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candyapplered last won the day on December 10 2018

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  1. Tonight I find myself sitting here with that all too familiar feeling of guilt.  Why do I do things that I know I'll regret? Sometimes it's just easier maybe to give in and not put up a fight, but this only leads to more pain in the end.  Change is scary. To my mind, change seems like a threat, even if it's really in my best interest.  Maybe I don't think I'm strong enough to stick with long term change.  I've tried before and failed. My mind tells me that, but it fails to tell me of the times I've tried and succeeded.  Why is it so easy to remember all the negative things? I can almost word for word remember every insult that's been tossed at me, but vaguely remember the compliments. Maybe standing up to peer pressure for the moment would require some strength, but it would yield long term peace of mind. Being able to live with the person I am would be worth it. Why do I make choices to please other people when I know those choices will hurt me in the end? I'm ready to stop this. I am ready to put my peace of mind above everything else. I want to be proud of the person I am when I lay my head on my pillow each night.  A different choice may initially seem painful but that pain comes from steering myself out of the giant ruts I've created in my life.  The deeper the rut, the harder the turn. What would it be like to be proud of myself and to make those who care about me and who have invested their time in my life proud of me? It's not a familiar feeling, but it's one I am determined to experience.



    1. Jaded


      Can you focus on the small steps to reach your goal, instead of the whole journey to get there?  Be proud of each day, or each step you take towards that goal?   When we are used to hearing negative talk, it’s hard to get past that.  It is possible.  It’s possible to focus on the people who lift you up, and not pull you down.   I’m sure you have a lot of great qualities, and things to be proud of.  Sometimes we just can’t see them, due to situations we are/or have been in.  I wish you the best in reaching your goal.  Change is hard and scary, but change is almost always a good thing once we get past the fear.  Good luck!  

    2. Spanknutt


      I have this same conversation (with someone you know) often. Change is not easy, especially when it requires effort and your motivation is low. But no one else can do it for you - it has to come from you. We talk here a lot about "mentoring" and discipline and such, but still no one can make you do something - you still have to be the one to do it. A good first step is to try to identify the reasons why it is important to you.  Unless you can see the "why" it is difficult to take action. Once you embrace they why, then you need a plan. As mentioned by Jaded, small steps can sometimes break down what might otherwise seem overwhelming into pieces that are easier to act on. And then consistent progress is the key - successes are positive reinforcements and help generate motivation. If you get stuck on something, or just don't feel like doing it on a given day, then work on something else. Accomplishing, or making progress on something else may help with motivation to get back to the thing you are struggling with. 

      Again, it's not easy. Sometimes you have to give yourself a pep-talk. Sometimes it helps to get support from others. Other times you just have to look in the mirror and say "Dammit, I'm going to do this."

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