StrictGent

That's tough, believe me I know. Have you tried talking to her about getting spanked outside the marriage? You may be surprised... If she says no, then only you can decide. Personally, I do think it would be unethical but I'm sure as heck not going to sit in judgment. After all, you're the one that has to live with your decision. All I can say is, good luck and I hope you can do this with your wife's blessing.

Without meaning to be overly dismissive of the question, do you really think there is a yes or no answer? Or are you wanting to find out what different people do? Because the obvious answer is, "It depends." Does the spankee want a hug? Does the spanker want to give one? This is the kind of thing, aka "aftercare," that should be figured out in advance.

Same thing as me - NOT getting spanked!

AG is right, pretty much, in that (imo) a spanker should be able to read their partner's body language and adjust accordingly. But there will be instances where either spanker or spankee are inexperienced, overly vocal, underly (?!) vocal, or otherwise not in synch enough to make sure all' well all the time. In my 30 years of playing I've never deployed a safeword, as spanker or spankee, but just knowing one is in place is an emotional safety blanket.

They most certainly do exist. They are the rarest breed, for sure, but if you engage with the spanking community you will find them. Also, you might want to think about hiring a professional disciplinarian, there are some great ones out there who will give you a wonderful first spanking.

I agree with Chawsee, I think a safeword is absolutely essential until two people know each other extremely well. I would even argue that a safeword is far more freeing than it is restrictive -- one of the things that is a part of my -ee side is trying to get out of or stop a spanking. I'm incredibly good at delaying or reducing a spanking by talking my way out of it. Or, during, by having my spanker feel sorry for me and lighten up (why am I admitting this??!!!). What I really and truly want is for my spanker to leg-lock me and spank me until I'm breathless, to ignore my pleas for her to stop, to spank me past the point where I'm trying to control what's happening and into the place where I'm accepting it. If there's a safeword in place, we can achieve that because my pleas of No! and Stop! and That's enough! are meaningless. They are mere markers on the road to where I need to be. Without a safeword, my spanker doesn't know this and might (and has in the past) interpret these as reasons to lighten up, or even stop. And we can't have that, now, can we?!

Chawsee, congrats on being such a good friend - to both of them! I think this is a fascinating position to be in, an opportunity but also a daunting one. I see two obstacles that you and she will need to overcome (all this assumes he's a spanko). First, the normal vanilla hesitation and concern. Vanillas, in my experience, always want to know WHY we're spankos. To understand and to participate they need an explanation. The only ones who've been able to actually spank or be spanked, and get something out of it, have been able to accept that there's no answer to the "why" question. So I think for this, you can just say to her: "I know you want to know why. I want to know why, and so does he, but there's no way to know. It just is, and we just are. It doesn't change anything about us that you know and love, it's something extra." Second, the religious aspect. In this case, that appears to be the "woman submissive to the man" issue. LOL, I guess if she really believes that he can instruct her to discipline him, and she'll have to obey! Seriously, though, I don't know how you get around or address this. Maybe something like, "You religion indicates you must do all you can to please and support your spouse, even when it's not something you actively want to do. This is one of those things." That doesn't strike me as a very healthy approach, it's more like coercion than consent. Hopefully someone else will have better thoughts on this... Please do keep us informed, this is super interesting to me.

We would LOVE to see this!

You're probably right, Jon. But I get fed up with dumb stuff and have to vent occasionally. I also worry someone young and new might come here and see that stuff posted without challenge, and then have doubts about their sexuality and spanking needs.

What you wrote makes it look like you think F/m is weird or abnormal. If that' not correct, I'd be delighted to hear I misinterpreted your statement. If you DO feel like that, well, I guess I'd like to know that, too.

*sigh... do I really have to get on my high horse again?! I feel like I'm doing a lot of scolding lately, and not in a fun way! But... and maybe I'm not reading this right... for a member of the spanking community to label any variation of spanking as "weird" because they're not into it is not cool. Look, maybe F/m doesn't compute for YOU, and that's fine. Ain't no one forcing you to engage in it. But to come here as a spanko and call me "weird" and "abnormal" because I like to go over a strong woman's knee is insulting. And wrong. Just stop it.

I do wonder what people had in mind when they rated spanking - a gentle slap or two on the butt before/during sex? As you suggest, Kce, I wonder whether this would be the view of spanking if it counted a severe punishment strapping or caning... I suspect not. That said, it is somewhat encouraging. If anyone accidentally outs themselves, or god forbid someone else does it through malice, this chart suggests the information would be met with more of a shrug than anything. Thanks for posting it.

Cavs, it's all pretend role play. As it should be. I wish people would stop asking if this is OK, and others would stop encouraging. Trying to pull family members into your kink when it's not theirs isn't OK. There are a lot of consenting adults, including professionals, who will role play your mommy or aunt very convincingly and, it seems to me, if you want to experience a parental spanking badly enough to risk destroying a real relationship, then you can shell out a couple hundred bucks for a pro.

I was also curious about the reference you almost let slip... I've not found myself in this situation. At work I never mention it in any form, not even jokingly, because things are so strict nowadays about sexual harassment. Plus, I don't want to be known as the guy who's always mentioning spanking. I think outside of work I could easily let slip -- I don't have any friends (I don't think) who would be instantly offended. I wouldn't want to out myself, of course, but an idle slip of the tongue could be turned into a joke with no harm done. I think.

 This makes for interesting reading but I think the analysis has the same fatal flaw that always accompanies an attempt to categorize people: human beings are rarely one thing or the other. I think you undermine your own position, or perhaps sum up mine, by presenting two incompatible theories: you first say, "there are two major and very different types of spanko" and then later acknowledge that "these are not either/or" categories. I don't think you can have it both ways. Additional evidence of a flawed theory: I am both. Don't get me wrong, I'm not attacking you or blaming you for wanting to analyze and understand spanking the spanking fetish. I sure wish I could break it all down and get a handle on it. But to categorize the fetish is to try to categorize people, and I've been around long enough to know that's a fool's errand. Then again, maybe I'm the fool... I'm always open to being told so.