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Everything posted by gravano

  1. I really don’t want to go down a rabbit hole with that video. I took a lot of shit and dealt with some real smart asses. You can likely search for “Ms. Crystal” and find it. I think Chawsee initiated the post or at least the reference to the video. Suffice it to say my tolerance for witnessing the intentional infliction of human suffering is far lower than anyone else’s on this site. I have encountered two DD women in real life who threatened to leave their husband/boyfriend if he did not “consent” to beatings. To me it was beyond vile and abusive. I was and remain horrified by usIng someone’s love for you to extract that kind of consent. So, my take on “consent” is not the same as other people’s around here.
  2. Maybe he doesn’t feel free to express himself for fear of additional punishment. Your posts suggest he is punished for expressing disagreement with you. Self expression may not be with the risk.
  3. I would agree that people I have argued with believe their positions. If someone needs to be beaten with a prison strap or paddled until they are bruised, welted, or bleeding to feel forgiven, I tend to think there is something driving it that is not healthy and that if the person is harmed, the alleged “consent” should be deemed ineffective, especially if the other person gets off on seeing him or her suffer, like the woman I saw. She enjoyed punishing people for real and seeing them sobbing and begging for mercy. I would convict her in a second because she feeds off people’s trauma to get her rocks off. Sometimes the law reflects the legislature’s perception of the perceived risk of an activity and the difficulties of proof that may be involved. Consent gets murky because it has to be informed, and that can be hard to unravel especially if buried traumas are activated. The least risk approach in that kind of case is to forbid the activity and place the risk on the person committing the alleged assault. I agree that many juries would be horrified by the activities and the attitudes I have seen expressed towards the suffering of EEs on this site. I am, and I was involved in spanking play for decades. I enjoyed it until I inadvertently encountered DD on the Internet. One of the reasons the law is messy is that this rarely gets litigated civilly or criminally. The aggrieved party has to worry about being outed and the impact it would have on their life were that to happen. I had someone come after me legally by lying and omitting the nature of her “business.” I had to prepare to be outed in order to fight back.
  4. I don’t disagree with your criticism of the law, but there is an idea in the law that some things are so out of bounds that no reasonable person could make an informed consent to them. You could never shoot or stab someone because they consented. I realize that in the BDSM world those comparisons seem inapposite, but for people not on that world or the DD world (which has always disturbed me far more than the BDSM world), no rationale person could ever make informed and rational consent to a lot of what gets discussed on sites like this. I myself was at odds with everyone over a DD video that I thought was blatantly cruel and heartless while the people here varied from blasé to enthusiastic over the beating. For myself, I facially consented to what was done to me, but I did not make informed consent because I didn’t know that I had trauma that would be activated by engaging in this activity.
  5. People ask for it. I think the most likely explanation is that they sexualized the pain of humiliation early in life to be able to cope with it, which is what I did with spanking. Verbal humiliation was always a hard limit for me, and I always made that clear up front. For me, it can do a lot of damage.
  6. People ask for it. I think the most likely explanation is that they sexualized the pain of humiliation early in life to be able to cope with it, which is what I did with spanking. Verbal humiliation was always a hard limit for me, and I always made that clear up front. For me, it can do a lot of damage.
  7. Please don’t do this. No safe word is dangerous enough, but restrained and no safeword is very dangerous and makes you easy prey for sadists. Unless you are a masochist, you really don’t want that to happen. There are people with real cruel streaks who get off on hurting people. I have encountered them in real life and am still dealing with the fallout.
  8. You have always been kind and respectful to me @AfterGeometry. I am happy to help anyone you think I could help avoid the things I have seen and experienced.
  9. Honestly, the more work I do in therapy, the harder it is to see this activity as coming from a place that is truly healthy. I engaged in this activity for decades until I met the wrong person who truly had a sadistic spirit. Before that I thought I we just having kinky “fun.” She just plain liked punishing people, and I mean harshly and callously. She likes seeing a man scream into a pillow and ignoring his pleas for mercy. That gives her a sense of power and control she lacked growing up and she can’t live without it. Seeing he ripped open trauma I never knew I had and created some very painful, new trauma. It is taking a lot of work to heal it. Did I “consent”? Legally, I probably did, although it was arguably not informed consent because I did not know about my own vulnerabilities and could not know the risk I was actually assuming. Did she take my consent as a license to indulge her sadism and cruelty? absolutely. In the doctor’s example, I think the fetish IS being an abusive prick. The abuser just needs to find someone wounded enough to want the abuse. That’s why I keep arguing that consent does not absolve someone of being cruel. You still have an obligation to respect someone’s humanity even if they agree to let you strip them of it. There are states in which you cannot legally consent to BDSM type assault. So, the consent is not a defense to an assault charge. However, fear of being exposed keeps anyone from running to the cops or courts. I realize that this is a hugely unpopular opinion because it sounds like I am trying to spoil everyone’s fun, but the more I read about trauma and continue my efforts to heal, the more I am convinced it is true. I don’t think it is an innate human drive to want to hurt or humiliate or to be hurt or humiliated. Yet, somehow, many of us develop an irrepressible urge to do one or the other. In my case it was “trauma repetition”, which is a compulsive effort to recreate traumatic experiences in an ultimately doomed effort to feel in control over them. It was also part of an implicit deal I made with my caregivers: “I will let you hurt me, if you promise not to leave me.”
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