sillygirl

Maybe her daughter has something to tell you. 😆

I think it is mostly a lack of knowledge and exposure. Most people can come around and be accepting of things once they have had enough exposure. The “Sheldon spanks Amy” scene of the Big Bang Theory was wildly popular and widely discussed, both as a punishment and a sexual kink. We just need more opportunities like this to expose the world to non-vanilla life.

I have been studying and researching spanking for years, trying to figure out how it develops as a need (or a kink) in people. Overwhelmingly, I could not find a trauma link. So, I started looking further into BDSM because there is more—not a lot but more—information and study done on BDSM than on Spankos. Again, there is not a reliable link between trauma and kink. Recently I found this video by Jillian Keenan, and I highly recommend it to everyone who might be worried their spanking needs are trauma-inspired. Additionally, my therapist is strongly of the opinion “who gives a sh*t?” She claims that if it is consensual and helpful, it doesn’t matter if it IS trauma-created. Humans are trauma-created. TL/dr: Spanking needs (and kinks & fetishes) are not created by trauma.

I thoroughly enjoyed this! I have never really been a fan of age-play, but I could 100% get on board with this scenario. Heck! Where’s this cabin? Sign me up! 😉 I’m thrilled for the sequel.

I have had MANY conversations with my therapist about spanking. I said from the get-go that I consider spanking to be a need I have, that it is not exactly attached to my sexuality, and that I do not fit nicely on the BDSM tree. (A previous therapist always insisted on explaining it away as a sexual fetish.) I also explained that having this need has always felt shameful for me, and confusing. Yet in no way do I feel like I need to be punished. I was very clear about that. Now, I have a superb therapist! We have an amazing therapeutic relationship. When I told her “it’s a need” she was like “okay” and did not try to put me in a BDSM box. Then, she did some research and learned about spanking from real spankos, which was a delightful added bonus. When I recently explained that I feared TTWD might be a result of trauma, she was able to walk that road with me without any form of judgement. A lot of “What if it IS a result of trauma?” followed. But ultimately, she was able to discuss the research that suggests it is NOT a result of trauma. That was a relief to me. My trauma has taken a lot from me, and I did not want it to have another space in my life. I have explained spanking as a need as acute as affection. And told my therapist what happens in my brain when I do not have this need fulfilled. Overall, my therapist has been wonderful with it, even though she has not had much experience with spankos. That being said, it took me a WHILE before I was able to discuss it with her at all, and I have yet to talk about it without blushing. A good therapist will ask honest questions and will not judge you for your needs. A bad therapist does not deserve your time or your spanking details. Do not be afraid to tell your therapist exactly what you need from him. TL/DR: I built an open, communicative relationship with my therapist, and then I set boundaries about the way I needed spanking to be discussed in session. It has been an overwhelmingly good experience.

Today during a maintenance spanking, my ER stopped immediately when she saw a mark on my bottom consisting of red spots. She’s very concerned because she does not know what it is. We both know impact play can and often does leave marks. But during maintenance, she’s good about warmup, so we often avoid marks. (Well, most marks; I bruise like a peach.) We have dealt with bruises and general redness, but this one was new us. Are there marks that are dangerous? When should we be concerned?

I was just asking these questions earlier this week! I’m so glad you started this thread. I got good answers from this cool video by Princess Kelley May: I have never traveled with implements yet so I do not know much. But I LOVE the idea that belts and hairbrushes might be overlooked as innocent by airport security. There’s nothing innocent about implements.

Yes! I believe this with my whole heart. Respect is earned. If it has been earned, it doesn’t need to be demanded. If it has not been earned, then demanding it is an exercise in futility. That being said, I can see where differing opinions of respect might create a conflict. For instance, my wife does not consider playful bratting to be disrespectful. And it’s not, because at my core, respect is my guiding star. However, another top might feel very disrespected if I refuse to submit the first time to a spanking I deserve. If I do that with my wife, she gets “toppier” and I inevitably slip from brat into sub. For me, submission is the goal, and my wife’s respect for my submission is immense. I think respect and disrespect go both ways. It should be part of any conversation before a spanking dynamic begins.

Not if you’re a brat. 😜

I’m a brat. Bratting is as distinct and dependent on people’s dynamics as anything else in the spanko world. Some brats do defy and deliberately use disrespect as part of their dynamic (consent is key here). I’m much too silly to do anything that scary. My bratting looks like… *sneaky smile* and “I don’t know…” when I DO know. For some, that would be considered disrespectful, for me it’s just asking for a spanking without having to ASK for a spanking (which I hate to do!)

And yet, sometimes “me” is the appropriate word to use, as in “Please do not spank Spud and me!” Although, as you now know, “me” is not always appropriate, as in “Spud and I do not deserve a spanking!” See? Super easy, right? Not confusing at all! 😜

Yay! Because during the whole spanking, I kept thinking about Claire in the guest room.

Thank you so much! We would love that so much.

Hi, Spanker friends! My wife is trying to learn how to use new implements. She does not want to hurt me—or at least not unintentionally 😉—but she’s new to the scene and looking for help. Where can we watch tutorials or read about correct procedures of implement use?

Thank you so much for starting this post! I have always self-identified as a bit of a masochist, because I like a little pain with my pleasure. It adds to the pleasure for me. But I have also always placed my spanking need in a completely different category—it was never about the pain for me. Only recently have I discovered that the power dynamic of spanking appeals to me. In that case, I suppose the D/s is what I enjoy about spanking. There is an element of excitement to “being handled” when I by no means need to be handled in my life; I’m a grown-@$$ woman. That being said, I still would say I NEED to be spanked. Liking the domination and submission of the act doesn’t change the need I have. The DSM doesn’t have a category for spankos. We have our own branch of the kink-tree in that many spankos do not consider it a kink, do not get sexual gratification from it, cannot classify it as a fetish, and are left wondering if there is something wrong with them psychologically. TL/DR: There’s nothing wrong with you if you can’t classify your spanking need in a clinical box. 😉