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gravano last won the day on October 6 2018

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About gravano

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  1. Thanks for the detailed answer. I would think you would only be a "masochist" if the pain actually excites you sexually. I know that is not the case for me. I have had sexual arousal from thoughts of being spanked since I was 9. I have also struggled with suicide and depression. I didn't think there was anything troubling underneath the spanking fetish until I went down the rabbit hole with a particular pro disciplinarian for a period of two years. After she dumped me, I found out in therapy that I had PTSD from childhood. At the moment and for the foreseeable future, I no longer have a r
  2. I am really curious. Are you just craving frequent severe beatings or do you think that what she did to you is proportionate to the “offense” of a parking ticket? I can’t imagine what she would do to you for something like lying or getting fired from your job. It is hard to see how you escalate from what you describes without really damaging you. This is your second time and her second time and she is already pouring water on you to maximize the pain. I don’t think I have ever read a description that brutal for someone who just started. You are obviously not a masochist and you are r
  3. There are few things that anger me more than people on blogs who talk glibly and cheerfully about the beatings they give people.  I'm not talking about this blog. . There is one ER whom I despise and who routinely pisses me off, but I don't think I otherwise see the sort of sadistic gloating here that I am talking about. 

    The woman who writes this blog, however, is a different story: http://domesticdiscipline.info. 

    I don't care who consents to what.  If you cheerfully and gleefully brag about bruising and welting someone who is not a masochist, you're a sadistic scumbag.  

    1. Chastener


      I've always maintained that spanking is an intimacy and really shouldn't be discussed --at least in detail-- with anyone else.  

    2. Wifey


      Very well said. I have had a similar thought but couldn’t put it Into words 

  4. It is Important to come clean for your conscience, but you shouldn’t have to fear how badly he will hurt you. I would tell him that you did it, but that you either need to have some limit in place to protect yourself or that you are no longer going to submit to him. You are entitled to be able to apologize and unburden yourself like anyone else is without having to worry about whether he will lose control, seek revenge, or in some other way compromise your physical and/or emotional well-being. People make mistakes and apologize all the time without having to be hit - repeatedly - for th
  5. All these comments go to the reasons an EE should feel obligated to submit to an unfair punishment. None of them go to the legitimacy of an ER overriding a protest of unfairness. I don’t care if the “arrangement” grants the ER the authority to do anything. A protest of unfairness is the same as saying “I don’t want you to do this to me”. If the ER does it anyway, he or she deserves neither the power nor the relationship. An ethical and empathetic person would consider that protest tantamount to a withdrawal of consent. Consent that is the product of duress or coercion is ineff
  6. Techniques I have used A. Mindfulness 1. Imagine your breath coming in and out of the area where the blows are landing; and 2. Observe the pain like a reporter or a narrator. Note the area of the pain, whether it is “thuddy” or “stingy”, the variation or consistency of the intensity and any other qualities it has. This will allow you to detach from the pain and make it hurt less. When you identify with the pain as if it is part of you, it hurts a lot more and you can get overwhelmed at the feeling it will never end and that you may not be OK. B. Aggressive and Rap
  7. Thank you for sharing that. No one ever talks about that outcome even though it seems more than possible because the fantasy is so strong and the reality can be so miserable and oppressive.
  8. No, but I am pretty sure that being subjected to it as a child caused it.
  9. With all due respect to your wife, it is hard for me to imagine anything I have less sympathy for than an ER with a sore arm or wrist.
  10. Do You Ever Ask Yourself Why?

    Do you ever ask yourself why you feel the need to have someone hurt you?  We all have rationalizations like “accountability,” but I don’t think it is on our nature to want people to strike us repeatedly with leather, wood, and Lexan.  In my case, I was forced to ask “why” when a pro I saw decided to come after me in real life.  I learned that something went very wrong in childhood, and I sexualized the terror of childhood spanking.

    As a child, there is very little as terrifying and overwhelming as being told you will be spanked.  The fear is indescribable.  No one ever tells you “you’ll be Ok.” Instead they tell you they won’t stop until they think you “learned your lesson,” leaving you to speculate about how you will possibly endure it and how you can trust anyone who is supposed to “love you,” but would hurt you so badly and intentionally terrify you.  I don’t think it’s natural to want to recreate that experience as an adult. I did it as a way of feeling in control of what was a terrifying and out of control situation, but that was a maladaptive coping mechanism and my need to do it was an indication of deep trauma. 

    This is no judgment on my fellow EEs.  I don’t care about ERs at all, but I do care about EEs.  If there is something this activity Is masking, it may help you to look at it.  ERs won’t ask you the “why” because they have their own agendas, and your well being is not high on the list.  So, if you don’t ask “why”, no one else will.  The pro I saw surely didn’t ask why. She just took my $20K and then came after me personally.  If I had found out what was driving me in the first place, I could have avoided encountering the most heartless, uncaring, and evil woman I have ever met.

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. St.George


      Conversion to spankoism (is that a word?) is possible. I witnessed it myself in a friend of mine, who seemed naturally submissive and deferential. I suppose it can happen at any age. This goes back to Rude Rump's hypothesis that the trait is hardwired (genetic) rather than a result of environment. Maybe the truth is a bit of both. Genes and environment are mixed up in so many complicated ways and there are feedback loops as well, where genes can be suppressed or activated. Well, dipping a toe into deep waters.

    3. gravano


      It is hard to tell. I think if it is environmental that the triggering events may happen at a very young age, making them difficult to remember. I have one event I recall that I relate most clearly to it, but I suspect that something happened much earlier.

    4. gravano


      I've heard people say what you are saying about feeling "cared for" @Shy2020.  I think with what I saw growing up, I just have no ability to connect to or relate to it.  I don't think I was hit that much, but I was immersed in a neighborhood and school where it was constantly threatened and carried out viciously at times.  I never got the feeling a single adult gave a flying f&@k about the kids I knew, most of whom were varying degrees of feral.  

  11. Some ERs seem to enjoy putting you in an impossible situation and then punishing you for something that is involuntary and beyond your control. Then after working on techniques to allow me to remain still, I have had ERs say I should “react more” if I want them to end the spanking or dial back the intensity. I told one “I don’t want you to get too excited by seeing me react. It will only encourage you to beat me more.” I told her that if I became non-responsive, I thought she might lose interest because it was like beating a corpse. Bottom line: If they want to find a reason to
  12. Listen. Everyone can play whatever game they want in their head and pretend that the situation changes because it is “real discipline.” Legally, that means nothing. If someone communicates a request to stop and you don’t, you are guilty of assault. In some states you are even guilty if they “consent” because it is not a recognized affirmative defense to this kind of assault. So, if you are so intoxicated by your power to inflict pain on someone, you proceed at your own peril once they ask you to stop. If you have beaten them to a point where they can no longer effectively communic
  13. Unilaterally doing that and continuing to spank after the safe word is uttered would constitute assault and battery. Adding additional spanks would be clear evidence of malicious intent.
  14. The only woman I know who has FLRs refuses to do anything else and is the biggest control freak I have ever known. She also cares about her power and authority far more than any of the men she has had FLRs with.
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