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SwitchWithMe

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SwitchWithMe last won the day on May 11

SwitchWithMe had the most liked content!

About SwitchWithMe

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  • Age
    52
  • Location
    Red Hills
  • Gender
    Male
  • Experience
    Regular
  • Role
    Both

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  1. Shared about the suicide of one of my students. Was told to kill myself and join her. I hate this place.

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. SwitchWithMe

      SwitchWithMe

      Well. It says volumes about my place here.

    3. Chawsee

      Chawsee

      @SwitchWithMe- Pardon me for offering unsolicited advice, but you can either choose this victim mentality, or you can stand up for yourself. We teach others how to treat us by what we'll tolerate and what we won't. I'm going through a battle myself right now with someone in my own life, so I'm giving myself this same admonishment. You are stronger than this.

    4. gravano

      gravano

      @SwitchWithMe It’s the same place I have.  I really appreciate your posts. 

  2. Fantastic trip to Indianapolis. Met some new spanko friends. Job interviews. Good times.

    1. rubyredd

      rubyredd

      Did you like it here?

  3. I think you have consistently offered something of value here. It would be good if you stuck around. I am evaluating what to do about my participation here. Not sure yet....
  4. To be honest, I really don’t know. I’m not too worried about it. I am really interested in trauma right now. My girlfriend has PTSD from being kidnapped while traveling abroad. There’s this whole spanking-trauma thing. It’s been a big huge AH HA talking this out. A million things clicking together in my head. I have friends who treat trauma professionally. I want to get with them and really pick their brains. Get some sessions. Learn about what they do. I never thought of them as they aren’t in any kink scene, but they are perfect resources. I am moving towards career #2. So I’m really interested in what they do and how they came to do it. I’d like to really learn about this trauma thing before getting back into this.
  5. @rubyreddSomething I’ve realized is love and caring is not enough. I can have love and caring for a spankee, and still harm them. Despite the communication, dialog, connection. How? By not recognizing the effects of trauma in our play. Maybe “trauma” isn’t even the right term. Stuff. Not understanding stuff. I am learning a lot talking with old spankee friends after this thread. One spankee in particular comes to mind. After a point in a spanking she’d often go passive and tremble. When we had explored this back then, it was her “accepting her punishment”. I have heard that a lot. Seen that. Struggle then accept the punishment. Exploring it through different language now— she said she was having a flat out panic attack. She thought she was going to die. Mind snowed in panic. Talking with her it’s not sure why or how. She doesn’t know why herself. Nothing in our play. Seemingly nothing related to spanko life.
  6. @gravanoThanks for sharing and your personal transparency. You have been a great benefit to me. Others too. I finally have the strength and resolve to just walk away from this spanking thing. Seems weird after all this time. 30+ years. At least for a time. I had been hoping to rebuild a spanking life after my tribe scattered. Maybe spanking is something that I will have only shared with them. Or tribe like them, which will take some time to find. It may be I just can’t do this anymore. At least not as I have in the past. Things change us. I am not sure I want to return to the past. Several kind people have suggested that I have a space in this spanko thing given these concerns, these experiences. Maybe that is true. It may just be that I can’t hurt anyone any more. Not even the smack smack on a bottom which is the foundation of any spanking. I don’t know. Any way. Be well. Thanks again.
  7. In some sense this summarizes my personal crisis of faith. I am not convinced I have that capacity.
  8. Supporting my friend, and a few others, is certainly one of my concerns. But I am really mostly looking forwards. I don’t want to go through this doubt and introspection and keep doing the same old. Some have suggested that perhaps I can bring something positive out of this experience. I can do better for my spanking friends.
  9. I have experience identifying a person’s pain needs. And I would certainly agree that a trauma surfaced and dealt with is a good thing. I also agree that it wouldn’t be a fault if somebody was triggered during a session. When I question is my capacity to recognize this with any certainty. This is so above my pay grade.
  10. A lot of fascinating insights here. As a switch, I do have radically different types of conversations with EE’s and ER’s depending upon how I’m relating to them. As a fellow EE/ER, or as a theoretical spanking mate. It is all new to me as I am used to playing with people I know very well. But I think there really are different categories of needs and concerns for EE’s and ER’s. I have often expressed to others here that my EE side, the rare times it comes up, is a need, why my ER side is more of an interest, a passion. Maybe the non harming re trauma I am interested is less a thing for an ER to figure out with an EE. Maybe it is a thing for an EE openly dialoging for a period of time with very experienced EE’s?
  11. @gravanoOne of the things I found networking for meets here was how severe the expectations of play were. Maybe that is a type of bravado in chat, I don’t know. But I think some of the chats were sincere. Ma’am. If I do that to you— you’ll be in the ER and I’ll be in a small room with a camera talking to police. Beat me daily, as hard as you want, as long as you can. It has been chilling.
  12. @gravanoYou have obviously done a lot of work on this and I do appreciate your transparency and willingness to share. You make an important distinction for me: consent versus informed consent. In a nutshell, that is really what I have been grappling with— for years really. Back to the 1990’s. Making that consent as informed as possible. What that means about the play, and what it means about the relationships I have. How the “informed” part can best occur.
  13. Well, I ‘d say— we actually do a fantastic job, in general, communicating our interests, needs, and so on. Making this all safe and consensual. I have had mostly fun, playfulness, and meaningful psycho-drama with this. No regrets with any of it. It’s been part of many of my most rewarding relationships. Going on 30+ years now. But when it’s bad, it’s been bad. Really bad. Which isn’t a criticism on all the good stuff. Just something to think about. I am just one of the people thinking about this now. Which is fair. No regrets there. I normally would share my thoughts and feelings on this subject, but several people have encouraged me to. The intention isn’t to piss in everyone’s soup. But it seems to be a thing some small number of people a struggling with. Talking with a bunch of people here and in real life, I’m a few turns from getting my mind around it all.
  14. It is like what differentiates what is “legal” from what is “ethical”. The law draws a very big circle. Just so we’re not killing each other, tearing the place up, taking everyone’s toys. What is ethical draws a much smaller circle, and includes things that are not necessarily illegal. Like cheating on one’s spouse. Lying to one’s parents. Not keeping religious obligations one has assumed. I think it’s the same with spanking. The notion that as long as people engage in play that is informed and consensual then there is no problem— that the “law”. We all agree to that so this spanking thing doesn’t become chaos and dangerous. Choices beyond that are really our own unique ethical and aesthetic decisions. They really don’t need to be accepted or understood by others. We all have our own experiences that inform our choices.
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