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Rand E

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Everything posted by Rand E

  1. Good thing you mentioned it. I don't have settings to prevent receiving PMs. Looks like my SN mailbox was full. I cleared out some old messages. I had just let them pile up for years.
  2. My wife and I are switches, so I'm going to put on my ER hat to express my opinion, but my answer is also informed to a large extent by the fact that I am sometimes the EE. To me, ER/EE or Top/Bottom simply refers to the physical act. It's as simple as who is spanking whom. Dominance and submission in their trivial sense can also refer to the physical act of administering a spanking or submitting to it, but that's not usually what I think of when I hear those terms. There is far more to dominance and submission than the question of who is ER/EE or top/bottom. I would say that, except for straight erotic spanking and spanking games or horse-play, the dominance and submission aspects of the relationship tend to determine who is ER or EE, not the other way round. As I assume is the case in many marriages (as in mine) or long-term relationships, or perhaps even in many short-term relationships, there is a bit of a power struggle for dominance and control and grudging submission when called for. Lots of negotiation, horse-trading, and give-and-take. The spanking activities are just a part of that. It also occurs to me that in situations of topping from the bottom, it's actually the sub who is ER and dom who is EE, in which case, the dom/sub and top/bottom aspects are separate questions altogether. I am somewhat more the dominant in my marriage, but I don't have to top from the bottom with my wife. She is perfectly capable of straightening me out all on her own initiative when I get out of line.
  3. When you are chatting with folks and you are both anonymous participants, I would just keep my guard up. I have chatted anonymously with both guys and gals (and non-binary for all I know) on this and other sites, but it's always kind of clinical, along the lines of what they do in their relationships or marriages, and what I do in mine, so nothing is ever said that would result in the unpleasant yuck factor of finding out that I was cat-fished. But before you try to connect with anybody to have any sort of relationship, even if it's entirely on-line, do some more verification, such as a phone call or better yet a video chat.
  4. From reading the literature on the topic, it sounds like there are lots of folks that are interested in spanking to varying degrees. A sizable fraction of the population, so it's a huge number in fact. I remember from many years ago when I was dating, a lot of gals were up for a sexy playful spanking, but the question was always how far they wanted to go, and how that interest might grow with time and practice. I believe that a spanking fetish is hard-wired to some extent, but I don't subscribe to the notion of a strict spanko vs. vanilla dichotomy, nor to the notion that people can't change and develop. My wife is way more of a spanko than when we first met. And actually, me too as well. So, like a lot of other things in life, if there is potential to cultivate and develop that interest, I would say it's worth a try. Not to mention, there are lots of things to try before you give up.
  5. What you say makes sense. Since my wife and I are both switches, it's a bit of a different dynamic for us. Even though we may have different preferences as to which implements we prefer to be spanked with, we both want to know how all of them feel.
  6. Yes. Always try it on myself first. My wife and I also usually do a session together with any new implement that is intended to help us get familiar with it. I call those calibration sessions "spanking clinic" where we take turns whacking each other and taking notes. Actually, it's a lot of fun.
  7. My new favorite: London Tanners leather strap. Although, I'm would still have to keep my leather belt, because I need to keep my pants up.
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