sassylittle
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Posts posted by sassylittle
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I think counting swats or timed spankings, for a punishment spanking, is a cop out and the best Doms don't use them. For example, I'm going to give you x amount of swats or x amount of time, distracts majorly from the spanking! If I was given either for a punishment, I'd be just looking at it like " oh, this is easy, I only have to tolerate this for so long or so many." I certainly wouldn't be learning anything! If I don't know when it would end, then I'd be concentrating more on the lesson that he's trying to teach me.
I have never had a timed spanking but have counted swats. My current Dom sometimes uses counting but they aren't punishment spankings and it's just for his sadistic pleasure, like wise when he decides that I can take more and starts adding to the previous number. 50 becomes 100 and so on. I'm experienced enough to know that he's just doing it to so that he can get off on torturing me... I have learnt one thing... that he's a sadistic S.O.B?
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Not sure exactly... probably over 50. Paddles, canes, sjambok, straps, tawses, some rubber implements.
You kidding me? Is there such a thing as too many? A spanko can never have enough implements. Serious spankos collect implements , like stamp collectors collect stamps... we just have the less boring hobby? You can tell a lot about a spanko by the implements they own.
I have favourite implements, which luckily are the same as my Dom, so they get used a lot more. There are few, in my implement collection, that get rather neglected but that's their fault for not giving me likeable results?
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8 minutes ago, ChicagoLady said:
SassyMissy Checklist:
1. Block this guy so he doesn’t bother you again and your not tempted to contact him. Take control where you can!
2. Dive into SassyMissy Super Self-Care! Whatever that is for you! For me a bubble salt bath, with candles, soft jazz and a glass of champagne.
3. Reclaim your holidays! The holidays associated with pain have to be redefined. Maybe with just friends next time or traveling someplace new!
4. If you know where he lives and parks his car ?, disconnect his brakes. Just Kidding!
Here I go with my bossy self!
Why not burn down his house whilst you are at it?
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44 minutes ago, Spankingmyhuby said:
Well when I give him a maintenance spankings on Sunday's he gets hugged. But until the day comes that I don't have to spank him a grown man across my knee,then he will be treated like a juvenile with no sympathy from me after a punishment spanking.
Like I said, it's not my dynamic and that's between you two. I guess people sign-up for different things and have different expectations. It's good that you are both on the same page.
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6 minutes ago, MrBottoms said:
I have selected to use a particular paddle w/ "holes" when I have asked for an explanation pertaining to a specific incident and found that there were "holes" (deception) presented within such explanation.
I guess things start to add up, the longer that you go on with that paddle?? Talk about the punishment fitting the crime.
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25 minutes ago, Spankingmyhuby said:
I am giving him the punishment spanking that he needs. No the spankee needs are not first , he needs to learn from his mistake. I decide the length and severity of his spanking and he needs to learn and be a better husband. The HoH makes the rules not the other way around.
I'd find that very hard and I certainly wouldn't choose a HOH who didn't think about my after- care needs. Yes, us ee's can mess up at times but I always thought the idea of accepting punishment was so that we could pay our dues and then be forgiven. How hard would it be to give him a hug afterwards and let him know that you forgive him? To tell him that you love him? None of us are infallible and I'm sure that you mess up too. Yes, he shouldn't have any say in the punishment but he is offering you a gift also, by giving you that power over him. I think discipline should be given out of love and that the ER should only punish out of love. If I was treated like that I'd soon feel resentment. It's not anyone else's dynamic and you are free to do it your way. I'm sorry but I just think it's harsh.
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3 minutes ago, Busted4fun said:
My wife spanks me with the belt only while I’m wearing underpants. She says it’s easier for her to keep an eye on the target that way.
It's whatever works for you both. All my spankings have been bare, other than what I consider playful spanks which I've had some degree of clothing on.
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With some people it's not exaggerated but there are variables. Tiny female v's big male ( not big as in massively overweight) the latter is going to be able to swing harder and faster. Fit male v's unfit same as the last. Then you need to add the ee in... if the ee can't withstand a belting like that, the ER is never going to wear out. An unfit ER can wear his arm out with the lightest of ee's. Now, I'm guessing that you are talking about an ER who can give a very hard belting, he's only going to get worn out with an ee who can take more than he can give! Those ee' s are rare but they exist.
If you are thinking about doing that, you need a really experienced ER. The faster and harder the belting, the harder to be accurate! I have had ER's hit my back, wrap the belt around my hips and hit me in between the legs. As you can imagine, at full force that fucking hurts! Even the most experienced ER's mess up occasionally. However, if they keep missing the target area, find a new one! A lot talk a good game but can't deliver so you need to weed those out! Don't let a new ER ever go full force, with you, until they can prove that they have accuracy and their experience at hard-play is for real. I have had ER's who talk a good game but have zero experience at hard play. Also, what one considers hard-play is different to what you consider hard-play so make sure that you are on the same page! Just be careful, if you decide to do this but there are ER's who can play that hard and also ee's who can take it and the right ee can wear them out! The right ER will relish the challenge of taking that ee to their absolute limits?
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8 minutes ago, Spankingmyhuby said:
The reason I brought this up I was discussing with my husband today on prolonging some of his spankings . I wanted to see his reaction.
Oh boy, I am sure that you just made his day? I don't enjoy punishment spankings but the majority of spankings, I get a lot out of them and either enjoy them or get great release. Now, your husband doesn't sound like he ever enjoys them or even has a particularly high pain tolerance so try not to go over-board! I am a great believer of pushing limits, for myself, so maybe push him a little more each time and you never know but you might end up punishing him less. I believe that if some-one is getting properly punished then they shouldn't need punishing more than a few times a year max. Spanking him at other times shouldn't be about punishment so maybe he should get some say in those... like some sort of reward... sex maybe? You need to balance proper punishment with rewards for good behaviour but it's not my dynamic so they are take it or leave it suggestions?
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That depends on who I am doing it with/ done it with. Also the type of spanking. Most of my punishment spankings were with my first Dom and from my ex-husband. Hugs, forgiveness. With my ex-husband after a hug he would tell me that he loved me and then we would just get on with the day! Sometimes he gave me spankings before bed and we would bring me in a cup of cocoa after. With my first Dom, hugs whilst sat on his lap. He'd expect me to eat or drink afterwards and would sit and watch to make sure that I did it. Often we did spankings in the evening and I would stay at his, if there, or vice versa if he was at mine. Sometimes, we'd go out for a meal after. We'd stay up talking sometimes. Sometimes I fell asleep on the sofa and he'd help me to bed and tuck me in... he had a habit of really wearing me out! If during the day, similar situation but without going to bed.
I have played with some Doms and we' ve basically said goodbye and nothing else! Others hugs, lunch, dinner, drinks etc.
Ideally, if I had a Daddy I would like much more than hugs! Obviously if it was a punishment spanking, other activities would confuse things so hugs, forgiveness, being rocked etc.
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Same as @NewEr throughout the day with breaks in between. Not constant spanking for that long... other BDSM activities included as well. As spankee.
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2 minutes ago, bruning charm said:
I don't want to be rude, but it is mostly because I'm male and you're female. I mostly see people looking for Females, And for the people that are looking for either, I see that they want Females more because they say Females are free but Males cost money to be their subs. Honestly, think this thing that people have Findom being a norm is dumb. If someone wants to pay fine, but not a lot of people like that and I've even got shit talked because I refused to pay someone in a discord server when the server wasn't a Findom server. I was a simple Femdom server that had Findom in it but I had the no findom role. Honestly just makes me hate people more and more. I already don't talk to that many people and things like that make it worse.
How do male subs cost money? It's usually women who want to be paid, if they are that way inclined. A lot of male ee's, that I see, seem extremely desperate and will take anyone ( not saying all but look in the forums at their posts.) To be honest, I think that usually puts people off. It's probably pretty easy if a man's willing to except a gay Dom but I think that their desperation probably puts female ER's or switches off. No woman wants a very desperate man! I don't think that makes any difference, as far as which role a female is in. There just aren't many Female Tops or switches so they can afford to be picky. I never realised how many male bottoms there were until I came to online forums... I dread to think what the ratio is of male ee's to female Tops but I'm betting those odds aren't very favourable to male ee's. If anyone asks for money, on this site, report them because it's against the rules. Just don't come across like some of those desperate male ee's because it will go against you. Make your profile enticing and participate in the forums and chat so people know who you are. Try not to become despondent because a lot of male ee's are struggling to find females. I'm sorry that you are struggling, us female ee's usually find it easy to find male ER's but finding a quality one is harder, plus we get messed around too. I know it's not the same but we still have struggles.
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1 minute ago, bruning charm said:
I found so many Fakes that I cry/laugh (mostly Laugh) when I found someone that is also a fake. It hurts when people just want money and try to make you fill bad about not giving them anything. I've been a little sometimes and people have pulled that. It hurts when your in that mindset and people just want to get things from you. That has happened so much that I don't really care about being little anymore. Don't get me wrong though, I would love to be little and be cared for, but with me only finding fakes... I just want to cry in a corner/bed. But, I normally just play games and maybe sometimes look around the internet.
Never had one who wants money from me... maybe cause I'm female? I have a fair number offer to pay me... I find that a bit insulting cause I'm a real person, not some commodity. If I'm in the mood and have spare time, I usually play them back for 5 mins. The majority of the time I'm not in the mood so I just ignore them. The only time it hurts is if you've invested a lot of time in the person. Being little can be hard sometimes and there's a lot of people who seem to want to take advantage and just play us. I don't take any of these Daddies seriously now and just think they are all playing games. Unfortunately, I really hurt one's feelings last week- I thought he was just being a dick and looking back I probably was too harsh and if he ever comes back, I will give him an apology. It's not fair to tar everyone with the same brush but after awhile you just get immune to the nice ones, with good intentions.
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Just now, selfsp12 said:
Thank you @sassylittle. I appreciate you honesty and your replies are always well thought out. For now it works, and I'm going to follow the adage, if it works don't fix it. At least or now. Hopefully things will settle down and then I can go from there.
You are welcome. Have fun!
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1 minute ago, bruning charm said:
We'll see in times. I've been stay on my own for now and right now not really looking for anyone. Though if someone wishes to talk about starting something then I'd be happy to get to know them first. Though for some reason most people just want to jump into something and that's what makes things just fall apart because we don't know each other and limits can be easily crossed.
I'm not actively looking for something either... if it happens, it happens. Most of the men who contact me, want to be my Daddy within 5 mins of chatting to me. Maybe, some people jump in that quick? Personally, I'd rather find out what they are about and if we are going to be compatible first. I think it's a red flag if they want to go that fast. For what it's worth, I think your approach is right. There are so many fakes, fantasists and time-wasters, making them wait will hopefully weed those out.
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1 minute ago, bruning charm said:
It happens sometimes. I've had a Mommy a few times and even a Little at times. However, with no communication and them being busy and me being busy they mostly left. A few times I said it wouldn't work and they understood. It's hard to find people that are welling to talk and set something up with me. I haven't done a Online Discipline session in a few months and I've never been spanked IRL by someone else. Which is what I meant by it doesn't matter what I do.
You are young, just keep trying and you'll find one. It sometimes feels like "it doesn't matter what you do," you try to please them and make them happy but that's often not enough. Just don't lose hope because the right one will appreciate your efforts and want to make you happy too?
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12 minutes ago, bruning charm said:
Depends on the out come really. Being a good boy doesn't do anything for me. Though neither does being bad so it doesn't matter what I do.
Sounds like you are fucked either way? If I had a Daddy I would enjoy being good and pleasing him but might as well take advantage of being an orphan, in the meantime?
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@selfsp12 If it works keep doing it, for now. If you find another stress release avenue, you can re-evaluate then. Just take care of your skin- hot baths and moisturise lots. You do not want leather butt. If you are having a good day, take the day off from spanking. If you get leather butt or damage the nerve endings, then you are going to have to spank a lot harder for the same result.
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2 hours ago, FLRspanker said:
I did not want to be perceived as a person with a one sided relationship, not that there is anything wrong with that if it works for the couple. But Oddly enough we are rather normal with the exception that gets spanked for real on occasion. But like you say it really does not matter. What we have works for us and I am very fortunate.
I wouldn't worry about what anyone else thinks. As long as it's consensual, then it's your dynamic and none of anyone else's business.
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3 hours ago, ukspanko said:
I've been thinking about what I would ideally like from a good spanking relationship and also why I find it so difficult to obtain one.
If I could find the right lady I would love to have a motherly type spanker who could offer me guidance and discipline as needed. Just the thought of a proper ( and painful ) bare bottom hairbrush spanking followed by a forgiving hug is very appealing for me.
On the other hand the desire to have that hug is also embarrassing for me. I'd like to have the courage to let go and be vulnerable but I've built this hard and bitter wall up around me. Not expecting anyone to have the answer - I'm just aware of the the problem.
A lot of us build walls... some bigger than others and some even with a moat around it? The right person will want to climb those walls; help you break them down and find out who you really are beneath all that armour. Us humans are inquisitive and if we find some-one who we like, we want to really get to know them. Just cause you haven't found her yet, doesn't mean that she isn't out there. I read a comment, in your other thread, from some-one telling you why they read your posts and I second that. It's very clear that you are a caring, kind and soft soul, which makes people root for you. I'd love the day, when I sign on and hear that you have found that woman?
@Spankingmyhuby No top does this out of the kindness of his/her heart... they all get something out of it. Some get off on your pain; some need the ego boost, whatever the reason, they are getting as much satisfaction as the bottom. It's not dependent on sex or anything else. I like to think of it as a quid pro quo situation and as long as both partners' needs get met, then both are happy with that arrangement.
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I don't think that you are crazy and you are not the only one.
During my 20's, my life was very stressful, for a multitude of reasons which I'd rather not go deeply into. I craved the pain of a severe spanking constantly and the release was only temporary- like I could be spanked harshly in the morning and want another one in the afternoon. Luckily, I had a Dom who got it- he had his own personal demons and a very stressful Govn management job. He also knew how to beat me soundly! He had concerns because I'd be badly marked and want more. He devised a plan that he would spank me several times a week but it came with conditions. I was very underweight and was prescribed ensure 4 x a day, which he knew that I wasn't drinking. His deal was that every time he spanked me, I had to drink an ensure before the spanking, during and one afterwards and he was to observe that I had done that ( I got caught feeding one to the plants!) Also, if he caned me one time then it was a leather implement the next. He refused to cane me until the cane stripes became only bruising. Any cut skin, in a previous scene, also meant a leather implement. Before anyone thinks that he was a bad Dom, he did this because he knew that I would only go elsewhere if he didn' t and he knew that I'd be reckless about it and put myself in dangerous situations. He only did this because he cared for me.
As you can see you are not the only one... that pain can become a kind of addiction. I'm not like that now and can go for months without ( not by choice!) Also, the things that were stressing me out, have gone. I think that you need to deal with the root cause to curb this a bit ( if you want to.) As long as you are not getting infections or doing any serious damage then in physical terms you are fine. It's the emotional side that you should be more concerned about. Stick with your therapist, she might be able to help with other coping strategies. Mine was only a problem because I got infections and wasn't letting my body repair afterwards. There are definitely unhealthier coping methods: dinking, drugs, Domestic violence etc. You are certainly not insane but if it's causing you physical or emotional problems then you might want to explore that. Just do what you think is right for you and stop labelling yourself?
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1 hour ago, FLRspanker said:
Full disclosure here we do make decisions jointly, but usually if there is some dispute I will make the final call. I still have not figured out if he is really all that submissive or if he just enjoys making me happy? Which really benefits both of us.
What does it matter? if it's consensual and you are both happy, that's all that's important?
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2 minutes ago, Spankingmyhuby said:
You are just kidding aren't you? You could never see yourself administering a spanking I am sure. But their are some real advantages to making all major decisions in a marriage. Having your husband wait on you hand and foot can be extremely pleasing.
For sure I can see the advantages. A male slave, what's not to like but it' s just not me. I'm purely an ee but I respect you both for living and enjoying this life-style. I just have no use for a submissive man- 2 subs together just would never work.
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46 minutes ago, cornertimedanny said:
Shhhh...dang it.....keep it down Ladies.....other Ladies might hear
We are just advertising the benefits of FLR. These 2 are trying to convert me to the good cause?
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Quitting
in Reflection Circle
Posted
I don't really know. I found just walking away does wonders when men take the piss. No man is worth sitting in a jail cell for decades. Can't see them burning down the jail to get us out? Better to teach that we won't tolerate their nonsense and hopefully they will be a better man for the next person... probably wishful thinking?