Handily

I have heard a physiological explanation for this, whose validity I don't claim to be able to assess. It is that when a female anticipates a physical threat she will get moist in order to minimize injury if the assault happens. -H.

I don't want to hijack the thread, but the last comment exposes a deeper divide that we have sometimes discussed. For some people, erotic and disciplinary spankings are to be definitively separated in time as well as in head-space. For such people, presumably the last thing 'ees should be thinking about in the immediate aftermath of a disciplinary spanking is the practicalities of their next sexual encounter. Those people who can make the transition from the one sort of the spanking to the other within a few minutes presumably need to worry about the considerations Explorify mentions. H.

As clarified by your most recent post the idea makes sense. A professional could of course teach you how the 'ee role feels, which is indeed important information for a potential relationship. As to the hypothetical negative impact on some future relationship with a personal partner, this seems of much less weight. One reason is the one you give. Another is that it may never come up. In many decades of a close marriage, my wife has never thought to ask whether I ever visited a pro. H.

As Explorify suggested above - very correctly, I think - there is a powerful psychological control exerted in requiring another person to strip even in a situation where nothing sexual is in the offing. Like him, I will obtain full consent in advance to any degree of nudity that is to happen. But, like him and Danadares, I think the power exchange statement is seriously increased by requiring maximum nudity on the 'ee's part. H.

Of course the accurate answer is “whatever she wants.” Having said that, though, I would add that I do find it gratifying in a roleplay scenario when she has taken the trouble to dress in a role-appropriate way. That both strengthens the bond between us, and helps get my head into the right place. H.

As usual, Chawsee makes a practical and helpful suggestion. This would be a fine way to refine your communications without the frustration that seems to exist currently. H.

Thanks for making the effort to post so promptly. I must say I am sorry that this relationship is so determinedly non-romantic, only because it is obvious that he really understands you at a deep level. H.

IMHO, no it is not messed up of you. As you have seen in various threads, a significant number of us consider it a form of infidelity to go off and get spanked without sharing the fact with our romantic partner, and this is along the same lines. Unfortunately, there is no simple solution here except open communication. You don't want to be in the position of suggesting that she has to make a choice between the 'er and you, but you do want to explain as best as possible that the search for some form of compromise is based on how important it is to you to have her emotionally close to you, rather than a desire to deprive her of a relationship with her 'er. At the end of the day, all you can do is your best. The outcome will be what it will be. Best of luck. H.

Reposting here a note I posted to another thread earlier in the week: Here is how it worked for me in a prior relationship. We lived together and I was HoH. There were erotic spankings. There were disciplinary spankings. Those were severe but rare. Because I was worried about abuse, they only happened when there had been a plain violation of a a clear-cut rule previously agreed upon. Then there were what might be called dominance-reminder spankings. These were her idea but I came to like them. At random times, sometimes several times on the same day, sometimes at intervals a few days apart I would simply say something like: "bring the paddle," or "strip and lie over the end of the couch." Then I would admister a spanking that was enough to cause discomfort but no more than that. The idea was to remind her that I was in charge 24 hours a day and therefore make her less likely to transgress in a way that would lead to more severe consequences. Very rarely, if she felt too much time had passed between a maintencance spanking, she would request one by laying out an implement. I would ask, "what do you need?" and she would tell me, e.g. "I need to lie down on the table and get twelve with the strap," or whatever. In those situations, I would do exactly as requested. H.

Well, at least we can thank Jay for getting you back among us. Some of your fans were unhappy not to see a blog account of your subsequent visit(s) to Victoria and your reunion with Jay. Maybe he should as part of you next session insist that "you share with your forum friends exactly what the consequences of this misbehavior were." H.

Here is how it worked for me in a prior relationship. We lived together and I was HoH. There were erotic spankings. There were disciplinary spankings. Those were severe but rare. Because I was worried about abuse, they only happened when there had been a plain violation of a a clear-cut rule previously agreed upon. Then there were what might be called dominance-reminder spankings. These were her idea but I came to like them. At random times, sometimes several times on the same day, sometimes at intervals a few days apart I would simply say something like: "bring the paddle," or "strip and lie over the end of the couch." Then I would admister a spanking that was enough to cause discomfort but no more than that. The idea was to remind her that I was in charge 24 hours a day and therefore make her less likely to transgress in a way that would lead to more severe consequences. Very rarely, if she felt too much time had passed between a maintencance spanking, she would request one by laying out an implement. I would ask, "what do you need?" and she would tell me, e.g. "I need to lie down on the table and get twelve with the strap," or whatever. In those situations, I would do exactly as requested. H.

I fantasized a long time about going to see her but it didn't happen. Did anyone here actually visit her and care to describe it? H.

With one ex-girlfriend, I had a more ritualized version of the system Explorify describes. She had to pick the next implement, kneel in front of me, hand it up, and say, "Please, sir, continue my punishment with this." In an erotic context, it added a bit of spice. I've never tried it in a non-erotic purely disciplinary situtation, and am inclined to agree with Explorify that it would probably be gratuitous in that context. H.

When you get an erection in a disciplinary context, would you prefer the 'er to: a. Comment negatively and make it cause for further punishment? b. Ignore the whole matter as beneath contempt? c. Other? H.