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obafgkm

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obafgkm last won the day on September 22 2016

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About obafgkm

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    Advanced Member

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    Over 40
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    Upper midwest
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    Male
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    Regular
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  1. As with any other spanking topic, the "answer" to the original question will have as many options as individuals. For me personally, "getting rid of it" might seem a little extreme. If the original intent was to ask it one has gone "cold turkey" or simply lost interest, I am sure that examples exist, just as it does in the treatment world with "chippers." Those are folks who overindulge in the drink at some period in their lives, usually while younger; yet never develop an addiction problem and taper off their intake as they age. My needs have certainly evolved from the times when I was in my early 20s and imagined what it would like to be spanked, and regularly read Penthouse Forum magazine for their spanking "letters." Once I decided about a decade ago to actually follow through and realize the experience, all that "energy" and 'fantasy" suddenly become more real-life and became more reality-based. It began to take more of an "intellectual" bent, with me wanting to dig more deeply into why people enjoy spanking, and becoming more social in real-life with our local fetish community. Now, it almost seems like it's more of a "craving" I get from time to time, or use it with my wife or at play parties when around others, but it's an adjunct to the overall life experience, not the major driver of the experience itself. Some folks might argue that I am not a "true" spanko if it doesn't underlie more of my daily existence, and that is fine; but to me, spanking is essentially similar to any other "learned" behavioral and emotional experience. I am sure there are dispositions that lead one to more likely become a spanko; and I most certainly believe that certain life experiences along the journey contribute to one who loves the lifestyle. Some, unfortunately, aren't really positive; but others are and provide an added dimension to the power dynamic, sexual experience, or whatever motivation might drive someone. I still attend our local group's activities, and am viewed as a leader and knowledgeable, but my motivations, energies, and inner soul certainly has morphed over the last decades.
  2. Denver is a good spot for spanking and other BDSM activities. They have several active groups on Fet. Good luck.
  3. I guess, with what I see here, it's a lot more risky and perhaps less effective than trying other routes. Virtually every community has some sort of real-life spanking group, and we manage ours on Fetlife. Actually, I am in a rather remote area, so our group is more generally "BDSM" with a smattering of spankos, but if you're close to any major metropolitan area, have you considered trying to meet someone at a "spanking event"? I've attended events in multiple states, and the atmosphere often resembles a "standard party," if there is such a thing. Many of the groups have long-standing members and can offer informal advice about "reputations" and you will be able to see things first-hand. Don't get me wrong, you can get lucky here (my first contact with my wife was through here, but we met later at a spanking event. The internet has given us a world of new possibilities, so it's not unrealistic to meet someone here or elsewhere on-line, but with that "accessibility" also comes a good deal of risk and potential "danger." Pop into chat sometime and see if people behave as they would in "real-life," and that gives you a clue as to the level of "care" you need when approaching someone on-line. Just ask my wife - LOLOL.
  4. Many folks are drawn to "new" or otherwise "exotic" activities because they have a certain "allure," or otherwise represent something that has (up to the time they actually realize their "dream") existed only in their mind. It's like when you're younger and are just waiting to drive for the first time. Or your first kiss. Or your first job, paycheck, or car. The focus isn't always on only the actual event itself, but it's emotional, symbolic, or realistic representation for the individual. One example I've used in our local group's discussion is essentially the following: "I need spankings for motivation to (for example) do the dishes daily." Well, after a time, doing the dishes becomes a habit, and no longer requires an external motivation. It doesn't have to be a physical act - it can be an emotional one as well. Someone who says, "I need a spanking, as I am being a brat" most likely focuses less on the bratty behavior, but more on the "desired outcome" of a spanking. The "brattiness" really isn't the issue anymore, it's more of the "consequence" of the spanking. Those who enter the world of spanking often focus on some of the more "cosmic" aspects of the experience, and as they move up in their experience level, their needs, motivations, tolerance, and fears/pleasures transition as well. Of course, not everyone is the same, and there are folks who are motivated through different means, and for some, opening the door only further pushes the passion of the journey to go even further. But regardless, I don't view spanking differently than any other activity we engage in during life: when we begin it, it's flavor, feel, and basis in reality is often vastly different than it is after ten years. Just ask any "young, green teacher who wants to 'save the world' " if that is actually the reality of teaching in an inner-city, low-performing school. One learns quickly to looks at the "rewards" differently as their time tarries forward, and the definition of "success" often morphs into something they couldn't have imagined when they began their journey. When I began my spanking journey, it was unknown and scary. Now, it's a common, usual topic of discussion, and that's changed my experiences over time.
  5. There are plenty of spanking groups in your area. Enjoy the search!
  6. First, great to see you back here!!! Time for another road trip! As far as the conversation goes, "non-relationship seeking" interactions here on SN might as well be taken with a grain of salt. We have men posing as women, perhaps some women posing as men, and the list could go on and on; so I guess in the context of the question, the answer is no to the first one. Since that is no, that eliminates the second one, but I do think that people, just as what sometimes happens in real-life, can say things cloaked in anonymity that they would never say face-to-face. If everyone were candid, honest, and had "moral" intentions - LOL - then I wouldn't see any reason not to know their gender, as if you were having a real-life conversation, you would see them. But in our chat and text world, intentions are sometimes far from pure, so therefore, I would be less inclined to ask, tell, or even believe someone without having more of a basis or background to go on.
  7. Good advice from the two above. Nothing should ring more loudly than a "gut feeling."
  8. Try maybe ten minutes, tops!!! LOL
  9. At one point, we had 43 in chat tonight. It might have been higher if I missed some entering/exiting. I wonder what the record is? It was nice to have some actual conversation. Hopefully, when we're at 15 or so, people will continue to bring up discussion.
  10. St. Louis has several large overall BDSM groups, and I am sure that within some of the bigger ones (their four largest have over 1400 members each), a spanking subgroup or culture must exist. Usually, the leaders of such groups are decently versed in guiding someone new in the right direction. Good luck - I sure wish I was in an area that populated....
  11. I'd slip an "always" in between the words "Someone" and "needs" in the above post.
  12. You're such a swell guy, DarkSteven! Hope to engage in some more dialogue and fun before too long. I retired - LOL.
  13. LOL, some people must have WAY too much free time!!
  14. Many groups use Fetlife to organize, publicize, and get there information out. One can use it as an adjunct, or possibly even directly, to find a spanker. As DarkSteven mentioned, there are many spanking groups which put their information there. Good luck.
  15. There's SANE, "Spanking Around New England," which looks like about the biggest NE spanking group. Good luck!
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