BlackSATX

I agree "Topspace" or sometimes called Dom-space is a thing. Ever have a "ee" tell you that was a very hard spanking? Think back to how you felt when you were delivering that spanking. Having started out with a focus in BDSM, I think most people will notice a shift if an "ee" moves into subspace. The first time you experience it you will most likely think something is wrong here and check with your partner to see if all is okay...in most cases that will pull them out of subspace and you can discuss what just happened. If you are thinking we are at a point I would expect the use of a safe-word and your partner is taking all you can give, it would be a good idea to dial it back a bit they could have slip into subspace.

I have not used the hairbrush that much, but I find a rectangle brush, with a medium handle that will fit my hand works well. Yes, wood is my material of choice.

I have always considered my self to be an equal “opportunity” Spanker. I will spank anyone I am comfortable being around after I have had a chance to get to know them. The Spanko lifestyle does not just appeal to the straight man or woman, the fit, the rich, the successful, but to people from all walks of life. A person’s sexuality should not matter, but their character is another question, take a few minutes to get to know the person you’re going to spank or be spanked by; are they giving off vibes that you do not like? Time to move on!

Yes, you are correct with that statement at least for me; having been in the BDSM lifestyle the Sado/Masochist link is always in the background and it does provide a check on the punishment I am willing to give out. I know the line and when it is crossed...the effects I have seen of some punishment to me is more along the lines of a Sado/Masochist relationship. I think there are sadist tendencies in some ER, and masochist in EE; to me the difference is knowing where that line (abuse) is and not going beyond it. Sorry, can't really get my thoughts together on this one as self examination on this subject is not easy!

I think a lot of Spankers' (er) have a problem to be honest about a question of this nature. I have wrestled with answering this question when ask of me on several occasions, because I have to actually examine my reason behind liking to give spankings. Yes I can dress it up with wanting to help someone meet there goals and improve themselves as a person...and that is a big part of it. But, why when I have not giving a spanking in a while, do I go on the hunt for a willing butt to spank? I have come to the conclusion it is something I want/need as much as the spankee. It is the need that is hard to explain or accept as it brings to mind "Maslow's hierarchy of needs" and this fits in the psychological need category (belonging/esteem). So while I do not believe I get irritable or upset, I certainly do feel motivated to calm the desire to spank.

Be yourself, I feel that is the most important thing, then when you meet someone they see you as you are and can check off all your plus and minus boxes and accept you as you truly are or move on. No I am not saying to blurt out your interest in the first five minutes but I am saying if the topic come up do not shy away from it. Lets face the facts there are not many people who are looking for a 24/7 DD relationship, life has a way of getting in the way of that! I mean unless you both are willing to put in the desire and energy to make it work it will not. You are young, live life! Walk on both sides of the street, it is okay to have a vanilla relationship or two, or three. Just live, experiment and see if this lifestyle out paces the vanilla world in such a way that you are sure it is the only thing that will make you feel fulfilled as far as a relationship is concerned. A point of reference for you is that many of us here have a vanilla spouse and still satisfy our need to be in the spanking community. Yes, it does take a lot of trust and a hell of a lot of discussion (speaking from experience here) but it is possible. Remember the easier way to loose a game is to quit!

I have had a few spankee's request to be restrained and wanted a very severe spanking. I do think this type of spanking is edging towards the BDSM world, and yes I know there is a lot of spanking going on in BDSM but I think it is a different mindset. It is a bit tricky to keep to a purest attitude about spanking as spankers and spankees run the full range of interest with different needs. I always use my judgment on the severity of a spanking and I demand the use of a safe word when using restraints. In the sessions I have used them I do feel it did add to the intensity for both me and the spankee.

Hi Rose, Welcome to the Forum, I think you will find their are some friendly folks here willing to offer you their take on just about any and everything to do with spanking. As to your situation it is not uncommon for someone (your husband) to think of spanking as a couple of swats on the rear while engaging in sex. As you have discovered he is most likely not a Spanko and spanking for him could have a sexual connotation. Talk to him about your need for discipline and get his agreement on you finding a disciplinarian if possible before venturing out too far. Take a few minutes to go through the Forum and get a feel for spanking outside the bedroom for there are many who view spanking as your husband does and are looking for that type of interaction. I wish you luck in your quest...and again welcome.

I think the major difference between a leader and a manager is how they accomplish the task in front of them. A manager is more concerned with the resources to get the job done, the leader is concerned about the people doing the job. Granted that is a very simplified response but I think it is the core of what leadership and management is all about...I will also add my view is shaded from doses of leadership and management training in the military but I found those basic tenets to apply in everyday life as well. As a manager my job is to insure you have all the resources you need to accomplish the task you have been given. It also important that I ensure you are in the right job to begin with; again proper use of a resource. If I can get the right people and materials to accomplish a task where they need to be for the most part I have been successful as a manager. When the manpower and materials are in place (and sometimes getting them in place) is where leadership takes over. The leader use these resources to get the task done trough the people he is working with. In many cases there is a gray line when it comes to leadership and management as they are often embodied in the same person especially in the top of an organization. Also, it is not necessarily the person who is put in a position of leadership will lead, in any task a leader will come to the front. Sometimes leadership means recognizing someone else is better suited to lead on the task at hand and it is time to let them take the lead. As to heroes, I truly believe there is a hero in all of us. Some have just been put in a situation where their hero spirit comes to the front. To me , a hero is a person who when things seem impossible manages to pull it all together foe a better outcome. I know kind of technical, but I hope it helps.