I think it was harder for my Sir than it was for me, even though I was more scared than I had ever been for a spanking. This was discipline, not a punishment. It was strange and surreal for both of us. But it opened an entire threshold of relationship that had never existed in our 15 years of marriage.
Sir and I had been thinking and praying about maintainence for quite some time. I believe I have posted about it before. Sir and I (my husband Wes and I have chosen to move to the more formal method of addressing him...as "Sir" to reinforce his role and my submission.) are evangelicals and both of us were raised with corporal discipline. My parents practiced Domestic Discipline as well, so it was inevitable that we would have it in our own relationship.
Because of my upbringing though, I am a "good girl" and don't get in trouble very often any more. Like the Scripture says, wide is the road and narrow is the gate...so I try to stay as close to the center as possible. The longest I have gone is nearly 4 months. I was only spanked three times last year and none of them were serious offenses and easily could have been excused. Point being that as time between spankings ebbed, I began to feel more and more distant from Sir. It was like our life became more routine. Well as I noted in one of my first postings, we prayed and found that I was making an idolatry out of being a "good girl". I wasn't doing it out of my normal love...I was doing it as a method of controlling my life...something I am supposed to be abdicating to Sir and to the Lord.
This was where the discussions about maintainence came up. We would talk about it almost everynight in our devotions. We schedule sex because of our lifestyle because we don't want that important aspect of our marriage to wane. Why wouldn't we want to schedule spankings which have just as an important role in our marriage and happiness. We talked about how long was too long and I suggested two weeks. Sir, in his wisdom, noted that maintainence wouldn't just be quick brief spankings and that 2 weeks might be too stressful both emotionally and on my butt.
We settled on three weeks. I circled the date on the calender. If I didn't need to be spanked before then, I would submit to a three tiered discipline that included cornertime, and three spankings. If I did get spanked the three week clock would start from the following day after the spanking. Yesterday was three weeks.
It was the strangest, scariest, yet most wonderful day of our marriage. In many ways it was like the first time that we made love and I gave him my virginity. It wasn't going to be perfect or altogether pleasant, but I looked forward to it.
We deliberately chose an evening where all of our kids were at church for Awanas. Sir took the kids, and I stayed home to await him. All day I cleaned the house, did my routines, thinking about what layed ahead of me. I was reminded of the first time I went into real labor with Breanna my oldest, how much I couldn't wait for it, so I could be with my baby girl. I counted the cost of the pain and realized the reward was more than enought to offset it. I didn't know what the reward would be for this but I knew that God had blessings for our heart of obedience.
We have a room that all spankings occur in. It is the same room we do our family devotions. It is on the third floor; has a nice big bay window that looks out over the Hudson Valley, a comfortable chair, and our paddles and straps. Before I settled in to wait for him, I cut two switches...one thin and whip like...and a thicker one like a cane. I pulled out leather strap that is solely for my punishments. I pulled out my Bible, knelt on the prayer cushion facing the corner and read all the highlighted verses in Proverbs which is part of our punishment ritual. I also read Proverbs 31 to remind myself why I was doing this. For the first time ever, as I heard him in the house and make his way up the stairs, I didn't feel the dread about what was going to happen. I did feel the anxiousness, the understandable nervousness about the pain, but it felt like I was almost looking forward to it...which isn't really right...but I just can't put it into words. Tough for someone who writes soooo much.
Sir came in and sat in the chair where I would be spanked and bade me to come over. I sat on his lap and he hugged me deeply. I began to cry emotionally into his shoulder.
"Molly, I love you so much," Sir whispered into my ear. "Because of that, I am not going to soften these disciplines. Do you understand?" I nodded.
"Yes Sir," I sniffled I managed looking up into his appreciative gaze.
"Molly, I am going to spank you. I'm spanking for a number of reasons. I'm spanking you because you are a healthier person after a spanking. We are closer together as a couple when you are spanked and that is a very good thing. Our sex is better after a spanking and I think we both really like that. I am spanking you so that you can practice submission and obedience which are Godly characteristics in a wife. Finally, I am spanking you so that you will trust my leadership over you. Now it is important for you to know that you are not being spanked because you did anything wrong. I am not dissappointed in you...quite the opposite...I am so proud that you want to embark in this next evolution of our marriage. I love that you call me Sir now. I love that we will doing this more often and it won't be because of something bad in our home. The children will start seeing the joy in your heart."
I couldn't help but feel the smile on my face, which Sir was about to erase with his hand. I thanked him. Then he suggested that we pray. We both got out of the chair and knelt in front of it. It is easy to submit to Sir when I see him submit to the Lord so readily. He prayed that God would be with both of us during the spanking...that He would reveal Himself through the administering and receiving of it. He prayed that God wouldn't withhold any pain I was to feel that would continue to mold my character. Then he touched my butt through my pajamas and prayed that God would protect my flesh from injury. It wasn't a threat of severity...just a routine prayer he always prayed over me before spankings. For the first time though, I heard its sincerity and importance.
When he was finished, we both rose wordlessly. He sat in the chair and when he was ready, I laid over his lap, clutching his leg for leverage, because my toes were barely touching the floor. I felt him pull my flannel jammy bottoms down to my knees and then slide my underwear down. He rested his left hand softly on the small of my back just above the crack of my back. He would steady me and hold me down when he started to spank me.
"Ready, sweet girl?" he asked rhetorically. I nodded.
"Yes, Sir, I'm ready." I could feel his body tense as he moved and his large hand slapped down hard over my left butt cheek. He brought it down repeatedly causing me to issue loud but controlled "OOWW!"s. He continued to raise the severity of the bare hand swats until I was on the edge of tears, my face red, and my body squirming under his control. He spanked me for probably ten minutes, easily 50-70 swats in rapid succession. Much longer than a normal warm up.
After that he put me back in the corner, standing on my toes with my pajamas around my knees. I recited aloud for 15 minutes the reasons I was being disciplined.
"I am being spanked to improve our marriage. I am being spanked to be obedient to God. I am being spanked to submit and trust Sir. I am being spanked because it makes our lovemaking better."
The second spanking was with the strap. It was ten minutes and was almost the worse strap spanking I could recall. I was hollaring and screaming but refused to be disobedient. When he stopped I burst into tears. Nonethe less, I was put back into the corner, where I recited the reasons for being spanked. 15 minutes later I was laying on the ottoman, in the diaper possiton as Sir took the slender switch to me for ten minutes. It made squirm and cry but wasn't has overly intense as the strap. Then picked up the cane switch and gave me 25 hard swats that made me scream in pain. It was the real agony, that I expected. I cried and cried, loudly even as he pulled me up to hug me and hold me.
Surprisingly after we held each other in the silence save my sobbing, we kissed each other deeply. Before we knew it, we were making beautiful love with each other and I felt it was a easy and joyful as any we had before. I have a reason to look forward to my next maintainence. Just not on my back