Explorify

As a non-practitioner, I'm just curious about something. When you self-spank are you fantasizing about being spanked by another or are you consciously punishing yourself for some perceived shortcoming? -Ex.

IMHO, you have done this exactly right. I have found the rule you describe to be a necessary one if the parties are in a LTR and serious about spankings being discciplinary. As in your case, there may be relaxation over time after the parties know each other really well, but I personally think that prior to that it is asking too much of fallible human beings to try to impose a divide between discliplinary and erotic spankings without imposing a temporal barrier between the former and having sexual relations. -Ex.

"You may rub, provided you spin slowly as you do."

Sounds promising to me. Again, the risks should be low if everyone is on board. And with the other two watching - however embarassing that may be for you - there don't seem to be any great odds that he will do anything that seriously needs to concern you physically. -Ex.

This should be pretty simply to arrange. You offer to your guy as a special favor that you would be ok with him spanking her. He probably secretly wants to do that and will be grateful to you for the suggestion. He probably won't even focus on the natural consequence that the other guy gets to spank you. And you are likely to find that experience more than thrilling enough to be worth the physical pain - especially since at the end of the day it is your guy who winds up comforting you. -Ex.

As people with legal backgrounds have pointed out on this site before, the only reasonably prudent course is to be very paranoid about any unnecessary disclosure. Depending on the state, a huge array of professionals are mandated reporters. That means in many instances that if you say, “ My domestic partner administered corporal punishment to me,” game over. The, “but it was purely consensual,” won’t matter. The idea of those laws is that of course the abused partner would say that. The professional is under a legal duty to report and then the investigative authorities can sort out whether it really was consensual. Needless to say, that scenario is highly undesirable and very much to be avoided if reasonably possible, even if the price of the avoidance is some harmless cover-up like “dumb me, I managed to slip at the top of the stairs the other day and slide right down to the bottom, bumping my backside on every step.” -Ex.

I'm not sure that was Handily's original proposal. I think the idea was that members who had visited pros could post a review. The pros themselves would continue to be barred. I doubt this difference will help much with your lawyers, though. -Ex.

When I was around 5, I eagerly participated in a spanking game that involved me getting a bare bottom spanking from a slightly older boy in the presence of a girl my age, who also got one. Like others, I energetically sought out the slightest references in literature. Around puberty, the fantasies associated with those readings expanded to having me in the spanking role. In the many decades since, I have entirely enjoyed being a switch. -Ex.

There may be, as the question suggests, a gender difference at work here or we may just be talking about the difference between a disciplinary and a dom/sub dynamic. For myself, on the 'ee side of things, I want clear rules and discipline to follow from breaking them, with the aim that they not be broken again. How I accomplish that is my problem. If the 'er were to exercise the various forms of control mentioned to insure that the rules were followed, this would defeat the purpose of my internalizing the change and making it permanent. I want to make a change that doesn't rely on those controls. -Ex.

You might experiment with a continuation of the spanking session after sex. He may be fine with that, once he has come. If you have come too, you are very likely to find that the spanking hurts a lot more then. -Ex.

I think the reality is that this will depend a lot on the interaction between you two at the time. It is possible, as previous comments suggest, that the 'er will treat the nudity aspect very matter-of-factly and that your pain will rapidly drive the issue out of your mind. It is also possible that the 'er will make it a point (as I often do) to drive home the lack-of-clothing issue throughout the session, and that you will have it near the top of your mind regardless of what else may be happening. I think the practical conclusion, although I recognize is it easier said than done, is to try to limit the amount of mental energy you spend obsessing about an issue as to which you will in the end only have to wait and see. -Ex.

Different individuals have different desires, and the same individual can have different desires at different times. As a crude generalization, my experience has been that people fall on a bell-shaped curve. Some want the physical impact to be fairly light because anything too severe distracts them from relishing the mental impact. Some are what are colloquially known as “pain sluts.” For them the experience just isn’t worth having unless accompanied by serious physical pain and the more serious the pain the more desirable the experience. In the middle are people who want the spanking to be intense enough so that they really wish it would stop but not so intense that it becomes torture. The ideal state for them at the end of a spanking would be to be entirely wrung out, having taken just a bit more than they thought they could. This is somewhat like runners who push the pace and at the end of the run are satisfied that they have gone as fast as they possibly could, having left nothing behind on the route. Like runners, many such people gradually over time build up the intensity levels, and find pleasure in doing so. -Ex.

Because both have their advantages, as many people have elaborated on this thread, my preference is always to start and end by hand. Whether I am acting as 'er or 'ee, and no matter how many implements have been used in the middle of the session, I find the most satisfying ending to be over the lap by hand on the punished bottom with the 'ee sobbing repentence. -Ex.

Unless I am missing something that others can see, it seems to me that this plan is pretty safe and could be a great deal of fun. Perhaps you could start by meeting somewhere where the four of you could talk over the whole plan and all the details. The idea would be that there is no pressure; each member of the group is free to veto all or part of the proposal for any reason. Then you take a day or two to think things over, and proceed from there. -Ex.

I have a related fantasy. I am lord of the manor in a culture where I am entitled to sleep with the servant women of the estate on the night before their weddings. But I don’t. Instead, I bring in the couple, and give the husband-to-be a detailed demonstration of how to spank his wife. I have been disciplining her as servant until this point and continue to have that right. I point out to him that I will still exercise it if her behavior shows he has not been doing an adequate job. -Ex.