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Showing content with the highest reputation on 09/17/20 in all areas

  1. 3 points
    We've discussed the draw of spanking in several threads, but interest in why we seek spankings and who we are seems ever present. Many have said they have no idea why we seek what do. i recommend this article: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2020.1767025 The article on the appeal of being spanked, from practitioners of masochism and submission. Although peppered with data driven and current psychological understanding, the conclusions are principally based on analysis of comments and surveys of practitioners. We don't always understand ourselves or know all of our own triggers. Still, the analysis of the comments provides important information and considerations. Much of it confirms conclusions already reached in discussion forums. Although the article is from "The Journal of Sex Research," and intended to discuss masochism and submission, the topics coincide closely with the spanking needs discussed in our forums. Sexuality is not the focus of the article. The concepts and conclusions, i believe, apply to much of the spanking among group members. i think that often many of the origins of and reasons for spanking overlap. That is, spankees may not have only one origin and one reason for the need for spankings, but several origins and reasons may come together, with one or more of them being more salient. The article is about 10 pages of narrative, and well written. The research, results, and conclusions appear reasonable. Please comment on what you agree with and disagree with from the article, and any additional thoughts. While the article uses the terms "masochism" and "submission," remember that academia considers spanking a subset of BDSM, even though most of us likely never thought of it that way. i hope you enjoy the article! Happy spanking!
  2. 2 points
    As an active self-spanker myself, I still clearly remember my first ever self-spanking...what I used, what was going through my mind, how I felt physically and emotionally. And I have often wondered what it was like for others the first time the decided to spank themselves. If you feel comfortable sharing any aspects of your experience, please share. I will obviously share mine below: -------------------------------- I was 18, and I was "on my own" for the first time. This proclivity towards spanking had been a part of me for as long as I could remember. While I grew up in the age where the internet was getting bigger, it was one of the few things my parents were really strict about. As a result,I never even searched spanking on the internet until then...I didn't want to risk them finding out. Once I looked it up, I realized I wasn't alone. But to be honest, I still hated this part of myself. I always did. I didn't want to be a spanko. But I couldn't help but to look at sites like this and spankingtube once I knew they existed, because they showed the reality of a deep personal part of myself that, until then, I thought could only live in my mind. These sites are where I learned self-spanking existed. I don't even know if it would have occurred to me to spank myself if I hadn't found out others did that. My fantasy and interest had always exclusively been with being spanked. I hoped that the reality of being spanked would destroy the fantasy. I basically wanted to spank the spanko out of me. I took a thick wood cutting board and a metal spatula and just started doing it. It hurt so much more than I had ever imagined...but still, I loved it. I loved the feeling, the rush, the butterflies of anticipation, the sound, even the pain. The more I spanked, the more I loved it. I kept going harder, and honestly way more severe than I should have for a first session. I kept making it harsher, hoping to eventually hate it. My cheeks were both solid bruises before I finally gave up. I ended that session and knew that this was a part of me, and I had to accept that. But I also felt so amazing having this deep, innate part of me fulfilled for the first time ever. The reality outdid the fantasy in every way for me. That first session confirmed that this truly is a part of me, and I have enjoyed self-spanking ever since. I also now fully accept the spanko in me and even love it.
  3. 2 points
    I'll answer on my wife's behalf as I'm the one who is on the receiving end. She says that her preference for me to wear for spanking is a look of concern as I stand naked and she shows me the paddle she'll use.
  4. 1 point
    It's not nude, or even a great pic, but there you go. My bottom.
  5. 1 point
  6. 1 point
    You can't block them from viewing your profile but you can block them from sending messages to your inbox. Go to your profile name, click on account settings then ignored users- put their username in there. Hope that helps😀
  7. 1 point
    Yup! CambridgeSHIRE here. 30.F.ee
  8. 1 point
    I don't see anything wrong with the study itself other than the limitations that go along with qualitative content analysis. What people say isn't always the same as what they think or even what they're consciously aware of, if you believe in some version of Freud's Id or ideal self. Many spankos grow up struggling with feelings of isolation and guilt related to their desires, so I would expect a lot of us learned early on to rationalize those desires and frame them in more "acceptable" ways. And spanko culture has its own shifting mores that can seem judgmental at times; for instance, I remember when it was more heavily frowned upon for spankos to admit to enjoying "good" pain. I wonder if that could be one reason the study found that the percentage of practitioners who enjoy pain for itself is higher than studies from a decade or more ago suggested. I could see that gap between reality and Id/ideal self especially affecting the intrinsic vs. extrinsic origin responses. I gave an intrinsic origin answer to that question all the way up into my 30s when I found out that repressed memories are a real thing, after all. It was a surprise, considering I thought they were largely debunked. My answer changed to "both." It makes me wonder how many other spankos/subs have extrinsic origin factors that they're not aware of because of lost memories and/or extreme youth at the time. Regardless, there's not enough data yet to determine whether or not m/s is associated with childhood abuse, so the researchers' conclusion about that was premature. Other things I wasn't sure about: Color me skeptical regarding sexual power exchange play not existing prior to the 16th century; and although submissives have more anxiety, gender and higher intelligence are confounding variables for that as other studies show that women and people with higher intelligence worry more and have a higher prevalence of anxiety. Much of the article really resonated for me. I like that the researchers differentiated between "genital sexuality" and broader sexuality. It's definitely about playing with power relationships for me. Being spanked is just one way--well, maybe the best way--to make the power transfer instantly tangible. I'm also one of the 28% (that number seems low to me) that use it to alter their state of consciousness. Subspace feels spiritual to me. I can believe that it's addictive, and I wonder if that could explain why some have noticed the need somewhat decreasing during long periods of abstinence. My absolutely favorite part is when the authors keep saying this or that needs "further investigation" or empirical testing. Um, where do I sign up for that? My luck, I'd end up in the control group. I enjoyed the article. Thanks for sharing!
  9. 1 point
    Hi, Birmingham spanking enthusiast here
  10. 1 point
    Thank you for sharing this, @ammon. It's a long article that touches lightly on many aspects of psychology surrounding BDSM: classification in the discipline of psychology, mental health denominators of practitioners, origins historically, origins personal to BDSM participants, differences in various types and styles of practice and the participants who engage in them, etc., etc. It did a nice job of covering a lot of territory concisely, and it was very professionally documented. I had a lot of little epiphanies while reading through it. This is a worthy addition to our educational archives here on SN.
  11. 1 point
    My husband will not let me spank him. He says pain isn't enjoyable. I don't agree (although to like to carry a wooden spoon and smack his backside when he curses but he is fully dressed) but he loves spanking me and I loved being spanked.
  12. 1 point
    Thoughtful offer... thank you. I no longer have a barn/woodshed, though (sold that place in 2014). And the "spanking cabins," as I've come to call them, where I meet men for my sessions, are nice little vacation rental log cabins in which I would never bring hay bales. I'm very respectful of the property, coming and going quietly and reverently. The only thing I ever leave in my wake are cleared consciences, calm psyches.... and sore bottoms.
  13. 1 point
    Good thing I wasn't there, as I would have come down on both of them for the name calling. They can each express their feelings honestly without attacking the other personally. That crud doesn't fly in my book.
  14. 1 point
    The cane is definitely the most difficult implement to use for self-spanking, in my experience. I have a rattan cane a a drlrin 3-cane bundle. The Delton bundle is easy because it's heavier and doedn't take much to really hurt. My rattan cane can be a bit tricky, and I don't use it often because it just isn't as easy to use as my paddles, brushes, or straps. I usually bend over my couch armrest with a pillow to really stretch my bottom for the cane, to make it a bit more effective. I go from the side and use a good wrist flick to cane myself. I manage to get some decent stripes. And I found the cane, while maybe not the most painful implement in the moment, leaves a real lingering pain I feel for a good while after, even more than most paddlings. I think the cane is one of those rare implements that, logistically, cannot be used as effectively on oneself because you can't do an arm swing like an ER can, or like us self-spankers can do with paddles and straps. But it can be used effectively enough with practice.
  15. 1 point
    I love the wistful feel of it, even in the body language of the ponies, and the autumnal color scheme, culminating in the ever-so-Bradbury-esque final panel - great work with the reflections in the water and everything!
  16. 1 point
    Sorry but still not interested.
  17. 1 point
  18. 1 point
    I've been a spanko for most of my life, and have known and accepted it for a long time now. However it wasn't until last year that I "came out" so to speak and began trying to find a spanking partner online. I have recently made an amazing friend on this site and I wanted to share my experience of how that happened. I began by registering on a spanking dating site. This started off very exciting, a brave new world! Unfortunately, I found limited success here due to a combination of my being simply god awful at sending the first DM, and the lack of genuine people on this specific site that weren't professionals after money (there's nothing wrong with this - it just wasn't what I was looking for). The vast majority of messages I received were from bots saying things like "I want to spank u, chat to me here" which would then link to a malware site. I never clicked on any of these, and would advise anyone else who finds themselves receiving messages like this to not respond to them. I did find a few one off meets from that site, one spanker who gave me a pretty good punishment spanking which left me sore for a good while, but on the second failed to listen to my requests on limits and warming up and ended up going way too far. I also met an EE who was very enjoyable to talk to, but ultimately this didn't go anywhere. I had a brief look on fetlife, but found the spanko community there a bit thin, and very few from the UK. At this point, the COVID-19 pandemic began. Severely exasperating my pre-existing anxiety and depression relating to feeling lonely, isolated and abandoned. No longer could I bury myself in exercise and I found more unhealthy coping mechanisms (a story for another time). What this did lead me to do, is have a good long think about what I wanted, and led me to realise that neither of the sites I was on were able to fulfil this. My desire was simple, I wanted to first connect with other spankos and share my experiences, and then let it naturally progress into something more. I wanted to find an environment to do this where I felt safe and accepted. Enter SN, I was recommended to here by a post on fetlife, with the key selling point being the online chat room. I signed up and joined, posted in the forums. Had some great conversations in the chat rooms. And just simply mingled with other spankos and enjoyed casual conversations, never involving any pressure for any kind of spanking meeting or even conversation. I eventually connected with one person in particular in doing exactly this, we talked about all kinds; TV, food, the weather, you name it. Obviously the topic of spanking, and both of our interests relating to it came up. But this happened naturally, it was never forced. We began by simply chatting, then there was a loose arrangement for a meet which where I would spank her to show her what it was like. Eventually a discussion of things that she could be spanked for led her to ask me to provide her with some rules - which I was more than happy to do. As I had spent a significant amount of time getting to know her, and we had developed a trust that allowed her to be honest with me about what she wanted to work on, setting these rules was very easy. I won't go into what those rules were as it is up to her if she discusses them. This developed over a number of weeks, as it should. I would never expect to message someone with something such as "hey I need a sore bottom" or "You are naughty, you need a good spanking" and get anything out of it. We need to be prepared to play the long game, and should never spank or be spanked by anyone that we haven't spent a decent amount of time getting to know them. Its both better from a safety point of view, and polite not to expect someone we don't know to engage in such an intimate activity with us - this is not a nightclub. Anyway, that was my journey into the spanking scene. Obviously the views expressed here are my own opinions and experiences, and yours may be very different. I'd love to hear about these. How have your experiences in the spanking community been? How have you met some of your spanking partners? Let me know in the comments. Thanks for reading :)
  19. 1 point
    My braided flogger. I know we often hear "flogger" and think of some light thuddy massaging BDSM. But my braided tailed flogger delivers a serious whipping that has a really intense fiery sting. In terms of pure sting, it outdoes all of my other implements.
  20. 1 point
    If you really think you'll safeword three swats in, you're not ready for a spanking. To be safe, you need to know the difference between "this doesn't feel safe at all, something's really wrong" and "this hurts, but it's not safeword territory." You and your spanker need MUCH more communication and clarity before you start a real spanking.
  21. 1 point
  22. 1 point
  23. 1 point
    Yes. Women are meaner and take punishment more seriously than men will. But they also know what you need more than you do. Not all but more than guys. When I'm bullying a boy or a girl I can tell what they will like. If you're doing it right they shouldn't be able to think that clear.
  24. 1 point
    I'm not particular; the clothes are coming off anyway. Most times they are thinking ahead and choose to wear something comfortable.
  25. 1 point
    In my opinion, you can not give a proper spanking when the spankee is wearing clothes. Any women I spank must remove her clothes before she gets the punishment. I will remove her clothes if she does not.
  26. 1 point
    One of my favourites is the Community TV show where Britta gets a 'whooping'. She's so clueless about what's about to happen.
  27. 1 point
    I have always been partial to a skirt or dress being flipped up, as opposed to pants coming down. However, that's like comparing pepperoni pizza to cheese pizza - they're both good. 😎
  28. 1 point
    What was the most embarrassing spanking you ever received. Age: 52 Who spanked you: Daddy Why: disobedience and breaking a rule. He was holding my hand as we were walking in a nature park and I saw something that I just had to investigate so I shook his hand away and ran ahead. He caught up with me and I just knew I was in big trouble. Don’t ever pull away from Daddy holding my hand. Where: outdoors at a nature park Did anyone see it: yes, a few people on the trail passing by What was most embarrassing: From the loud scolding as he physically took me over to a fallen log, sat down, pulled down my pants and panties, put me across his lap ... to the spanking he administered to my bare bottom. Outside. In public. How was the spanking done: across his knees Was it on the bare bottom: yes ... spankings are always on the bare bottom. How long did the soreness last: not too long but the spanking I got once we returned home lasted for two days Any cornertime: absolutely ... pants and panties remained at half mast the whole time
  29. 1 point
    I do agree with the most recent postings and that everyone is different and has their own ideas about baring their bottom. In my opinion a spanking should be administered on a bare bottom. At all the spanking events or parties, large and small, at dungeons and all my spankings, I am nearly always completely stripped before being spanked, for whatever the reason the spanking may be. Even when I am spanked when away from home, at the very least my bottom is bared before any spanking begins.
  30. 1 point
    I have always found that having my panties pulled down is super embarrassing. But its part of what makes discipline effective for me.
  31. 1 point
    i did a lot of things as a teenager and into my early 20's that never should have happened. Some of it known by my parents, some not. Heavy drug use, drunk driving (thank god there were no accidents and no one was hurt!), smoking in school, going to class high, driving for drug dealers, provoking fights for the sole purpose of getting hit, i constantly lied, manipulated people every chance i got, i was vengeful to an extreme and bitterly jealous, angered an old boyfriend close to seizure to get to scream a confession at me while the 17 year old pregnant girlfriend he had just broken up listened to further twist the knife in her back with then left them both 50 miles from home with nothing and no way to get back. i thoughtlessly told a friend that had just aborted her child that i thought 90% of the male population needed to be aborted anyway and from those cruel words came her crack addiction. i was a monster and unworthy of being part of humanity. The very worst of it i do not speak of but i will say that i remain grateful for the beating that allowed me to forgive myself enough to seek professional help. As for making peace for the things i've done, that's an everyday process. i offer my help where i can, am quick with a kind word, learned to be 'honest to a fault' and do my best to remember to be mindful of the people/world around me. Most likely i'll never be a moral person but i find a greater flexibility and ability to show compassion, kindness and love in being an ethical person. i've been the person willing to have the hard conversations about the importance of bathing, wearing clean clothes and daily survival while homeless. Everyday i strive to give of myself and have literally given the shirt off my back when i saw there was a need. i take comfort in knowing that i have grown as a person, earned the privilege of being human and strive to maintain a right to that privilege.
  32. 0 points
    When Mamacita says she wants to go shopping, but doesn't say for what!
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