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SwitchWithMe

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SwitchWithMe last won the day on April 3

SwitchWithMe had the most liked content!

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About SwitchWithMe

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    Advanced Member

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  • Age
    52
  • Location
    The South
  • Gender
    Male
  • Experience
    Regular
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    Both

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  1. Welcome back, SwitchWithMe. We missed you and your insightful posts. Hang around. We need more quality content here. 

    1. SwitchWithMe

      SwitchWithMe

      Thanks. It’s been an interesting journey. Am glad to be back. Hope you are well.

  2. I just feel like I have my brain scrambled from trying to twist and bend it, back and forth, to understand so that I could make amends. Sort of a trauma response in ways.
  3. I think I’ve made a mistake here for a long time. Assuming culpability, when I guess it wasn’t mine to assume. I thought I was taking the high road. Deferring to the wisdom and criticisms of the old timers here. Now I am just sad and worn out. I think I will flee. You are right. This shouldn’t have to be so hard. It has never been IRL. But here I’ve been white knuckling it, just dead lifting. It’s exhausting.
  4. I am just so tired. So tired. Of trying to figure out how to respect every munutiae of everybody's interests here.
  5. Well. I guess I have been wrongly assuming I was in the wrong then.
  6. It seems ironic to me that this is a community about discipline, which has elements of contrition, accountability, rules— and the response to conflicts I have had is always: report them. It is never that I might be the one in the wrong. Even if the language of others might not be acceptable (faggot, freak, etc.), that the fundamental problem might be ME. My posts, my experience of spanking, my views on it. That is why I really never thought there was much point in reporting people. Turning over names and associated PM’s, emails, posts. It is never clear where the blame lies. And that is why I promised not to. Because there is no better way to cause drama than blaming the “real” veterans of the lifestyle and scene when one is in the wrong. This isn’t my first rodeo. I get differences of view and opinion. One can gauge the difference by the rage in this case. If there is no norm being supported on SN— then there are people singing from a different hymnal. Maybe that memo was missed. If nobody can present the hanging offenses I committed, then I have a real dilemma. It might not be a failure on my part, these unfortunate interactions.
  7. I have promised certain people here, that I have respect for, to leave the people who have criticized and attacked me alone. To not report them. I think it is clear that doing so would cause problems. I am trying to take the high road here, and take these attacks at face value. To try to learn from the criticism. And to assume they are right, and that there is a learning opportunity in this. That I have invited this response by breaking the norms of the site with my posts in the forum. So I am trying to be the good guy here. I have repeated asked the staff to help me understand what was wrong with my posts and comments. You want to do something about those who are giving me a hard time. I could care less. I am trying to be fair. To learn from my mistakes. ... so that is the purpose of this post. Are you... anyone... going to help me understand what is wrong with my posts? What unspoken norms were violated? Exactly what was offensive?
  8. Thanks. I am trying to be the good guy here. Take the high road, and be open to whatever thematic problems in my posts have caused these problems. I even promised certain people that I would not report the people giving me problems for the sake of not causing problems for anyone. Instead choosing to reflect and figure out what is wrong with my forum posts/comments. I am just getting very little help in that regard.
  9. I am in need of perspective here. When I think about it, I’ve been involved with spanking for as long as I can remember. Strange really. My whole adult life. I have never had a problem with the people I have interacted with. Sure, there were people who were not good matches. A spanking friendship was not possible. We just moved on. Quite silently, quite without any drama. I’d say the people I played with were teachers. I learned a lot from them. I always figure there is something everyone and anyone can teach me. Which is, I guess, why I am writing this. My experience on SpankingNeeds has been much different. That is not a complaint. I have met some wonderful people here, people I love and enjoy dearly. And I think the site is wonderfully maintained. With great care and devotion. But clearly something is wrong. I am finding myself in conflict again and again. Not because of interpersonal issues. I don’t think I have had one interaction with anyone here that hasn’t be kind and decent at the basic human level. I’d say, as a whole, good and nice people here. Genuine, supportive. At least, not malignant. It is when it comes to spanking philosophy and outlook that I have found myself in conflict with people here. Really from the very beginning. And I would say that is with decent and good people here. People who contribute. Who have a good “rating” on their profiles. People who seem kind by how they relate to others. By how thoughtful they are in their posts. People who have built this community. But they have gone to war with me over what I have posted. Quite violently, threateningly, and intensely. We are talking threats, no uncertain judgement, a world of hate. I am a pedophile for relating my spanking interests to experiences at home. I am a “faggot” and a “pussy” for speaking of friendship, connection. For speaking about not brutalizing. I am a “queer in denial” for being open to spanking with men, even in a non-sexual context. I am speaking “deceptively and manipulatively” for my talk about psychologizing spanking. Really digging into the underlying feelings and motivations. I am a “fake spanker” because I am a switch, especially given my talk about connection, relationship, friendship. That I am lying when I speak of spanking being non-erotic in any context. That I am “deliberately lying to molest people”, use them. All gleaned from my posts the last few weeks. All responded to which a huge amount of anger, rage. Relentlessly. Enough so I would call it harassing and threatening. Certainly annoying. If one can not be open and honest here, then what is the point? Every on line community has a ToS, terms of service, that keep it together. But they also have an unspoken spirt, an ethos, that really defines the soul or personality of the community. For some reason, when I share here, I find myself rubbing the community against the lap of the fur, against be grain of the wood. It is a strange experience here. I have an “excellent” community ranking, 99 on some scale I don’t understand. I am somehow an “advanced member”. Whatever that means. People respond positively to what I cintribute. But I am really scared to death to post anything any more to the forums, to say anything in chat, to PM anyone with common interests. Not because I am a snowflake and I’m weeping into my pillow. It’s just really exhausting. I am tired. Fucking tired. Of everything triggering a couple of people. Not bad people. Really good people. People who have done great kindness to this community. I guess the perspective I’m looking for is— what is so problematic with my approach to spanking/discipline? I have been as brutally honest and forthright as I could. What lines have I crossed? Somehow my approach to this and my experience is transgressive according to SN’s norms— what is it? Is it what I have said (content), or how I have said it (tone)? Is there really a default WoB (way of being) when it comes to spanking that is the norm for SN, and I’m just too dumb of a bastard to get it? I am not twelve. I get that people just had conflicts. But it isn’t one person. It is a couple of people. And it isn’t just these posts. When I first came here, more than a couple people were offended by my avatar which at the time, was a belt on a pillow on a bed. It was considered pedo as that is how one spanks children, or so I was informed. My content is here. Public record. Red pill me on what my problem is. I would deal with this differently in a different circumstance. Treat it as harassment re harassment. That maybe now it FEELS, but it may be that I am legitimately crossing unspoken lines, and that people are defending the integrity of this kink of ours, and this online community. It has hard for me to be objective. I am pretty tired and worn down. Depressed by it. Threatening speech isn’t cool, but that is the way of the world now. I probably can’t be objective about that either.
  10. When I first came here, I unfortunately gave out my private contact information in chat, instead of PM. It was an accident with the interface. After that I ended up getting harassed by phone by somebody I knew was from SN, somebody who was in channel. But that was about all I knew. My only recourse was to contact law enforcement, which I refused to do. I promised people here that had some stake in this place that I would not do that. I wouldn’t cause troubles for SN. I’d be old school and deal with it myself. At the time the offense I committed was my icon. It showed a belt on a pillow, which somebody took as pedo, as that is how children are spanked. Or so that was the logic of this person. Flawed logic, yes. But nevertheless that was the logic. And the offense was relating spanking to my own childhood experiences as a way to understand them, which this person also said was pedo. And against the ToS, which it was not. So I had a person coming after me to avenge my pedo icon, and my pedo spanking philosophy. The challenge I had at that time was having content posted in forums or in chat reflected as direct harassment by phone, and no clear way to identify who on SN I was dealing with. Or what was even being reacted to. Which isn’t surprising. People with disordered thinking will often be like that. They are just angry. And that is how I ultimately responded to this person. They were hurt and angry, but it did make me more hyper vigilant of what I shared here. I shut down. That situation dissipated, and then I started sharing more in the forums. What I found were people challenging me quite strongly and angrily in PM in chat about my content in the forums. These were posts like why do I want to spank, why do I want to be spanked, what are my hard limits, and so on. Especially posts about spanking bad arousal, spanking by men. I was getting called out for my approach and experience of directly. Quite aggressively. That it was bullshit that I framed it as I did. That I was being dangerously deceptive. That I was manipulating people. That there really were no true switches, that I was a closet queer. That all this psychologizing was just me being effeminate. That just isn’t how it is done. If I really sparked, I would do this and that, and regard my spankee like... I’d report the people except I made this strong promise before to people with a stake in this place to not create conflict, and this would seriously create conflict. I have asked moderators to delete the offending posts, to placate this outrage, which is a tempest in a teapot. It is just upsetting to me. Especially given my previous problems. I have an SN PTSD. But I have also asked them to square me up with what exactly is problematic with the content I have shared. The people giving it to me now are not what I would consider random people here. They have a stake, have contributed. There is always a ToS in a place like this, but then there is an ethos as to what defines “normal” and “acceptable” experience and expression regarding spanking and discipline. Between this and the previous incident, I am clearly outside the unspoken norms of SN.
  11. Well. There may not be a “right” way, but there certainly is a wrong way. I mean, I have been going around and around with some people here about how disgusting and degenerate my approach to this is as reflected in my posts/comments.
  12. OK. I’m not sure that was the issue at hand either.
  13. Well, I reported the ones that I was told were offensive. Maybe the mods will delete them.
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