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bi_kellie last won the day on December 22 2017

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About bi_kellie

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  1. bi_kellie

    What hurts the most?

    USB cable works well against feet, thighs and torso. Smooth rubber in general makes a good implement--easy to use, extremely durable. I've heard good things about lexan paddles but never tried one. I have an acrylic paddle that is very intense on bare skin--it has a tendency to "stick" to the skin and then pull. If you want to keep things more traditional, wooden spoons and bathbrushes are popular. Ultimately depends on what you're looking for.
  2. Always looking for people who are willing to trade self-spanking directions or other punishments (mouth-soaping, corner time, clothespins, etc.). I'm a bit of a control freak; I'll set the general structure of my punishments and only need someone to direct and maybe make a few choices (such as implement, position, number of swats potentially). As a top, I'm happy to do whatever you need.
  3. bi_kellie

    Implement for self spanking.

    A USB cable of the right size can work wonders, and can be used on much more areas.
  4. bi_kellie

    How to use a cane to self sspank

    Canes are long and flexible; you're going to need to get plenty of speed to get a good hit. So you need to be in a position where you've got more distance to swing; probably bent over a couch or bed, with a lot of pillows under you. You're also going to have to work on flexibility. Try to pick a position and focus on reaching as far around as you can to your opposite side. Ideally you'll be able to get in position, reach around, and get your fingertips on the front of your thigh -- work on a bit of that each day. In the meantime, use a flogger or use the cane on your feet.
  5. bi_kellie

    Directed Self-Spanking

    There's been a lot of questions and answers on this; just search the site (or my post history, I've commented on a lot of those questions). General guidelines though: Whether or not self-spanking or other self-punishment will be effective depends on your spanking needs. If you're mostly looking for pain/discipline, you're in luck. If you need the affection and bond of an in-person spanking, it's not for you. You always need some form of accountability. For most people, that means being directed; but it doesn't have to be. You can find a friend and just send them an email with what you're going to do, and then a follow-up when you've finished. Up from there is live text chat, live voice chat, live camera, and so on; it's dependent on what you need and on what your partner is willing to accept. A lot of people only supervise self-spanking over webcam, which is understandable. Your self-spanking partner doesn't have to be a spanker, just someone that you are comfortable with and won't lie to. Self-spanking takes a lot of practice. You'll need to work on consistency, on "letting go"/disassociating from your body a little bit, and (what people often forget) physical fitness and strength. The muscles you need for self-spanking aren't ones that people often use, and you need a certain amount of flexibility too. Oh, and I think an implement is critical for self-spanking. This should really go without saying, but there are people who will try it with their hands, which I think is a waste of time.
  6. bi_kellie

    What Do You Tell Yourself When Times Get Hard?

    I'll often tell myself "This is my life now". When times are tough, they're usually tough relative to how things were. So it's a way of acknowleding that things have changed, and of bracing yourself for what you have to deal with.
  7. bi_kellie

    Site Rule: Therapy vs Erotic

    This is just my personal experience. I'm about 60% erotic and 40% other reasons (though it varies with my mood). Discipline is a small part for me. But you bring up several questions, and I'll try to answer them from my experience here. What's this rule for? There are plenty of sites for erotic spanking or BDSM. You shouldn't need anyone's help finding them. Any regular sex chat site will have plenty of erotic spankos. Why do you want to post in the non-erotic forums? What do you hope to gain? Discipline for "being horny" sounds a lot like BDSM. If you want to discuss restricting masturbation specifically, that probably belongs in the sex forum. If you're looking for effective punishments, then the reason for punishment isn't very relevant (in my opinion). Don't take this the wrong way, but your post just sounds like whining. It's like someone complaining about not being able to park in a handicapped parking spot, or how there isn't a white history month. The reason there's an appropriate place for erotic discussion is to keep the other places from being overwhelmed with erotic discussion. Why not encourage thoughtful participation from all viewpoints? As I said, sex is the primary reason I'm into this, and discipline is a very small part--but I've never felt excluded. You have to realize that people like us are not the center of attention or focus here. You don't have to hide your interest, but you should be polite, and a bit reserved. Make sure you're not drowning out the people who are here for discipline exclusively, or for whom discipline is a very small part. Are they that different, really? Absolutely. What do you mean by sex goals? Something about lasting longer? You're going to have much better luck on a BDSM forum. Even though spanking is very sexual for me, you'll notice that I don't discuss sex or masturbation in many of my forum posts. Those aren't things I involve in any of my spanking/punishment play either. That's something you can talk about in private chats, sure, but I don't think you'll find a lot of compatibility here. Discipline is about correcting behaviors that you legitimately want to correct. Punishment for "being horny" just sounds like you wanting some form of pain play to spice up your love life. Spanking is likely to turn you on more, so a good disciplinarian would probably make you take a cold shower, or go to sleep fully clothed, or something like that. If the goal was really to keep you from "being horny". Basically: There are plenty of sex and BDSM sites. It doesn't sound like you really want discipline. There are rules about keeping things appropriate because there aren't many good places online for people who want to discuss non-sexual spanking.
  8. bi_kellie

    Severe mouth soaping

    Are you being serious, or do you just want a lecture for RP reasons? You're 21. You are old enough to choose where you go and who you spend time with. If you're not able to visit your grandmother without being verbally abusive, don't visit her. Don't go to family reunions, parties, whatever until you get yourself under control. I know a lot of people your age who are insufferable with family because they don't realize they don't have to go along anymore. Give yourself a break from family, and hopefully you'll be in a better mood. As for your question, swallowing soap can really mess your stomach up. So keep that in mind through all of this. Here's a good procedure if you really want to try this out. I don't take credit for any of this--these are all tips I've learned from people here mashed together. Prep Move into the bathroom, and get ready to make a mess. Take off your makeup, wear an old tshirt and shorts, etc. Just like you were going to run a car wash. You'll be drooling soap, so you'll want to be leaning over the sink, toilet or bathtub/shower. Immediately wipe up any soap you spill on the floor, or you could slip and get seriously hurt. Safety Keep your mouth open and pointed downward the whole time. You want the soap/spit mixture to flow freely--NO SWALLOWING.help@ncsu.ed Pick an option below. I've tried to organize them generally in order of severity, but a lot of this is subjective. 3a: Bar Soap-chunk: I found this out by accident, but you can cut off a piece of a bar of soap and then put the whole thing in your mouth. Same rules, drool for 5-15 minutes. 3b: Bar Soap-whole bar: Put a bar of soap in your mouth. Get a feel for it, then bite down. Make sure you have a good grip on it, but don't tilt your head back. Drool like this for 5-15 minutes. Make a plan for what to do if the soap breaks. 3c: Liquid Soap-washcloth: Fill 2 large bowls with warm water. Get 2 washcloths. One will be your soap bowl & washcloth, the other will be your non-soap bowl and washcloth. Get the soap bowl...soapy. Then soak your washcloth with it and thoroughly scrub the inside of your mouth. Get the roof of your mouth, your cheeks, your gums, below your tongue. Everywhere except down your throat. Drool for 5-15 minutes--DON'T SWALLOW. When finished, scrub the inside of your mouth clean with the clean washcloth. 4: Cleanup: Brush and floss your teeth thoroughly. Rinse several times with warm water, and then with mouth wash. 5: Flush: Once you're done cleaning your mouth, you need to drink lot of water. It's impossible to completely get the soap out of your mouth (the after-taste is kind of the point), so we want to make sure it's diluted. You want to drink around 30-40 ounces of water (about a liter). That's just what I've found is easy to drink without getting sick. You're also going to feel dehydrated from all the soap and drooling, so you'll need to replenish those. Once you've had your water, you'll probably want a shower. A light meal would be good afterwards. If you want to keep a punishment theme, 2-4 plain slices of bread with more water would be a good option.
  9. bi_kellie

    Just a suggestion on profiles

    Sounds like a good idea...but I still get people asking whether or not I'm a spanker or spankee. So I think people not willing to look at the "about me" section aren't going to look for those kinds of details anyway, even though they'd be helpful. One thing I've noticed is that it's hard to get to the "About Me" section on mobile. So that could be an issue too--make it easier to see the "About Me" section on mobile, or have a little blurb show up. But honestly, all of the changes we've seen to the site have been because of technical considerations (the bitcoin hack thing, the license running out for the previous software, etc.)
  10. bi_kellie

    Punishment Severity?

    I think the stings and coloration don't match my experience. Unless there's bruising, I've never had pain last over an hour. There's usually at least some minor bruising whenever it does, even if it's not "black and blue" picture worthy. Maybe other people's experiences are different. Anyway, I picked "Mild, Run & Hide, Mild". I'm pretty new to discipline (not spanking), so most of this experience comes from how I discipline myself and how I've disciplined some online mentees. A lot of people meet their mentors once or twice a month; especially if they have to drive to get a punishment. So my reasoning doesn't really work for that. If you're only getting punished for your actions once or twice a month, it's got to be a fair bit more severe. When discipline is online or in a relationship, you can punish multiple times per week or every day. Which means they can be a lot less severe. I do NOT condone shock collars for any kind of animal training, but that's how I try to model my discipline plans. Frequent, minor consequences until you get perfect behavior. So just a few swats, or whatever equivalent works best. On driving: Speeding: Not going to deal with this. In most states, you're often expected to go 5 over the speed limit, or you'll impede traffic. A speeding ticket is its own consequence. Texting: If someone tells me they have a concern about distracted driving, we'll have a rule about putting the phone in the trunk, and consequences for failing to do so. If someone tells me that they actually texted and drove, I'm going to drop them. Drinking & Driving: If someone tells me they have a concern about drunk driving, we'll have rules based on what their problem is. If they can afford Lyft, they'll have the app installed and ready to go, and they'll also have a backup taxi number in case Lyft doesn't work. If they can't afford that, then they won't be allowed to go to social functions with alcohol unless: 1) They sleep in their car the night before 2) They are prepared to do so after the social function (snacks, water, books/flashlight, etc.) If you're above sleeping in your car (or their are local ordinances that prevent it), and you can't afford fare, you can't afford parties. Ideally there would be a designated driver, but if someone has a problem then I'm going to assume they've failed at that. I would never punish someone for texting and driving or drinking and driving--I would just cut contact. Not everyone will agree, but I think committing to a discipline program requires a baseline desire to be responsible and commit to change. There's a difference between a moment of weakness with getting a snack, or letting bedtime slip, and making multiple conscious decisions to do something. I don't mind being someone's mentor, but I'm not going to be a parent to an adult.
  11. bi_kellie

    What is honestly?

    For most DD, discipline should be to meet the mentee's goals. Punishment should occur when it will encourage the mentee to avoid breaking the rules to avoid punishment. So the statute of limitations should be regular checkpoints. If those checkpoints are too long, then there needs to be a way for the mentee to compensate. Discipline/DD is only a small reason that people use punishment and spanking. So the advice is different for different needs.
  12. bi_kellie

    Your Brain?

    Do you have a citation for this? I couldn't find it with a quick google search. The documentary you linked is pretty controversial--did they do additional research? "there are inherent biological differences in the male and female brains..." Sure, agreed. "which lead to different personality traits...that prove more conducive to certain occupations over others." Right. I don't deny this. As far as I know, there's no way to do a proper study where we isolate baby boys and girls and raise them with no outside cultural influence. So you're just stating that biology has an impact on what career choices people make. Which is fine--but apples have arsenic in them, and bananas are radioactive. How significant is pure biology? But that's not really the problem. I don't have a problem with facts, I have a problem with people exploding the significance of facts and putting in "therefore"s. there are inherent biological differences in the male and female brains...therefore, a woman just can't be as good of a CEO as a man there are inherent biological differences in the male and female brains...therefore, girls just aren't as good at technical fields And so on. I'm not saying you believe that, or have said any of that. It's just a thing that's a bit odd to study out of pure intellectual curiosity, I guess. "I think it's a fascinating area to study." There are so many other biological variables. Height. Eye color. Bone structure. Voice. Facial structure. Average body temperature. All of these things probably have subtle impacts on how people treat us--but people aren't nearly as fascinated with them as sex and race (not bring that into this, just saying). What's the curiosity for you, if you don't mind me asking? Why is a field of scientific study with so many confounding variables fascinating to you? I have to know stuff like this to be able to defend my career and life choices. It's not something I enjoy. So I'm just curious.
  13. bi_kellie

    Negative side effects

    You're asking a lot of different questions. Let's take them on one at a time. "negative effects to regularly being spanked." -- sure. We're talking about regular disciplinary spankings, that could certainly have side effects. It depends on how severe the spankings are. If she's getting moderate-severe disciplinary spankings every day, then you absolutely have her getting the risk of getting detached from you, getting a stress illness, or just growing accustomed to your spankings. "it is a great help in our relationship"--Details? I believe you, but it might be nice to hear some specifics--especially for the advice I'm about to give. "despite getting spanked many times for it she has trouble holding back."..."she...has trouble asking for attention" This sounds like your core problem. She's intentionally breaking your rules because she wants a spanking. So, you have 2 problems. Problem 1: Spanking isn't working on that particular issue. You need alternative punishments. You need to start making her stand in the corner, or silently write lines in another room. She's breaking the rule to get attention, so the punishment needs to not involve you. Problem 2: She wants to be spanked sometimes, but the only way she feels like she can get it is by misbehaving. You need to make sure she knows that she can request a "fun" spanking at any time, and you'll give her one. Maybe not right that second, but when you get around to it. Let her choose the implements, positions, maybe some of the intensity. This is how you reward her for good behavior. Until she starts asking for spankings, try not to spank her for misbehaving. Use other punishments until she learns to ask. Now, finally: It sounds like she already has a way of getting attention. Pinching you or lightly punching you. That's how she gets a spanking when she wants one. Is that really a problem? That's a question for you to answer. But just realize, that she's not breaking the rule out of disrespect, she's breaking the rule because she wants a minor spanking. Final question: How long after she's pinched you does it take for you to spank her? Is it a few minutes? Does she get warnings? My answer is assuming she's doing this on purpose, but it might just be a habit, which will change my answer completely.
  14. bi_kellie

    Made to masturbate prior to spanking

    In theory? Possibly, it depends on the man's needs (purpose of the spanking). Arousal is a natural painkiller, and men tend to go from "60-0" pretty quickly when they've finished. I suspect you don't actually care what's going to be the most effective punishment. You just want someone to tell you to masturbate.
  15. bi_kellie

    Is my implement right?

    What is your implement? Nothing wrong with bruises instead of marks. But, in general, "paddle-like" implements cause bruising, as do heavy leather implements. If you want marks, you'll want lighter leather implements, or silicone, or canes. Try a Loopy Johnny. There is also a spanking robot you can look into, which would be good for hitting the same area with a light implement. I looked for it but couldn't find it, but it's on the site somewhere. I will say it's probably going to be hard to get marks with self-spanking. You're going to have to get really fast swings. You can try wetting the implement--that might help. Look into ways to tenderize your skin, too. Maybe a few swats with a paddle? You said that makes your skin get harder though. Maybe light sandpaper beforehand? It's easy to cause bleeding with sandpaper (from personal experience)--so be very careful and use a mirror. It's not that painful, which is why you have to be careful.