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Rand E

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Everything posted by Rand E

  1. The only time my wife and I switch in the same session is when we are just playing around or calibrating with new implements. Otherwise, we adopt the ER/EE dom/sub roles in each session and stick to them. That dom/sub vibe once established in the session can be powerful enough even to last into the next day. And we both work hard on our dom and sub skills and take those skills seriously. Not that I seek spanking partners outside the marriage, but I like to think I can be good enough at it that I could be dom to a straight sub partner or sub to a straight dom without anybody being the wiser. We also found that switching back-and-forth in the same session just makes the whole process feel frivolous or even silly. It just doesn't feel genuine.
  2. My wife and I have a cooperative domestic-discipline arrangement. We are a long-time switch spanko couple for 25+ years, but the coDD arrangement is only within the last 4 years or so. My experience is that disciplinary spanking totally works. My wife and I use discipline to keep each other in line, and it has significantly reduced all the misbehavior that we sought to address with DD. We made rules based on the 4 D's, enforced by serious corporal punishment, and the rule breaks rapidly diminished, and in many cases, basically disappeared. For example, we used to lie to each other all the time (admittedly mostly me), without thinking anything about it. After taking a bunch of beatings for lying, I just learned not to lie to her any more. Period. Case closed. My wife used to make promises to me and then break them casually as if they meant nothing. Not any more. When I ask her to solemnly promise me something or make a commitment to me, she takes it with the proper seriousness it deserves, because ... consequences. But I will admit that I am only speaking from my own experience of a committed marriage - or perhaps a comparable dedicated LTR between 2 people - where both of you realize that you have to answer to each other, because you are a team, everything you do affects your partner, and you don't get to do just whatever the hell you want. I have no experience with more casual relationships such as a straight mentor disciplinarian ER and an EE who is more like his or her own worst critic about the bad behavior to be curtailed. But, I'm not saying that it would only work in a marriage or LTR setting. That's just what I have experience with. In fact, given the success I have experienced, I would be inclined to expect it to work in many different types of relationships. I get this feeling it works because it's a form of operant (instrumental) conditioning. The bad behavior gets associated with the unpleasant consequences, and your brain gets re-wired to avoid it as part of your natural behavior. But, having said all that, you don't need to take anybody's word for it. Go ahead and find those spanking or disciplinary relationships you are curious about and give them a try. You will learn what works for you and what doesn't.
  3. Rand E

    Roe V. Wade

    Well, we agree on one thing. But the Supreme Court has been a clown show for many decades. Nothing new here.
  4. Hi everybody. No number. He he.
  5. I hear you there. My wife and I have both found there is nothing quite as awesome as make-up sex after a disciplinary incident.
  6. The Spencer plan is the prototype or inspiration for modern cooperative DD arrangements. In some respects, it's a bit dated. I took it as sort of a starting point, but there were some things about it that really didn't seem to work for my wife and me. What about cooperative DD, especially in a committed long-term relationship? Would you never feel the urge to spank your spouse even for gross misbehavior?
  7. I put it out there on my "about me" profile. I'm in a committed marriage. I like to get on sites like this and chat with folks. My wife does not.
  8. Hey, AG, where are you? We've exceeded your prediction. A lot.
  9. Cooperative DD arrangements exist, but they do seem to be exceedingly rare. That perplexes me. One would think that most people have a mix of dominant and submissive traits. A cooperative DD arrangement can be fine tuned to recognize that, allowing the husband and wife to live both aspects of their personalities, rather than choosing one rigid dominant or submissive role and having to completely suppress the other. My question for you is, if you were to do it, what sort of DD arrangement would you prefer for yourself?
  10. If you are talking about disciplinary spanking (i.e. in a formal domestic discipline arrangement), based on chatting with couples on this and other internet fora, I would say more M/f than F/m. The problem is that not every couple doing DD is going to get on the internet and talk about it, so, I'm not working from any sort of statistically valid sample. My wife and I are switches, and we spank each other, both for fun, and for discipline. But the discipline is like maybe 2-to-1 me punishing her versus the other way round. We tried to make the rules fairly neutral by not making more punishable rules for misbehavior that she tends to engage in than me, but still, the ratio isn't 50/50. When that pattern emerged, at first I just attributed it to our respective dom/sub ratios. Although my wife has a definite dominant streak, my dom/sub ratio is higher on the dom side. Looking back, I have changed my mind about the reasons. The dom/sub ratios I mentioned are derived more from dom/sub role-play and sexual activity in the bedroom. But I don't think that necessarily translated to our day-to-day interactions outside the bedroom. My wife is just more emotional and more stubborn about every conflict and disagreement we have. When my wife calls me out for a rule break, I swallow my pride. I try hard to submit unconditionally and take my medicine. Afterward, I take it to heart, quickly reducing or eliminating the bad behavior that caused the problem. My wife, on the other hand, has more problems learning to submit to my authority in various matters outside the bedroom. She can be stubborn, prideful and resentful, and would break rules more often before she finally internalized those rules and stopped the bad behavior. Of course, all of the above is inherent in the dynamics of a cooperative DD relationship which does tend to ebb and flow. For straight DD or FLR relationships, the dom/sub thing is baked in 100% at the start, and that would definitely be based on the dominant or submissive traits of the couple. My wife and I did cooperative DD because we were switches in the first place. Probably any spanking couple that tried out DD or disciplinary spanking would follow the same roles as already established in their erotic or recreational spanking activities.
  11. 116 I wonder whatever happened to AfterGeometry.
  12. Yes. These rules turned out to be really lop-sided in favor of the ER's. We're bound to win. Any year now.
  13. My wife and I always do a warm-up for erotic or fun spankings (i.e. start with low intensity and gradually increase). But we found that warm-ups for disciplinary spankings just have too many drawbacks, so we stopped the practice quite a while ago.
  14. You reminded me that I haven't been out there to NYC for ages. And the last time was on business, and I had no fun. Anyways, be sure you have lots of fun. There are endless entertainments to suit every taste.
  15. It's one thing to have trolls coming on the forum and annoying everybody. Worse comes to worse, you can just ignore them. But if you are looking to socialize with others on this site, before you provide any personal information or arrange a face-to-face meeting, you should at least try to see what sort of reputation that person has here on the forum. It sounds like a lot of people here knew about this guy a long time ago. Even people who are new with no reputation good or bad, that's also a cause for caution. It's good to be welcoming to newbies, but trust requires time.
  16. I just found out you are pregnant. Awesome! Congratulations! I am in agreement with some of the folks here that recommend you just pass on the spanking activities until after your new arrival. You can resume spanking at some point (my wife and I did it) but mostly focus on being good parents and be patient. Your life is about to change in a big way.
  17. If my wife and I are doing erotic spanking, sometimes we say sir or ma'am, sometimes, not. For disciplinary spanking, it's part of the protocol, and as a general rule, the only appropriate responses by the EE are "yes, sir" or "yes ma'am" or "no sir" or "no ma'am" unless there is a specific question from the ER that really requires something other than a yes/no answer. And especially, no whining and puling is tolerated. Such lack of cooperation amounts to defiance, a failure to submit which just earns more swats. This helps us both get into dom mode or sub mode depending on the role, and to maintain that strong dom-sub dynamic essential to success of the session.
  18. Are you talking about disciplinary spankings? When I worry about consistency for discipline, I'm not so much concerned about regular frequency, but that each rule break is addresses in a consistent and fair manner. But the disciplinary sessions may ebb and flow depending on how well my wife and I are behaving. At this point, our disciplinary spanking activities have really dropped off. The erotic spanking sessions are more consistent as far as frequency, at least, to the extent that our sexual activities are frequent. But that's dropped off a bit with age, and really, no surprise there. I yearn fro the days when my wife and I were in our twenties, filled with seemingly endless sexual libido.
  19. From a practical standpoint, I'm not so clear on what your misgivings are. I gather you are a switch, but in this case, you would be taking on the ER role. If you are worried about limits from a safety standpoint, well, as the ER, you don't have to take the intensity any further than you are comfortable with. And I don't see that you need to have a big discussion. At the start of the session, just tell her the safe words. If she doesn't need or use them, then fine. But you told her, and she has them available, just in case she overestimated her tolerance. On the other hand, if you are worried that she will be dissatisfied with the limits you set, I would just go ahead and do a session with her and see how it plays out. If I were dating and meeting spanko gals with whom I am not familiar, especially if I'm in the ER role, I would be more worried about their lack of experience and the chance of inadvertently going too far, not worried about not going far enough. I don't know what to say about the much younger aspect. If I had multiple spanking partners, they would all have to be age appropriate for me. I could never date a gal that's around the same age or younger than my daughter. It would be creepy. But that's just me. I have chatted with many spankos where the age disparity enhances the experience, role-playing the older-wiser-mentor-authority figure and the young-mentee-subordunate. Also, if she is somebody you like, you might take the opportunity to coach her a bit, to the extent she is receptive, on her approach with other spankos. You know that she's in good hands with you (I'm assuming you are safe and responsible). But submitting to a no-holds-barred session with an unfamiliar ER is not a good idea. But it's her life, and that's not a choice you can make for her.
  20. Hey BrittyH: I keep having ideas pop into my head on this funishment topic. As I mentioned earlier, my wife and I like to give the funishment some substance and authenticity by making it about actual mild misbehavior. At this point, my wife and I have something of a protocol for funishment, and it always starts with me (or she) saying "babe, I have a bone to pick with you" followed by the particular complaint and some scolding. During spanking, we continue to scold and remind what the spanking is about. For those of you that role-play spanking discipline with your partner, what does your dialogue entail? We always include sexual stimulation as part of the funishment so that we are both very aroused before, during, and after the spanking. I don't expect that you would want to do that for actual discipline, and my wife and I don't do that for DD. The sexual arousal and the heavy load of endorphins that come with it turn the pain into a pleasure. But, I was wondering if that is typical of other couples here. The tone of a funishment session is always sexy and erotic, or at least teasing and playful, and most of all, fun. Whereas actual disciplinary spanking administered properly is really pretty grim, serious, and no fun at all. I feel that, if you are finding the spanking session exciting, amusing, stimulating, or erotic, you really aren't doing disciplinary spanking or domestic discipline. Another thing I find is that all of the spanking we do, be it erotic, playful, or disciplinary, has this element of dominance and submission. When I am spanking my wife, for whatever reason, be it for fun or discipline, I'm in dom mode, and she is in sub mode. Likewise opposite if the roles are reversed. The dom/sub thing is almost like it's own parallel psychological and emotional headspace. That's another question for the spanko couples here: Are there elements of dominance and submission in any or all of your spanking activities?
  21. The more harmless variety of that sort of behavior is the big fish that got away story. Most of us, especially those of us who fish regularly, know to take such tales with a grain of salt, as probably an exaggeration, or even a total fabrication. The moderators can only do so much, so the folks here should try to use their own judgment and not be so credulous.
  22. We just call each other nick names like "babe" or "honey" most of the time, spanking or not. I prefer funishment spanking my wife under her real identity for actual bad behavior. Likewise for her with respect to me.
  23. I run the risk of hijacking this funishment thread. One thing is for sure: Disciplinary spanking and domestic discipline are definitely not funishment and deserve their own topic thread.
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