sassylittle
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Posts posted by sassylittle
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Just now, NewEr said:
Indeed from dishes to sweeping mopping, dusting, cleaning the bathroom. Not saying I don’t motivate him a bit, but yeah he does quite well. Lots of woman seem to fail to capitalize on a bit of FLR.
Believe me if I signed up for a FLR, I'd make sure that I was capitalising on it? You are a very smart woman and it sounds like you have this made?
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1 minute ago, NewEr said:
Well where there is a will there is a way, and besides I really do not care to do it. Honestly if my husband wants to do it because it makes me happy, who am I to argue.
You actually have him do all the household chores? Most women can't manage to get them to do 10% and maybe 0.000000001% isn't a shit job. I'm really warming up to this FLR stuff?
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3 minutes ago, NewEr said:
Well I do call his paddle the Lesson Planner.
???. Good on you for finding a way. You are a beacon for the FLR.
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1 minute ago, TimidMouse said:
wow I admire the communication there with your temp dom @sassylittleI like the journaling, I do it myself to process a lot but it's nice that you guys share it and talk about it. I'm laughing because I haven't had healthy friendship support either ? I am usually the friend who is the support and when I'm struggling it dies. What is support? lmao I am the support. I think friendship support would be just as helpful, since I am just lacking in support all around lol withholding support was definitely not what I needed.
I hear you. I tend to be the person everyone goes to and in the past I haven't had a whole lot of support. We are our support but it's nice to have people who are there for you. The journaling has been amazing and I'm lucky that I have a thoughtful Dom, who puts in the effort. If I can find one so can you. They are out there but you might have to weed through some shit ones first ?
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1 minute ago, NewEr said:
Guess mine must be the unicorn he actually does a good job at it. Of course knowing he will be having an appointment if he doesn’t might help as well.
You must provide him better lessons then. If anyone needs husband house training advice, you are the woman to go to?
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5 minutes ago, Spankingmyhuby said:
But men just are not the best in these area.
You are telling me! I still can't work out whether they do such a shit job, in the hopes that you won't ask them to do it again or whether they are just naturally inept?
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21 minutes ago, Spankingmyhuby said:
After he is done cleaning at the end of the day I will inspect his work. I am usually out with my girlfriend shopping or doing something else on Saturday. I come back and inspect his work in front of my girlfriend. But with covid I am home more on Saturday. This also includes errands he runs for me and also the laundry. I probably average spanking him for(errands,laundry,cleaning) failure 1 or 2 times a month.
Covid hasn't exactly done anyone's social life any good! If a wife sends her husband to a Dominatrix sounds like she's going to have to send him out to get a 2nd job, if they can only manage to do a good job for one week? Sounds like you need to make the lesson more memorable... i'd have hoped it would have worked for at least a few months?
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@TimidMouseI empathise cause I'm pretty much the same. I don't need some-one to micromanage my life because I've always managed it on my own. I know you are probably not ready for it yet but how about a spanking friend and not so much a mentor? Some-one who will spank you and give you the sort of support a good friend would?
I don't have a Daddy right now but I have a temp Dom. He is not my mentor and it's not really DD based. I have no rules and he's basically a really good friend. We support each other. The only thing that he's implemented is that I keep a journal, of sorts, for him. He wants to avoid any misunderstandings and know when there's a problem. He wants to know if he does something to upset me but also the good things that he does. He says that it will help with the trust because I'll know he won't disappear if I raise any issues. He also said if he doesn't know that something's bothering me that he can't change it. Also, knowing what things are good and what I particularly liked or didn't like helps him know what to do more of and what to avoid. I have to send it to him once a week then we discuss it. It's working really well and something like that might help you, if you do this again. Don't give up because of one bad experience, just be more careful who you get involved with next time... maybe set up a 6 month trial period... knowing it's temp unless it works well, will help you avoid getting to attached until he has proven himself?
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1 minute ago, Spankingmyhuby said:
Well no dominatrix needed here. Yes Saturday is cleaning day for my husband and I do inspect his work to see if it meets my standards and whether correction is needed later.
So if his cleaning isn't up to your standards he gets spanked and then you send him back until it is? How much of his cleaning is up to your standards? Like, do you have to spank every week or does he manage to do a good job for a few months, until he needs a reminder again?
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Do they do chores perfectly if you spank them? I suppose if you aren't a spanking wife, regular trips to a Dominatrix would be an alternative?
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No need to be ashamed but work colleague relationships should be a "no go." I have never had one and never would. It would be so awkward having to work with an ex. Being kind does work but only if you don't become a doormat. Don't let life make you jaded... the world needs more kind and genuine people. You've just fallen in love with the wrong person, that doesn't mean that there isn't the right person out there. We are all freaks, in our own way, and you just need to find your fellow freaks. Don't give up or become hard and jaded.
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1 minute ago, DaChief said:
The disturbing behavior and her being winded at the top of the hill were separate things; one physical the other mental/emotional. I've heard of borderline personality disorder, but all I know about it is that it's difficult to diagnose or treat.
I'm still thinking she knew she had something physical going on that she wasn't telling me about and that's what triggered the outburst when she saw the hill. That's how it felt when I was in the situation anyway.I can't say definitively what the cause was but I can say with certainty, that you would know if she was manic straight off. She would have had pressure of speech and spoke very fast and excitedly. She would have been most likely dressed in a seductive or flamboyant manner too. I had a Bi-polar friend and you knew he was about to get detained, when he started wearing brightly coloured clothing! The next step he would be walking for hours naked; picked up by the police and sectioned for treatment. Usually Bi-polar people follow a similar pattern in all episodes. Not all are aggressive, some just overly happy and reckless. Manic people can walk for miles and wouldn't see anything as a no go! I think that your instincts to the cause are probably more likely.
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1 minute ago, FLRspanker said:
Refreshing to hear things can be done differently versus the all too often, there can only be one way attitude. Not to derail a topic, but you mentioned BDSM I would love to take the opportunity to put my husband in strict bondage for an hour or so. Of course I would be near by.
There isn't one way, just some have that attitude. At the end of the day, it's your relationship and the only thing that matters is your way. I try to give a balanced approach if I answer a forum question but I'm comfortable enough in my own skin and in my own BDSM practices, that I'm doing it the right way for me. If some-one tells you that your way is wrong, then politely agree to disagree and don't let them put doubts into your head.
Enjoy what you are doing and experiment. If he hasn't been put into bondage before an hour might be too long. Try 20 mins the first time and then extend on that in future. Glad to hear that you are near by- if you are using rope you need to make it so that you can release him quickly in the case of an emergency... that's the same for any type of restraints etc. There is a lot of info about that online so I'd suggest researching. You are not likely to find that info on this site thou. Good luck and enjoy?
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3 minutes ago, dmirk said:
The fault is with him - not you.
Maybe nothing is 100% either way in such a relationship, but changing direction like that is beyond unkind. It’s cruel and possibly sadistic.
You rightly feel taken advantage of.
A bit of advice that you can take or leave - as soon as you’re getting a bad vibration or feeling, trust that feeling.
OTOH if you feel like something is heading in a direction that feels right, check yourself. Look deeply and be as sure as you can.
You’re going to make mistakes. We all do. It’s part of the job description of being a human being.
I have a couple of people in here that think I’m a lousy person. I have no idea why. That said, I’ve met about 10 folks here in rl and they think I’m great.
Personally I figure I’m in between (much closer to the nice old guy but a flawed human being, as are we all.
Forgive yourself. Forgive and forget him - not for his sake but for your own. No need to carry that weight.
^^^^ all of this❤️
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18 minutes ago, FLRspanker said:
so really its multi purpose it can apply to a whole range of activities. We are discussing kind of the same thing at our household. He wants to experience something similar. So I am on board. I think we have gone past the need for safe words in a sense that I am paying attention and after years I know his normal reactions. He has expressed the same thoughts if he can stop it then it is in fact play more than anything in his opinion.
It can apply to anything, sex included. If I had a Daddy the sex would be non-consensual too. If he wants it and you agree then go for it. I wouldn't recommend it for novices but like you said, you've been doing this for years.
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18 minutes ago, dmirk said:
That’s essentially it. You consent to being in a situation where you can’t withdraw the consent.
I found in a couple of cases that were absolutely either serious discipline or punishment that they did not want safe words because they didn’t trust themselves to not use them prematurely. They didn’t feel they wanted the spanking as much as needed it.
That's why I said that safe-words and consent are 2 completely different issues. Just because I don't have a safe-word doesn't mean that I didn't consent to it. If a Dom/ER isn't happy with me not having a safe-word then we are not compatible. I need to find a Daddy who is driven just as wild by CNC as I am.
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I'm sorry that happened to you.
I'm not going to get attached to some-one if it's just a temp situation or we play sporadically. For me, attachment happens in deeper spanking relationships and it affects me deeply when they dissolve.
My first Dom passed away after being my Dom for over a decade. I was very attached to him and I grieved the loss. I didn't get involved in any spanking activities for a couple of years. We had an amazing spanking relationship and I struggled with the thought that I'd never get that again.
Most I haven't got attached too. The only other one was my last Daddy and that hurt badly too. He always got pissed when I told him that I missed him ( not angry but you could tell that he was pissed abut it!) and I never understood that because most people would take it as a compliment! I always felt like I was walking on egg-shells... scared to say anything about things that were bothering me because he would run away. So like you I hard a time communicating with him and he never listened when their was a problem, just got passive-aggressive and ran away instead of communicating and dealing with the problem.
Don't see it as a bad thing that you got attached. That's actually a beautiful thing even if your spanker didn't see it as such... most would take it as a compliment so just because he didn't appreciate it doesn't mean that some-one won't.
I couldn't do clinical either, I'm too soft and emotional for that. There's nothing wrong with you for not wanting that. I feel that any long-term spanking relationship shouldn't be clinical... there needs to be trust and a bond. It's a beautiful thing when two people can develop a spanking relationship and grow with each other over time. If some-one doesn't want that then they'd be the wrong fit for me. I think it comes down to compatibility for you too. You weren't compatible for each other's needs but don't think that that makes you incompatible with every ER because it doesn't... it really is just about finding the person who is the right fit for you?
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1 minute ago, FLRspanker said:
Now I am going to have to read up on CNC,. But from how I am reading your statement, your giving consent to be spanked and it is only something that is given to those that earn your trust and demonstrate they have earned it. Thus making Safe Words a non issue and leaving in place the notion that you are in fact being punished for a reason, versus playing games.
That's a good interpretation. I don't only engage in punishment spankings and do other forms of BDSM too. There is just no safe-word as it's supposed to be non-consensual. The consent is given for it to be a non-consensual relationship and of course they have to have earned my trust. It wouldn't be non- consensual if I had a safe-word and therefore would descend into role-play.
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2 minutes ago, AfterGeometry said:
I wouldn't say bi-polar , their mood swings aren't so instantaneous...I would say more like Borderline Personality Disorder or bat-shit crazy.
Yeah, I agree. I know a lot about Bi-polar behaviour and that isn't that. Borderlines can be mistaken for having Bi-polar and I think that was more Borderline behaviour. I take it as an insult to people who do have Bi-polar.
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3 minutes ago, Spanknutt said:
I'm going with bat-shit crazy or maybe bi-polar on this one. I have been around bi-polar before and I understand how quickly those swings in emotion happen. I have heard stories from other ERs in our world (or even vanilla dating) who have run into similar things. Fortunately, it has not happened to me. Yet.
That isn't Bi-polar behaviour. People who suffer from Bi-polar have swings in mood but they take time to happen. In the depressed stage she would not act like that and neither in a hypo-manic stage. Yes, some people who are full-on manic can be aggressive but if she was full-on manic she would have been like that from the start. He would have noticed that she was very high, pressure to talk, inappropriate laughing etc. She would not have appeared normal for 2 miles and then started to act strange later on. Manic people are very easy to spot. Manic people do not wheeze, cough etc.
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7 hours ago, Rand E said:
Expressing my opinion on it, even vigorously advocating for the use of safe words, should not be taken as disrespectful of any contrary views. There is no objective truth to be had on this subject in any case, just different opinions, tastes, and preferences, which, of course, we are all free (or should be free) to express.
I certainly understand the notion of having an over-arching agreement that a couple can consent to BDSM or DD on an on-going basis. But even if your ER intends to respect your limits, do you know that your ER can always know what your limits are under every circumstance without some guidance in the moment? That's the only real purpose safe words have, as a clear and unambiguous means of communication when the need arises.
I agree with you that safe words are definitely not some sort of enforcement mechanism. As you observed, an abuser is not going to stop or back off due to safe words, because the abuser never had any intention of being cooperative in the first place.
I respect your opinion and it's a good approach for new-comers, new spanking relationships, severe health problems and of course anyone who doesn't feel safe without one. I do not agree to CNC straight away. I play with Doms who also don't want a safe-word. On the first spanking meet I will tell them they can only hand spank me. That serves two purposes ...1) whether they stick to that which shows me that they are trustworthy and 2) they could hand spank me all day and never meet my pain tolerance ( their hand's going to wear out a lot quicker than my bottom!) A hand spanking to me is an average spankos equivalent of being spanked with a feather!
For me, having a safe-word whilst in a CNC relationship would turn it into role-play. The whole idea of CNC is that I consent to non-consensual spanking and BDSM. That doesn't mean I have no limits just that he's in full control and can do what he wants, to me, as long as he doesn't breach my hard- limits.
This is where communication is important. He needs to know all my hard-limits in advance so that he can stick to them. Also, communication needs to be ongoing... things can change, over time like you said. A good Dom will check in with you, often, during a scene. Again, I can tell whether he has good communication skills whilst testing him during the beginning meets. If he is trustworthy, communicates well and respects my limits then he gets the CNC relationship but only if he meets all those requirements. So just because I don't use safe-words doesn't mean I'm doing it in a reckless way and I'd hope anyone else who isn't using them is just as careful.
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11 minutes ago, DaChief said:
I think you may be on to something with #3. I had the feeling she was projecting something onto to me which was her, not mine. And I still have a sense she was withholding some kind of health issue. That's her right, there's no need for her disclose her health issues to me. But I did give her the option of turning around, which is why I'm at a loss for why this played out the way it did. I gave her a way out before it came to that abrupt change.
I don't see why you would hide asthma or some respiratory problem... they are common conditions. I have asthma and will get wheezy if walking very fast and talking or steep hills but I have no need to hide it and carry a rescue inhaler. If you are a non-smoker and not smoke friendly, i'd guess that's what she could be hiding but I can smell smokers easily enough. Plus, why lie you are going to find out eventually if the relationship moves forward. Also, why keep going? Makes very little sense to me but some people have hidden agendas and if I was you I'd see it as a lucky escape!
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I'm sorry that happened... that sounds like a horrible experience.
I don't have a definitive answer but 3 suggestions come to mind:
1) she's just a bitch playing you for whatever reason.
2) she has serious mental health problems.
3) Some type of anxiety, fear, phobia when she got to the hill part. That would explain her strange reaction but more so her physical responses ie) fight or flight response.
I'd have thought with anxiety she wouldn't have been rude to you but I guess she could have been ashamed and that was her response to cover that.
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8 minutes ago, dmirk said:
Well said.
Thanks, Grand-Daddy?
Failed Dynamic
in Relationships
Posted
I like to think of an ER/ee relationship as being mutually supportive. We help and support each other- I don't like the idea of it being one-sided. If I sign up for a long-term DDlg or D/s relationship, I end up caring deeply for the person and I'd hope that they'd come to me if they needed my support or just some-one to hear them out.