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EdmontonSpanker last won the day on July 1

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  1. She's looking for a female spanker. Here is one option for you if you can't find one any other way: http://www.bettycocker.ca/
  2. Novelty is a factor. The libido can flourish based on a regular injection of novelty. Of course a different and new partner is one way. But partnerships usually are based on a commitment to keep it to be the same person always. To me the only way to keep novelty is to start slow. For example a couple that enjoyed hand spankings would get curious about implements. And when they tried those it would still be as "red hot" sex as ever (pun intended). And then try longer. And then try harder. And then try this. And then try that. Different role plays. Seeing and getting comfortable with marking. Etc. etc. My point is: sometimes I see pictures posted (e.g. on Fetlife) of very young girls, who proclaim they are so happy having had their "very first spanking". And it looks like a very harsh spanking with welts bruises and all kinds of marks (showing many different types of toys used). And I simple ask this question: where does it go from there? Hasn't this, in fact, ruined the whole joy of an ongoing evolving exploration of ones fetish gradually, over time? Each step glorious and enchanting in it's own way. All that is lost.
  3. To me, there are two subcategories of "sexual". - a scene which is done because it's sexy to have a spanking play scene. But nothing sexual happens. - the same, but then it is mixed with sexual behaviour (such as touching/stimulating erogenous zones, bring to orgasm, things like that). To me, therefore "non-sexual" is neither of the above. It is done for some other reason entirely (e.g. helping someone stop texting and driving) and the two players see nothing even sexy about it. Some do go for this kind of play. I don't. I am of either of the above two types. Bottom line (pun intended): a flogger can certainly be used in all the above types of play.
  4. You can find plenty of men who are a good match for you, I am sure. There is no reason to be involved with someone who behaves in such a crazy-making way. Life is too short. P.S. I have asked the owners of the site why the personal ads section doesn't seem to be working here: http://www.spankingneeds.com/date/
  5. I had to look that up. It is similar isn't it. Even has 10 levels too. (but I see its purpose is for photography not bottom-reddening ). P.S. The drawing isn't mine but a find from somewhere on the internet. Cheers.
  6. Those who have no spanking playmate and can't find one no matter what they do feel huge grief and loss because of something that they want so deeply but are starting to resign themselves to the fact that they cannot have. Hence the realization comes that if the fetish could be made to fade away, then the grief would too. Similarly for those who do have a partner but who refuses to allow spanking play. The happiness of the relationship would be better without the fetish. I would be a solution. But what I have found however, is you can't "give it up". It's not like a bad habit like smoking that you stop, and then the less you have had, the less desire you have for it.
  7. Indulge it. Then, over time, it becomes no longer as novel, no longer as special as it once was. It still has a lot of power. But it turns into the kind of power you can more easily say "not now..... let's think of other things today" and be able to do that more successfully. Some days you can even find yourself feeling "what a ridiculous thing to like!" and almost can't understand what you saw in it. Only denying it, I have found, just makes the obsession eventually reappear with a vengeance even stronger than before.
  8. Ultimately the answers will come from within - these that they things that you dream about and yearn for. People are very different in their tastes - even within the spanking fetish. Therefore there are no "right or wrong" ways to like spanking. You have just your way. Talking with others is fine to help explore possibilities to see what you like. But don't let people tell you want to want become of some arbitrary talk of "what a sub should do" or whatever. What's right for them is not necessarily right for you.
  9. p.s. I meant to say (but somehow did not to) that one could, therefore, argue that the darker tones in levels VII and VII are not just deeper levels of redness, but exhibit the mild "all-over" bruising described above, beginning to appear. A matter of debate. Having a real bottom to look at would of course make it so much easier to tell for sure.
  10. The bigger paddle is more severe because it has more weight. That is because it is thicker (plus larger too). The small one is 1/2" thick and the large one is 3/4". I prefer toys 1/2 inch thick and/or less, myself. Less thick still has PLENTY enough punishing power to produce enough sensation to make a spankee's bottom really throb and burn and redden and jiggle and bounce around and wiggle before your very eyes --- all the things that are extremely charming and pleasing to a spanker or a reader of a story. A paddle that is heavier will apply more force given the same swing. And really once you get beyond 1/4" all you are doing is adding in the potential to cause bruising more easily and quickly -- with the corresponding increase in pain being negligible in my opinion. (Some will say with increasing thickness, the amount of sting gets replaced by a different kind of pain called "thud". 'll leave it to others to give any details about that. In my opinion, sting is given from very thin up to 3/16". Thicker than that combines the sting with thud. And oer 1/2" inch is pretty much pure thud but not necessarily more painful.... and like I said, just causes bruising more easily and more soon. Which is not what we want. the great fun is when one gets to spank for longer and harder not shorter and softer :). Now, note: you could use a severe one and swing it lighter and then it wouldn't be severe any more. This is probably a very important thing to make sure you know. In point of fact, a spanker can use ****ANY**** toy and then decide that they absolutely positively do not want to bruise or mark... and they can be successful. Just by calibrating the swing. Even what I have described as the worst toy that is the most risky -- the whip -- can be used very gently and it will not mark. But it will also not hurt very much at all (which I think is what you also want to happen right?). So then the comments I made above can be factored in and use the less risky toys rather than the more risky ones. A spanker will never stupidly just swing with all their might (well.. except with a fun toy like a strap made of felt or something like that). Good spanks are always carefully calibrated, measured administrations of a certain precise amount of force that is completely under control as to where it lands and how hard it is. The attached picture may help. 10 carefully-defined, graduated categories of discipline results. I is the beginning. The longer the spanking goes on, the more the results are achieved. The spanker can stop at any time (which simply therefore easily guarantees that undesired levels will never happen). Also the spankee always has the safe words (e.g. green - ok, yellow - getting near my limits so don't go any harder than this, red - stop or else this will be too much for me ) and they often are used to control what happens (and often get to yellow well before any markings would ever occur). The levels in the picture can be interpreted different ways... but let me put a stake in the ground with my interpretation... and say that what we see here is as follows: from level I to VII... we see the incremental increases in redness that a spanked bottom will exhibit the longer harder it is spanked (and the harder the spanks are the quicker this will happen). To me, any of these would be a one that you would pick for your story as the goal and then write it accordingly. Again, most toys could be used to accomplish this but we want to reduce risk of marks happening unintentionally, so either use risky toys lightly or use less risky toys more intensely. This redness will last after the spanking but will fade after a short time (e.g. a day) and leave an unmarked bottom thereafter. No damage has occured. - in level IX and X we start to see the spots which are a darker red. Those, to me, are markings. They are either bruises (e.g. from a tawse or sharp edged paddle), or welts (e.g. from a cane), or cuts (e.g. from a whip). Those will take longer then a day to go away (but the regular red parts will fade as described above). So, note, that in your idea for a story that CAN do some marking.. but CANNOT cut, you needn't worry about using a strap or a tawse. Go ahread! You can use those, produce some bruising and not be in danger of cutting. In my interpretation of the picture, level X has no cuts and (to me) one would have to go to (unshown) levels like XI or XII etc to get cuts. One last thought. There is a large variation in how easily a particular spankee bruises. We all know some friend who seems to bruise so easily when they even so much as bump their forearm on a door knob. For the purposes of a story one would probably pick a spankee who is not like that. nd yes, there are some spankee bottoms out there that for some reason, can take a surprising amount of whacks and still not mark very much. At most their bottoms redness starts to get brighter and brighter and takes on a bit of a darker hue and that, then, is an "all-over" mild bruising that is a lot like the redness, but takes more than 1/2 days to go away so it is a mild bruising too. To me this is the case with this spankee who takes an unbelievable amount of spanks with some very severe implements, without much damage at all from what I can see: https://www.spankingtube.com/video/55315/sunnyside-up). Similarly with pain tolerance. There is a large variation between spankees. Those who have huge pain tolerances are more at risk of marking (because they themselves can in fact tell the spanker that the need to really feel it). So picking a spankee who does not have this kind of huge pain tolerance will result in less risk of bruising just because the desired level of reacting and pleading and howling and bucking and writhing in delicious hot-bottom pain can be easily obtained without it. P.S. All above are just the best thoughts I can offer from my own beliefs and experiences. Good luck and all the best with your endeavors!
  11. Some don't allow this. I am the opposite, my spankees are fully allowed to make noise and/or wiggle and writhe. It's quite charming to watch. Sometimes they even stand up and hop and do the "hot-burning-sore-bottom" dance if they have to. Rubbing away and going "ow ow owwww". When they recover they must re-assume the proper position, which is to offer up their bottom to me, sticking out, and holding still, so as to invite the next whack. Sometimes I make them say something like "Bottom ready Sir! Please make it hard". This is also quite charming to watch. Not doing this or taking too much time to do this is quite alright.. But it is a naughty things to do so it increases the length of and/or the intensity of the punishment.
  12. A few thoughts about the goal of maximum sensation and minimum marking (which are goals that my tastes always lean towards). avoid straight edges and/or sharp edges. These are what cause bruising by "digging" into the bottom. The more rounded the shape of the toy, the better. Similarly with the edges.. smoothly rounded edges are best, even with leather. leather will mark less than wooden toys because it "gives" more than wood which is so rigid. Having said that leather comes in a range of rigidities: from very supple to stiff. The stiffer ones mark more easily. But too supple will not cause much pain. So seek a happy medium between the two. The weight and also thickness of the toy also are factors in the same way. again for the same reason do not pick a toy with holes. These holes "grab" the bare bottom in a way that causes marking more easily. A pure smooth supple flat leather surface is best to discipline a bare bottom and make it sore and red and hot but avoid bruises or welts. Anything like a thin rod (i.e. a crop or cane) will also "dig" into the bottom in a concentrated line and so can mark. Similarly with toys like tawses or floggers that have narrow "tongues" of leather. And even with straps, (even if not as thin as a tawse) have the same syndrome which is that the spanker cannot control or diminish the fact that the end of it impacts the bottom with the most force (since it is travelling faster than the rest of the toy). For these reasons, whips are the worst possible choice of all. To me this can lead to only one choice: the leather paddle. I am not promoting or affiliated with this site at all, just providing the link to illustrate the points I am making in this post: https://www.aswgt.com/ The spanker applies the measured amount of force uniformly across the chosen area of the bottom with minimal "digging" from the edges. this leaves the question of how much the toy should hurt the bare bottom. This site illustrates that If you click a particular toy (the name, not the picture) you will see how there is a category for each toy e.g. "gentle" "moderate" or "severe". This is the net result of all the points above (i.e. how rigid is it, how thick is it, how heavy is it, and how sharp are the edges) being added up to generate a single category. And for your story it sounds like "moderate" is the happy medium category you would want. To me your choice might well be a moderate, leather, hairbrush paddle such as the small one here: https://www.aswgt.com/hairbrush.html If that is too harsh, then the perhaps make it a but thinner in your story. Or perhaps the "pocket paddle" instead.
  13. Quick question about the link to "New Personals and Classifieds"... ... will it become available in future?
  14. Any implement can be used with the gentleness of a caress which would make the spankee say "Oh!! how lame is that!!" up in scale in small increments all the way to "OOOO LAAA LAAA!". With the right partner, secure in the knowledge that the spanker is taking great pains to play within the spankee's range and never beyond, then I would venture to say that implements can match any spankee's fantasies. Not only that but can exceed the spankee's dreams. And also can generate new dreams and fantasies too. Once something is experienced it opens the spankee's curiosity about next time trying something else (e.g. the same implement but harder or higher count.... or a completely different implement that had no prior interest at all... suddenly it becomes a new source of fascination and craving). Having said that, there is a common scenario where the severity of the spanks needed to get the spankee to the "OOOOO LAAA LAAA" point are less in reality than they were in her fantasy. But no matter. Her experience is the same regardless. She is enveloped in the experience of being one thing. A sore and burning, bright-red, involuntarily bucking and wriggling, bare spanked bottom. And she has been brought to the point where her sore spanked bottom is making her sing!!
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