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Curious60

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About Curious60

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 06/03/1952

Profile Information

  • Age
    60
  • Location
    Uk
  • Gender
    Male
  • Experience
    Regular
  • Role
    Spanker

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  1. welcome to the site, enjoy and make new friends . In the outside world be safe and as other say lots of sane people with advice here
  2. I have had one experience of genuine subspace with a spankee, she was with me for a few years we really got to know and trust one another . She is now happliy married to someone who loves and spanks her and about to have her first child. But for a while I was her spanker . With her it was achieved with a strap and it was a function of repeated smacks low down where her bottom and thighs met , not exceptionally hard smacks but hard enough to get her attention . She said " don't stop" not a normal spankee response in a discipline session ! But it became far more than a discipline session. Like is said above she glazed over and seemed to go deep inside herself . I quickly realised she wasn't actually noticing the smacks it was part a much bigger experience for her - she was basically purring like a very contented cat . She said afterwards it was pure contentment- a bit like ghosts I didn't believe in it until I saw it . I dint think I could ever " recreate the experience " it was a then and now" thing for someone and she just happened to be in the mental state to get there . One word of caution to spankers, if she ( I guess he too) is there then they will not be aware of the strokes there is a danger of smacking too hard it was the rhythm I think that mattered not the stinging, her bottom was already well stung !
  3. I think for me it has been a realisation that it is a shared thing and there are plenty of people like us out there . Apart from my wife who i love and spank I have met some really lovely spankees and have hopefully given then what they need . I have met very few nasty people many genuine and lovely ones and it has been very good to share my experiences test then with theirs and come to the cinculion that we all have needs, spankers and spankees , and it is great when they come together
  4. Like other here I am principally a disciplinarian, but also like others I have experienced discipline. I think that is really important because you need too understand what is going though the mind of your mentee, as well as what they will feel on their bottom . I wouldn't however seek that experience from a current mentee, I think the status of he relationship , the authority with in it that they need could be damaged. I hope that makes sense Curious 60
  5. This is an interesting theme because I think the " not letting go " " not crying " issue can be a very real concern. As a spanker I have experience of those who were tearful from the outset, before anything made contact with their bottom through to those who were silent throughout . My wife sometimes is emotionally expressive sometimes not,actually on reflection she is less responsive the more serious the issue. I have only disciplined one woman who has spoken openly about this and she came to me because she felt that her public personna and her private one were out of sync . In public she is very much in control and in private she wants to be accountable. She thought spankng would solve thst, it didn't. It served a purpose but what she really needed was a full on personal relationship ( ours was purely disciplinary kind of mentor mentee ) which reflected her need for a more complete version of submission. Her defence barriers were too well established to allow her to " give in " completely otherwise. She found herself intellectualising the experience rather than taking it at a feelings level if that makes sense. It took her a while but she finally did find the person who could give her that full on experience in a relationship Which is a long way to say " we are all different " which has been the point many have made. C60
  6. That is a really good question! First it depends on the circumstances. If it is a fun ,erotic, exploratory spanking then it is all about communication and you should both be clear on what you want . So I can't feel issues there Disciplinary spankings are different. I think if any spanker has not had reservations about delivering hard painful spankings then they should not be spanking . This isn't about whacking a bottom it is about meeting a need for the spanked person .that for me is what makes it possible . I hope that makes sense? C60
  7. Torc 87's response is excellent and I think describes this for many people, on both sides of the spanking spectrum . I think if you are thinking about it enough to be here then it probably says that at some pint you need to try it. C60
  8. Hi Anni You have some tough choices, there is no denying that. I spank mentees and I am married. I won't even try to explain the dynamics there other than to say when i spank other women there is no other sexual element to it whatsoever but that is not to deny that that spanking is an intimate thing between two people, another kind of relationship if you like. A conversation I had with another mentee some time ago was that she really needed to find a boyfriend who could discipline her because in my mind in an ideal world she really wanted both the discipline and romance in the same relationship. That she came to me to be disciplined was because that need was bursting through with her and she could not find a boyfriend who would spank her seriously . Now she has moved on and has found that kind of relationship. Getting spanked for her taught her what kind of relationship she wanted and needed to seek. But she was fortunate - she was single and had choices, it becomes far more complicated when those needs are tucked away until after a long term relationship ( marriage) has started. And there is so much to lose. It speaks so much about the need to address these issues before entering into a long term relationship. Certainly in my earlier years the subject was Taboo, from the younger men and women meet it seems less so now and healthier for that . Recently I started again to spank someone I spanked several years ago and we have another session in a couple of weeks. She is married but now her husband who can't bring himself to do that for her is fully aware of her needs and entirely supportive so long as it stops at spanking. Supportive to the extent that we meet each time. So it can happen. Why am I saying this ? Essentially because no-one here has your answer, the best we can do is to be supportive. We are talking here about a spectrum of need which goes from some who have a need for a lightly smacked bottom as an addition to a sexual relationship through to those who need a Head of Household relationship through to those who need an entirely non sexual but serious disciplinary relationship. And I'd suggest that no two circumstances are entirely alike. Perhaps the only word of advice from someone who is pretty old ( !!) is that there comes a time when these needs have to be explored. I am sure that many people do hold them back as their personal secret but there also comes a point where for some then it just cannot , as an ER that was true for me and as ees true for my mentees. The most important thing is that you should not feel guilt about those needs. Recognising them in you is important and I think absolutely necessary . Choosing to do something about is different again and it is a life choice and rightly should be given all the thought you have because as you say - you have a lot of things in your life that are good and which most women would assess as being " enough." Perhaps it is less about spanking and discipline and more about relationships? C60
  9. I have responded directly to you, but just wanted to confirm that something similar has happened with me. But in this instance it is returning to a mentor / mentee situation after a long break. And you are right people here would understand that - and the rest of the world possibly not. But it is good when people know what they need. C60
  10. It is tough because the mentor ( I mentor) is abusing heir position. This, which that mentor seems to have forgotten or perhaps was never in their mind , is a power exchange situation . The mentee freely hands power to the mentor whose duty is to use it wisely as a privilege for the benefit of the mentee. Perhaps your friend needs to remind the mentor of that bu it sound like they are not inclined to listen . It is frustrating to have to cut ties when time has been invested and trust given and it seems abused. But your friend should not feel like all mentors are like that. Their experience both annoys and angers me. It helps I think to draw up a contract of some kind at the beginning - with key points both parties can come back to . respect of the mentee and the principle of work for their benefit are crucial in this. And it makes sense I think to spend time getting to know one another and set boundaries before the relationship starts in earnest. Just cutting ties is the quickest way to get them to back off. If they are from here getting another mentor to explain this too them might be the way . But it is a tough situation for your friend and I am sorry this is happening . C60
  11. Clearly as an ER I have no experience but I spanked a young woman a few years back who went very dreamy and relaxed in a spanking session which had been quite intense , but with a lot of stroking and soft words. She said it was the second time she had been into sub space . It was one of the nicest spanking experiences as an ER that I have had and it felt an absolute privilege to have been a part of it . To see and hear someone so clearly blissful was wonderful. But all the comments are right. This is nothing whatsoever about the level of spanking it is totally about the atmosphere the trust the build up of the spanking and how the person being spanked can feel they are supported and relaxed . Oddly I wanted to stop because her bottom looked good to cook on, but she didn't. In the end I had to stop it. Our relationship isn't even marginally sexual, nor were we romantically involved but we did care for one another . Woobies comments are magical - good for you. C60
  12. All of the responses here make sense . Don't seek physical pain to be made to cry, that should come from the need for an emotional release. I have disciplined women quite soundly who didn't cry at all, I have spanked a woman quite gently who had tears before she bent over my knee totally to do with the reason why and her sense of needing to be punished nothing to do with the sensations on her bottom . I think Bella's comments are very sensible. C60
  13. That is an extremely good question and one that is hard to answer because it goes to the roots of who we are and what we want. I know this is aimed at those who receive but I hope you don't mind me doing at it from the other side . For me the act of spanking is non sexual, but gender is important . And I have no idea why . It is a question I had to address recently with a man ( I am a man) who wants to be spanked , liked my profile and reputation and wanted to be disciplined by me. There was no logic reason why I wouldn't but I couldn't. It perhaps explains why the mentees I have spanked all seek a man and why I seek women to spank. I think some of us are just wired that way, and it certainly isn't about notions of submission I tend to discipline strong single minded woman who are very sure of their own needs and wants. spankee 214's comment are very relevant here - if you have a good relationship based on trust and communication then things cane be very rewarding , and disastrous if you don't. It is all in the preparation . So for me, I need to spank a woman, can't explain it and the women spanked seem to need to be spanked by a man. Could it be a generational thing ( I am in my 60s and what we grew up with? ( The again 2 of my spankees have been in their 20s ) I don't know. C60
  14. Very sad, no words can express how people will feel for you. Relish the good years Curious
  15. Don't be perplexed. This is an important subject that I am sure will have raised issues for people thinking about it both ee and ER . It should raise more issues for the ER but both need to communicate and that is a given. I for one do not think that anything you have said is controversial, What may happen is that some will question their own communication and that the other in the spanking relationship, they may ask more questions, they may listen harder. Its all good. I am pleased you raised this C 60
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