could do, and certainly better than nothing. But now I have implements and the freedom to do spankings whenever I want, so the meat mallet is retired for me now.

Before I started buying made-for-spanking implements, I would use wooden spoons, wooden cutting boards, plastic and metal spatulas, flyswatter, ruler, phone charging cord...and on a couple of occasions, a meat mallet (which is deeply thuddy). I have a bath brush and a hairbrush in my implement collection, which I use regularly. I still occasionally use a spatula or wooden spoon.

I'm glad it worked for you.

Of course

That would probably be pretty stingy. The fact that it only has a few tails, as well as the knots on the ends, will add to the sting as well. To give an example of my personal reference point, this is the braided flogger I have (the one I bought is the larger one). https://www.etsy.com/listing/628451304/wicked-long-or-short-fully-plaited-black?ref=shop_home_active_10&frs=1&crt=1

Some floggers are made to be low intensity, meaning the tails are very soft and often thicker.. This generally means they have a very light sensation that won't actually hurt at all. It might have a little thud, more like a nice massage, but will have very minimal sting if any at all. My floggers are higher intensity. The tails aren't soft, and they are made to have a lot of sting. My flogger with the single strand tails has tails that are very thin, to make them have a good amount of sting. My braided flogger, the tails aren't particularly thin, but because they're braided, it is more intense and has a serious bite to it. It stings a good bit even if used lightly. So the difference is generally that lower intensity floggers are going to be much softer, and have a more sensual, massage-like sensation no matter if used lightly or hard. It's impact without actual pain. High intensity floggers are going to have a more painful, stinging impact. Even when used lightly, there will be some sting. Used in earnest, they will definitely hurt. It will be more like being whipped than getting a thuddy massage.

I agree. I have never understood allowing a discussion with disagreeing views to descend into needless personal attacks, especially when neither of those differing views are harmful. It never helps anything. I'm glad we could have a civil discussion.

I ordered one off of Amazon. Here's the link to the one I have: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Brush-Long-Bamboo-Handle/dp/B076V5RJXF/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?dchild=1&keywords=wooden+bath+brush&qid=1592678410&sr=8-13 Any brush like it should work just as well.

I appreciate the thorough and thoughtful response. I don't entirely agree with your takeaways from my followup post, but I am happy simply agreeing to disagree on this.