AbleHanded

It can be exciting to spank in layers — for both spanker and spankee. And I agree with @rubyredd that a good paddle walloping on a tight pair of jeans can deliver quite a devilish discipline. Most of all, variety is the spice of life (and spanking), so I like to vary the approach and not fall into an expected routine.

Welcome to the community. We're good folks here, and good sounding boards on the roles people adopt. As for me, I am 99.9% top ... curiosity about the "other side" is the 0.1%. I think women who switch often have an excellent perspective on what makes this kink meaningful. And meaningful is certainly is to the true spanking kinkster ... and that includes your truly ... in spades. Ex-New Yorker here. But Seattlite for more than half my life by now. I enjoy my regular visits to NYC, though, with family still there. There is also always the New Yorker inside me... indelibly. Welcome, again, and hope you enjoy the group of likeminded folks here.

I second much of Longtimespanking’s observations. There is no “one size fits all.” The best spanking disciplinary relationships take the full individualism of both disciplinarian and punishment receiver fully into account.

The grammarian and logician in me feels compelled to point out that “unique” does not allow for comparatives. A person or thing is either unique or not. I think you mean she was one of the “most distinctive” or “most incomparable” people you’ve met, and that she was unique in how open and vocal she was about her spanking interests. I admit that I am being pedantic and didactic. But this club is about enforcing strict standards in higher education, after all.

Why didn’t you?

Not at all weird. In fact, not uncommon. I have had favorable experiences and results as the spanker in non-sexual “disciplinary friendships” with younger ladies.

How much road do you want to be spanked down? Make sure you don't trip on the asphalt. 😏

It took me a long time to reach this point, but I consider it a gift. It’s a significant aspect of my internal makeup, and getting to the point of accepting that while also keeping it a private matter (outside a select group who share a spanking fetish or have enough grounding to understand it) has been truly rewarding. For me, the key as a spanker has been experiencing vicariously the spankee’s needs and providing her fulfillment and acceptance. There are few experiences as sweet as hearing thank-you after administering a thorough spanking.

I’m so sorry that happened to you. Multiple breaches of trust, of which the worst was disregarding your safe work. That is inexcusable in my view, a zero tolerance offense. I’m glad you’ve gotten the support of people in this community. I hope that helps the psychological healing for you, and from your responses in this thread, you do seem to be recovering — learning from it and not scarred or traumatized. I am wondering where online you met this man, and what steps you can take to earn others of a predator personality. In any case, you have my warmest wishes for being able to stay positive and move forward. You seem to me to be resilient as a general characterization, and it brings me happiness to sense that in you.

75

I disagree, more strongly than I can possibly express in words. Much too much potential for abuse -- physical and psychological. Even when the disciplinarian and disciplinee have a long track record and a strong bond of trust, it should still be available. It's like maintaining your smoke alarm in a well-built house. You don't want to need it, but it's there if you do. No exceptions. Even though every woman I have spanked has had a safe word, none have used it. That's not because I hold back when severity is needed. It's because I stay very much aware of where her limits are. I can read the signals -- physical, emotional, and intuitive -- that indicate when I am reaching her limits. It is much more salutary to approach those limits, back off a bit, and then intensify once again without exceeding her limits. And repeat as often as needed. But breaking through those limits is, in my view, a betrayal of consent and therefore abusive to the point of criminal assault. At the top of the list of the satisfaction I derive from this lifestyle is to hear a whispered "thank you" after administering a particularly intense and harsh discipline session, one that started with a sound hand spanking, continued through a range of potent implements, and left marks and welts that would remind the spankee of the experience for days to come. Tied for first place is the satisfaction of knowing that the discipline achieved its goal. I was joyful when my disciplinary spankings were the turning point for a woman finally sticking to her resolve to quit smoking.