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gravano

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gravano last won the day on October 6 2018

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About gravano

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  • Age
    49
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    Male
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  • Role
    Spankee

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  1. Professional Disciplinarians

    Professionals seem to be a controversial topic on this forum.  I may have as much experience with them as any one else here.

    I have had many experiences with dozens of pro dominatrices and disciplinarians over the years.  I saw them to satisfy a spanking fetish that I saw as “kinky fun,” but which I now know was merely the re-enactment of childhood trauma that I unconsciously sexualized to endure the terror of childhood spanking.  

    As opposed to dominatrices, I was eventually drawn to women who billed themselves as “disciplinarians,” because the “domestic” context was more aligned with my “fantasy.” That was where it all went horribly wrong because unlike the dominatrices, these women made it real: harsh, traumatizing punishments meant to inflict real and lasting physical and emotional suffering. The men were not masochists. Some of them live in DD relationships with men who say they “want” this “lifestyle”. I was told stories of heartless, merciless punishments they gleefully inflicted on their men for a variety of petty misdeeds.  DD was clearly a tool for seeking revenge. They were blind to tears and deaf to pleas for mercy.  I know this because I interviewed one at length about her lifestyle.

    I suffered real and lasting re-traumatiazation from my time with pro disciplinarians.   Far from being my “fantasy,” these women were playing the monsters of my childhood.  This led to tumultuous relationships with them and ultimately to my being outed in real life.

    What was more painful than the physical punishment was the realization that they didn’t care about me, not a bit.  One did a great job of faking it until she decided to get rid of me and then showed the depths of her disdain for me.
     

    It was all about the money.  The one who traumatized me the most not only didn’t want to hear about it, she has tried to destroy my life to silence me so she can continue to profit from exploiting the unresolved traumas of others.

    One thing I will never understand about the women who practice DD with men in real life is whether they ever ask if this is healthy for him.  If a man says he needs to be beaten to the point of bruising and welting to “alleviate guilt” or to “be held accountable”, do you really think he is OK?  If you get your rocks off on his suffering— and I mean real suffering — is that OK too?  Not everyone builds a lifestyle around a terrifying childhood experience to assuage feelings of guilt and make sure their to do list gets done.  I get why the pros don’t ask this.  They made no bones about not caring about me much less loving me.  However, when you do this to someone you claim to love, it is hard to understand.  

    Communities like this can provide support for those with needs that are outside the mainstream, but they also can act as an echo chamber where no one questions the premises of what they do. I no longer have that luxury.

    I met real evil, face to face, for the first time with this activity. It will take years  of work to undo it.  

     

     

     

     

     

    1. Child of Light

      Child of Light

      We don't allow people who charge for their services to promote (guidelines updated last year)

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