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DougK last won the day on October 19 2018

DougK had the most liked content!

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About DougK

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    Bellingham, WA
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  1. I didn't know either, but I'm not nearly as enthusiastic about the pink theme as you are--the pink is too light/bright for my taste. God, I wonder if this means all those pink/blue gender stereotypes are right... 😄
  2. I strongly disagree. I've thought about spanking as far back as I can remember, and played spanking games as a child. Always as the spanker. So I'm hard wired that way. That's not to say that I didn't also have a strong belief that I shouldn't hurt people I care about. Reconciling those two made adolescence and my 20s pretty miserable, with me spending a lot of time thinking I was just plain fucked up and sick. But once I finally realized that there were women who wanted/needed to be spanked as much as I wanted/needed to spank, there was no longer a conflict between the two, because I was
  3. There's no one answer here; as with everything spanking related, it all depends on the people involved. That said, my default approach is to not give a warm up for punishment spankings. A firm spanking from the beginning is more "real" in my view and the view of at least some of my spankees. It is true that without a warmup the spanking is likely to be shorter, but it wouldn't say it is less intense--quite the opposite, in fact. That intensity just comes very quickly, and can be achieved with less severe implements. Most of my punishment spankings have been given just with my hand, even for ee
  4. I think there are two different situations here. One is whether somebody has declined to get involved with somebody else. That's what most people seem to be answering. I would think almost everybody has declined at least once, at least I hope so. That's the whole point of exploring compatibility with a new potential ee, whether it's compatibility for a single scene or a lifetime. Of course there will be times when that compatibility isn't present. Just as I won't sleep with just anybody, I won't spank just anybody, and I assume everybody else is in the same boat. The second situation is f
  5. Enough already, Spankmered57! This is a discussion forum, not a picture forum. There's the gallery for that. I don't need to see a slew of pictures every time you decide to write three lines of text. And even if I did want pictures, I wouldn't want to see the same pictures over and over. Please keep your participation in the discussion forums to actual discussion. No, I'm not a moderator, and no, I don't claim to have any power to enforce this request. But it's a matter of simple courtesy to the other members trying to have a discussion. I don't normally complain about people's posts
  6. Does anybody have experience with Alt.com? While Spanknet seems to be a good site for the UK, I'm drawing a blank when looking around for a spanking personals site in the US. Alt.com is, of course, far broader than spanking, but is at least a dating site. But I have no idea whether it's any good, and worth time and money to join. As far as I can tell, a free membership is essentially worthless. Before I pony up dollars, it would be great to hear about others' experiences with it. And if anybody knows of a better personals site in the US for spanking, please do let us all know. Last t
  7. Maybe it would help if you didn't view them as "punishment," but instead look at them just creating structures to help you. Because I think that's what you're looking for--not punishment for your previous actions, which has already been handled by the spankings you received. As you said, you now have a clean slate. These steps are looking forward, not backward, and are designed to help you keep the mindset you want. Think of it as similar to reciting a mantra or affirmation, not as punishment but as a tool to focus your mind the way you want it to be.
  8. It all depends on the situation. In a disciplinary situation, masturbation and sexual pleasure would totally undercut the value of the discipline, so I would not allow it. Sure, the ee might get aroused anyway by the spanking--some reactions are natural and involuntary--but acting on it would be out of line. In an erotic setting, however, it can be totally different. It's not something I've done regularly, but I've enjoyed incorporating it on occasion. Practically speaking, some positions (such as OTK over a chair) don't really allow for manual stimulation, other than what can be obtained
  9. For me, it's such a non-negotiable condition that it keeps me from considering vanilla dating. I'm only interested in a woman who wants/needs to be spanked as much as I want/need to spank her. I don't want to persuade/coerce a woman into taking a spanking. If I were an ee, I think it would be more reasonable to try converting a vanilla--after all, *giving* a spanking doesn't require as much sacrifice on the part of the vanilla. But, at least to me, it goes beyond the pale to ask a woman to accept the pain of a good spanking, which would be a considerable sacrifice, just because it's something
  10. I'm currently searching for a new partner, preferably long-term, so there's nobody I would be seeing right now anyway. I'm trying to find the silver lining in the covid cloud, and for me it's this: covid will force me to take things slowly, and allow me to get to know somebody well before we ever meet in person, certainly before I take her over my knee. That's my preferred approach anyway, but covid will ensure that I stick to it, and don't let myself get caught up in the thrill of meeting somebody new.
  11. If at first you don't succeed... I've been fortunate to be involved in several spanking relationships in my life, but none of them have ultimately worked out. So I'm trying once again to find the one woman who's right for me, and for whom I'm the one right man. a member of SN for well over a decade. I have experience and interest in both erotic and disciplinary spanking, solely in the spanker capacity, and solely M/F. I'm especially interested in a domestic discipline (DD) relationship. Everyone's definition of DD (or HoH, TiH, D/S, and similar terms) varies, of course, and I recognize th
  12. If it's important to *you*, that's all that matters. I think you'll find that most er's will agree to work with you on something that matters to you, even if it doesn't matter to you. I certainly would. For example, I personally couldn't care less about whether the bed is made, or whether somebody swears. I know, however, that some women care a lot about those things, and would be willing to work on a disciplinary arrangement to address them. As a concrete example, at one time I dealt with a woman who had a rule that she couldn't view pornography, even though that's not something I care about.
  13. I think it depends on the nature of the relationship between er and ee. There are some er's willing to spank for any reason or none, and it wouldn't matter if you told the reason or not--at most they'd be interested in knowing the severity of the spanking. But what you'll get from that spanker is essentially mechanical--he can provide the sore bottom, but it will be to you to process that and turn it into absolution, deterrence, incentive, etc. And you probably won't get much of an emotional connection with the er. This isn't much different than going to a pro domme, except that, as a female e
  14. This approach can sound appealing, especially to those who aren't currently getting their spanking needs met. I fear, however, that its use in an actual relationship can be quite devastating, and create an abusive relationship. SassyLittle illustrates this perfectly, with the marriage she accurately describes as abusive--her husband would act poorly, and then punish her, causing rightful resentment. And, of course, it didn't do anything to stop him acting poorly; instead, it may well have encouraged it. Just because one is an ee doesn't mean that person has no rights and feelings, and having t
  15. This is one of the age-old questions of DD relationships. Each relationship comes up with their own answer, but none of the ones I've seen are all that satisfying (including what we used when my marriage was DD). There are a couple of common elements, though, which are key to any solution. First, the top/er/dom/HOH must hold himself (or herself) to a high standard of conduct. As others have said, this doesn't mean following the exact same rules as the ee, but it does mean living with a high degree of integrity and avoiding harmful behaviors. In other words, make a real effort to minimize
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