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Everything posted by redzonedefense_F

  1. If for fun, no. If for consequence, I tend to use more of an 'After each one, you will apologize/state (simply) why that behavior was unacceptable or that you will/not engage in such behavior again.'. I find that counting keeps them focused on achieving the total count and not absorbing the lesson.
  2. Turned 50 today  It seems a pity to waste an opportunity with such a perfect number.  As if my itchy palm wasn't in overdrive already(!

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. Alex55


      I hope you can spank many happy bottoms red during the next half century. Happy Birthday!

    3. countspankulot


      Happy belated birthday. I hope you were able to do something about those itchy palms.

    4. Flspanks


      Happy Birthday--If I was closer I could help with the itch


  3. Being here is a good start, given that we all understand the drive in one way or another. If you are speaking of connecting here, be open. Be patient. Be honest about what you want and know about yourself. If it's someone vanilla, tread carefully. Float the occasional 'loaded statement' like 'I was so scattered today, it's a wonder my boss didn't swat me and tell me to get my stuff together.' or 'If I said that to my ex, I would have been over their knee so fast! Haha!' If it goes further and you can see interest, take a chance and speak on how a scenario like the above or whatever feels right to you would've helped you. Best of luck!
  4. I don't get much of a vibe from either but in addition to 'make my heart skip a beat' backsides, I bet Jason Momoa and Chris Hemsworth would have me cracking up.
  5. I don't get much of a vibe from either but in addition to 'make my heart skip a beat' backsides, I bet Jason Momoa and Chris Hemsworth would have me cracking up.
  6. It depends on the person and the issue (forgive the bad pun) at hand. If the ee feels that catharsis would help them, then do your best to bring that about. It's not about the backside as much as the mind and heart. Headspace cannot be forced. If they are not ready or it doesn't happen, chalk it up as knowledge gained and go from there. That level of intimacy takes a lot of factors falling into place. What is meant to be, will be.
  7. I've learned to ask about levels of experience, how long since the last and I always do a test of sorts to gauge their tolerance. Some take 5-10 minutes and they're at their/my desired level of sensation. I've encountered a few cast iron backsides that took close to an hour with some of my more hefty/serious toys. I needed some Gatorade or a B12 shot afrer those!
  8. I can certainly understand each of these perspectives, though I hope people are judged purely on some stat. I know it happens, but I hope it's rare. Life is too short. Just to add another voice, as a female Spanker, I've enjoyed the company of those just old enough to know what they're asking for to fellas well my senior. It is about them as people. If we are a good fit within the context of our common interest and we enjoy each other outside of that context, go for it. Have fun. Don't judge on statistics. You may be missing out on an experience you would never forget.
  9. My husband is significantly visually impaired. He'd have to ascertain by feel, and we don't have money for bail. So, I tend to be the 'color commentator.' It is a fun shared experience. If we witness poor behavior, he and I both also create a running story for how we would deal with such.
  10. 'I may think of you softly from time to time.  But, I will cut off my hand before I reach for you again.' 

    - Arthur Miller, The Crucible

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. redzonedefense_F


      @rubyredd, @RIspanko, @goodboy_will, @Jaded, @KentuckyGuy Thank you for your concern.  I am fortunate to have such thoughtful folks around me.

    3. RIspanko


      I was thinking the same thing as Ruby, glad things are ok. Unfortunately, I agree and have been in that position before, sometimes the lesson gets learned  but with me not always

    4. RIspanko


      Well RZD , you are certainly more than deserving of that

  11. When I took a chance and tried my first chat room, in learning I was not alone, I started a journey of self-acceptance. It's okay to like what I like. It's okay to change my perspective. It's okay to do what I do. It's okay to let others in and let them know they are not alone. It's okay to be me.
  12. I saw a bumper sticker (or as my fellow New Englanders would say - bumpah stickah) while out earlier.

    Bum in the air. (Promising!)

    Eyes to the ground.  (Ooooooo!  Getting better!)

    This is how skydivers get around.  (Insert wah wah waaaahhhhhh trumpet sound.  -_- )


    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Naughtysparky


      Reminds me of the bummer sticker that says I need a good paddling with a kayaker on it 

    3. goodboy_will


      LOL Funny Red.  Hmmm and I was expecting a different type of ending. :unsure:  😇

    4. redzonedefense_F
  13. I did not start out as a Top. When I found my first chat room, I went with what made sense to me at the time, which was being a bottom. As I met with others, conversed and explored, I learned of the disparity between the availability of spankers for women versus men. I have found where I am most comfortable and have no regrets.
  14. I wish I could offer a positive anecdote. I mentioned it briefly at the end of a session and she seemed intrigued (as in, wanting a thrill) but completely uninformed. It wasn't a good fit from the beginning but this was a last ditch effort to gain something meaningful. I stopped shortly thereafter. You are right to seek out someone with a broader understanding. Their want to provide support and having an unconditional positive regard should guide their time with you. It's okay for you to be who you are, want what you want, need what you need and enjoy what you enjoy. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
  15. I agree with @Zhal. Unless it is a generic 'Welcome to the site' response, I will message privately.
  16. It was said previously but, knowing the person with whom you engage well enough to know how they want/need to feel before, during and after a spanking is imperitive. Having even a light-hearted spanking stop too soon can feel like a loss of connection and/or frustrating. Most people know what they want/need. They just might not be able to verbalize it. There are signs. There are also ways to 'check in' as you go. Proceed with care.
  17. I may be tangential here, so apologies beforehand. Disrespect, to me, is about not showing you value the time, effort and energy of your partner, whatever role they may play. Listen to each other. Be compassionate with one another. If you are asked to meet a need (within the context of the relationship and does not violate boundaries), do your level best. Life is hard. Show appreciation through respecting them, not only as their role but as a person.
  18. When I was a bottom, I spent my first few encounters just savoring the sensory and mental aspects. I couldn't believe this idea that had held my fascination for as long as I could remember was actually happening. I did not truly understand the feeling of true connection, physical and mental safety. I took chances I shouldn't have. But, once I met my husband, the intimacy and security of having someone that gets both 'it' and you is intensely powerful.
  19. Interesting! The only time I had my luggage inspected (gloves on, going through by hand), I was running late and the flight was an emergency. That time, I had not packed anything. I have mailed a few things ahead of time. I like that the person with whom I would be engaging had them to look at, hold, swing and imagine with for days prior to my arrival. Otherwise, I just go ahead and pack whatever. I feel fairly confident in saying that TSA folks have seen far more questionable items and can tell some far better stories than that of a paddle or strap. If not, let them wonder. It'd help to pass the day. If I could pack anything, shoot! I'd likely do as one of the first fellas with whom I interacted and pack a bag designed for hockey gear chock full and be ready for anything. But, if I were to narrow it down to one, it would be my wide leather strap with holes. That turned out to be quite the enjoyable experience for both myself and the person with whom I was engaging. It is a daunting-looking thing. I was very pleasantly surprised, as, it seems, was he.
  20. I had identified as an ee/bottom for many years because my image of a female spanker was a sneering, leather-clad Dominatrix. Definitely not my m.o. (Yes, SO much to learn.) One night while perusing the story board on another site, I left a message for an author, who happened to be a switch. Through conversations with him and dear friends of mine who were and are male spankees/bottoms, I came to understand the inequity. Need is need and no one should have their need denied because of outdated gender norms, fear of judgment, etc. That led me to switch and eventually, come to where I am now as a female spanker with a maternal leaning. Being in each role has led me to encounters and friendships and knowledge that have been invaluable. Life is short. Be who you are and have fun.
  21. I pay it no mind unless it becomes a distraction. I understand it happens, but if necessary, they are excused to take care of it privately and then return. In my experience, a spanking is much more uncomfortable 'after.'
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