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  1. Most spankos are familiar with feeling out-of-place, being different, being "weird" in comparison to our vanilla (non-spanko) counterparts. Many of us remember the days before the Internet and how isolated we felt, how alone we were. We wondered if there were others out there like us. If so, how did we find them when we could barely say the S-word out loud? What if people found out - what judgment would we face? Kinks were a source of derision and humor in many movies and TV programs - so it isn't like we would be welcomed into mainstream society (and we still aren't). So, we forged an online community for spankos and people of kink. We formed a common language. We shared our experiences, our stories, our fantasies, our desires. We shared our fears and our woes, too. But, we had a special place to congregate with others who were "like us" - even though our interests varied widely within the community and many of us had secondary kinks. A place where we could be open about our spankoness. SN is such a place. My online journey really began with reading stories on alt.sex.spanking. Soon after that I found Spanking Memories - which became SIN and then Spanko. I wrote stories and participated in the discussion forums and the chat rooms. I found Spanking Classics - a smaller site, but no less interesting. I started a blog. I met dozens of spankos and chatted with hundreds more. I took a long break from the online community after I got married, moved, and started a new career; I closed the blog and stopped visiting spanking sites for a decade. But, I will never forget the feeling of relief when I discovered thousands of others who wanted to spank or be spanked. Then a long-time spanking friend suggested I visit Spanking Needs. I am glad he did. For the most part, people here are welcoming and open-minded. The forums aren't as lively as I expected, but there is usually a good amount of involvement by both the regulars and the revolving door of short-timers. I enjoy spending time in the chat room here - bouncing ideas off other spankos, discussing our RL experiences, roleplaying, bratting, and spinning fantastical stories. Just like all aspects of life, SN has its share of trolls. We have our fair share of judges and one-wayers, too. Most people can spot a real troll - the type who likes to post inflammatory comments or make outlandish statements to get a rise out of people. That type is easy to ignore, but if you cannot - the site has a "block" feature. You can also report the member to Site Admin. Far more subversive are those few people who absolutely cannot fathom or allow for others to enjoy spanking (real or fantasy) in a way that goes against some imaginary prescribed format. Not every post that deviates from the prescribed / allowable / common spanking situation is a fantasy. When the only comment a new (or long-term) member gets is "this is obviously fantasy" - all that does is discourage genuine people from posting or from opening up. Many spankos still come here from a dark place of isolation. We live most of our lives in the real and very vanilla world. Some of our members feel trapped in a vanilla marriage; some are happily married to a vanilla, but seek an outlet for their spankoness. I am lucky enough to be married to a spanko Top (15 years next month), but I still want to be part of a community that shares my spanking interest. We all deserve a place to be out-and-open. We all get frustrated with the small percentage of trolls who join the site. But there are, quite literally, dozens of regulars who enjoy spanking in all its various forms. There are newbies who join and see a new world open up before them - and perhaps get over-excited by the prospect of so much spankoness all in one place. There are the Brat Pack Members - my brothers and sisters - who live stressful lives, who work hard, take care of others, are crafty and silly and intelligent - and who, most importantly, want a place to decompress and to enjoy a bit of fantasy roleplay that doesn't necessarily reflect who we are in real life. The spanking community thrives on fantasy. I don't know a single spanko who doesn't fantasize. Our fantasies hurt no one. Sharing those fantasies hurts no one. Yes, there are a few here who want to share inappropriate fantasies involving actual children - please report those people to Site Admin. There are those who prefer real discipline, those who want erotic or fun spanking, those who love the pretext of discipline, those who enjoy costumes and roleplaying IRL as well as online. Spanking, for me, is my reality. But it is also in every one of my fantasies. For others it might just be a fervent hope or an idea that has yet to come into fruition. Many here think that their fantasies will never be realized - due to whatever life circumstances prevent it from happening. For the love of all that is good and kinky, please let us have our fantasies. We also have littles here who want to be in that persona while on this site. Please allow them that measure of comfort. You do not have to interact with them and can always block them if you find it too irritating. Same goes for The Brats (who are not always littles and and littles aren't always brats). We are both long-standing subsets of the spanking community and deserve to be accepted along with the rest. What is the point of this thesis? Acceptance. The majority of spankos come here to be accepted. There is no point in letting a small number of trolls ruin that for everyone - and no point in becoming a troll by trying to force us all to fit into a mold.
    18 points
  2. Maybe you should try that again, but this time approach it like this is a free site run by the good graces of people that have to pay for the space. And form it in a way that's much less rude and condescending. It's totally great to have expectations. But it's not acceptable to just come out of the gate swinging and not ask questions about what mayb e going on. Unless I am wrong and you know all the details behind the chat leg and just don't have the ability to fix it... CP
    11 points
  3. I have such a love/hate relationship with the elements that make up a spanking. I enjoy being spanked - I enjoy being well spanked. But in those intense moments, laid over a lap with my bottom being lit on fire, I absolutely hate it. The worst parts of the spanking are also the best parts of the spanking. I love a thoroughly spanked bottom. It doesn't feel like I really got a spanking unless I was kicking, squirming, and begging for it to stop. And its those moments that make a great spanking for me. When you're being spanked hard and you fear it will never end. When you're desperate, your kegs are kicking and you've clenched your bottom in a pathetic attempt to stop the fire that's ignited all over your bum. When you can't control throwing your hand back to stop it, but it just gets pinned back there. Begging just stumbles out of your mouth in desperation. You surely can't take a second more of the pain, but yet it keeps coming and somehow, your bottom continues to get hotter and hotter. In the moment, absolutely hate everything I described. But its somehow also my favourite part of it.
    11 points
  4. There's been some discussion here lately about spanking, depression and mental health. I refer to severe, debilitating depression as "The Pit". This post is for two different "Someones": - Someone who may be in or on the edge of "The Pit" right now... - Someone who knows and wants to help someone who is in "The Pit" If you're the first Someone then you already know what "The Pit" means. There a few Life experiences that have the ability to toss you into a place so dark that no light at all reaches you, so absent of any sound that the silence becomes deafening - drowning out everything from your ability to think, to hear music or even feel your own heartbeat...it's a place so limiting that there's not even enough room for the idea of putting one foot in front of the other to move forward - because there is no forward...there's only pain, anguish, hopelessness and darkness - so much darkness. 12 years ago today, Life threw a cascade of events at me that began with the death of my mom and over the course of just 30 days included (for starters) a heart attack, kidney stones, surgery and an unexpected betrayal and divorce. Life threw me headfirst into "The Pit". I had been knocked down to the canvas pretty good a few times before, and had always managed to somehow get back to my feet - but this time....this time there was no getting up. To Someone who knows someone in "The Pit" and wants to help, At my lowest point, someone whom I trusted kept whispering the same same message to me; "you will get past this, your best days are ahead". They did not try to fix me, they didn't tell me about all the "good things" in my life in an attempt to make me climb out of the darkness...they just met me where I was, and kept whispering seeds of hope to me...and eventually that seed began to sprout. To Anyone who might be there now: Just be where you are - sometimes just being in the darkness of The Pit, is all one has the energy and ability to do...so just be where you are and just listen - call it your heart, your soul, your god or a friend who loves you, but someone or something will whisper seeds of hope to you. It's Hope that says "you will get past this, and your best days are still ahead of you". I know for many SN is all about anonymous social media, spanking and happy things, so I apologize if this has been to personal, self-indulgent or made anyone uncomfortable. One of my "Pearls of Truth" I've come to believe , is that in Life "anything is only as valuable as it's ability to be shared" - and that includes our pain. If sharing the memory of mine reaches one person in the pit, or their friend - I think it's worth it. Maybe someone who reads this will share it and it'll find who it was meant to find - just maybe. And to those whisperers of mine (there's a couple in this community): You were right - what I thought was the end was only a painful beginning I wasn't able to see... I'm the most fortunate man I know
    10 points
  5. Hi @jennyjen! Welcome to SN! We appreciate sincere members, so thank you for being vulnerable and sharing with us your struggles. It is nice to meet you. @danadares said it so concisely with his wisdom and insightful advice. I'm in complete agreement about keeping it casual and going slow. Set high standards about what you will and will not accept, and stick to them. This not only weeds out those with lower intentions, but it makes you more valuable to potential partners, as well. You may want to converse (privately) with a few, or with several, such potential partners, all during the same timeframe. This makes the weeding-out process more efficient than befriending one person at a time. It has been my experience that sincere people are generally more willing to put in the work required to build a solid friendship. There is no fast-track to this. It takes time, with numerous conversations and lots of sharing back and forth. It's akin to peeling an onion, layer after layer, and eventually reaching the bulb, the core of who that person is. Watch for inconsistencies in people's stories, as this would indicate a waving red flag. Dishonesty should be a deal-breaker for you. Also watch out for domineering behavior from potential ERs, showing too much sadism or need for power. Tops are perfectly capable of taking control without being jerks. Some tops do a real number on their submissive's mental health. You don't want to get messed up by a bully like this, so choose someone who is kind, even if they are still learning. A good heart and willingness to honor your needs are more valuable than an experienced top who is stubbornly set in his/her ways. In my 2-1/2 years on SN, I have corresponded with a large number of people here. Some came and went. Some remain dear friends to this day. In fact, it may give you hope to learn that a few of my best friends in life are SN members. But there were disappointments along the way, so don't feel disheartened when this happens. It probably will, and that doesn't signify failure. You may not be right for one person, but will be the dream-girl for someone else. You said, "I feel deeply, care deeply, connect deeply and can expect nothing less from the person I am giving this ultimate trust to." As a highly-sensitive person myself, I so, SO relate to this! Here's my tip: Guard your heart. Remember that YOU are this way, but not everyone else is. So don't give this part of yourself away too freely, or you're asking to get stomped on. When sensitive people get hurt, it takes longer for us to heal, and each time this happens, it becomes harder to put ourselves out there again. So guard this deeper part of yourself, and give it only to a partner who is also sensitive, who has earned this level of trust from you.
    9 points
  6. I can think of a handful of times I've had to go to work with a sore backside. Generally spankings before bed, then getting up and going to work. On those occasions, the sting wasn't intense but I was definitely aware of it as I went about my day. But a couple of times it's been a spanking right before work... THAT makes the day a bit of a pain in the ass, pun intended. I work in retail and talking to customers while my tail is aflame is a bit of an experience, to say the least.
    8 points
  7. I do - but just for the turn-on factor of watching a spanking.
    8 points
  8. Every workplace I have been in since Anita Hill has had policies on sexual harassment and annual training in the topic. As a result, people behaved appropriately. I’m lucky. Most people who have been abused in the workplace don’t report it. Of those that do, 75% are retaliated against. I’m a journalist. I’ve spent 100s of hours listening to people who were traumatized in the workplace over a period of decades. I’ve had people cry in my arms because they didn’t think anyone would ever believe them or that anything could be done. So yeah, I don’t really think that abuse is something to be laughed off, accepted, or looked upon as someone “playing a trick.” I’m sorry—sort of—if I’ve offended. But it is super hard for me to be silent when I’ve witnessed the harm and know the hard work that people are doing to change things. you want to have a spanking relationship off property with a colleague? Fine. More power to you. But let’s not translate that into saying it is fine for a workplace to be a sexual environment. Unless you are a sex worker, it’s not. And even sex workers are entitled to their boundaries and to safety. I’ve interviewed them too. I’m not a prude, I’m here because I crave a community that understands the deep, intrinsic desires for spanking. But as long as I can put words together, I will advocate for safety. C’mon, it’s 2022. Times they are a’changing.
    8 points
  9. This is such a fun topic. As any spankee who's met me can attest, he doesn't get a choice. What I will most likely show up in is jeans, boots, and a denim or flannel shirt.
    7 points
  10. Each ER has a unique method that works for them. As I learn better techniques, I sometimes alter the way that I do things. But in this area, I have stayed with the same approach. I do not count swats nor decide on any set number. The reason for this is that I am monitoring the spankee's reactions throughout the spanking and adjusting accordingly. As we make our way through the Five Stages of a Spanking, what I'm watching for are the tensing of his muscles, a change in his breathing, any vocalizations, and eventually, the point at which he finally relaxes into the swats (the acceptance-point, where his resistance ceases). The swats are my "communication" to him, and his reaction to those swats is his "communication" back to me. I want this dialog to be completely organic, rather than a set script.
    7 points
  11. It would be easier to explain what I will accept. I have a long list of hard-limits. This list may not apply to anyone else, but it is mine. These are things I would never do to another person, nor will I tolerate them done to me. Play with anyone where there is not an established bond of trust Conduct on the part of the top that is not congruent with respectable leadership Name calling (Nothing beneficial comes of this. It is ugly on the part of the spanker and it does not build trust or benefit the spankee.) Humiliation; verbal degradation of any kind Hair-pulling Ear-grabbing Face-slapping Mouth-soaping Corner-time (I will send a spankee to the corner if HE finds it beneficial, but it's not my thing. I refuse to be cornered myself.) Punching, kicking, or other displays of "hateful" brutality Full nudity Any anal insertion (enemas, plugs, figging, etc.) Sexual overtones Use of large wooden paddles, prison straps, canes, single-tail whips, the tawse, or the loopy Johnny Severe marking. This includes excessive bruising, severe welts, skin blistering, or bleeding of any kind Any conduct that is not nurturing and caring at its core Refusal to honor a safe-word
    7 points
  12. Scolding videos / audio neeeeeds to be a thing! For me its the scolding that helps get the message across, and then the spanking that really makes it stick (well, sometimes😜) i'm usually on the verge of tears before the spankings even begun, the chemistry between an 'Er and an 'Ee whilst being told exactly what you did wrong, why its not acceptable and what you're going to get as a consequence is something really unique and i love it and hate it at the same time haha. P.s. - if anybody wants to scold me, i also have quite the list of reasons too 😅😊
    7 points
  13. I lived and worked in the deep South for many years. An improper boss/supervisor and employee relationship would be very likely to result in charges. Definitely not the norm - not anywhere in the U.S.
    7 points
  14. I started a conversation with a woman…I thought it was a woman. I always check the profile to confirm gender. After we started having an on going conversation she posts a comment and reveling she a man. Then I go back to the profile and see it was changed to non binary. I can’t even trust people to be honest about their gender. When I pull down my spankee’s pants I want to see a vagina not a penis. My question is why do people make this so hard???
    6 points
  15. Since I started seeing my mentor I was given Rules about going to the gym consistently Monday/Friday. Along with eating healthy diet I am proud to say I lost 18 pounds!
    6 points
  16. One of my favorite things to do to increase the mental effect or embarrassment of a spanking is to begin the spanking in one part of the house and then walk (or march) the EE to another location to continue the spanking. Example, when I play at my house, I'll start the spanking usually OTK in the Den, comfortable couch for supported OTK. Then I'll make the spankee stand up and walk, pants/underwear down- to the other side of the house to the master bedroom- where I have a walk-in closet. The walk-in is where I keep my “cute little deer” paddle. I'll of course be saying that “you're going to be taken to the closet for a paddling....” This delay, the long walk (bare bottom), and the anticipation of the upcoming paddling really increases the mind-fuck ( I hate that term but it does explain it). There is something about the ritual of being taken to a particular place for a spanking that makes it so much more... intense? Is that the right word?. Then after the paddling in the closet, some corner-time in the entry hall near the front door- even though nobody is expected to come knocking..... There is a chance.... and the glass panels on either side of the front door- give the illusion of exposure- (while still being private)... From there, the kitchen is near, I'll pull a dining room chair out and sit on it- and send the spankee to get a wooden spoon and bring it to me... all the walking and having to participate also increases the mental aspect...
    6 points
  17. Your frustration is completely understandable, and you're not alone. Many spanko guys are struggling to find a partner, and I've read other accounts of men here on SN or on Fet, chatting with a woman, only to later discover that it was a man. As far as the non-binary thing, I don't get it. I mean, from an intellectual standpoint I get it, but I just don't get it. Seems like the latest trend. I miss the days when it was male or female, straight, gay, or bi. It's not my intention to insult anyone, so I apologize up-front if I am. (And I don't need an intellectual discourse on the semantics of this so that I better "understand" it.) I'm merely explaining the it is frustrating for many of us to have to deal with the added layers, especially if it includes deception. I realize that people who identify as non-binary worry about rejection, so they're protecting themselves. Yet I still believe that they have a responsibility to be honest about this and what they're seeking. It shouldn't fall on us to have the extra work of weeding this information out. And even though women may seem to have all the power, female EEs often deal with considerable frustration when it comes to finding someone safe to play with. Here and there you'll see the threads they start, pouring out their exasperation. When it comes to PMing with fellow members, I agree with Rand E's suggestion to keep it kinda clinical for awhile. Someone who is sincere will put in a lot more effort over the long haul than someone who isn't. When I was new here, I think I pretty much trusted everybody, but I've learned to be more cautious. A big red flag with me is a member who has very few, or zero, posts-- someone who has made up an account and reaches out in PMs, or maybe in chat, but who is not a contributing member of the forum. A person who puts in the effort to be part of the "tribe" is more likely to be authentic, and is usually going to care a little more about their reputation.
    6 points
  18. I have a desire to be well spanked. Well-spanked to me isn't just a red bottom, but it's the experience of being spanked past the point you want to be spanked. Spankings are supposed to hurt, and if I don't question my ability to take any more pain partway through my bottom being reddened, it just doesn't feel complete to me. I usually have quite long spankings, working up to flailing and kicking part, but every now and then i love (hate?) a severe spanking from the very first swat. It's a different experience. I still end up thoroughly spanked in the end, but the spanking is harder to take. To be stood in front of someone who immediately removes your panties and takes a sturdy cheek-to-cheek wooden paddle to your bare bottom at a swift pace and quite hard, holding you under their arm, makes me blush. When spankings are longer it's almost like your mind has prepared for your demise. But in these scenarios, I have found myself dancing and hopping and squirming desperately in a matter of seconds, all the while being unable to evade the never ending spanks. I find myself begging, twisting, turning, with such a heat on my now red bottom it truly feels on fire. Each swat feels like a hot pan applied to my cheek, and I cannot stop my instincts to clench and bend away from the swats. The pain is so awful by the time we are 30 seconds in, I feel like I cannot possible take any more, but I always seem to make it through these paddlings, even if they are ten minutes of relentless swats. When it's all over I can tell you I have never felt more like a spanked little girl. The process to get there is quite awful, but it's what makes my mind happy in the end.
    6 points
  19. I really hope you get some feedback. As I mentioned in chat, I don't think you can fix depression, anxiety, or negative self-talk with spanking. Spanking is not a cure for psychological trauma and it isn't a magic pill. Spanking is wonderful and I find it fulfilling. It does temporarily relieve stress (for me). What it can't do it "cure" problems. Spanking can't even change behaviors unless the spankee is willing to do the hard work and make changes. I don't often discuss it, but I went through post-partum depression. Spanking was consistently part of my life before, during, and after. It could not "fix" me. I would really caution against using your kink / fetish / sexuality as if it will repair you. Is it beneficial to act on your desire to be spanked - probably so! I encourage all spankos to get spanked (or give one) as often as they can. Just don't count on it to make you less depressed or anxious in the long run. It may act as a temporary bandaid. I know there are others who have shared their knowledge on this topic, so I hope they will weigh in.
    6 points
  20. Two spankings come to mind. 1. I got my very first adult spanking on Christmas Eve, 2 hours before hosting my family for dinner. Sitting at dinner, my bottom still on fire from the spanking I had received. Replaying bits of my spanking every time my bottom smarted against my chair. Having my bottom bared by an older man, standing in the corner with a blistered bottom knowing I still had a dose of the belt coming. That last round of spanks that sent me into full sub space. Needless to say I was quite distracted that Christmas. 2. I get spanked on my lunch break. My spankers schedule regularly conflics with mine. Meaning I can go quite a length of time without having my bottom tanned. I received a text one day saying he was going to come visit me on my lunch break. For context, I work overnights and the parking lot for the building was always empty. I clocked out for my break and went out to his car. He took me in the back seat, immediately pulled down my pants and panties and proceeded to blister my butt with his hand and hairbrush. I was sent back to work with my bottom on fire and the promise of more lunch break spankings to come.
    6 points
  21. When I found out over 20 years ago about my boyfriend now husband interest in spanking we incorporated maintenance spankings. We are a married couple and practice and live ,where I am HoH and my husband obeys my wishes. From the very beginning my husband was willing to accept my authority. Every Sunday I have a spirited discussion with my husband across my knee receiving a spanking ( hand and paddle). I give him a reminder on Sundays who is in charge and what I expect of him as a husband for the upcoming week. Increasing the severity of our maintenance activity has decreased his urge to want another spanking for the week. Since I increased the heat in his seat punishment spankings have decreased dramatically. Maintenance spankings serve a good purpose.I get what I want being HoH and making rules and my husband gets his interest fulfilled each Sunday . I recommend maintenance spankings by all means for couples when one person is in charge. First of all though the spankings must be consensual and the spanker must establish their authority in the relationship.My husband does not question my authority in our Wife led marriage. MS. L.
    6 points
  22. Lol..either my age or experience is showing....the correct answer to "what should a woman wear when spanking a man" is: Whatever she damn well wants to! 😂
    6 points
  23. I watch them for the same reason Ruby does. I don't tend to like the produced ones, which often seem contrived to me.
    6 points
  24. Good treatise! I agree. The other side of this coin is that stirring this same pot over and over grows the issue into something bigger than it originally was. So while we most definitely need to acknowledge this slant and pay homage to it, we also want to make sure that we, who are trying to make this forum a better place, are not adding to the problem. I, personally, will give some thought to my responses and examine how I might improve my own approach. Those of us who've been here awhile, and who are bothered by the issues in our recent threads, have a special responsibility to bring peace to these situations. Or, as you suggested, use the "block" feature if we find someone irritating.
    6 points
  25. Ah, the tired, old strategy of joining an online community and trolling the members by starting disputes over nothing and name calling. Talk about boring! I won't be responding further to any of this.
    6 points
  26. Not in the workplace, it isn't. Seriously. See @rubyredd's excellent post. The only place workplace spankings are acceptable and won't get anyone fired, sued, or criminally prosecuted is spanko fantasyland.
    6 points
  27. What is confusing? Not everyone on this site thinks spanking is not sexual. Spanko IS my sexuality, so it can't be separated - even when sex is not involved. Most of us don't come to this site because we think we are normal - we come here because we spent a lot of time thinking we weren't.
    6 points
  28. I wish people would stop pretending that spanking is the norm in the south. That’s fantasy trope in this day and age and outs a lot of y’all.
    6 points
  29. We're still virtual at my job, and I thought I didn't have any meetings today, so I put my OTK4U baseball cap on. Guess what? I did have a meeting. So, I figured I'd just leave my webcam off. We do that sometimes. Guess what? The leader of this cross-team meeting used to be on my team, and she got all sappy and asked us to turn our webcams on so she could see our faces again. And there I am wearing a baseball cap with an inappropriate logo. Okay, I've seen other guys in the virtual work environment twist their caps backwards, so, uh, yeah...I'll do that and then turn on my webcam. I mean, yeah, those guys were like 26 and I'm 53 going on 54, but, whatever. If they can do it, so can I. So, there I am, cap turned backwards, three days growth on my face and wearing a flannel that looked like it was from Seattle '93. But they didn't see the OTK4U logo! Because nothing gives my Gen-Z and Millennial co-workers more kicks than seeing my aging Gen-X ass on a Friday looking like I'm gonna leave work to do some airwalks and alley-oops to Blues Traveller and Gin Blossoms at the skatepark. All this, thanks to my OTK4U baseball cap!
    5 points
  30. From the album: Really big spanking paddles!

    A disciplinarian friend sent me this photograph and said he had finally found a spanking paddle big enough to give my bottom a proper spanking!
    5 points
  31. The most memorable disciplinary spanking I ever received was when I was a sophomore in college. I had been going off the rails a bit - not doing well in my classes, drinking / partying a lot. My first two years of college were basically spankless - which was a struggle for me. As most here know, I had been spanked by my boyfriend all through high school, but we broke up when I went to college. I had kept in contact with him, though - just talking on the phone sometimes. He is two years older and was 21 to my 19. Anyway, he drove up to visit me and we got a hotel room for the weekend at the Embassy Suites (two rooms created a nice sound buffer, btw). So that's the background. Up until that point I had mostly been spanked over at least one layer of clothes and with his hand. This time was much different. While some of the spanking was over clothes / hand-spanking, a lengthy portion was with a wooden hairbrush on my bare bottom. By the time it was over, my backside was purple. Not red... purple. It hurt to even have the sheets touch my skin and sitting was absolutely awful. I have no idea how long that spanking went on, but the bruises lasted well over a week and it hurt to sit down for several days. This was my first time with a hairbrush and it has felt like a disciplinary implement ever since. I actually dropped out of college soon after and joined the military. That spanking - and recognizing how detrimental my behavior had become - was a life-changing moment for me. I felt more cared for during that spanking session than at any other point in my life. I have had many wonderful and memorable spankings since then... but that one stands out as a pivotal (and particularly painful) one.
    5 points
  32. Here's an even better thought exercise for cis folks: do you go around telling people whether you have a vagina or a penis? If not, why expect trans people to? Unless you're seriously considering someone as a potential sex partner or you're their reproductive healthcare provider, it's not your concern what kind of genitalia they have. Maybe spanking partner preference qualifies under the sex partner umbrella, but still, just chatting doesn't necessarily mean you're going to do the deed. Either kind of deed.
    5 points
  33. This: ☝🏼 Falling asleep with a freshly spanked bottom is seriously some of the most peaceful and restful sleep I have ever had in my whole life. I agree that the implement matters less than the product. If I’m warmed and safe and floaty? Couldn’t really ask for more. Bonus: the “best” pajamas are whatever you feel good in. It varies for me I guess. I have everything from one-piece drop seat Jammies to my bday suit. But my most comfy sleep tends to be in t-shirt and panties.
    5 points
  34. Someone I know is not the best sleeper. When she gets a nice, long spanking, she sleeps like a rock, regardless of what implement is used.
    5 points
  35. There's an old saying in Spanish: "The devil knows more because he's old than because he's the devil". Not to compare myself to a devil (after all, I'm polite, eat all my vegetables, take care of all obligations), but rather because of all the years I've been on earth, rather than all of the years I've been a spanko. Sexuality and spanking have always been intertwined in my mind. Whether the bottom engaged with me for the sexual aspect as well, for stress relief, being in a position of authority while craving the feeling of relinquiishing responsibility, I was glad to fill their role. It mattered not; it was always sexual to me. But there has always been another element, quite powerful, going on that I did not realize until recently. It was an intimacy; an effefible feeling I can only describe as a deep intimacy, different from any other, than only came from spanking. And I'm not just talking about the seven years I spent with Angelfood, the love of my life spanko girlfriend (who left me, and died of cancer). Even and especially with those random women, each of whom I met in the old AOL chat rooms as a young spanko. Each of them, after a hastily arranged and impromptu meeting (I guess you could call it a spanko hook-up), where only first names (real or invented) were exchanged, a spanking took place (usually bare bottom). Then, we never met again. Yes, those encounters were terribly exciting. But looking back now, I understand. It wasn't just the sexual excitement; it was this connection, this deep intimacy, occurring at a level below the conscious surface. It was this, along with the sexual element (although it was only spanking, no sex) that was absolutely sublime. Fast forward a few years (well, more than a few). It's been about a year that I'm finally revealing more about myself here on SN because I've reached the point, thankfully, that I don't care who knows my favorite activity. And I no longer care to travel along distances for spanking, subsequently the opportunities are less frequent. But that's all well and good. As they (still) happen, I still enjoy every single one, just understand the dynamic better. Too much rambling, better stop here.
    5 points
  36. Two spaces made sense in the old days. Because typset documents were fully justified, a line might be a bit crammed together, and so two spaces were needed. In many more fluid contexts today, especially digital ones, there is no such need and lines can sometimes look odd if the convention is followed. -Ex.
    5 points
  37. As a spankee, have you ever gotten a good hard, burning, stinging spanking of some sort...and then has to immediately following it...go to work or college or whatever you do as a normal part of your life? Or...spankers...have you ever turned your spankee's butt red and set it on fire...and then immediately sent them off to work? This is my question for you guys. As for me....I do get this every now and then... the most recent just this past Monday morning. I woke up on "the wrong side of the bed" so to speak.". I was just grumpy and frustrated by some problems doing my morning chores in the barn and feeding our horse. We had shared a light breakfast together. I was all dressed and ready to drive to work at the coffee shop and then later had 4 massage sessions for clients. My husband had already warned me I was treading on thin ice. I was out in the kitchen just cleaning things up a bit before heading out the door, and had dropped the dish rag and inadvertently whispered...or I "thought" I whispered a cuss word. Husband heard it...and came in...had me bend over...and took his belt off and whipped my bottom hard. Still had my dress on....and he told me to fetch the paddle in the pantry closet. I think he gave me 10 or 15 hard whacks....then flipped up my dress...maybe 10 more over my panties...and then panties down....and a bunch of very hard and fast belt lashes on my bare bottom and backs of my thighs. I moved...and he grabbed me...bent me under his arm...and finished me off with several long flurries of hard and fast hand spankings. My butt was on fire, and I am sure quite red. Tears were in my eyes. Then...he told me to "straighten up", as he wrapped his belt around my waist under my dress and tightened it so it would stay. He warned me that he had better not see or hear about anymore "tude" coming from me that day...or when I got home he would take that belt off my waist and really give me "something to cry about." So...up until about 1 that afternoon, my bottom was still stinging as I served coffee and breakfast pastries and sandwiches....and as I served my first two massage clients. But...it really did help me get "focused" and off my bad attitude...and thank goodness that belt around my waist did not have to be removed by him until I stripped for bed. He took it off...but just put it back on its hook in his closet.
    5 points
  38. I do not think this question is "ridiculous." In a true serious disciplinary dynamic, there is always a degree of fear or dread. We never "like" facing the consequences of behaviors or infractions we have agreed are worthy of a spanking being given. Even though there is fulfillment in knowing our spanker loves us...or cares for us and our good...there is the reality that there is pain for gain. We do not fear the gain...but at least in my case...the pain of getting hide tanned is...very real. I do not look forward or want pain...but I have come to know that a painful spanking helps me focus, adjust, correct, and move forward. I still fear the belt...after 15 years...seeing it in my husband's hand ready for use on me. The degree of fear is pretty much in linevwith the seriousness my husband takes toward whatever I am going to be disciplined for. If I know I have a good whippin' coming....then my fear is at a higher level. I used to get paddled at school growing up...and I always feared that...as well as the follow up I knew I would get at home later. No...I do not see "fear" as unusual in a true disciplinary dynamic. It goes with the territory...in my opinion...and in my experience too. We do have occasional purely sexual driven spankings of a very specific type sometimes...and although they can be painful...I do not fear those because because of the amazing pleasure I experience. I guess...in my opinion...if there is not at least some degree of fear in a true disciplinary dynamic..then it is probably not really a disciplinary dynamic, but a sexual spanking dynamic. Hey...lol...I love sex...and think that is great. We are all different in how we live out our needs for spanking.
    5 points
  39. First - the disclaimer: While I am not technically in a "DD" relationship by it's commonly understood description, I am in a relationship with a woman with a penchant for spanking, that has upon occasion been related to discipline - but more often stress relief (either hers or mine). I'm contributing to this thread because there's a few reasons in my mind, why the idea of a type of "maintenance" spanking might be effective for me and for our relationship. (I should apologize in advance for the length). Probably like many here, I've never really stopped being curious about why the idea of being spanked has the appeal it does for me. I've recently had an epiphany about my own wiring that goes beyond the erotic/power dynamic trade-off thing that has always been there- an epiphany that is somewhat uncomfortable to realize and share, but I'll try. To explain it, I'll have to condense a lot of background into a shorter version that can be basically summarized by saying this: "between being raised in a highly dysfunctional home toxified by alcohol abuse that was fueled in part by an undercurrent of passive-aggressive resentments and frustrations - and then later finding myself in a 20yr dead-end, platonic marriage with someone who would not, or could not communicate until the day she unexpectedly walked away, and only then unloaded 20 years worth of her own frustrations, resentments and issues, I've realized that somewhere at my core, I have "abandonment issues". Simply put, in my mind, I think that a certain kind spanking represents pure communication. Message sent -> message received - period. No subtext, no repressed feelings, no uncertainty or lack of clarity, no lingering doubts. Sort of "this is what you did, this is how I feel about it, this is the consequence. The air is clear and the slate is clean going forward - and that lack of ambiguity, knowing that little irritations are not being suppressed like seeds that grow into resentments large enough to make someone leave, is what affords me the peace of mind that kind of spanking accomplishes. Most guys know that when we feel a certain vibe and ask "are you okay?" if we hear "I'm fine" - we know everything is NOT fine, and in my experience, that's when the communication challenges for both individuals start. We either try to press the point (which can make things worse) or we walk away thinking "okay, I asked. Guess I'll just take her at her word". And often that's when she sows the seeds of her future anger and resentment by not communicating what's on her mind. Of all the spankings my partner has given or offered me, the one that stands out the most is not the harshest, the longest, etc - it's the one that was the most "authentic" in the moment. I'm a You Tube junkie and enjoy the mental popcorn of just clicking through all the crazy videos posted. I was doing that one Saturday morning - we were both watching and enjoying our morning coffee. With the chores of the day pressing us both, she eventually said "Okay, this is the last one and then we get started". I heard her, but didn't think she was being all that serious so I clicked on another short video. We both watched - and then I turned off the tube. I was walking across the bedroom to the door when I felt her grab my arm with one hand, and saw her grab the hairbrush off the dresser with the other. She pulled me over, sat on the edge of the bed, and pulled me over one knee. I was laughing, thinking this was just "late morning play"when she roughly pushed down my boxers and started spanking me with the hairbrush. Without any kind of warmup, my brain quickly went into that panic mode that most here might relate to. It only took 15-20 seconds for me to stop laughing when I realized that between the intensity of the spanking, and how quiet she was being - that something was really different about this one - she was really "saying" something with her hairbrush. When she paused, she very quietly reiterated that she had said "this is the last one" and that when I ignored her - she felt disrespected. For another minute or two she expressed and communicated her feelings through the hairbrush. When it was over, I remember feeling very, very close to her - as well as very,very secure. I'm a classic over-thinker and I believe those feelings were a result of realizing I did not have to overthink, guess, speculate or worry about what she was feeling. The heat in my seat was all the evidence I needed to know she had expressed herself completely and honestly. So back to the maintenance spanking thing: "Appealing" seems like a weird word to use because I believe that often, the spanking I really need is not one I honestly want, but the idea of maintenance appeals to me because I'm old enough and have been in enough relationships to know that even though I make very intentional efforts to be the best partner I can be - it's impossible to live with another human without small issues & annoyances cropping up, an it's the unspoken, un-communicated ones that scare me, because I've seen firsthand that damage they can cause if not tended to. I think that for me - a weekly or set process to air and address those issues, along with appropriate consequences would give me confidence in the relationship, and peace of mind. It can't just be an exercise in trying to find excuses for a spanking, it would need to be authentic. No issues - no spanking. The other advantage of a maintenance-type spanking offers someone with my personality, is that it sort of "trims my sails a bit" - in my everyday life, I assume a lot of responsibility for a variety of things - which is good but it can also be a trap for a false sense of self-importance. It's really, really hard to think of yourself as "really important" if you're helplessly draped across someone's lap with your underwear around your ankles doing your best to remember to breathe, or being bent over the bed being told to count each swat of the paddle without knowing how many there will eventually be. For me, that "not in charge" feeling re-orients a more healthy ego and more realistic "I'm not responsible for or in control of the world" self-image. Again - sorry for the length, but I appreciated the post and the opportunity to come forward with some personal insights - it's very therapeutic and appreciated.
    5 points
  40. Have you spoken to your therapist about this idea? A spanker can not replace a medical health provider. I would be fearful without a professional making sure this wasn’t a form of proxy self harm for you, that it would be a negative coping skill.
    5 points
  41. Everything rubyredd said is spot on. Spanking cannot cure or fix clinical anxiety or depression. It can help with subclinical negative feeling states such as we all experience from time to time, though. Do not rely on TTWD to cure anything. In fact, entering a spanking relationship if you are not emotionally stable can be a slippery slope. Be careful.
    5 points
  42. I will complete all my course work to become a certified personal trainer by this Friday. Then, all I need to do is pass the final test.....next week. I am both excited and nervous at the same time. I look forward to achieving that goal, but a little nervous that I might not do good enough on the test. I have done well in all the course work...but I hate tests. I know this has nothing to do with spanking, but it is on my mind I guess. It will add so much to what I can offer our clients at the fitness center and allow me to use massage and physical exercises "together" more to help people. I eventually want to focus more on those 60 years of age and older.
    5 points
  43. I don't watch them as much as I used to. When I do, I find myself skipping lengthy intro scenes and getting straight to the action. I'm as picky as the next discerning spanko, maybe more so. So probably only one video in every 30 that I've watched impressed me. I tend to like M/m videos because those fellas don't dilly daddle around. They get down to business and SPANK! I just skip the ones that contain sex porn, as I don't care to see that. While good spanking videos are definitely titillating, my main reason for watching them is to study techniques for both scolding and implement-handling finesse. Though there may not be that many good ones, I've learned a lot from just a few.
    5 points
  44. Some spankings can be enjoyable for me depending on implement and longevity of the spanking. Disciplinary spankings are not enjoyable for me at the time given, but I can't deny that feeling residual soreness and thinking about it later can be. The best part for me is really feeling at peace, purged of guilt or stress, feeling cared for (and maybe re-living it, too 😉).
    5 points
  45. I have a lot of thoughts about this and I’m sure some of this is aimed at me since I brought up earlier that we’ve had an influx of trolls both in chat and on the main forums as of late, and I think the first thing I have to get out of the way is that real, honest spankos who are here to connect with other real, honest spankos are allowed 10000% to be annoyed by trolls who come on the site and degrade or put into a bad light TTWD. I have also, for a long as I can remember and recall, looked at spanking stories, spanking sites, and read spanking blogs in secret on the internet wondering if I was a freak because I never in my real life could imagine anyone else finding this appealing. But I also have a high BS meter and I feel fiercely protective of my fellow non-bs’ing spankos. I’m sure no one who is a frequenter of the chatroom has not noticed that some of the most active members from as long as I’ve been here have started to drop off and not come in as much or have taken to not talking in main at all and I know for some of them the reason why. It’s tiring. It’s tedious. And it really does drive away those whom come here for discussion and honesty and camaraderie when the same few trolls spend their time dominating the chats and the forums with their outlandish stories or consistent “I been bad”’s. I’ve mentioned before that I was an active member of the old ADDS chatroom for yeaaaaars before I found and joined SpankingNeeds and it very actively, in real time, died before my and many of the real spankos who frequented it’s eyes because of being taken over by trolls who made it impossible to chat or form any real discussions. Perhaps it’s a trigger for me, or perhaps I’m just at a point in life where I’m way too old and tired for putting up with BS that makes safe spaces like these unenjoyable, or maybe I just realllly don’t want to see the chat and forums turn into what happened with ADDS, but I see not a thing wrong with trying to protect the integrity of the site and it’s members who just genuinely want to chat and make connections. Obviously, this isn’t aimed towards “littles” or “brats” who identify in their kinks as such, but more for the “I punched a cop, what will you do to me?” Or “Im 24 and live at home and my parents spank me naked” crowd who really do bring down the quality of the site. I know if I’d stumbled here ten years ago and the top five topics in main were all badly written trolling posts, I’d certainly feel like this isn’t the place for me.
    5 points
  46. I don't participate in group chat, so admittedly, I have no take on what goes on there. But when it comes to posts here on the forum, it is oversimplifying to make the blanket statement that "the onus is on the top to respond appropriately." The onus is on EVERYONE to respond appropriately. Spankees are not young children who can't be expected to know how to behave in a grown-up world. They are adults, and playing the part of a bottom does not absolve them of the responsibility of conducting themselves as adults. I agree with your suggestion to ignore posts that do not appeal and move on. That's a polite approach, and one that I will take more often. It's also better than wasting time on someone who has no real interest in learning or improving, and who merely enjoys the attention they're getting from being a troll. It's unfortunate that we've had to deal with a couple of those lately. Many of our EEs are transparent, honest, considerate people. They are a joy and a benefit to our forum. And many of them don't appreciate the obnoxious posts, either, of these few individuals who degrade the quality of our discussion threads. And tops don't fit into a cookie cutter of "this is how you need to act, irregardless of how certain bottoms act." Again, the responsibility for behavior comes down to each individual, whether they are assuming the role of top or bottom. Moreover, tops are individuals, just as bottoms are individuals. Many tops aren't willing to cater to the ones who come off as trouble makers. But if you have compassion for these few, I applaud you. Perhaps YOU would be willing to take the time to kindly and gently guide them? That is thoughtful and would be appreciated. It would benefit them, and it would benefit SN.
    5 points
  47. I have to agree with @MichiganHeadmaster and @Spanknutt. We've all read these posts where someone describes ludicrous behavior that they claim to have engaged in, and for which they want tops to describe what punishment would be meted out to them. These kinds of posts feel self-serving, whether or not the authors intend them to be or not. Many of us appreciate deeper discussions and quality content. Posts containing sincere dialog are far more appreciated than are childish prose and ridiculous stories, trying to be passed off as truth. Whether an individual plays the part of spankee, spanker, or both, we can best engage our fellow members with intelligent, adult contributions.
    5 points
  48. It's not a matter of what I find "unthinkable." Heck, I like the fantasy of it. But you are courting trouble if you do it. One company had a $2.6 million judgement against them for spanking an employee as part of a motivation game. A man in Tennesee was convicted of sexual assault and had to register as a sex offender because he spanked two of his employees--even though he'd first made them sign a form saying he had the right to do so. Sure, you can mention lots of things that happen in workplaces that are illegal. They happen. But man, you're taking a huge risk, especially in today's environment. Things have changed even since 2020.
    5 points
  49. What Rubyredd said. I've written enough HR training seminars and textbooks to know that while people may do it, it is illegal to spank an employee. It falls under harassment. Heck, it's illegal to yell at employees (though I know that happens). It's a great fantasy--I enjoy it and have role played it, but I would never ever take or give a spanking to anyone I had a work relationship with, not even (or especially not even) with the business I own. Does it happen? Yes, that's part of what the #metoo movement is all about. Women are finally speaking up about work environments where they were forced into sexual circumstances that they didn't want. It's also why there are now laws that workplaces are required to fairly apply to everyone--even those who want those sort of circumstances. So, Justin, yeah, it's not an acceptable thing even though some people may still practice it. Even in the South, it's illegal, albeit I have no idea how much the law is enforced.
    5 points
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