Leaderboard

I think that most people are fine with "spanking" as sex play, but they are thinking of an occasional slap on the ass in the heat of the moment, not the ritualized event that most of us fantasize about. I think it's the extreme we take it to, not the act itself and honestly, our obsession, that vanillas would probably think is strange.

It was a few days ago. My husband and I were making out. I whispered in his ear, "Will you spank me?" (so I wouldn't have to see his face when I did it) I was standing between his legs while he was seated on the bed, so he pulled me down over one knee, with me on my toes and my body laying on the bed. My panties were already off, so he pulled my nightgown up and spanked my bare butt until it was warm and throbbing. I couldn't say how many times, for sure. Maybe 20 or 30. Not hitting the same spot too many times in a row or too fast. Just a steady pace of hard slaps with his open hand. I may have moaned just a tiny bit, involuntarily, but mostly the only sound I made was breathing heavily. The swats were becoming pretty painful about the same time that he reached down and grabbed a handful of titty. I figured that was a good time to squirm away, since I was reaching the point that I wasn't going to be able to bravely and quietly take it anymore and he seemed to be ready to move things along. We then had sex with my ass hot and stinging, and it was glorious.

Lots of (related) questions here, haha. If I asked for and received a spanking once this week, is it too soon to ask again? Obviously, he doesn't want to hurt me, so is asking him to use implements or hold me in place if I struggle going to make him uncomfortable or push him too far and cause him to be unwilling to do it at all? I'm afraid that asking for a spanking as a part of foreplay every time we have sex is kind of unfair since I don't know that it does anything for him (beyond the basic enjoyment that most dudes would get from touching a jiggling butt) and our opportunities for sex are limited. Is it selfish of me to monopolize that time with something that is purely for me? But then, I don't even know how to begin to ask for it in a non-sexual context. I know he would think that was just super weird. I am toying with the idea of asking him to spank me weekly or biweekly as a reward if I meet certain personal goals I have set for myself but just trying to get in the head of someone that doesn't share this fetish, I know the concept of a "good girl spanking" particularly one that doesn't have to lead to sex, is just going to be bizarre to him. I have been with this guy for YEARS and have opened up to him about this more than I ever have before but it's still sooooo hard.

I've been in your situation, partnered with a vanilla who I persuaded to spank me. What convinced him to do it was that it turned me on so much, and I made it very clear that it did. I also had to assure him again and again that he wasn't really hurting me, he was putting me in a space where pain became pleasure. We always did it as foreplay, and that was fine with me. For me, spanking and sex are both main courses, and they enhance each other deliciously. In that light, there was no such thing as too often to spank, except on my end. I found that I enjoyed being spanked up to two or three times a day, up to two days in a row, but by day three it wasn't pleasurable anymore, it just hurt. I needed a day or two off before I could enjoy it again. We had sex every day if we could manage it. So it would be a couple days of spanking plus sex, alternated with days when we had sex but no spanking. We didn't start with implements right away, but eventually, he tried a belt, folded up so that it could be used at close range, and used it lightly. Light spanks with the belt landed harder than hard spanks with the hand. Still a turn on. He also tried a hairbrush, not that hard. Some things, I wanted to try but couldn't convince him. Eventually, we broke up, but that was for other reasons. If your partner can be convinced that spanking is a big turn on for you, and he likes turning you on, that's probably going to be your point of agreement. Anything else will have to stem from there.

I will start by mentioning that The book Fifty Shades of Grey sold over 100 million copies worldwide. The movie grossed nearly $100 million in its first weekend in theaters. So, if it's still taboo, there sure were lot of people who were curious about it. In my experience, I am out to a number of vanillas, including my sister, and no one has batted an eyelash. I would say their reactions have ranged somewhere on the spectrum between curiosity and jealousy. I only had to walk it back on time and that was after I told a friend I had gone to a dungeon - he just didn't get that part. I would wager that most people have their own bedroom secrets and they don't spend a lot time judging what someone else does, although we (spankos) tend to worry that they might.

You are correct: the woman you're looking for doesn't exist anymore, and probably never did. Christian, still a virgin, no body count, wants a family... that description may apply to a very religious and sheltered teenage girl. Maybe even to a very religious and sheltered early twenty-something. That girl will almost definitely marry by her mid twenties at the very latest. If she doesn't, she'll start to get disillusioned, and won't hold onto those ideals forever. Even if she does, she may start to get disillusioned, and won't necessarily hold onto those ideals forever. By the time she's thirty, let alone anywhere near your age, she'll be in a very different mindset from your ideal, whether or not she's lost her virginity along the way. Either that or she'll be pining for a life that doesn't exist, and as lost in fantasy as you are, not open to real possibilities. If she's still young enough to be someone who matches your ideal, she's extremely unlikely to be interested in a 43-year-old. And that's without even considering the DD angle. People who are into that are even rarer. Very religious and sheltered Christian teenagers and early twenty-somethings are especially unlikely to even know it exists. As for what you want, you live what you want. If you yourself have not married and had children, by the age of 43, that's more likely to be what you say you want but don't really, than what you actually want. For someone who was raised LDS and remained LDS well into adulthood, not marrying is especially unusual. That makes even more likely that if marriage were what you really wanted, you would have married some time ago.

I travelled almost half way around the globe to be with my "Internet sweetheart". She always knew about my "kink" and was very happy to engage with it - and yes, to date she still does and that was six years ago. I'm an obedient husband to my new wife and she knows how to deal with any disobedience or cheek etc. I feel incredibly fortunate to have found her. I am learning to be a better husband and person because of her discipline.

Hello everyone. My name is Maria . I am new to this site and i am glad that there is this great community. I am a disciplinarian. I can help with online spanking and mentoring . Would love to chat with new peoples . Hope i have good time in the site .

Finally have a chance to post this. Had my birthday last week, and the opportunity to do a birthday self-spanking. I won't say how many years, but 1 swat on each check with a heavy bath brush, plus one for good luck. The bath brush is solid, heavy, dense wood. Gravity and swing make it fearsome. This spanking really hurt. If I hadn't been counting I'd have been positive that I was getting more then I should. Alas I was counting so it was exactly right. I've never understood how pain can feel so good. The next day and day after I was still sore, felt whenever I sat down, and loving it. Each stinging reminder made be smile. I spank myself for stress relief, so a self-spanking is not uncommon. This spanking though was special, especially sore, especially happy.

If they have a tangible argument to make as to why they are repulsed by what we do, well, I can speak to that. But when it's just glib, circular reasoning, which is almost always the case, that's different. If I ask them what their objection to this lifestyle is and they go off on an anti-Trump rant, which obviously has nothing to do with our lifestyle, then it tells me all I need to know about them.

If what you described is something that actually has/is happening with your real mother, then you were abused/groomed. I have to stress that this isn't just my opinion, just an agreed upon fact based on all known/available psychological research. There's a whole host of things that go into making abuse victims feel like their situation is fine when it isn't. Assuming this isn't real, I don't think anyone here has a problem with you or your lifestyle.

Spankings and dressing in women's clothing may be well accepted around here, but this kind of dynamic between a mother and son--assuming they really are mother and son, not just roleplaying mother and son--doesn't go over very well with many of us, to say the least. For most, maybe all, of us, spanking is some degree of sexual. That makes engaging in it with a family member (other than your spouse) as much of a no go as incest by the usual definition. Playing at parent/child spanking with an unrelated partner is one thing, but involving actual family members in your kink is entirely another. I'll stop here. If this isn't a fantasy, I'm on an entirely different page. Leaving it at that.

I think you should talk with him and get a clear idea of how he feels about spanking. There is no guarantee that he understands your desires, or would want to play a role in fulfilling them, but until you know for sure, you don't know. If you're patient, you can slowly acclimate him with progressively more disciplinary kinds of situations, but maybe he doesn't need that. I understand how difficult and seemingly risky it can be to put yourself out there like that, and with someone with whom you have much emotional investment. We form a strong relationship before getting on the same page, and then have to try to figure such intimate things out after the fact. Is it harder to ask for what you want, or to deprive yourself of it? How much of an imposition can you put on your partner? In my life, I've had to make concessions.

Thank you for sharing. My husband spanking me is mostly about discipline. It has been for 15 years and counting...but the last few years we have experienced these kinds of wonderful erotic and intimately..."glorious" moments as well. I just want you to know...it keeps getting better 😀😀.

And more to the point, it's what your partner wants, and if done right, you know where the line is between giving her what she wants and doing her harm, and you stay away from doing her harm.

Indeed. I’ve been able to mentally put spanking in a different place than hitting. Obviously, it is hitting but it’s controlled and for a specific purpose.

I think the same. People in general appear to be much more aware of spanking as a kink than when I was young and, with familiarity, it's not so strange. Smacking the buttocks as erotic stimulation is not a difficult concept to understand. Male dominance and female submission is not that far removed from traditional gender stereotypes, and though the sexuality was less explicit, men spanking women was entertaining to many in old mainstream media. However, if a vanilla person would be exposed to all that a serious discipline relationship can be as a chosen lifestyle in this day and age , and not just a superficial idea of "play," there is much there to challenge their ideas of what they've been taught to believe an adult relationship should be.

Definitely not a fantasy and not fun! We've never had security show up, but once a spanking in a hotel was interrupted by knocking... my wife answered the door with her hairbrush in hand, but it was the hand on the inside doorknob, so not visible. I was also behind the door, having shuffled to that corner of the room before trying to pull my pants up! It was a middle-aged housekeeper, who told my wife if we wanted the room made up, we had to be out of it in the next half-hour as she had to leave to pick-up her granddaughter from school. My wife assured her we would be out within 15 minutes, and closed the door, so the housekeeper didn't see anything, but I was extremely embarrassed knowing if we heard her at the door then she must have heard me getting spanked! I was even more embarrassed when my wife insisted on putting me back over her knee and finishing the spanking... for all I knew she stayed outside the door to listen! By the time my spanking was over and I washed my face before we went out, she was on a different floor. Still it remains my most embarrassing spanking, and an experience I really wouldn’t want to repeat!

Great advice, Bramblewine. Seems like convincing a vanilla that it’s really a turn on might be the key for women wanting a spanking. Many vanilla men and women are concerned about hurting their partner, but I suspect that woman are more reluctant by and large than men—at least when it comes to giving a few spanks as foreplay on a beautiful “hot” bare bottom.

Some good advice I got here was to make sure to go the extra mile to do the things she likes to show my appreciation for her being a reluctant spanker. My chance came when were cuddling prior to my snow day spanking, I used my massage and oral sex skills, we both got carried away. We both finished before we started in a sexy humparama. It was good. "What about your spanking?" I told her I was glad to wait until our next happy fun time. I can tell this was helpful for her. The next few days had good progress on the spanking front I'll follow up with that when I get a chance.

I agree with others above that the odds of finding a woman who meets your standards is highly unlikely. No harm in staying active in the Orthodox Church, using on line resources like eHarmony and Christian Mingle, as well as being active in various organizations that attract religious women. Still, I doubt seriously you’ll find a partner unless you’re willing to change standards. Why not consider dating a faithful, divorced woman near your own age.

Open communication is the only way you are going to find out whether that is too much for him. But I would suggest, just being clear how much it does it for you and the frequency you would like. You have come this far, the conversation should be easier this go around given that, to me the hardest time was explaining it the first time. The extent, how often I think of it, and frequency, each were (in my past relationship) far easier conversations.

Well said @Bramblewine @buffettfanSomething to think about. Religion does not work without Sin. Give that some thought. And don’t get discouraged. Look at Alec Baldwin having a bunch of kids after 55. What would real Buffet do ? Complain? Nope. Get a guitar and write EMO lyrics. Go to EMO concerts and find that crowd then start a band even if you have no talent. How about …If there is no one beside you when your sole embarks, then I will follow you into the dark… And big advantage. You really can’t spot a female Spanko but you most certainly can spot a female EMO. Because I fell in love with the girl at the rock show………sound familiar?

Unless they're anti-gay and/or anti-trans activists and politicians. Plenty of those out there. If they're not attacking spankos, that's only because they don't have spankos on their radar. We're still mostly in the closet, not visible enough to be a threat. But people outed as spankos can and do lose their jobs, lose child custody, lose security clearances, lose housing, etc., and there are no legal protections. The same happens to LGBTQ folks in the absence of legal protections, and sometimes even with legal protections on the books. It's great if people in your life know you're a spanko and don't judge that on an individual level, but in the big picture, being open about it can be very, very risky. Some people are, in fact, spending a lot of time judging what someone else does, and have the power to make their judgment law.

Excellent points. It’s a matter of, why do we feel such anxiety over outing ourselves in certain situations and to certain people?

Interesting question! I am the oldest of 3 siblings.

Is it just me or does every male EE fantasize about a Ms. L type answering a security knock with a paddle in her hand while your a$$ is on display and on fire. Here is to you Ms. L! Let me know if you have an hourly rate to train potential female disciplinarians to spank with such conviction.

Perhaps you are simply afraid of failure. And seek the unattainable as an excuse. I would suggest you think through waiting for the perfect match. You just might find her - but guys like me that stumble through life failing and getting back up to try again will eat your lunch. No experience in your 40’s will not just be a physical issue. You won’t know how to navigate a relationship, miss the signs resulting in poor communication. You will blame her but it’s simply you didn’t know enough. Your impossible standards indicate you are too judgemental and the controlling type. You gotta be top notch player to pull that off. First, learn to talk to anyone about anything and be genuinely interested in that person. But keep it up as guys who can talk to anyone and genuinely like people for who they are would never put up a wall like you. Woman are naturally selective. Buffetfan Tear down that wall! And consider getting a Sex Worker.

At the motel that we were paying by the week I am sure that management had a good idea that spanking was going on. Because people staying there complained about the noise. When we were living at another motel , security came and I answered the door holding a paddle. So there was no doubt that the security guard knew who was giving and who was receiving. We then requested a corner room because we did live there for awhile before we were married. My husband to be received many a spanking from me , I was not happy about living there. MS L.

I don't think it's impossible, but very difficult to find in today's society. I've known some very attractive and religious girls that have made it into their 30's as virgins...but it falls off very quickly after that. I think you're in a good state to begin that search, but you might need to cast a really wide net as your target is very specific. I would explore some other "fly over states" as well. A number of the religious virgins I knew lived in places like Indiana and Kansas. It exists but it it will take a lot of effort on your part to find. Most things in life that matter to us do take that kind of commitment. Best of luck in finding what you're looking for.

That’s awesome!

Similar here. My next sibling in line was my sister, who was 11 years older than me. Our brothers were all serving in the military when she left home at age 16. I was only 5, so the rest of my childhood was spent being raised as an only child. And actually, I was my dad's one and only. My three brothers and sister were half-siblings.

Me too!

@Imperium- I'm assuming you're referring to a committed relationship between ER & EE, and not merely a casual spanking partnership? It would seem foolish to relocate for someone in the latter (casual) category. If this is something you're considering, you might ask yourself some questions, like: Is anything keeping you where you presently live, such as your career? Do you own a business in your community that took a long time to build? Do you have children in school there, or aging parents who depend on your help? Will you be leaving behind special people who are part of your life? Are you a home-owner who would have to sell your house? Are you emotionally attached to your current home and/or town? Do you like the town that you'd be relocating to, and are you excited by the prospect of moving there? Does the community align with your political and social views? Does it offer viable employment options? Is housing there affordable? What about the quality of life? How are the crime rate and statistics? Do you like the climate? Is moving to your partner's location the best strategy for both of you, or merely for your partner? Does the timing feel right? Are there any doubts? Even in the case of a committed relationship, many factors need to be taken into consideration. That said, I've relocated many times (solo) and have built some delightful memories by pulling up stakes and going where the wind blew me. Relocating, when it's right, can be an exciting adventure.

I am the baby sister, youngest of five.

Thank you for responding. I always find your contributions very helpful. These are good questions for my husband and me to consider. What do I feel I richly deserve? Well...I guess I do feel I "deserve" a strict hand and to be held accountable thru disciplinary spankings for the things we both agree are desirable in me in various areas of life. It probably does have a lot to do with my rebellious attitude as a child and teenager, and how I actually ran away from being held accountable and did my own thing...which was really crazy and destructive for me and others. I guess it does have a lot of connection with my guilt over my past behaviors and choices...especially the abortions. I feel my life overall now with strict discipline is "only right" for the people I have actually hurt, the innocent wives I have probably harmed thru serving their husbands as a prostitute, and the actual babies in my womb I decided could not live. I can never undo or make right those things in my past...but I can accept a life of discipline and punishment. So...if my punishments are more severe, even in the little things...it is still what I deserve overall. However, my husband gages severity by the offense. So...small things bring less severe or lighter punishments...unless they represent a diminishing pattern of behavior or performance steadily over a period of time....but yes...I usually wish those were more severe too. So...the guilt thing I guess. Negative emotional states without severity? I would say...yes...perhaps some. I guess if I feel he went too easy on me. I guess I might feel a bit disappointed or incomplete...I dunno...the best way I can think to say it. But. I usually try to stay positive and trust in his judgement about the severity used. I still "wish" or want more...but...I move forward regardless. But...still "feel" deserving if more. Do I feel I am a bad person? Well...I know I "was." But...I honestly do not feel like I am that person anymore. That thanks to God who has forgiven me, my husband who loves and cares for me deeply, and our children who I love so much and do not deserve to be mother to. But...I guess I still feel I "owe" and deserve a life of real disciplinary punishments for who I was. So...once again...guilt for the past "me" I was. I am thinking as I work thru this...strict discipline is kind of the price I feel I should pay....for my past and the life of blessing I now have with my husband and our children and my career. I have actually never been happier, yet almost fear I will stop being punished for offenses now as punishment for my past. Weird....lol.

ID checked for adult beverage purchases.

Thank you. But overall it feels harder to find in Canada. Compare to US.

Given that I have refined spanking and vanilla interests I'm no fool to knowing that I may have to relocate one day once I meet the ideal partner. As a result, I structured my entire life and career for the potential of relocation. Once I build a good connection with someone, I am open to travelling on a weekly basis to build a deeper connection in person. Complete relocation boils down to wanting to create a life together. Given that I am monogamous, that would entail a committed long-term relationship leading towards marriage. That said, distance is irrelevant to me and the ideal D/s spanking dynamic is my strongest motivation to relocate.

I believe this need for "more and more" is the addiction that many spankees get to the feel-good hormones that flood their system during spanking sessions. These include dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins. Harder levels of play produce more of these chemicals, and the more we get, the more we crave. As for reaching the point where the spanking need is "fully satisfied," I have never seen this happen with a true spanko. I can't speak for those who discover spanking as a new interest later in life, but for we who are dyed-in-the-wool, I have yet to see someone shake the need without it eventually resurfacing. We never get spanking so "out of our system" that we turn vanilla. That said, I have discussed this topic with a couple of close spanko friends, and we have come to the conclusion that our needs, as spankos, do often shift with age and experience. A spanko may not need spankings as often, or crave them as intensely, as they once did. Or, even the type of spanking they desire may change. Maybe they started out craving discipline spankings, but end up preferring erotic or stress-relief spankings as the years pass.

I concur with Jim and SpankingPurist. Hearing the truth, when it comes from a place of caring, usually helps someone more than does anything else. Your need is very real, and believe me, we all understand how gnawing it is. You're in good company. Please keep in mind, though, that respectable spankers are responsible, busy people, usually with high demands on them, not only within the spanking community, but also in their everyday lives. If they've built a good reputation for themselves, this has come hard-earned. Therefore, they tend to expect others to work hard, as well. So hearing someone say, in essence, "I can't take care of myself; do it for me," is a real turn-off. It's a drain on a spanker's time and mental energy. And, who wants to take on a spankee who may be a basket case? That's not to suggest that you are, but "pent up emotions" that someone is "struggling to release" can sound like exactly that. Spankees (again, not you specifically, but in general) will sometimes post desperate requests with the hope that if people can see how badly they need a spanking, that they'll receive understanding, empathy, and an offer to help. But more often than not, any kind of desperate post is met with little interest from the community. I agree with the other two about seeking professional help. All of us can benefit from meeting with a therapist. There is no shame in this. In fact, counseling is so common nowadays that there's a good chance that the people you admire most, who handle things well, have learned their strategies through counseling. It's one of the best things an individual can do for themselves. That said, we're happy to welcome newcomers, so there's a chance that you'll make some good friends here. But before jumping straight to the role of "taker," practice being a giver. Get involved in the forum. Share your opinions on thread topics. Offer thoughtful questions or prose. If people become familiar with you and begin to like you, your chances of getting this need met will significantly improve.

Hi I've had many post-orgasm spankings - they are not fun erotic spanking - they are real spankings! Several times I cried during a post-cum spanking. One DOM would make me very quickly JO into a little cup and then he would make me do 5-10 minutes of "corner time" before he called me from the corner to get spanked. While waiting in the corner I would less and less want to get spanked. I would get more and more nervous and my penis would go limp and shrivel up extra small. By the time he would call me from the corner to begin the spanking I would not be happy about getting spanked! Usually I didn't want to get in position for my spanking and I would desperately try to talk him out of spanking me! Of course he would never let me off the spanking. Eventually he would tell me that the longer I kept stalling the harder if get spanked, so I would reluctantly get in position as present my little bottom for punishment. Recently I made a video of me getting a post-orgasm limp dick spanking. The spanking was given with a wooden spoon. Believe be, I did not enjoy that spanking! It really hurt! You can see the video at: https://www.spankingtube.com/video/129857/phils-limp-dick-spanking

Having a strong complementary desire is the fuel that drives the experience. I would never want to waste a great opportunity because someone was new to it. I was inexperienced when I spanked my gf many years ago, but I had lived with the idea of spanking my whole life and believed I knew what I was doing. It worked out well for us. Nothing wrong with having experience, but I'll take compatibility, enthusiasm, common sense, caution, sensitivity, and caring about the spankee over experience any day.

I'm sorry that was so negative I pull for all spanko's to find someone that's on the same path. If you were like me back then it just got as tiresome asking for it as it was for them to do it. Then if they decided to it's not what you really wanted. When it's over I was wishing that it wouldn't have happened at all, but the urge does me in. I do wish you luck.