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gravano last won the day on October 6 2018

gravano had the most liked content!


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  1. It happened once. She broke me completely and I wailed - not just sobbed - for at least 10 minutes afterward. I had uncontrollable nasal discharge. It was 5 years ago, and I am still f&$ked up from it. I couldn’t take the realization that she wanted to devastate me. It made me feel worthless and very alone.
  2. You came onto MY wall, not even a thread, but my wall and essentially told me I didn’t have the right to post what I posted because no one asked me to. When I found you had made a similar post months earlier, you were taken aback that I would look through what you said and assert it back at you. You aggressively trolled me, and I defended my right to express my opinion, albeit also aggressively. You deliberately came after me, and you didn’t challenge what I said. You challenged my right to say it, which are two very different things. Your characterization of it is disingenuous, but it got you the undeserved sympathy you were undoubtedly looking for. As @NewErpointed out you could have simply ignored what I said. She does for the most part except when, as you have done here, someone gives her the opportunity to bad mouth me. That is something she is apparently powerless to resist. I’m Ok with that because sometimes you know you are doing the right thing, not because of the friends you make, but because of the enemies you make. Anyone who wants can read the thread. It’s there to be seen. Or, just assume his characterization is right as everyone seems to be inclined to do.
  3. The feeling is very mutual. I can assure you.
  4. I have asked this question and never got good answers. Hopefully, you will. Here are mine. “How am I going to get through this”? ”This is too much pain.” ”I’ve got to do something, I can’t take this” ”How could she hurt me this badly”? ”She is really enjoying my suffering.” ”I’m not going to be OK” ”I have to go away (dissociate).” Although it looks that way in writing, these are not slow, deliberate thoughts. They are very rapid fire and “racing” as my mind reaches a state of desperation and panic.
  5. I think most people are hard wired to avoid pain, and it’s impossible for them to get their head around it. I would think it seems inherently traumatic to them even putting your first point aside. I have had this interest since I was 8 years old, and I don’t really understand anyone who does it for non-sexual reasons because it would seem like the goals (e.g., accountability) they describe would be attainable without physical pain, but there seem to be quite a few of them who say that. It never even dawned on me that anyone would do that until I found this site. Although I accept that it is true for many, it is hard for me to understand how you get this interest without trauma.
  6. Cruelty is often effective. People who refrain from cruelty don’t do so because cruelty isn’t effective. They refrain from it because they value the humanity other people.
  7. I’ll put this here so as to avoid any accusations of being unfair to ERs.  If you come here and read this, it’s on you.  You made the decision to come here. 

    Some ERs justify just about anything they do to an EE with “consent”.  

    Here is a simple question for EEs: in the middle of being spanked and all the emotional and physical distress it entails, how free do you feel to withdraw consent?  By “free” I am including any thing that would inhibit you, such as subspace, difficulty communicating, concern about how the ER will react, being bound by a CNC, wanting to look “tough”.  Anything.  

    If you’ve come at me in the forums or here on my wall, move on. This isn’t for you, and I am not looking for your input. 

    1. Show previous comments  11 more
    2. AfterGeometry


      Actually I heard Russian Roulette fetishes are not as therapeutic or invigorating to one's health as one would imagine.   In fact I have only seen it go right one time, and that was Robert DeNiro in The Deer Hunter...a living legend, so good luck with that.    😉

    3. gravano


      I don’t recommend it to be sure.  The closest I’ve come to encountering one is the movie “13.”

    4. OhRedhead


      As an EE, I feel totally confident in my ability to withdraw consent and have that respected, even in a very intense spanking. This is because I trust my partner 100%. I would not be consent to be spanked by someone I did not trust at this level. He has proven to me that my best interests are the top priority.

  8. That is actually one of the best, if not “the” best, answers I’ve ever seen to this question
  9. If you are an ‘EE you have probably experienced that helpless feeling when the pain is so intense that your brain is on fire and starts flooding you with rapid thoughts.  It always seemed like my brain was trying to find some way to exit the pain and that the longer the pain persisted, the faster it went.  

    Once I got to this state, because of the level of panic and fear, it became very difficult to do anything that would help.  For me, the key was avoiding getting to this state.   

    There are some strategies I have used to endure spankings that may help you.  The ones I used depended on the context and severity and my attitude toward the ‘ER.  

    1. Adopt an angry mindset. If I can get to an angry mindset, I find that I can tolerate a lot more.  I would breathe aggressively and forcefully and even snarl and growl right from the beginning, before the first blow landed. This got me through one where skin was ripped off of me.  In the beginning the ‘ER said, “I’m going to need you to breathe slower so you don’t hyperventilate.”  I said “I’m doing what I need to do to get through this.”  Your relationship with your ‘ER may make it hard for you to get into this headspace, but otherwise it can help.

    2. Use “pain acceptance” strategies. 
    Here it is key to stop your brain from drifting into a narrative about what is happening.  Pain is often intensified by the narrative we create around it.  It is counterintuitive, but focus on the pain by imagining you are breathing in and out of the areas where the blows are landing.  Note the details like a curious observer, e.g., the area over which the pain extends, thud versus sting, how the pain radiates after each blow.  The trick is not to get caught up in thinking about these things, just observe them from a sensory standpoint. Don’t create a running narrative in your head.  Just sense and notice.  I have used this in the hospital when pain gets really bad also.  I like this technique, but it can be hard to do if the ‘ER overwhelms you.

    3. Dissociate.  Pain needs your brain.  If your brain is somewhere else, you won’t feel the pain.  There are different ways to do this. One is to imagine yourself watching the spanking from above as an observer.  Then, imagine yourself pulling away until the scene of your spanking gets smaller and smaller until you are no longer there.  Another way is to just imagine yourself somewhere else doing something.  Make it participatory so you start talking to whomever you are envisioning.  I talk to my first dog.  Not only does this help with spankings, but it can help with really overwhelming pain of other types.  I used it in the ER (the hospital kind) when my bladder came close to rupturing.  It didn’t eliminate the pain, but it did help.












    1. Show previous comments  15 more
    2. gravano


      Mine is based on my personal experience, and I posted it on my wall so only someone who wanted to know what I had do say or an asshole looking for a fight would read it.

      And, no.  I didn’t look up your posts.  I did a search on “blocking” and ended up in that thread 

    3. shygurl


      Hey guys....lets tone down the arguing and swearing. You don't have to agree, but lets be adults and block each other or ignore each other. Everyone is entitled to their opinion here and all are allowed to post their personal experiences.

    4. dmirk


      Ukspanko is very much playing the troll here. 

      Yes, there shouldn’t be the profanity from anyone but there shouldn’t be constant criticism of a perfectly good post. 

  10. I appreciate that @Megthe. I just didn’t know any better, and I had no frame of reference for how it should be. Not all of them were like that all the time, and the last person I saw before I stopped the activity was very kind and caring. It is great that you are asking the question and trying to get some guidance.
  11. Accidentally posted too soon. I have asked that question of ERs several times and have observed what was done to me. I have seen widely varying answers, including: 1. “When they stop resisting” which the person confirmed meant “beaten into submission.” 2. If blood is drawn. 3. If the EE becomes non-responsive. 4. When an allegedly characteristic odor is emitted in the sweat. I believe “Caged Lion” said this on his blog. 5. When “limits” are reached, and by “limits” I do not mean the EEs “perceived” limits. I mean the point past which the ER believes lasting physical or psychological damage will occur. I had one ER stop once when I started shaking uncontrollably. Others blasted right through it. The person who gave “1” as the answer stopped when I began crying uncontrollably, which continued for 10-15 mins afterward, along with snotting all over hotel bed that she did it on. Another time she ripped skin the size of a quarter off my ass and kept going. If you really question someone in detail about this, as I have, it is surprising how hard a time they have articulating a clear answer. Many claim to “just know” when to stop.
  12. I have asked that question of ERs several times and have observed what was done to me. I have seen widely varying answers, including: 1. “When they stop resisting” whi
  13. My therapy is focused heavily on spanking. We are using techniques to recover repressed memories of when it was done to me to find out how the fear of it became so overwhelming that I sexualized it and to heal the part of me that experienced the fear. My current therapist indicates I will get to a point where I don’t need to rely on it sexually, but I don’t believe it. My previous therapist did EMDR on the spankings I had with a pro I saw until 2018. She pointed out that it is considered a disorder in the DSM, which hit me (no pun intended) really hard. I have found it incredibly hard to discuss with therapists and only was able to do so when it caused my life to go ways off the rails.
  14. The compartmentalization I was referring to is not necessarily conscious. It just means that in the moment, your decision making is not what it would otherwise have been if you fully subscribe to the rule and would feel bad not to have done so because you believe in its legitimacy.
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