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DunBenSpanked

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DunBenSpanked last won the day on November 16

DunBenSpanked had the most liked content!

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  • Age
    65
  • Location
    Mostly OTK
  • Gender
    Male
  • Experience
    Regular
  • Role
    Spankee

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  1. For me, it's an emotional means to an end in a couple different regards. In an erotic sense, it has always been in my psyche. Before I was old enough to understand it, it was sensual. As it has "aged" in me, it has become an emotionally-laden form of communication. Sometime it says 'let go - right now you're not in charge of or responsible for anything anything". Sometimes it says "I love you". Sometimes it says 'I'm aggravated with you". Sometimes it says " I know you are a better man than what you did/said/thought". Sometimes it says "You can let go of the guilt, you've atoned". I was in a long term relationship with someone who did not communicate well, and who was an expert at hiding and repressing her feelings - both positive and negative. Eventually there came a moment when it became clear that years and years of seemingly small offenses, transgressions and frustrations had been stored away, repressed and planted deep like seeds of anger - rather than being communicated and dealt with. Discovering how significant my blindspot was impacted me heavily, and I've realized that I'm now paranoid about un-communicated and unresolved issues. As kooky as it sounds, a blistered backside allows one to feel without doubt that a variety of issues have been clearly, and decisively communicated...and that produces peace-of-mind.
  2. hehehe - it'd be really fun to hear someone announce that on a two-way radio: "Attention Friends of Ben" - "Over" 😂
  3. This is a fun and very sweet thread - reminds of an effort we made years ago to create a travel and verification resource so that members who wished to, could meet up as they traveled. At one point there was a map with member's cities (who chose to participate). I recently mentioned to someone here that as much as I travel cross country, I've wished that our "community" had something similar to "The Friends of Bill W" that allows AA members to anonymously find each other for support and fellowship. Very common in hotels or on cruises, etc to hear PA announcements that "The Friends of Bill W" will be getting together in _______". I always thought it would be fun if we had a pin, expression, code phrase we could use. After having met a number of folks here in person, I quickly realized that any of us could be moving in and amongst other spankos without any way of knowing it. I keep thinking that sooner or later someone's gonna open a spanking B & B...I hope it's on a lake or river so they can name it "The Paddle Inn"😃
  4. I'm going to twist the original post a bit in order to offer my opinion. The original post was "what should a woman wear...?" I'd like to offer my thoughts on "what would you like a woman to wear?", which is an entirely different question. What I enjoy a woman wearing has a lot to do with what kind of spanking is about to happen. If it's foreplay or fun, then anything goes - nothing at all, a little something, lingerie, etc. If it's meant as a "real" spanking for maintenance, discipline, accountability, amends, etc - then it impacts me more if she is dressed in street clothes, albeit a dress, suit, jeans, etc. I think in the same way that sometimes it actually makes you feel more naked to have on just a Tee shirt, or just socks, or your briefs pulled down - then it does to be fully naked, to me it feels ten times more vulnerable to be naked over the lap of a fully dressed woman. I will confess however, that in terms of preference - there's something about tight denim on strong legs that makes my knees a little wobbly...add boots or heels and I'm done for... ahhhh - to be spanked over the knee by a woman wearing full riding gear and tight jodhpurs!
  5. Two years late to the party with this thread, but I'll offer a hard-won pearl for those trying to decide when to breach the "spanking thing". The commitment I made to myself when a 20 year relationship ended, was that my number one relationship philosophy from that point on would be nothing less than straightforward, direct and brutal honesty. I would both give it, and require it in order to be in any relationship again. I did a LOT of compromising of my own needs & desires in my marriage - and really thought I was doing the noble thing...one of the biggest mistakes I made was not only suppressing my own needs/desires (a form of dishonesty) but I compromised on requiring forthright and honest communication from my partner. I'm in a wonderful, long-term committed relationship now - but if I was single and dating (bleccchhh), within the first few dates I would be tossing out the standard fishing lures, first as an "Er (looks like someone's been kinda naughty and needs a good spankin') - notice you should always say "spankin' without the "g" first - it's more playful😆 Soon after however, I'd take a deep breath and let on that I'm the one who needs one, and let the chips fall where they may! Hope that helps someone - it was a hard, expensice lesson to learn
  6. Happy Spanks-Giving to one and all!😇

    1. DunBenSpanked

      DunBenSpanked

      ..or Spanks-Getting, as the case may be😆

    2. Chawsee

      Chawsee

      Hey Ben! Happy Thanksgiving to you and Miss Bam. :wave:

  7. Amazing that all these years later, the ones that feature the most realistic spankings (albeit poor acting) are by Leda- NuWest (in my opinion). The vintage aspect and poor video quality makes them even more authentic looking.
  8. I'm sure there's lots of past discussion on this, but is this a challenge for anyone else? Ee's or Er's
  9. Old school wisdom never gets old @Chawsee! You've already gotten lots of great ideas and theories, but my guess is that all the answers you're seeking are locked up inside your partner. You mission then, is to figure out a way to release them - and when it comes to that we're all wired differently. Some people can handle and appreciate a direct approach "HEY, what's the deal? Why can't I spank you?". Some people need a much gentler approach. If I had to guess (and purely a guess) somewhere at the root of this is a trust issue, and that might not have anything to do with you directly. Most of us have emotional and psychological baggage eventually - your partner may have baggage holding them back from fully embracing your relationship. Did you ever ask someone to do you a favor, and you could tell from their response that they really didn't want to? At that point most of us would just say "forget it" because a gift from a reluctant giver really isn't a gift. It could be something as simple as her being insecure about the possibility of you doing something you don't really want her to do. Lastly, maybe there's a creative benefit to inviting her to take part in this forum - she might find out she's not alone and may see a solution where she hadn't in the past. Good luck!
  10. Welcome and thank you for the reminder of the scary, nervous, excited feeling to finally be among others who do what we do! Suggest you spend lots of time poking around in Spanking Safety and Advice section of the forum. Also, if you find someone that you feel like you might connect well with, you can search their content and contributions here to get a better feel for them, and it never hurts to get personal referrals and recommendations (at least not until you're across their lap that it! 😂 ) Buena fortuna!
  11. "Coming out" is a big deal (even in stages) so congratulations and welcome! My suggestion would be to take your time, get to know others here through their contributions and seek to make connections rather than finding "a spanking". Take your time and be safe - you may be a "big guy" but there are all kinds of ways to be hurt, used or abused. There are some wonderful folks here. It's where I first connected with my partner, and several of my dearest , closest (in person) friends are members. Lastly, be authentic with what you share & contribute - if your desire is to find a bottom to spank, being real and forthcoming will earn you the trust required. Good luck and safe journey!
  12. I've had a serious enough spanking that it was really uncomfortable pulling jeans up over a roasted rump, and a paddling or two intense enough to make me walk kinda funny...
  13. ...I'd be willing to bet that by sharing, you just did ☺️
  14. well look whos back. LOL. I just sent CoL as message that you couldnt get on here. Looks like you resolved that. 😘

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