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EdmontonSpanker last won the day on July 1

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  1. If you haven't seen it yet, go to 2:22 in this video for a slip of the tongue:
  2. Interesting! You are right. This is the first regular site I have seen as such. I consider it a step forward for humanity. Below are screenshots of what how one can search. Unfortunately as Del says, the number of results is paltry. "Spanking" and "Being spanked" is provided for in ability to search of the profile text. But gives zero female results for the entire world. There are also the "questions" section as shown that does show some results (but not in my area). To get any result the person has to have answered the question and I don't see how a new profile can even get asked these sorts of questions let alone answer them. It show you a bunch of regular questions like "do you like scary movies" to anwer. But I think the kinky ones have been taken out.
  3. I agree with the comments suggesting that my first post is too "either/or". A person is moreso various percentage amounts of various things. And those percentages can change over time or according to situation or who you are with etc. etc.
  4. Believe me that is what I would prefer to be a societal norm. Life is short and years pass by quicker and quicker the longer you live. One has wasted many years not even daring to speak about it (due to being utterly taboo) And now this damn COVID is going to last for some time. It really does seem less than optimal. To answer your question though: I believe most women recoil when a new man seems to have only one thing on his mind and may therefore be the kind that will only have a short "hookup" and then disappear. Also, some are not just keen to talk about such things openly with someone new --- they may be shy to do so... or they may feel it sends the wrong "kind of signal" being so direct. I certainly see the phrase "friends first" used a LOT in vanilla dating profiles. This does not mean that women do not appreciate subtle and indirect ways to broach the question of erotic attraction that still maintain "plausible deniability" which means if there is not a common mutual interest, then everyone still gets to save face and pretend like it wasn't about that at all. E.g. a woman who asks you "excuse me sir can you tell me the time" may decide to say that she was, in fact, doing so because she wanted to know the time. In general, this way of interacting is what they call flirting. And dating for that matter is about that too. It is not just about being instantly attracted (which is great if it happens) but also about building attraction.
  5. Anyone else have any comments about trying to find another spanko through regular dating? Many have said how the "spanking personals" in one's own region can come up empty for them. And so that leads one back to considering the "vanilla" world of regular dating - knowing that it's a long shot (but not impossible) that you can find someone with some common interest. On website dating profiles, I've tried putting some references to a "fetish for consensual spanking play". eHarmony deleted my account. Other sites just delete that sentence from the profile. It's a pity. With so much tolerance for other orientations (e.g. gay), spankos are still living in a world that won't allow mention of it. So you can say so in your private messages, but there seems to be a real downside in bringing any such topics up "too soon". I can understand the female perspective which is the scenario of the empty hookup and one-track mind which they dislike intensely. But it seems to be that the subject could be broached for the purposes of seeking compatibility, and then the regular scenario of dating and going for walks and taking it slow would be understood to be the next step and then only if there's a feeling of mutual desire for something ongoing would play start. Well it sounds logical on paper. In practice things are never quite so easy. P.S. So in the initial stages you never mention anything....... But then how to broach the subject when you seem to be compatiable in other ways. Romantic Idea: Here is a wine company that seems to be "one of us".https://spankingbottomwine.com/our-story.htmlGood way to do a little test to see if your date is spanko or not, just take her out and order this at the restaurant. Either you will get giggles and gleaming eyes and smiles and ping ponging comments back and forth between you... ...or it'll go over like a lead balloon. And then you'll know.
  6. To me........ there are two major and very different types of spanko: - SPANKING FETISH: those who love spanking because there's just something about the bottom, and bottom pain, that is so thrilling and endlessly delicious. - PUNISHMENT FETISH: those who love things like control, behavior modification, etc. and when combined, they can and do find that they really aren't on the same wavelength and don't resonate with each other. Then within each type it would subdivide into the benefits that it brings the person. - EROTIC: it brings sexual pleasure - NON-EROTIC: non-sexual reasons such as ridding of guilt, stress relief, feeling being looked after, stopping bad habits, cultivating good habits, etc. and so, similarly, two people may get together and be interested in completely different things. And lastly, if EROTIC, then it divides into if the spanking play actually includes any sexual activity to or is it strictly done in a platonic mode (i.e. where nothing like sexual touching occurs during play, however the platonic participants still do it because of the erotic appeal of it and they do get sexual pleasure for example by fantasizing about it beforehand or going home and pleasuring themselves afterwards thinking about it, or things of that nature. Spanking parties are an example: all play is platonic there (sexual activity being a huge no-no at the party), but of course many attendees are in the EROTIC category). The general topic how to being more success in finding compatible playmates and/or discussion of what kind of play to do together was what brought this to mind. Also perhaps how to cause a person seeking a potential playmate to be more confident they knew that it would be a good experience and therefore result in more people trying to get together rather than getting cold feet. If it was more routine for each person to identify clearly i) what type they are and, additionally, ii) what types they are willing to be for the other person (and the remainder would then identify the types they refuse outright). as well as clearly if they (i) ARE or (ii) ARE NOT currently looking for a playmate / partner. Imagine a spanko matchmaking site that allowed one to specify these things and do a search for what you were looking for and/or be found by those who were searching for what you like too. Examples of confusion and undesireable outcomes that would be avoided by this would be: - people who want to explore a PUNISHMENT FETISH experience but get SPANKING FETISH experience instead. Or vice versa. - people who seem to be ruling out EROTIC without being clear if what they mean is "I WANT PLATONIC PLAY" or do they mean "I WANT NON-EROTIC PLAY". By the same token, some who are very open about how they find it EROTIC, but are being ruled out because it gives the impression that they wouldn't be perfectly happy to engage in platonic play - when in fact they would. Just some thoughts. P.S. To make things more complicated I think these are not "either" / "or " categories. In fact a person can be a combination of each, depending on mood, e.g. 80% SPANKING / 20% PUNISHMENT 70% EROTIC / 30% NON-EROTIC and of course the extent to which a play session can be "sexual" is a sliding scale from, for example, allowing some caressing of the bare bottom, all the way up to fondling of erogenous zones or beyond.
  7. She's looking for a female spanker. Here is one option for you if you can't find one any other way: http://www.bettycocker.ca/
  8. Novelty is a factor. The libido can flourish based on a regular injection of novelty. Of course a different and new partner is one way. But partnerships usually are based on a commitment to keep it to be the same person always. To me the only way to keep novelty is to start slow. For example a couple that enjoyed hand spankings would get curious about implements. And when they tried those it would still be as "red hot" sex as ever (pun intended). And then try longer. And then try harder. And then try this. And then try that. Different role plays. Seeing and getting comfortable with marking. Etc. etc. My point is: sometimes I see pictures posted (e.g. on Fetlife) of very young girls, who proclaim they are so happy having had their "very first spanking". And it looks like a very harsh spanking with welts bruises and all kinds of marks (showing many different types of toys used). And I simple ask this question: where does it go from there? Hasn't this, in fact, ruined the whole joy of an ongoing evolving exploration of ones fetish gradually, over time? Each step glorious and enchanting in it's own way. All that is lost.
  9. To me, there are two subcategories of "sexual". - a scene which is done because it's sexy to have a spanking play scene. But nothing sexual happens. - the same, but then it is mixed with sexual behaviour (such as touching/stimulating erogenous zones, bring to orgasm, things like that). To me, therefore "non-sexual" is neither of the above. It is done for some other reason entirely (e.g. helping someone stop texting and driving) and the two players see nothing even sexy about it. Some do go for this kind of play. I don't. I am of either of the above two types. Bottom line (pun intended): a flogger can certainly be used in all the above types of play.
  10. You can find plenty of men who are a good match for you, I am sure. There is no reason to be involved with someone who behaves in such a crazy-making way. Life is too short. P.S. I have asked the owners of the site why the personal ads section doesn't seem to be working here: http://www.spankingneeds.com/date/
  11. I had to look that up. It is similar isn't it. Even has 10 levels too. (but I see its purpose is for photography not bottom-reddening ). P.S. The drawing isn't mine but a find from somewhere on the internet. Cheers.
  12. Those who have no spanking playmate and can't find one no matter what they do feel huge grief and loss because of something that they want so deeply but are starting to resign themselves to the fact that they cannot have. Hence the realization comes that if the fetish could be made to fade away, then the grief would too. Similarly for those who do have a partner but who refuses to allow spanking play. The happiness of the relationship would be better without the fetish. I would be a solution. But what I have found however, is you can't "give it up". It's not like a bad habit like smoking that you stop, and then the less you have had, the less desire you have for it.
  13. Indulge it. Then, over time, it becomes no longer as novel, no longer as special as it once was. It still has a lot of power. But it turns into the kind of power you can more easily say "not now..... let's think of other things today" and be able to do that more successfully. Some days you can even find yourself feeling "what a ridiculous thing to like!" and almost can't understand what you saw in it. Only denying it, I have found, just makes the obsession eventually reappear with a vengeance even stronger than before.
  14. Ultimately the answers will come from within - these that they things that you dream about and yearn for. People are very different in their tastes - even within the spanking fetish. Therefore there are no "right or wrong" ways to like spanking. You have just your way. Talking with others is fine to help explore possibilities to see what you like. But don't let people tell you want to want become of some arbitrary talk of "what a sub should do" or whatever. What's right for them is not necessarily right for you.
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