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SwitchWithMe last won the day on April 3 2020

SwitchWithMe had the most liked content!

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About SwitchWithMe

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  1. You really helped through the analogy to sexual assault. Mousetraps in my head still going off. Yes. This. It is the same with friends who were raped. Not running away or trying to stab the guy being taken as consent. And yes, this is exactly as I saw it! Less about debating the letter of the rules of play. But really getting at consent. Yes. Yes. Yes. When I spank, consent is continually evaluated, continually established and reestablished. Just like sex. If you are connect, you just know what your partner wants and not. Yes. Yes. Yes.
  2. @BramblewineThat was actually more helpful than you could ever know. Thanks. Sadly, I have had to deal with rape in my close circle. Have done a lot of work there. I once peer counseled young men regarding sexual violence. And I helped women in my life heal and get empowered after sexual assault. They did they real work by surviving, healing. This just made a million mouse traps go off in my head. I can see the parallel between abuse like this and rape. I can see the similarities in the responses to this abuse too. My mind is blown. Thanks.
  3. I dunno. I could have spanked her when asked? Instead of declining because I felt it wasn't safe because I didn't know her that well. I wouldnt have hit an unconscious woman. So there's that. I could have gone into the party. Instead of hanging out chatting with someone. If I had gone in I am sure I could have picked up on high weirdness. I could have been more paternal, fraternal, whatever. Really talked to her before hand. I've been spanking since my 20's. The dude who hurt her was like 20 himself? Totally new to this? I'm guessing he was clueless. I guess I could have t
  4. Actually, as I have been processing this on the anniversary of the event (2016).. I am just as to blame as the person who hurt my friend. He couldn’t control himself. I could have prevented it myself. Somehow.
  5. @redzonedefense_FI really can’t not feel culpability here.
  6. @Child of Light I also don’t think one can really consent to something that is either immoral or illegal. I don’t think not saying “red” would be a justification for caving her head in, or bleeding her out. I also don’t think upgrading from a paddle to guillotine would be defended by her not saying “red”. I put playing with an unresponsive in that category of immoral/illegal. Especially if the rules of engagement allow for the withdraw of consent (red). I dunno. It’s a toss up. That’s either me being principled or a cowardly manlet.
  7. @Child of Light To clarify— everyone seems to think I’m outraged by “heavy play” That’s the furthest from the truth. I am outraged by playing with an unresponsive person. I’d like to think I’d be outraged with people having sex with a person they just found unresponsive. I’d also like to think the dental hygienist wouldn’t scrape the teeth of an unresponsive person. That somebody would sell something to an unresponsive person. I somehow think that’s a good position to take. I dunno. Consent? Agency? I dunno. Basic human dignity and concern for safety. I’ve come upon people on th
  8. All she consented to was a green, yellow, red to moderate play. She shut down or had a health crisis. He did what he wanted with her. In enrages me. And I know I am largely culpable. I am basically a piece of shit for letting this happen. I am as bad as the guy who hurt her. He evidently couldn’t stop what happened. I could have with more wisdom. And if that makes me a shitty spanko, I really don’t care anymore.
  9. One of the things I can’t get my mind around is what this spanko thing even means anymore. A woman was injured and traumatized. Maybe my critics in this tragedy are right. Maybe I am just a softy, half a man, a pussy. But that actually means something to me. It doesn’t matter whether she’s a friend or not. Tribe or stranger. She was a human being. Life is hard. Painful. There are joys and pleasures, but no doubt life is hard. As humans we’re also vulnerable. Soft on the outside, crunchy on the inside. I really can’t get my mind around what this spanko thing means, even when we talk a
  10. Had nightmares about my friends spanking injury. Looking forward to time passing so the anniversary is not on my mind.

  11. The loneliest thing about all this— is sharing this story, and from comments, realizing absolutely nobody understands.
  12. I find the anniversary of my friend’s injury depressing. It’s my fault. I don’t think I can do this spanko thing anymore. 

    1. ukspanko


      Or stay and help make the spanko thing a safer place for women where as men we stand up against abusers.


  13. @redzonedefense_FFrom my seats, and the opinion of quite a few mutual (ex) friends— it’s my fault. I should have agreed to play with her. I didn’t, as I didn’t know her that well. Figured it wouldn’t be safe. So I felt relieved when she went to party with people “in the scene”. Then she got beat with a bit on NM cable and shut down. So it’s on me. I wasn’t even AT the party. I hung out with somebody I knew talking as she got wailed on. She was really alone. And that’s on me. Sure. She had agency. But I’m fiercely clannish and loyal. Even with peeps I don’t know that well. I just have to claim
  14. @rubyredd I think one thing I grieve is really miscalibrating so many things. I could have just played with my friend. I decided against it as I didn’t think I’d be a safe and effective spanker, as I didn’t know her that well. But then there is this. What happened. And this was “people in the scene”. This should have been safer than ME. It wasn’t. If the party was my idea, I’d hate myself. It was just a thing that happened. I didn’t send my friend.
  15. I definitely feel responsible. To be honest, I was nowhere near the scene. I was actually outside talking with somebody. The whole thing shakes me. Makes me question this whole spanko thing and my involvement in it. I am verbal, communicative, and playful when playing. I like the psychological and interpersonal part. Just hitting a body is as boring as it gets. It is chilling to me to be that disconnected to not notice one’s partner is non responsive. It is also chilling— I have no idea who was in the room, witnessing the scene. Neither did my friend. Feels like a collective fai
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