It’s been over a year since this was originally posted so who knows if this conversation is relevant anymore, but I wanted to second this comment. I love being spanked, I love pain (obviously to a point). But I also have self-harmed in the past, and that pain was different. To keep the two separate I make sure that I don’t seek out spankings when I am in that kind of self-destructive headspace.
I think of it like drinking alcohol. I’m a big social drinker, but if I’m truly depressed I won’t drink because I don’t want it to ever become a dependency. Make sense?
Final note to the OP/others who may read this and are thinking of using spankings as a means to deal with mental health issues: Just be sure you don’t think of said spankings as “punishment” in this scenario. It’s not your fault that you’re having bad thoughts, or feel sad, or are pulling your hair, or whatever. You don’t deserve to be punished for that.
Everybody’s mental health is their own journey; what works for some won’t work for others, what’s toxic for some is heaven sent to others. Good luck!