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Showing content with the highest reputation on 07/30/21 in all areas

  1. I'm also going to agree with @rubyredd. This isn't about spanking but rather it's about the dynamics which all relationships are built on. Spanking relationships only differ from vanilla relationships in terms of the shared spanking kink. All of the same elements which make or break a vanilla pairing apply to us. So far as the vacations and needing help, it sounds like the lady might be living beyond her means. The fancy trips come at a price if too many are placed on the old credit card. If this is what she's doing, then that's her issue. It's nice to help, just make certain you aren't enabling. There's a difference. As far as you being the only man in her life, she may be telling you the truth. One woman I used to spank had, shall we say, a special lady who was her travelling companion. Anyway you know this woman and I don't, so whether that potentially applies or not is for you to determine. I am in an open situation with all of my spankees. They all know about each other and I know about their vanilla sex partners. No secrets. Not between they and I, that is. I don't share one EE's personal business with another without permission, however. I'm bringing this up because you're either in a mutually exclusive relationship or you are not. You are either in an open relationship or you are not. You are either platonic spanko pals or you are not. All of the above is defined between my partners and I, and I would suggest this may be where you are stalling out with this woman. I may be off base though; that's also yours to determine. If you think I might be on the right track, then my advice is to get the nature of the relationship clearly and mutually defined. Best of luck.
    2 points
  2. Even if they enjoy being spanked, I'm not sure how many partners would "love" a true discipline spanking - the kind that doesn't start until they wish it were over. At least that has been my experience.
    2 points
  3. I don't understand. Of course there are people here. We have multiple conversations going on, regarding a multitude of topics, with a wide variety of voices. If you are referring to EEs not responding to your inquiries, may I suggest you keep your advertisements in the appropriate section and perhaps more people will see them or respond.
    2 points
  4. I like to make my naughty girl wait for her spanking. There’s no harm in waiting- her fanny is going to be tanned no matter how long it takes. I’ll make her stand in pre spanking corner time while I rustle about the bedroom preparing for her punishment. I let her anticipation build to the point that she wants to get it over with. I sit on the spanking chair and summon her to my side; a loving but firm scolding ensues- no shouting, yelling or put downs. Instead a good ‘talking to’ so she understands why she is being punished. It doesn’t take much to get her to heartily agree that she’s earned the fanny tanning I have planned for her. Occasionally, I add to her shame by having her fetch the thermometer and Vaseline for a long temperature taking across my knee before a good bare bottomed smacking commences.
    2 points
  5. I have chatted with dozens of people here, but I have only met with you and one other. I had an absolute blast with you and look forward to playing again soon. Some folks will always be chat friends only because of distance or real-life situations. Others are just brief chat encounters and never progress - mainly due to spanko differences or a feeling that something isn't quite right. Still others just get nervous or are afraid; some are married and not open with their spouse about meeting other spankos. Each of us has an image of what a meet-up should be, but some folks have only that image and won't be flexible or forget that there are two spankos in the scene. I try to go into a meet-up thinking about what will make it a great experience for my partner. All this to say that yes, 33% is pretty normal in the spanko realm. But, keep trying! I have met with dozens of spankos over the years and played with almost all of them on a first meet-up. • Jumping into discipline too quickly can be a red flag (or a yellow one). Real discipline is more effective when there is a foundation. • Someone who wants to be punished to tears on a first meeting raises a flag, too. How much drama will be involved in that meet-up? • Does the person want everything tailored to his or her specific fantasy? Flag. • Does the person want to meet in public first? Is s/he excited to get to know you as a person? Good signs! • Does the person want to jump into a spanking or are they willing to talk about expectations and exploration?
    2 points
  6. How important to you is scolding? Do you have a favorite phrase (to use or hear)? Or, is it more about a certain look or mannerism?
    1 point
  7. I have never gotten one, but years ago after we were first married my wife got one for doing something she was told specifically not to do.
    1 point
  8. I do believe we are held to a higher standard on some levels. Would people listen to / respect their boss if they broke rules that they tried to enforce at the workplace? I’m not saying a spanker must follow all of the same rules that their spankee has. For example, if I had a spankee who wanted to stop swearing, and be held accountable for it, I don’t think I need to stop swearing. Things such as texting and driving / drunk driving , safety rules etc. yes I think we need to be role models. Being a good role model is the best way to earn respect. I was an administrator for a long time. That was key.
    1 point
  9. What are the Top's responsibilities in terms of behavior and self-regulation? Speaking mainly in terms of disciplinary relationships... do Tops / Spankers need to hold themselves to a higher standard of behavior? What are the expectations for you and your partner (or future partner)? This question is for Tops, bottoms, and switches.
    1 point
  10. I agree with @rubyredd, this doesn't really have anything to do with spanking. This is an issue about trust, about friendship. The fact that she's your spanker doesn't add or subtract anything of importance. I hope you can figure this out, but the fact you're posting about it here and not sorting it out directly with her indicates a communication, as well as a trust, issue. Best of luck, seriously.
    1 point
  11. Yes @rubyredd we do have to hold ourselves too a higher standard. Think of it like this, if I busted your butt because you got a ticket for texting and driving (Huge peeve of mine. Than the same day I get a ticket for same thing. It’s a double standard bigtime. Double standards and lack of consistency will kill a HoH/tih relationship almost overnight
    1 point
  12. I'm not a hoh or mentor etc, but as a top I do have set standards to which I hold myself. Primarily, my responsibility is to ensure the safety and well-being, physical and emotional, of my partner. That encompasses a lot of things, but it mostly boils down to self control and knowing my partner. I will obviously enjoy myself, and I fervently hope my partner will as well, but I can't really "lose myself" in the moment, because I've had partners before who consider it a point of pride to not use a safeword, and however enjoyable a session may be, under no circumstances is causing actual harm to a spankee acceptable. Not just physically, depending on implement skin can break and bruising is not uncommon nor (often) unwanted. But whatever someone's personal pain tolerance may be, there's an emotional toll as well that needs to be considered. In a discipline scenario a spanking that is less physically forceful than a funishment spanking a week prior can cause a much heavier emotional strain due to the guilt or sadness or what have you brought on by the act that incited said discipline. That's just one example. Bottom line, as a top it's my personal responsibility, self assigned, to make sure my partner is getting her needs met in a safe way. To reiterate, this is my personal standard, that I chose. I don't presume to dictate behavior to anyone else, in my personal life at least. Everyone needs to make their own choices, and live with them. Great topic by the way! I look forward to hearing how everyone else feels. Personal ethics are always tailored to the individual, naturally, so this should be a good discussion.
    1 point
  13. Not only spanking relationships are driven by trust, so are real life issues. It seems from what you say you can’t trust her (even if she is 100pc telling the truth). Tbh in answer to the original question, no it’s not worth it, to have mental health issues simply in order to get a sore bottom every now and again.
    1 point
  14. Is that because you don't have much hair to brush? 😂😛 That is a cute one! Perfect for brushing my hair! 😉
    1 point
  15. As a bottom the expectation of my Top is to right me when I’m wrong. Pure and simple that doesn’t always lead to a trip OTK, but correcting me when correcting needs done. So yes she is the HOH so I would expect her to hold herself to a higher standard.
    1 point
  16. Wow, hard to decide being made to drop my pants, bare my butt, and bend over, the feel of the hand connecting with my rear end are two very high points for sure, but probably favorite part is corner time after would with the ER scolding my harshly emphasizing his point with harsh smacks to my already cherry-red butt. I may change my mind as others offer more ideas.
    1 point
  17. @overmykneemiss don’t be so sure your age works against you. There are lots of us who adore older men!
    1 point
  18. When you sass your ER one too many times....
    1 point
  19. I qould love to come see you!
    1 point
  20. Becky just two weeks ago you posted as EE and just recently want to become an ER. And lined up 3 sessions to be ER in less two weeks? And used your husbands account? I think your success rate would go up and if had your own account so EEs would know who they were messaging. You also said you were interested in using a cane. Are you upfront with your lack of experience or perhaps they realized you were a novice ER and bailed? I can’t speak for anyone but me, but no way would I see an inexperienced ER looking to try the cane and not sure if the person messaging me was male or female. Finally, Pros pretty much all require deposits. Reason is cancellations chickening out or gut check I am about to get spanked by another adult second thoughts is all part of this. Get your own account, commit to ER role and don’t mess with canes until you are ready. Your success rate will likely increase.
    1 point
  21. Yes I was the same. I was a switch. I loved to tan female backsides. But at an early age I knew that I was wanting to take the role of starring at the carpet. My wife and I were both spankos when we met. So we would spank each other and we did a lot of looking and reading on websites like The Disciplinary Wives Club, Nu West and Pacific Force. Then over a few short years she took the role as top and I created a no nonsense monster. I have been blessed.
    1 point
  22. Definitely will have to check these out 👍
    1 point
  23. Spanking is a 10 for me. My husband is a spanko Top, so it is hard to imagine him losing interest completely. But, while our marriage would probably survive, he would encourage me to meet others (and vice versa) if one of us became vanilla.
    1 point
  24. It's cheating without question. If it wasn't would be no need to go behind the partner's back.
    1 point
  25. Scoldings for disciplinary spankings are a requisite for me getting into the correct mindset. A quiet disciplinary spanking with no verbal interaction would negate its effect for me. Certain phrases contribute greatly to my headspace, but anything demeaning or yell-y would kill it immediately.
    1 point
  26. In a word, maternal. Someone who would act like a real mother toward me in terms of discipline, rather than the mother I actually had. Don't get me wrong. I loved my mom, and we had a lot of good memories when she was alive, but in terms of discipline, her abusive nature (which I've spoken of on here recently) left me with something of a hole. I always felt like things were held against me forever. Old stuff would be dredged up. I'd be verbally abused not infrequently. When she did spank, she'd fly off the handle in a rage, causing me to flee (or attempt to flee) most of the time, out of fear of what she might do to me. I'd want a spanker who would be loving but firm. One who would tell me that I screwed up, that I was going to be punished, but would do so calmly but clearly and would talk to me and tell me her expectations of me going forward and then would tell me what she wanted me to do, then spank me until she felt I had paid for my mistakes, and then provide me with a chance to hug her and cry on her shoulder for a few minutes. And then I would know what it felt like to be given forgiveness. Many of my posts come with a story of some kind, and this is no exception. To be honest, I feel envious of people whose parents spanked them with a calm and measured demeanor. My next door neighbor, who had full permission to spank me, was one of those, and she spanked me a couple times, but the experiences I had with my mom caused me to try to run from her too. One time she tried to sit me down before a spanking and explain that she wasn't going to cause any permanent or even long-lasting damage, but that she really felt I needed a spanking to correct my behavior, because I was going down a bad path, and that she didn't want to see me go down that path. I was like 9 or 10 at the time. It didn't matter. I couldn't accept it, because of the terror instilled in me by my mom (who ironically never actually caused me that much physical pain but traumatized the hell out of me psychologically). She got like two swats in before I tried to block the paddle (which was small but heavy) and got a nice contusion on one of my knuckles for my trouble. She shook her head in disappointment and never tried again after that. If I could go back and do it all over again knowing what I know now, I would have accepted those spankings and been thankful for them. She is my ideal spanker, but I didn't see it that way at the time. When my mom died I was 16, and she kind of took over as something of a second mother in a way. She kept watch over me and would sometimes talk to me when she thought I wasn't going the right direction, but I wasn't a very good listener. Regarding things like age, height, weight, etc. I guess the picture I have in my mind is someone in her 40s to early 60s, maybe 5' 6" or so, medium build, with a caring face. These are all niceties though, not necessities. In reality, if I really connected with someone in that way, I don't think I'd care if she was younger, older, short, tall, fat skinny, or anything in between.
    1 point
  27. Same here. It only stopped when i moved out.
    1 point
  28. I can relate to that. I was 22 when I stopped fearing it happening. Thats when I moved out. Up until then the threat was present but not really followed through on.
    1 point
  29. Part of me can see why she didnt stop it. When its your normal its hard to see how odd it actually is. I was spanked way past what most people did (but nowhere near 41, hell im only 21 now) but I didnt question it or try to stop it because for me - it was normal.
    1 point
  30. I was 19. I’m not going to say what for but it was deserved.
    1 point
  31. Asking was never necessary. The last spanking from my mom was at the age of 19. It was no different than the ones as a child. Deceased now. but if alive and a spanking deemed necessary, even at age 22 I'm certain it would still be administered pants down and draped over her knee.
    1 point
  32. I will check them out.
    1 point
  33. I was in Las Vegas for a week of vacation and then came back to a pile of work. Didn't realize how long it's been since I checked in. I don't want to miss the final resolution of this endless round, one way or the other. Although, I fully expect the ER's to prevail, so is only natural.
    0 points
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