LeighOTK

I personally “sir” and “ma’am” the general public just out of politeness. Maybe that’s a byproduct of being sprouted in the south…idk. When it comes to the spanking world? I generally call my partner by his name. If he takes a certain tone with me, I’ll respond with “Sir” in the mix. That’s habit…and profound respect. If he’s actively spanking me and asks a question, “Sir” will be in the response. It just seems appropriate. I will say, there’s a big difference for me between saying “Yes, Sir.” And saying “Yessir.” The first is an acknowledgment of him assuming the authority that was freely given and asked for. The latter is more of a statement of respect, but also great affection, and an acknowledgment of this important person’s place in my world.

There are days when “taken in hand” means…taken. Right?

Reprimand…(or scolding) in my opinion plays such a critical role in the whole dynamic of spanking. A firm (even bordering on harsh) scold forces me to face my behavior. And that, in turn, allows me to process it along with the consequences in a way where I don’t hang on to any guilt. And for people who have the tendency to destroy themselves with their own guilt, that can be a powerful resource. I have also known people who would, seeing me in a place of stress or need, scold me verbally with no spanking attached. And they probably were not really that bent out of shape about my behavior. It was more because they knew it would put me in a subby space. And that THAT would put me in a place of focus and relaxation. It was a tool for when they couldn’t be present physically. The words that my partner says when I’m in trouble echo in my mind for FAR longer than sensations linger on my bottom. I think it’s the physical and psychological sensations that provide the link. @Robbieotk, you said “more in sorrow than in anger”. I think when you know someone is doing something from a place of love, and not retaliation? That’s when their words can become that behavior changing echo in our minds.

I’ve had (many) times where, after a spanking I was surveying my bottom (in secret?) and would think, “Oh my!” I’d be certain that I’d be seeing and feeling marks for at least a couple of days, if not longer. Then I wake the next morning to find my tush nearly (if not fully) pristine. To be honest? I chalk it up to being a “born, hard-wired spanko”. My body knows I need to be spanked hard as often as humanly possible, and makes allowances for such. 😂🤣

Discipline is tricky for me at times. I do not enjoy being spanked because I’m in trouble or because I’ve fallen short of an expectation. But I do have a very real emotional need for it at times, and find that it does positively affect my behavior. That said, I definitely prefer to be spanked for relaxation, connection, or other positive purposes. The chemical stuff that happens in the brain when I’m in subspace is good for me in a lot of ways, and carries forward for a while. I never hit that place in a disciplinary spanking. I guess what I’m saying is that I need both kinds, and personally wouldn’t be fulfilled by a relationship that was all one or the other.

Interesting question: I was given a lexan paddle for my birthday last year. And was given free reign to decorate is as I wished. I used a frosted glass type of background (so light still comes through), but then added images to that. It’s called The Pretty Pain Machine. Aesthetically I find it incredibly beautiful and very “me”. I looked thru my photos and (sadly) was not able to find a picture of it to share. I’m not sure how that’s possible…but nevertheless…☹️ Otherwise? I have a thin oak paddle that is very effective and very durable. It makes a helluva statement without leaving lasting marks. If we are talking about other spankings, like not disciplinary spankings…I honestly really prefer whippy/leather things over the rigidity of paddles. Though admittedly, there are times that even good girls can benefit from a sound paddling. Or maybe I’m just craving spanks. 😂😂 The paddle I have created that I think is the MOST beautiful, and that I am most proud of is one that is a mini version of my partner’s beloved Martin guitar. The back side is a buttery soft deer skin leather. Not to sound conceited? But that one was made with inspiration and pure affection. And it’s epic.

August

I have definitely felt frustrated with rules before. As @rubyredd said, I think this is a common thing many of us go through. Having a clearly set bedtime was one of them for me. If I recall correctly, I even said things to my partner like, “I am an adult, I don’t want a bedtime.” The truth of those times though, is that I wasn’t managing that well on my own and knew the rule was in my best interest overall. I think the feeling of rebellion is likely just the fact that I wanted to break the rule but didn’t want to get in trouble for breaking it, and the only way to do that was to ask for the rule to be dissolved. And, like you, a part of me felt a deep sense of relief (and even comfort or safety) when the answer was a clear “No.” Sometimes it says a lot about the level of caring when the person is willing to stand against you FOR you, if that makes sense. And knowing that someone genuinely is looking out for your best interest only serves to make the rest of the dynamic between you that much better.

I was relatively recently sent (bare assed and awkward) to fetch a shoe to test its effectiveness. Needless to say…all said and done? We both laughed and decided there were MUCH more effective things in our arsenal. Are there ‘slippers’ in existence that can torch a tush? I am sure there are. Are there much more effective and tummy flipping things? Yes. Without question.

This is an incredibly valid perception, so thank you @TennesseeTop for saying it. I think some of us maybe DO want to be controlled just a little. But only in the ways that reinforce the comforting feeling of ‘belonging’ that you described. Beyond that? @abitlost, I have some thoughts. Nothing specific, but just thoughts. Feel free to DM if you would like to talk about it.

Skeletor WAS pretty buff…

I think you heard me pretty accurately. Thank you for that. For transparency’s sake tho? I’ve never ended a spanking. It’s always been over when the Top decided it was time for it to be over. But yes to the feeling of a real loss of control. To (try to) condense? The place where real fear and real experience meet? That is where real trust lives.

Wellll…clearly I am not using my basement to its full potential. 😂

Okay…so this is an interesting one for me. And I’m kinda hoping (I guess) that there will be some like me or some who might understand and offer their thoughts. Generally speaking while being spanked: pin my hands OR feet and there’s an instant and total feeling of helplessness. Kinda hot, right? Sometimes tho…having BOTH arm and leg freedom taken at the same time? It’s a thought that makes me feel a certain level of panic that I don’t fully understand. Here’s where it gets confusing tho…within the last year and a half or so, I was fully restrained and spanked once. And I loved it. And the last plot twist: a solid 1/3 of my sexual fantasies since I was 16 or so have a very common theme of being fully bound and having the most wonderfully wicked things done to me when I’m helpless to stop them….soooo…lol. I dunno…I think that probably lands me in the “pro” restraints camp.

I am supposed to be in bed. But I can’t read this and not respond, so I’m gonna take my chances. I think when your base nature is to the EE side of things…so many people (even fellow EEs) don’t realize juuust how strong this need is. It has the terrifying (and wonderful) ability to override everything. It has the ability to become this bizarre and beautiful, all-consuming drive. But also holds the power to be absolutely devastating. When you are new? Sadly it often leads to exactly where you are right now. And sometimes even when you aren’t so new. I’ve been there. And many here have been as well. I am truly sorry you currently are feeling what you are feeling. I can tell you that it will get better. That the pain will ease. AND that (for me at least) when you find someone real? Someone that truly values you, someone that sees you for who you are. Someone who is worthy of your trust and loyalty? The pain becomes a distant and detached memory. There will be better days.

This is lovely. Thank you for sharing it. And kudos to you for communication. Any woman (spanko or not) that places themselves in a vulnerable place doesn’t mind hearing that they are pleasing to you. I hope this is the beginning of a really happy and mutually gratifying thing for the both of you.

I will chime in and say that I also think that it’s secrecy that constitutes “cheating.” And the impact (no pun) to the other person in question. I think this question gets so loaded because there are sooo many different scenarios and dynamics that there is no way to give a simple answer and account for them all. I also am aware that a hard-wired spanko has a legitimate need for spanking in their life, no matter “which side of the paddle” they are on. A lot of people will justify what I would call cheating based on unmet “needs”. Do we all have a right to have our needs met? Yes. Of course. Do we have a right to (potentially) injure someone in order to achieve that? That’s a harder question to answer. For me the answer is no. I think that’s where honest communication and sometimes hard choices come into play. As a spanko who would never consider another relationship with someone who wasn’t also a spanko? I know that people with this need want to play. And experience different things. There’s nothing wrong with that. If I was in a conventional monogamous relationship, I would still be 100% fine with my partner playing as long as it wasn’t hidden from me, and was kept within a certain realm that protected the relationship that was most important. I would want what we shared to be set aside as something special. Said more simply? Asses and palms are everywhere, right? It’s a heart connection that would feel like betrayal for me. And I think if there’s something you feel you would want to hide? Then you might already have your answer. But that’s just my personal opinion.

I feel like for leather, weekly would be too much. Perhaps even monthly. I have some leather implements that I usually clean/condition with mink oil a couple of times a year unless for some reason they need it more. Other things should be cleaned as needed for hygiene purposes. For example between partners (if they’re being used on multiple people) or if there’s any type of bodily fluids involved.

This depends sooo much on the situation at hand. I am (admittedly) fortunate that I found a partner that is fully able to discipline me, but who also is able to play and explore with me when I’ve been relatively well behaved lol. Soooo…discipline: My first thought when it’s over is…is it over? Not that I want it to be longer. But because my earliest experiences taught me to…I mean…kind of wait? Until I’m told that it’s done. And that I may move when I’m ready? I sometimes linger and then wonder later if I stayed longer than I should have? Or not long enough? Nowww: for the “steak” of the spanking world…the good girl spankings…the most real answer I can give you is this: it. is. never. enough. When my heart is free of guilt, and my skin is properly warmed? I seriously feel like I could let him whip me for days. And just roll happily in and out of that floaty space where “pain” and “bliss” fight it out…and then become reluctant best friends. Lol…if you’ve been there, you know what I mean. And if you haven’t? I genuinely hope that you find someone that takes you safely to that place. Because it’s so damned beautiful. okay okay…I got a tiny bit sidetracked…🥵🔥 First thoughts when good girl spankings are over? Part of me doesn’t ever want it to be. Part of me knows it needs to be…because he can see my skin and I can’t. And I trust that. Trust him. The actual thoughts during those times tho aren’t really words. They’re just (breathing, sighing, purring, mmmm) sounds. AND…that’s all 4 of my 2 cents. 🙄 G’night spankos! ❤️

I wouldn’t personally have a problem having an expectation set for me that wasn’t being followed by my spanking partner. As @rubyreddsaid, my goals don’t have to be his goals. If I was corrected for something and it was a thing that he routinely did or didn’t do, I don’t think I would feel resentful or anything like that if it was an expectation that I’d agreed to be held accountable for. With that said, I do think that the desire of the Top to not want to feel hypocritical when administering discipline (or in general) speaks to a level of character that I do appreciate and respect.

Time. It’s the only truly irreplaceable thing. I think if you find someone that you enjoy in the realm of spanking (whatever kind of spanking that is) and that person is also someone you enjoy on a personal and mental level…the numbers of the situation don’t really matter all that much. We should all be living and loving as much as we can, while we can. I wish you luck in finding what you seek.

Same! Lol But to fully and thoroughly answer the initial question? Yes. Without question. Absolutely! 😂

You are correct, there is a difference. 😊

I agree with this. And this. But not so much this? This need does, at times, express itself in that way. But it’s really not fair to assume that someone is “immature” just because they have a need to be spanked. Some people need to be spanked to make THEIR OWN demons sleep. Or for a moment of needed release. A breath. Or because they need to connect with another human in a real…and stripped down, and raw and vulnerable way. Accepting that seems (to me anyway) like a very brave and self-aware thing. An acknowledgment and self acceptance that would be a demonstration of maturity…not the opposite. Back to the original post tho, I do believe that if the relationship you are in is good? There would be no desire to be disrespectful. In any way. We all have “bad days” or maybe sometimes “react instead of respond” and that’s human, right? But ultimately, how my partner feels and if their needs are met is of the utmost importance to me. So….idk…I think when the base relationship is good and healthy? The rest falls into line without very much effort at all. I am respectful of my spanker. NOT because he’s my spanker and would torch my ass if I wasn’t (tho I would hope he would). I’m respectful of him because he deserves it. Because he’s my friend. Because I care about him as a human…and because he’s never given me a reason to question if he is worthy of that respect. Here’s my own side note: We always hear that “good relationships take work”. There’s an element of truth here, perhaps. And certainly, a level of commitment is needed to navigate the natural ebbs and flows of life and connection. But truly? If you care for someone in a real way? I think it likely doesn’t feel so much like work at all. Just my 2cents. IDK if any of that will help. But I hope it does.