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Aurore last won the day on July 28 2018

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  1. This is a great thread. It touches the subject that puzzled me the most when I joined this website in my quest for deeper understanding. And I am not the best person to comment on it, because I got drawn into spanking by a spanko boyfriend, not inner need. But as much as I can go along because I care very much about him, I can’t really understand the attraction to spanking without the emotional bond. At the same time, I respect all the point of views expressed in the thread, because I find them sincere and at the end that is the most important thing, try to find happiness while acknowledging who we are. So to all those who experience spanking with someone they love, I hope it leads them to a deeper emotional bond (that is what it does to me) and to all those who crave it even if it is disconnected from a loving, romantic relationship, I just want to say be safe, find happiness and satisfaction you deserve, and respect your own boundaries. My best to all :)
  2. I can't agree more. Between spankees who think they can take anything and others who are just trying to please their partners, there is a wide range of motivations, to which one needs to factor in personal limits. Even if it meant as discipline, there must be a thill for the spankee, a feeling of being desired that subsides to and is not shattered by the spanking.
  3. this is new to me too, i didn't realize there was a label for male or female led relationship that was distinct from a DD relationship. I don't quite understand the fine line between a DD relationship led by a man and a man led relationship for example, but in your case SpankoMook it does not appear that you are in a FLR since you both have equal say on disciplining the other. An interesting concept BTW. So I would say you are in a DD relationship.
  4. Thank you Poison’s! I used the safe word again this weekend… I am still trying to figure out how much of a part in my life the discipline moments can be for me to have the right balance romantically. Sometimes my determination about how much dd I can have in my relationship is not quite the same when i think about it the next day, or even an hour later for that matter. After talking it through yesterday we agreed to do this every other week, so I have time to mentally prepare. He likes discipline spankings to be spontaneous but I will have a say in deferring to the next bi-weekly session if i am not ready. I think this is a work in progress. Without reading posts about others who feel some of these practices are just a natural part of their life, I don’t think I would have gone that far. I am still not sure how far I am ready to go, but at least I believe deep down that on the long run we should be able to meet somewhere in the middle in a way that feels truly satisfying for both of us. Thank you for the kind comments, and have a great start of the week
  5. Thank you Jane Along with the ones from those few others kind enough to post after me, your posts have been very inspiring to me. Even if we have a motivation that is not exactly the same, there is probably common ground than differences by and large, and I don't think I could have been as open minded as I have over the last few weeks without reading them. Cheers...! Aurore
  6. One of the first things that truly amazed me about spanking in general as I started reading about it, is how varied the different varieties could be. How if you are attracted to one, other aspects seem very foreign, yet to the casual observer, it is all about the same kink. I am not a spanko myself so I don't have the never-ending contradiction about not feeling deterred by something that is supposed to be punishment. When I get spanked I think my first motivation is to please my boyfriend, I am more and more acutely aware that this act fuels his confidence as a man not just his libido, it is like a fundamental need. I read too many posts about how bad people who have this need feel when they can’t fulfill it. I want to give him that. So in terms of headspace I think a good portion of my thoughts revolve around “is there another way”. Something that would give him the same satisfaction. And I have now read enough about spankos including and especially on this site to know that there isn’t really - but still i will intently think about it every time. This feeling kind of takes over the resentment feeling for me, because I have already accepted that is how he is, so I am not really angry in a true sense for him being himself in those moments. A second category is contrition.This one varies based on how my boyfriend ties a particular ‘offense' to ‘punishment’, there is definitely some occurrences that feel deeper, but I recognize he has a skill for finding a good purpose, and I am naturally hard on myself, so I think he feeds on that. The other feelings I have I’ll group in a third category, they are all related to the specifics of the position I am in and the pain: shame, can I get trough the pain. These fade quickly when it is all over, while the first two categories can be more resilient.
  7. sorry for reviving this thread, it took me some time to be in the right mood to write again. I find it hard to write about spanking even though it helps me when I do, because I tend to feel a little differently about what I have written every time I pick up from where I left off. A few days ago I got my first spanking with an instrument, the bath brush. I was so apprehensive there was nothing appealing or sexy even in a passive way. He gave me a few easy strokes at first to get me used to the feel, and I thought I was okay, but once he started to use it harder, I had an uncontrollable urge to buck. I kicked and screamed for a few seconds, and abruptly let the safeword escape from my lips, without even thinking about doing it. My boyfriend, M., was very undestanding, he held me close, tenderly inquired if I was okay. I was a little lost between the relief of the spanking being over and leaving him short changed. M. insisted the main thing he wanted was for me to be comfortable, that we would talk more the next day about where we go from here but for now we would just enjoy the rest of the evening together and relax. I was fine with that because I wanted to take some time to collect my thoughts. The next day I woke up relaxed, without any of the apprehension I had felt the evening before; on the contrary I found myself feeling very bad for interrupting the spanking the day before. A part of it might be that the reason for the spanking was that I had met my ex-boyfriend for lunch (he had some issues he wanted to talk to me about it and felt a little depressed), and I I had kept it hidden from M. I had even lied about what I had done that day to cover it up, and I felt terrible about it because there was nothing romantic about the lunch, and I should have been upfront. So, after breakfast I found myself telling M. that I felt comfortable resuming the spanking if he was still intent on it. I felt he hadn’t really seen that coming (at least so early in the morning), he smiled openly, hugged me and said it meant the world to him. This time he sent me to the corner to start, and left me in timeout for the longest time i ever had to wait there, well over 20 minutes. He then called me over an asked me if I was still willing to go through with it. I confirmed that I was, and he still asked me a few questions to make sure I meant it. Then he used the same MO as the day before, starting with lighter strokes, but when it came to the harder part i was decided to accept the spanking, one stroke at a time. I think aside from one or two occasional very hard strokes he was holding back a little for this time, but it didn’t really feel lighter than it did the evening before. After a minute or two it felt like I was getting used to the pace, that I could really go on with this. I never felt the urge to stop, even though the bath brush was definitely more intense and less forgiving then what I was used to before (it’s always been his hand). It felt like using the safe word the day before had built my tolerance (both physical and mental) up. I didn’t even cry even though I almost always do when he uses his hand. I wonder how others feel about safewords. I have read posts about spankees who don’t have one. I don't think I could go through a spanking without one, but I am still not sure what it does to the dynamic if the submissive partner uses it, especially if it happens more than once. There is a mental attitude on my part that can help me with the discomfort and the pain, and that is part of the equation too. In my case, the same intensity (or at least it seemed that it was) spanking made me want to use it one day, and not the next. The urge is very subjective. The only thing I know for sure is that I wouldn't want not having one. And that it felt good that M. was totally understanding when I used it.
  8. Thank you for sharing; it looks like you had a great weekend... and how romantic to spend the night when you had planned to drive back the same day
  9. Hello and thank you for the kind note! I am not sure how to rate my level of embrace of the lifestyle is at this time, it is still too new in my life but I admit I have not run away from it, so I am at a very minimum curious. I am someone who lets the man to take the lead as long as he is respectful and shows he cares for the woman. I am the person who is fine with anything when we talk about what are we going do next weekend, for example. So a part of me maybe was naturally inclined to initially give it a try because it meant something to him and I enjoy pleasing him, while another part was telling me there are several red flags here, you have to put your foot down. I think a combination of finding the right opportunity and finding the right words to put my concerns at ease allowed him to get me through that first spanking. From that point on there was a precedent, my worst fears hadn't materialized, if anything he was being especially nice to me... so it wasn’t so bad after all beyond the actual spanking which was hard for a first. And an element of danger can be attractive too. Still, the humiliation of being sent naked facing the wall for several minutes before going over his knee, that was a massive hurdle for me, it felt so unromantic. The research I did helped me see that it was not meant to put me down, it had an erotic element for him even though i certainly cannot confine the experience to sexual play because he does mean the discipline. One thing he told me is that discipline has to be real for him not role-played, and that me not being born a ‘spanko’ if anything enhanced that feeling for him, but also gave him a greater responsibility to keep things within my limits. Still, knowing that he doesn't have a dark motive makes me feel sexier now during a scene than it did the first time. I think ultimately the fact this dynamic plays on different levels is a major part of the fascination for those who are born with this interest, and I can’t help finding this very interesting too. I am quite moved by the fact that he trusted me enough to share something so important to him, and that being able to live his fantasy/need makes him very happy and confident with himself. I even like the fact that he tells me I am a nicer girlfriend to him now that I am ‘being held accountable’… So I think it has evolved into something more than just tolerating it to make him happy, maybe not quite something i need for itself at this point, but something that I am starting to accept and recognize as a positive aspect of my relationship. I can only conceive it as it relates to him though, it has not become an independent concept I fantasize about outside my relationship. Some other aspects of our version of dd I even find quite romantic, like that he wants me to text him when i get to my destination, or ask him for permission before I make plans for certain things, it makes me feel looked after as opposed to tightly controlled. And it if funny that you mention feeling relaxed, after the spanking is all over it does bring a very very deep feeling of relaxation…:) Have a great day in Italy (I want so bad to go there one day...!)
  10. Aw I’ll be sure to share this with him…
  11. ahah I am still upset at myself for even owning that bath brush. That is the one I am the most apprehensive about. It doesn't seem to have been built with planned obsolecence in mind...more to last a lifetime. When we started discussing implements, he proposed to pick something that was more a household sort of item to fit the domestic theme, and that we would both ‘contribute’ one personal item to the cause… I did my best to pretend I had forgotten about the brush and insisted on a soft bathrobe belt, eventually I had to admit the brush was the only ‘decent’ potential instrument I owned. I remember even before we discussed spanking he mentioned how nice the bath brush looked, and I said what, it’s just a bath brush… You're right… it needs to be broken somehow…
  12. Thank you Poison’s for the input on the longer you wait, the more you feel the next one… so it’s kind of damn if you do and damn if you don’t… I enjoy showing him I can make him happy by following his rules as much as he enjoys spanking, I think, so we’ll see how long it lasts… And thanks for saying he would ease into things. I can see now from his perspective it is probably more a step vs. than an abrupt change, it is something that I probably wouldn’t have gone for the first time and he must have sensed that. Can I ask you, when you have been in a relationship that includes spanking for discipline for sometime, if you know you are going to be spanked are you still apprehensive of what is to come in a primal way, or does it become more like a ritual that is less intense maybe than it use to be?
  13. Since my boyfriend started spanking me four months ago, there has been a handful spankings, always with his hand. A few days ago he said that to maintain the disciplinary tone of the spankings and not get into something routine and predictable, he wants to start using implements besides his hand. We agreed on his belt and my (what was I thinking when I bought it …) bamboo bath brush. I admit the spankings with the hand are a little easier to handle now than the first time, the pain itself is not intolerable, it is the corner time that is in fact the hardest to ease into, especially when he want it before the spanking. I am wondering how much of a jump it is to go from the hand to the belt or the brush. Is it a totally different experience from a severity perspective, is it more intense emotionally. I do have a safe word so that is a big reassurance, but as much as possible I want to prepare myself beforehand if I can so I don’t have to use it. I don’t want to disappoint him. We negotiated the belt and the brush, but I don't know which one he will use because he wants to keep me guessing… Also, it may be a while before the next spanking because i have been making a very conscious effort to not earn one…
  14. This is interesting. I never was thinking of spanking until my boyfriend introduced it a few months ago. He likes discipline spanking so he doesn't spank me in a directly sexual way, but yet it seems these spankings always lead to something very strong not necessarily immediately aftrwards but by the time the evening is over. I don't fantasize about it the act itself, but I do enjoy more than a little bit how I have 110% of his attention once spanking is on his mind
  15. No, I don't think I could spank him. I would say an apology or a gift would be what is most likely to move me and be meaningful to me. It's all very recent for me, I would like to be six months older to see if I still feel the same way, but at this point I can't deny that the introduction of spanking in the relationship has gone hand in hand with an evolution in the way he behaves towards me. He really is more caring overall, like this was something important at the core to him, and he wants to show me he is grateful that I submit to it.
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