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Everything posted by cat627

  1. So this is something I've been wondering for awhile now. When it comes to non-sexual discipline *outside* of a romantic relationship... Where do you feel boundaries are when it comes to communication, getting to know each other or friendship? Do you feel 'ees should approach their 'ers as one would any other professional? For example... Personal trainers, therapists, coaches or teachers have certain boundaries, where they are there to help their "clients" and small friendly exchanges are okay, but actual friendships and personal relationships are out of the question... Or do you feel that there is a difference, where such a dynamic is more personal and casual, where friendships may build outside the realm of discipline? As an 'ee, I've always been curious about the disciplinarians I've worked with, and have found many have been willing to share a few things with me, which I always get excited and happy about when it happens, and hope they share more... Yet even with regular vanilla friendships, I've always been more of a "listener" and am usually afraid to pry, and therefore either wait until they have something to share with me, or I'll try sharing my own stuff, in hopes that they might share in turn.. But I rarely feel confident enough to ask questions out of fear of poking my nose where it doesn't belong... So if I'm this way in vanilla relationships, disciplinary ones only increase these feelings... Also, I'm wondering if perhaps the very nature of the dynamic, the submissive nature of an 'ee toward a more dominant nature of an 'er... The fact that 'ees typically see an 'er to begin with due to their struggles and problems , causing the 'er to see some of the worst of the 'ees behaviors, tend to hinder such a friendship? I know that being an 'ee, I tend to focus much more on my struggles and things I do wrong, as opposed to the positive things in my life, which is something I've had to work on, so I feel that how an 'er comes to know me is much different than how others would see me... Not to mention the respect I feel toward my 'er, often prevents me from being as bubbly or playful as I would some of my other friends... Thoughts?
  2. Living in Utah, and being an LDS convert, I have come across some serious obstacles recently when it comes to discussing my spanking interests and needs. When I first discovered the spanko community 15 years ago, I wasn't religious myself, I didn't really have many religious friends, and I wasn't really interacting with religious vanillas... I kind of stuck to the community, or sought out others who had similar interests, and the only vanilla I really had to deal with was the one I was married to. Now, I'm a part of a religious community... As well as being single.... Anyone I date or consider a potential partner, is going to have to know my needs and interests... Utah is a pretty conservative state, and there aren't many spankos around here in general....... Let alone religious spankos....... Or what's more, *single* religious spankos! And if they exist, due to the nature of Mormon culture, they aren't going to be making themselves well known! As a result.... I need to be able to know how to discuss my particular needs and interests regarding spanking and discipline, with vanillas, and within religious guidelines. Now, for me personally, I can 100% separate sexual spankings from non-sexual punishment spankings.... And it is the latter that is what I mainly seek out and crave. I **need** structure and discipline, and for me it can be non-sexual. However after having been on the dating scene for a couple of years now.... Every vanilla that I have opened up to about my interest, has **immediately** thought of pink fuzzy cuff kinky sex play. They are unable to see it as anything *but* sexual! As a result, because this is the first thing that comes to their mind, the result tends to be either a.) They get excited and want to discuss repressed sex fantasies... or b.) They become shocked and appalled that I, as a member of the church am participating in something "sexual" outside of marriage, with these "disciplinarians" In either scenario, I try to emphasize the non-sexual disciplinary factor, and yet it seems like an absolute impossibility in their minds... I'm wondering if it is at all possible, to explain spanking not as a kink or fetish, but as a legitimate form of discipline or therapy, in such a manner that it can become de-sexualized for vanillas? Or is that a pretty tall order? Brevity is not one of my strengths, any attempts I've made, have been poor long winded attempts, that never seemed to make a lick of a difference no matter how many different ways I tried to phrase or explain things. I feel like there has to be a better way to go about this, and am wondering if anyone here has any advice...
  3. So I don't usually hear people talk about "emotional safety" very much when it comes to spanking, so I thought I would bring the subject up... So often the focus is on the physical safety, which is understandable, it's inflicting pain, with various implements, not done carefully, damage can be done. However, I also feel the same could be said in regard to emotional safety and well-being... Spanking can put one in an extremely vulnerable position, and just as I would say taking precautions with the physical side of things, is not a trust issue, but a safety issue.... I believe similar precautions should be taken with the emotional side of things. Having said that, I am curious, for the 'ees, what helps you feel emotionally and psychologically safe and secure during a spanking? How about emotional aftercare? For the 'ers... What kind of things do you do in order to check on or reassure the person you are spanking, to make sure they are okay emotionally? What advice would you give to either other spankers, or is there anything you wish your 'ee would share with you that could help in this regard? For me personally, as an 'ee with anxiety, and PTSD, something as simple as just being asked calmly if I'm "ready" can go a long way... A chance to take a deep breath and remind myself that I'm in good hands and mentally prepare. Either way I might be in pain and crying for a spanking, and it might be difficult to endure, but I find if I am in the right mindset beforehand, I am able to actually focus fully on the spanking, the words spoken to me, and it feels so much more effective.... as opposed to being caught unprepared,where I might be in such a state of panic, I'm barely aware of the actual spanking... I think the other big thing for me, is some words afterward, to remind me that things are okay again, that even if I have been punished, I'm still cared about, I can do better moving forward, and a chance for hugs and tears... Oh, and depending on how long/intense the spanking session... (I actually have a much higher pain tolerance than many, and have opted for longer and more severe spankings) Just a moment every now and then to feel a reassuring hand on my back or shoulder or bottom to ground me again... These things seem pretty small, being asked if I'm ready, a comforting hand or reassuring hug, but these things make all the difference in the world to me... What about you?
  4. Hi hi Okay, I'm asking this one for my husband lol... He is wondering, with all the tips and advice concerning 'ees , how to safely spank, reduce damage for the 'ee etc.... what about on the spankers side? He's a pretty muscular guy, has a lot of strength and does a lot of physical labor for his work during the day, but I guess despite his having the strength, he says he seems to be lacking endurance ; His arm gets quite tired out and sore really easily, even using implements... I don't know if it's the combination of spanking and the heavy physical activity and heavy lifting he normally does 10+hrs each day but it's become difficult for him to go through with a full spanking without stopping on several occassions to stretch his arm or just cut it short... He's wondering if any other spankers have this problem, whether it gets any easier with practice or whether or not any precautions should be taken on the spankers side, if there is any tips or advice that could be given... I am a little worried as well, our last spanking was a bit awkward, in the end it was him wincing in pain and sore for hours afterward... and while I was slightly amused watching him from my spot across the bed where I should have been the one feeling the pain.... I have to say I am a little worried because as I said, he does a lot of physical labor and heavy lifting at his job, and I certainly don't want him throwing his arm out or anything on account of me o.O;
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