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About selfsp12

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  1. Two separate lives

    I guess it is my day to respond to older posts. This one resonates for me in a strong way. I also spank myself, quite often. I feel like there is a secret, but very important part of me that I cannot share with anyone, even my wife. A few people, on this site whom I have never meet, are the only people who know this side of me. I have this incredible urge, that I can only, temporarily, assuage is s by spanking myself. I am a normal (I guess) intelligent person with a fairly high stress job, and high stress in other areas with kids in higher education. Often I feel like I need to lose myself, if only for a few minutes in the spanking to get ready for the day. Some days, I look forward to knowing my wife is working late, or I'll be working from home so I have time for a more serious spanking. When I know I'll have time for a longer spanking, or multiple spankings it is a really great thing and something I really look forward to (is that wierd?). I love the feeling of sitting afterwards, with the uncomfortable feeling on my bottom, and knowing I got it from a spanking no matter how it was given. I don't know why I like this, or look forward to it. This site has given me some insights and things to think about, but answers I have to find myself. Strict, that you for starting this thread and putting in words what I think a lot about. Let me just state, I m not an addictive personality in any way; alcohol, drugs, whatever - I don't like those feelings at all. But TTWD I do like, and sometimes wonder if I am addicted to spanking myself. I would do it everyday if I could, but concerns about "leatherbutt" have had me move from hairbrush/bathbrush to a belt the past few weeks. Finally gotten to the point where a self-strapping is satisfying. I don't even know if I'd like a real spanking, even though I crave one. I was never, maybe once, hit as a child. My sister once said she was periodically, sometimes with a belt, but I never remember hearing it. I think some of my desire for the experience may stem from that - but who knows. It's something I have lived with for a long time now, but have nver been able to share in any way. Thank you for listening, and for starting and keeping this site going. It is an island in a ton of junk. The only site I have seen where I feel I can share that secret part of my life with people who can understand. Selfsp
  2. Had my first spanking therapy session today!

    I know this is an older post, but I just saw it. What site is ST? It sounds interesting if it is like this site. A 25 minute spanking. My arm would fall off after 10 minutes working on myself. Thanks.
  3. For spankees: Why do you want to be spanked?

    A very interesting question with a lot of answers. Personally I do not use it as much for discipline. I want a spanking as it makes me feel better. I self spank, but I find days when I can do a quick spanking before work, I am able to focus better and feel better about the day. I think in some way I cannot understand it helps with my anxiety struggles. I guess I can lose myself in the moment. Days when I am alone and can do a longer spanking, I enjoy more. Odd as it may seem.
  4. How much is enough

    @LateBloomer. Happy to, but I hope you're not expecting a quick reply. That question is the min reason I joined this site. SN seems to take th most realistic view of all the complexities of TTWD, without judgment. Personally I'm finding being able to discuss my "deepest secret" in an adult fashion is helpful, and has made me feel less "silly" for liking, craving, a spanking even if I do have to assume both roles.
  5. How much is enough

    I'm new to this forum, but I would appreciate all of your insights. A bit of background. I have been self spanking for many years. My wife is vanilla, and adverse to helping me fill my need for spankings. I periodically try to broach the topic, but I don't push. Bottom line is I have to satisfy my need myself. Since I was "self taught", so to speak, I have no idea how much is enough or too much. Over the past year or so have gotten more serious and actually defined different types of self spankings. Light ones are quick and fast with minor discomfort during or after. Generally, usually 5 times a week, I do maintenance spankings. These usually hurt during and for an hour or so, maybe more afterwards. Maintenance spankings are usually 40-50 on each check, sometimes more, as hard as I can. About once a week I'll do a longer, harder spanking. These are sometimes timed (3-5 minutes), and may be repeated x times about 1-3 minutes apart, or a set number of spanks repeated the same way. I do truly enjoy (if that is the right word) these spankings. My spankings are usually with a hairbrush (plastic - non breakable), bath brush (one of the wood ones with the oval head - not the heavy round headed ones), or a belt. A long hard spanking could be 300-600 spanks over maybe a 1/2 hour period as hard as I can, but my arm does tire closer to the end. These can, sometimes, leave me quite sore for quite awhile afterwards. So my question is, is 100 total spanks too light, too hard for an almost daily maintenance spanking? I really don't know If I may be over doing it. I do get a thickness of the skin on by butt, and lately have used a belt more often so as not to exacerbate that. I prefer the hair or bath brush though, but.... Your thoughts from your experiences self spanking or as ER's or EE's would be helpful. I wish I knew why I like this so much, and desire it so often. This site has given m some insights, but I have to think that through more. Thanks.
  6. Hi all. I've been reading this site for the past month or two. I'm impressed with the realistic view taken on TTWD, and felt this might be the first best, and only place, to admit that I am a self spanker. I have been for many years, but only in the past few years have I gotten more serious about trying to make them effective and satisfying. But more on that in one of the other forum topics.