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bi_kellie

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bi_kellie last won the day on December 22 2017

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About bi_kellie

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    Advanced Member

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  • Age
    34
  • Gender
    Female
  • Experience
    Regular
  • Role
    Both

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  1. Site Rule: Therapy vs Erotic

    This is just my personal experience. I'm about 60% erotic and 40% other reasons (though it varies with my mood). Discipline is a small part for me. But you bring up several questions, and I'll try to answer them from my experience here. What's this rule for? There are plenty of sites for erotic spanking or BDSM. You shouldn't need anyone's help finding them. Any regular sex chat site will have plenty of erotic spankos. Why do you want to post in the non-erotic forums? What do you hope to gain? Discipline for "being horny" sounds a lot like BDSM. If you want to discuss restricting masturbation specifically, that probably belongs in the sex forum. If you're looking for effective punishments, then the reason for punishment isn't very relevant (in my opinion). Don't take this the wrong way, but your post just sounds like whining. It's like someone complaining about not being able to park in a handicapped parking spot, or how there isn't a white history month. The reason there's an appropriate place for erotic discussion is to keep the other places from being overwhelmed with erotic discussion. Why not encourage thoughtful participation from all viewpoints? As I said, sex is the primary reason I'm into this, and discipline is a very small part--but I've never felt excluded. You have to realize that people like us are not the center of attention or focus here. You don't have to hide your interest, but you should be polite, and a bit reserved. Make sure you're not drowning out the people who are here for discipline exclusively, or for whom discipline is a very small part. Are they that different, really? Absolutely. What do you mean by sex goals? Something about lasting longer? You're going to have much better luck on a BDSM forum. Even though spanking is very sexual for me, you'll notice that I don't discuss sex or masturbation in many of my forum posts. Those aren't things I involve in any of my spanking/punishment play either. That's something you can talk about in private chats, sure, but I don't think you'll find a lot of compatibility here. Discipline is about correcting behaviors that you legitimately want to correct. Punishment for "being horny" just sounds like you wanting some form of pain play to spice up your love life. Spanking is likely to turn you on more, so a good disciplinarian would probably make you take a cold shower, or go to sleep fully clothed, or something like that. If the goal was really to keep you from "being horny". Basically: There are plenty of sex and BDSM sites. It doesn't sound like you really want discipline. There are rules about keeping things appropriate because there aren't many good places online for people who want to discuss non-sexual spanking.
  2. Severe mouth soaping

    Are you being serious, or do you just want a lecture for RP reasons? You're 21. You are old enough to choose where you go and who you spend time with. If you're not able to visit your grandmother without being verbally abusive, don't visit her. Don't go to family reunions, parties, whatever until you get yourself under control. I know a lot of people your age who are insufferable with family because they don't realize they don't have to go along anymore. Give yourself a break from family, and hopefully you'll be in a better mood. As for your question, swallowing soap can really mess your stomach up. So keep that in mind through all of this. Here's a good procedure if you really want to try this out. I don't take credit for any of this--these are all tips I've learned from people here mashed together. Prep Move into the bathroom, and get ready to make a mess. Take off your makeup, wear an old tshirt and shorts, etc. Just like you were going to run a car wash. You'll be drooling soap, so you'll want to be leaning over the sink, toilet or bathtub/shower. Immediately wipe up any soap you spill on the floor, or you could slip and get seriously hurt. Safety Keep your mouth open and pointed downward the whole time. You want the soap/spit mixture to flow freely--NO SWALLOWING.help@ncsu.ed Pick an option below. I've tried to organize them generally in order of severity, but a lot of this is subjective. 3a: Bar Soap-chunk: I found this out by accident, but you can cut off a piece of a bar of soap and then put the whole thing in your mouth. Same rules, drool for 5-15 minutes. 3b: Bar Soap-whole bar: Put a bar of soap in your mouth. Get a feel for it, then bite down. Make sure you have a good grip on it, but don't tilt your head back. Drool like this for 5-15 minutes. Make a plan for what to do if the soap breaks. 3c: Liquid Soap-washcloth: Fill 2 large bowls with warm water. Get 2 washcloths. One will be your soap bowl & washcloth, the other will be your non-soap bowl and washcloth. Get the soap bowl...soapy. Then soak your washcloth with it and thoroughly scrub the inside of your mouth. Get the roof of your mouth, your cheeks, your gums, below your tongue. Everywhere except down your throat. Drool for 5-15 minutes--DON'T SWALLOW. When finished, scrub the inside of your mouth clean with the clean washcloth. 4: Cleanup: Brush and floss your teeth thoroughly. Rinse several times with warm water, and then with mouth wash. 5: Flush: Once you're done cleaning your mouth, you need to drink lot of water. It's impossible to completely get the soap out of your mouth (the after-taste is kind of the point), so we want to make sure it's diluted. You want to drink around 30-40 ounces of water (about a liter). That's just what I've found is easy to drink without getting sick. You're also going to feel dehydrated from all the soap and drooling, so you'll need to replenish those. Once you've had your water, you'll probably want a shower. A light meal would be good afterwards. If you want to keep a punishment theme, 2-4 plain slices of bread with more water would be a good option.
  3. Just a suggestion on profiles

    Sounds like a good idea...but I still get people asking whether or not I'm a spanker or spankee. So I think people not willing to look at the "about me" section aren't going to look for those kinds of details anyway, even though they'd be helpful. One thing I've noticed is that it's hard to get to the "About Me" section on mobile. So that could be an issue too--make it easier to see the "About Me" section on mobile, or have a little blurb show up. But honestly, all of the changes we've seen to the site have been because of technical considerations (the bitcoin hack thing, the license running out for the previous software, etc.)
  4. Punishment Severity?

    I think the stings and coloration don't match my experience. Unless there's bruising, I've never had pain last over an hour. There's usually at least some minor bruising whenever it does, even if it's not "black and blue" picture worthy. Maybe other people's experiences are different. Anyway, I picked "Mild, Run & Hide, Mild". I'm pretty new to discipline (not spanking), so most of this experience comes from how I discipline myself and how I've disciplined some online mentees. A lot of people meet their mentors once or twice a month; especially if they have to drive to get a punishment. So my reasoning doesn't really work for that. If you're only getting punished for your actions once or twice a month, it's got to be a fair bit more severe. When discipline is online or in a relationship, you can punish multiple times per week or every day. Which means they can be a lot less severe. I do NOT condone shock collars for any kind of animal training, but that's how I try to model my discipline plans. Frequent, minor consequences until you get perfect behavior. So just a few swats, or whatever equivalent works best. On driving: Speeding: Not going to deal with this. In most states, you're often expected to go 5 over the speed limit, or you'll impede traffic. A speeding ticket is its own consequence. Texting: If someone tells me they have a concern about distracted driving, we'll have a rule about putting the phone in the trunk, and consequences for failing to do so. If someone tells me that they actually texted and drove, I'm going to drop them. Drinking & Driving: If someone tells me they have a concern about drunk driving, we'll have rules based on what their problem is. If they can afford Lyft, they'll have the app installed and ready to go, and they'll also have a backup taxi number in case Lyft doesn't work. If they can't afford that, then they won't be allowed to go to social functions with alcohol unless: 1) They sleep in their car the night before 2) They are prepared to do so after the social function (snacks, water, books/flashlight, etc.) If you're above sleeping in your car (or their are local ordinances that prevent it), and you can't afford fare, you can't afford parties. Ideally there would be a designated driver, but if someone has a problem then I'm going to assume they've failed at that. I would never punish someone for texting and driving or drinking and driving--I would just cut contact. Not everyone will agree, but I think committing to a discipline program requires a baseline desire to be responsible and commit to change. There's a difference between a moment of weakness with getting a snack, or letting bedtime slip, and making multiple conscious decisions to do something. I don't mind being someone's mentor, but I'm not going to be a parent to an adult.
  5. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate the fact that you always try to give sincere, thoughtful information and advice to people's posts. Thank you for both taking the time to respond to posters as well as providing useful , intelligent and thoughtful responses. 

    Sincerely,

    Annie

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. oklahomaspankee

      oklahomaspankee

      I agree with Annie, Jenna, Ag 

      Kelli is awesome and very nice  and so very helpful 

      Hugs

    3. taylor80

      taylor80

      Agreed - always enjoy reading your posts Kellie - you bring a depth to all of this.

       

    4. spoonybard

      spoonybard

      +1 to all if the above. Always has great and helpful posts!

  6. What is honestly?

    For most DD, discipline should be to meet the mentee's goals. Punishment should occur when it will encourage the mentee to avoid breaking the rules to avoid punishment. So the statute of limitations should be regular checkpoints. If those checkpoints are too long, then there needs to be a way for the mentee to compensate. Discipline/DD is only a small reason that people use punishment and spanking. So the advice is different for different needs.
  7. Your Brain?

    Do you have a citation for this? I couldn't find it with a quick google search. The documentary you linked is pretty controversial--did they do additional research? "there are inherent biological differences in the male and female brains..." Sure, agreed. "which lead to different personality traits...that prove more conducive to certain occupations over others." Right. I don't deny this. As far as I know, there's no way to do a proper study where we isolate baby boys and girls and raise them with no outside cultural influence. So you're just stating that biology has an impact on what career choices people make. Which is fine--but apples have arsenic in them, and bananas are radioactive. How significant is pure biology? But that's not really the problem. I don't have a problem with facts, I have a problem with people exploding the significance of facts and putting in "therefore"s. there are inherent biological differences in the male and female brains...therefore, a woman just can't be as good of a CEO as a man there are inherent biological differences in the male and female brains...therefore, girls just aren't as good at technical fields And so on. I'm not saying you believe that, or have said any of that. It's just a thing that's a bit odd to study out of pure intellectual curiosity, I guess. "I think it's a fascinating area to study." There are so many other biological variables. Height. Eye color. Bone structure. Voice. Facial structure. Average body temperature. All of these things probably have subtle impacts on how people treat us--but people aren't nearly as fascinated with them as sex and race (not bring that into this, just saying). What's the curiosity for you, if you don't mind me asking? Why is a field of scientific study with so many confounding variables fascinating to you? I have to know stuff like this to be able to defend my career and life choices. It's not something I enjoy. So I'm just curious.
  8. Negative side effects

    You're asking a lot of different questions. Let's take them on one at a time. "negative effects to regularly being spanked." -- sure. We're talking about regular disciplinary spankings, that could certainly have side effects. It depends on how severe the spankings are. If she's getting moderate-severe disciplinary spankings every day, then you absolutely have her getting the risk of getting detached from you, getting a stress illness, or just growing accustomed to your spankings. "it is a great help in our relationship"--Details? I believe you, but it might be nice to hear some specifics--especially for the advice I'm about to give. "despite getting spanked many times for it she has trouble holding back."..."she...has trouble asking for attention" This sounds like your core problem. She's intentionally breaking your rules because she wants a spanking. So, you have 2 problems. Problem 1: Spanking isn't working on that particular issue. You need alternative punishments. You need to start making her stand in the corner, or silently write lines in another room. She's breaking the rule to get attention, so the punishment needs to not involve you. Problem 2: She wants to be spanked sometimes, but the only way she feels like she can get it is by misbehaving. You need to make sure she knows that she can request a "fun" spanking at any time, and you'll give her one. Maybe not right that second, but when you get around to it. Let her choose the implements, positions, maybe some of the intensity. This is how you reward her for good behavior. Until she starts asking for spankings, try not to spank her for misbehaving. Use other punishments until she learns to ask. Now, finally: It sounds like she already has a way of getting attention. Pinching you or lightly punching you. That's how she gets a spanking when she wants one. Is that really a problem? That's a question for you to answer. But just realize, that she's not breaking the rule out of disrespect, she's breaking the rule because she wants a minor spanking. Final question: How long after she's pinched you does it take for you to spank her? Is it a few minutes? Does she get warnings? My answer is assuming she's doing this on purpose, but it might just be a habit, which will change my answer completely.
  9. Made to masturbate prior to spanking

    In theory? Possibly, it depends on the man's needs (purpose of the spanking). Arousal is a natural painkiller, and men tend to go from "60-0" pretty quickly when they've finished. I suspect you don't actually care what's going to be the most effective punishment. You just want someone to tell you to masturbate.
  10. Is my implement right?

    What is your implement? Nothing wrong with bruises instead of marks. But, in general, "paddle-like" implements cause bruising, as do heavy leather implements. If you want marks, you'll want lighter leather implements, or silicone, or canes. Try a Loopy Johnny. There is also a spanking robot you can look into, which would be good for hitting the same area with a light implement. I looked for it but couldn't find it, but it's on the site somewhere. I will say it's probably going to be hard to get marks with self-spanking. You're going to have to get really fast swings. You can try wetting the implement--that might help. Look into ways to tenderize your skin, too. Maybe a few swats with a paddle? You said that makes your skin get harder though. Maybe light sandpaper beforehand? It's easy to cause bleeding with sandpaper (from personal experience)--so be very careful and use a mirror. It's not that painful, which is why you have to be careful.
  11. Your Brain?

    The whole "right-brain" and "left-brain" thing is as scientific as astrology. You can say you're left-brained and so you act X way, or you can say you're a Virgo and act X way, and it's equally (in) valid. Don't let me stop you--it can still be fun. Just pick whether you're left-brained or right-brained. Just pick an astrological sign. It's fun. Men and women have tend to have different amounts of hormones which affect personality, like testosterone and estrogen. Women also have a higher percentage of gray matter in the brain--that's the only well-established scientific difference in the male and female brain. There's no evidence that having a higher percentage of gray matter does anything, but you can find plenty of books which will tell you how it's 100% definitive proof that women should be CEOs or housewives (depending on the book). People love to say that women have a higher average intelligence while men have a higher standard deviation. It's a way to say that there aren't many super-smart women, but that's fine because the average woman is smarter and there's a lot of stupid men! This comes from a single study comparing math scores, and every followup study has failed to replicate the results. That doesn't matter--people will latch onto anything they can find that supports what they want to believe. Most differences between men and women probably come from cultural influence. Examples: People encourage boys and girls to play with different kids of toys. Girls are encouraged to play with domestic "chore" toys, boys are encouraged to play with construction and engineering toys. Most people have memories of at least being told what they "don't want to play with" at best, at worst children get punished for playing with toys that they're not "supposed to" play with. More of a personal thing, but I have a technical, male-dominated degree. I had to deal with a lot of "ribbing" and "wow!"s ("Why would you want to do that?") from family and family friends. I wasn't taken seriously until I graduated. I would not have had to put up with this if I became an elementary school teacher, for example. Men who want to become nurses, or flight attendants, etc. have to put up with the same thing. Boys and girls are deprived of necessary life skills. Men don't learn how to show for groceries, how to repair clothing, how to plan and prepare meals, how to get stains out or deep clean. Women don't learn how to use a lawnmower, how to change a tire, how to change headlights, how to unclog a sink, how to change a filter. Domestic chores between my husband and I get divided along traditional lines more or less, even though that's not what we want, just because of the skills we were raised with. Men and women are raised to be dependent on the opposite sex. That got more into rant territory than I liked, but there you go. I don't think I answered your question, since it seemed like more of a thought.
  12. Spanking guiders needed

    Second what CH said, for sure. I've helped guide several people in the chat--you should be able to go in and ask for recommendations, and probably find someone who I've worked with. Directing self-spanking is time-consuming, and a bit tiring for me, so I usually prefer to do it in group sessions (2-3 EEs at once). So, drop in the chat sometime or PM me:) I would say that no matter who your ER is, make sure you have agreed upon limits ahead of time. Max number of swats, whether or not bruises are acceptable, what kind of breaks there will be. You want someone patient and a bit gentle for your first session. Self-spanking takes practice, and if someone pushes you past your limits, it will be hard for you to get back into it.
  13. Taking underwear down.

    Depends on the EE. I would certainly say that some "undressing" should probably be part of the ritual. Clearing out pockets, removing shoes, bracelets, necklaces--makes the EE feel more vulnerable, even if the spanking will be otherwise fully clothed. For an EE, it's not so much humiliation as another physical representation of submitting to someone else's punishment. Not everyone is okay with humiliation as punishment, so that should be discussed ahead of time. I think an ER should feel comfortable having the EE do things just because the ER likes it, as long as this is explained up front. If you really like a particular action (like the one Bad T mentioned) it doesn't have to be for the EE's benefit, as long as you communicate that ahead of time.
  14. Politics And Spanking.

    I'm a switch. Didn't see an option for that. I'm super liberal on social issues, centrist on economic ones. Libertarian on things like encryption and the TSA. I have a few relatively conservative viewpoints. I've always been independent, and have voted for Democrats and Republicans in the past, but I've voted straight ticket blue for the past several elections. Just too many dealbreakers for me. Now that's an interesting thought. Maybe a liberal spanker would give you bruises?
  15. I wanted Mom to spank me.

    It's odd that your profile says that you're 45, while you say you're 40. I have strong suspicions this isn't a legitimate question, but I'll answer it anyway as if it is. Also, your sentence "...I never wanted to have sex with her" isn't necessary--no one would have thought about that being a concern at all if you hadn't brought it up. Anyway, No point in regretting at this point, if it's no longer possible. I would also say to keep relatives out of it--but either of your parents will hopefully be different. They'll (hopefully) eventually forgive the weirdness of the question eventually. If I had adult children ask me, it would be an immediate, 100% firm, permanent no. But, it could still open a dialogue. Were there things you felt missing growing up? A lot of times when people miss things from their childhood, they're really missing other things that people need that have nothing to do with punishment. Clear rules, supervision, involvement, affection, and so on. Maybe you could open up a dialogue about that. I will say to be wary of talking about being unhappy in your childhood. There's no purpose in telling your ~60+ year-old mother that you didn't feel that she was involved enough growing up. That's just going to hit her with guilt which doesn't have a purpose. I think your best bet is to let this go. If you really want to bring it up, you can discuss hearing about "spanking therapy" and just probing her ideas. Even if the stars somehow aligned right and she agreed to spank you, I don't think that would be a good idea at all. You're adults now. You might think you want this, but it would just get very weird and awkward. I've asked for spankings from friends before, and whether they did or didn't, it changed our relationship in a negative way, at least from my view. Enjoy the time you have left with her as adults. Talk to her about recent events, about work, about life. You might be just wanting some extra closeness, and that's getting mixed up in your spanking needs.
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