Somthingrandom

Sex after fun/stress relief yes...but not always. Sex after punishment...no. punishments are not rewarding. But that is us. Note: We are married with 4 kids in the house. I have seen very few relationships where spanking and sex outside of marriage work. There maybe are some, not many. A certain level of commitment between the two needs to be understood.

I would call what we do as DD or a limited FLR. We both have a part in the relationship. It really depends on how you define flr to some extent.

We do 5 to 10 minutes. As you approach the 10 minute mark of high intensity I start adjusting and shutting down to where it loses value. 4 or 5 minutes is the norm for us give or take some lecturing.

One aspect not discussed is a safety issue. If the EE is grossly overweight and would be unable to care for themselves if something went wrong (ie skin broke and was unable to make sure it did not get infected because of lack of mobility). I think these problems are solvable but a safety question could be raised. On the other end of the spectrum if somebody was so small there is not much between bone and skin you have to ask the safety question again. But it is like any other condition (outside of sexual preferance). If somebody has a bad heart, back problems, etc. Those need to be factored in. However, almost everybody out there is spankable and our general size just changes approaches to it.

This is also somthing that can change with time. The human brain has a few distinct phases. Socially we pick our mate preferences in late teens early 20's. However, after about 25 to 30 our brain slows down and sees the world differant. There is a big maturity jump between 20 and 25 but less change between 30 and 45. So your tastes and perceptions can change and evolve. I get accused all the time of being older than I am. In fact my wife got the reputation of liking much older men and her friends were shocked when they found out we are the same age. So it could come down to how somebody carries themselves. However, until your 30s that is typically correlated with age. For spanking I get spanked by a younger woman...my wife by just a few months. However, if I did get spanked by somebody else they would have to be over 30 if not older. Anybody below 30 seems like a kid now. Just my 2 cents.

@FinallyFree Sounds like you gave it a good try and it is disappointing. Some people dont come around. To give you some hope my wife is finally initiating after knowing for 13 years and spanking for 2 to 3 now. Took her a long time. It is your call but I know for me if she was still willing to do it if you ask I would at least accept that as a consolation prize. But that just my opinion. Good luck and all the best to you.

Agree there is an element of it to make sure the top is living up the thier end of the deal and paying attention. A certain level of this is healthy so that you know the top is really engaged and cares, while also finding the boundaries in the arrangment. Beyond that doing it is problematic is for actual behavior modification. If the punishment makes you act out more it is not an effective punishment. In those cases it is better just to ask for one or set up a maintenance spanking arrangement than "messing up" on purpose.

@Switch E So my question would be "why" do you have the sensation? Is it entirely comfort or is there a psychological piece to it of some kind?

So this thread seemed to die and I know there are more out there. I will agree with the point that for day-to-day wear many women's panties are more comfortable than most men's underwear (I would say women traditionally value comfort more than men). You have to spend about 4 - 5 times the amount of money in mens underwear versus women's for the same comfort. Recently in a Calvin Klein outlet I noticed that the 10 dollar women's panties and 39 dollar mens bikini style were almost I identical except a little more fabric in the front of the mens. I do wear panties for comfort but not exclusively and not specifically for spankings. I do get spanked in them when it happens to be a day I am wearing them (however, 90% of my spankings are bare...so really is not important). I would say I wear panties 75% for comfort and 25% because I like variety and pushing boundaries...maybe a kink aspect to it but since I dont wear them for sex, spanking, etc., it is not much. Although, for spanking it has crossed my mind. However, I think psychologically getting spanked in thighty whities might have a bigger impact because that is what I wore for the first 25 years of my life. So now that I have rambled on, I am interested in other men's thoughts on why for them as I try to understand it more myself.

That is really between the two of you. However, if it was much worse than you expected you might want to add something other than a spanking...maybe follow through with 100 but add something non spanking. After a certain point more swats dont change things.

@Rand E @Tony Conrad I find both of your posts interesting. One comment both of you made about not finding dedicated couples is probably a normal "selection bias" of these websites. Committed couples who have it working dont hang out too much on sites for people trying to find themselves. They are out there, just dont have as much need to talk about it on the internet. Every couple will be differant. The advice I gave was trying to be general for people who have not taken that first step. Once the conversation has started then it depends on those involved. Best of luck in your marriages moving forward on this.

Hope that is a good thing? After you get through it, I for one would be interested in hearing results. As I stated before I strongly considered it at one point. Hope all works out for you.

Welcome. Many of the people here are good resources...at least of our own opinions. If you don't do it for erotic or discipline purposes, then why do you it and how did "it start" for you?