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  1. 7 points
    The “taken in hand” The expression of the intense need and long held fantasy which has so long existed. The need for nurturing, understanding, guidance and acceptance from someone who takes great enjoyment from gratifying those needs. No need for shame or guilt, but only the titillating embarrassment of being exposed in so many ways. The trust of knowing that the person does indeed get you, and is doing this not to demean but to enhance. Being held over the knee like a child, something which has been craved for so long, but done so in a loving but firm manner. The place where this a fusion of fantasy and reality. The giving up of control to someone of trust who values your strength in acceptance of your needs for submission. Someone who treasures your submission as you do their dominance. But a dominance in a loving sense. A firm and loving sense, for you both know that this is indeed something that both of you desire. Yes, you will be spanked and spanked soundly until that fusion of fantasy and reality is accomplished. Until your cheeks are on fire from that firm hand and those long held fantasies and needs have beeen brought to reality.
  2. 7 points
    I am a logical, thinking woman, college-educated and painfully smart. So, why am I struggling to accept that this is something I need? I have spent years searching for research, talking to therapists, trying to find words, definitions, explanations to explain it away. But, like the need to sleep, and love, and create, it always comes creeping back up. “It’s trauma,” my logical brain explains away. “It’s based in trauma and should be shunned.” ”It’s sex,” my sexual center asserts. “It’s based in sexuality and should be embraced.” ”It’s fake!” my shaming interior voice cries out. “You don’t NEED to be spanked. Get your $%#*|+># act together!” So, what do YOU do? How do you cope? How do you quiet the tirade of voices? How do you accept and embrace this need? How do you let yourself say “yes” when someone loving asks you, “Do you need to be spanked?” -With heavy heart, Sillygirl
  3. 7 points
    Thank you so much for starting this discussion sillygirl! This kind of conversation is really why I came on here...to understand other people's thoughts and feelings on spanking and in that way to understand my own needs better. I understand what people are saying about not asking 'why' but for me personally I just don't think like that...I've always been a 'seeker' and want to know 'why' with the big things in my life. As I've gotten older I realize I'll never get complete answers to many questions but the process of asking the questions and going deeper is how I grow... I've also been to several therapists and with a few have brought up my spanking needs (though admittedly not sharing everything). There was one who was really convinced that it was due to some childhood trauma...and tried to convince me I have repressed memories. Well I'm convinced I don't have any hidden childhood trauma. I grew up in a middle class stable home with two parents who loved me. Yes I was spanked as a child but it was never abusive or excessive...also in the era I grew up probably 99% of kids were spanked and very few developed an obsession with spanking like I did. So I think there's alot to the 'hard wired' idea...but I don't think that's all there is to it either. For me it's almost the reverse of childhood trauma... The period in childhood when I was spanked (around 4-8 years old) was simple and free and innocent. Spankings take me back to that...being little and taken care of and loved without all the complicated things about being an adult. I also realize my spanking needs have evolved...as I got older it's taken on a powerful erotic aspect and has become a big part of my sexuality. I do think understanding some of the 'why' behind it has helped me to define better what I need and want and why... I've talked to some people on here who find that mentoring or accountability for adult behavior is a big part of their spanking needs...for me it isn't. The mature adult in me doesn't want to be spanked and thinking about myself in a very mature way while being spanked knocks me right out of the 'space' of being 'little' that appeals to me so much. And the strong erotic aspect I feel around spanking at other times means it's not something I ever want to do outside of a long-term romantic relationship...it's much too intimate to do with friends or acquaintances. The other aspect people have brought up in this conversation is how 'out' about our spanking needs we can be. I've talked to some people on here who are 'out' about it and lead 'alternative' lifestyles full-time involving spanking. I could see how this could be wonderful for them but it's not realistic for many people due to the circumstances in their lives. I honestly think society is still in the dark ages about this...maybe where acceptance of homosexuality was in the 40s and 50s. Many people are really really judgmental about these things...I'm sorry to say I think many people honestly view us as freaks. So for many of us I think 'coming out' could have major negative consequences for family relationships, friends and careers. The good thing is that I do think society has made some progress... When I was a teenager and young adult it was much much worse. There were no places like this to meet and talk to people...I felt truly alone like I was the only person in the world. So I think communities like this are really important especially for young adults who are awakening to these interests... It's a place where they can feel accepted and start to 'find' themselves. I don't usually say things like this but I'm going to come out and say it... I've encountered some really 'predatory' types on here and some I'd even say seem quite scary. For myself I've 'been around the block' and feel I know how to handle it...but I really worry for some inexperienced people on here and how they might be taken in by this. So I do feel like we have a responsibility to make communities like this safe and welcoming to people with emerging spanking needs. I think it can really make a difference in people's lives if we're supportive... Wow! I think this is the longest message I've ever written on here...but I do feel so passionate about this!
  4. 5 points
    On Thursday I had an e-mail from the college in London where I've been studying counselling. I've just done a 15 week level 1 and 2 course and recently applied for a more in-depth counselling skills course starting in September. I had to go through an application and interview process and.... I got a place on the course ! There was a written part to the interview where you had to answer "reflectively" in response to a quote from a famous psychologist and I wrote honestly about my own responses in counselling back in the early 2000s when I was asked about being spanked as a child. Not sure if that was what clinched it for me but I was proud of being able to be so honest. This means a lot to me and I want to eventually help others to find their own inner strength too. I was lost emotionally for many years. I feel like I'm finding out who I am again and even beginning to like myself.
  5. 5 points
    OMG Jaxx 216 I cracked up when I read both of your posts 🤣: “Love the kitchen gadget isle in the dollar store or grocery, there I always stop and look at all the different imements hanging like wooden spoonz and spatulas. Always feel my heart race a little and get a feeling of arrousal in my loins. Samething happens at the clothing isle with belts.” “Forgot about the hairbrush section....sensory overload!” I would add the following: When I’m in these departments I can’t help from “testing” the merchandise. I look around to make sure nobody is looking then I slap the implement against my palm or thigh with a lot of force to try to get a feel whether they would be a good addition to the other toys. Silicone spatulas can give an unbelievable sting (man do I love them)! Every once in a while I get into the test too much and some poor unsuspecting soul comes around a corner and sees me and stops dead in their tracks. When I finally realize that I’m being watched I’m sure I give the “hand in the cookie jar” look and if I wasn’t so embarrassed, I would bust out laughing at the strange looks that I get in return 😨! Usually I’ll say something stupid like “They have really nice spatulas here”🙄. They slowly nod kind of like one would nod to a potentially dangerous mental patient 😬. Wouldn’t it be a dream come true if one of them said, “Turn around bad boy and I’ll show what it really feels like!” 😈 Finally, the Bed, Bath, and Beyond heavy teak bath brushes are truly amazing. I can’t help myself from testing those every time that I visit😈. God, it makes me feel better to read things like this! I thought I was absolutely alone in my insanity.😁
  6. 5 points
    This is how I imagine Almanzo handled Laura on the homestead...
  7. 5 points
    I think the hardest thing for me is that I feel this extreme need. My husband is a good sport about the whole thing. But, this is not "his thing" and I feel guilty about putting him through it when he doesn't enjoy any part of it. But, I hold off my own needs until the point where I feel as if, if I don't spank someone, I'm going to honestly jump my husband and spank him anyway. That doesn't make sense. It was so much easier when I was single and able to spank when the situation arose. But, no.... I had to marry the most vanilla of vanilla guys!
  8. 5 points
    We're not nearly as logical as we'd like to think. For so much of what we do, it is not that we think first, then act. Rather, we do what we do, then we think and try to come up with a good logical reason to justify what we just did. We are so smart that we can usually persuade ourselves that we thought first, then acted I think this is probably grounded in human evolution. We, like animals, do what we do. Many functions of the brain are quite ancient and far, far older than our ability to consciously reason. For millions of years, we did what we did without the ability to really examine our actions logically. We fought, made friendships, went on great adventures, cared our their children and loved ones. I like to think some of us might have taken a liking to slapping other humans' buttocks. One day, we woke up. We were over time able to develop precise language and ask ourselves why we were doing what we were doing. Sometimes we had a good answer. Sometimes, what we didn't at all. What to make of this? For me, it's that just because you cannot give a good logical reason for something you're driven to do, doesn't mean you should reject it. Same if you even come up with a few reasons why you shouldn't do it. There is much, much, more to us than our logical faculties, essential as they are. Let's embrace the mysteries of ourselves.
  9. 5 points
    I don't question it. I consider it to be a gift. What I question is why I waited so many years to admit it. I hid it from others. I hid it in relationships. I hid it during my marriage. After my divorce, I looked in the mirror and said "if not now, then when?" I have never looked back and I feel like a big weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I am a different person now - much happier and more confident. I don't think you can be the person you were meant to be until you embrace your true self. Of course, I am approaching things from the other side of the paddle, but it's same concept. And when I start to question whether it is wrong I remind myself that I am providing a service for those with needs, and that there are others our there looking for what I provide and can't find it. It also gives me an opportunity to interact with someone in a special and intimate way that the vanilla world could never understand. We are all wired differently. Be grateful that your need is for spanking and not something creepy like pedophilia.
  10. 5 points
    From a few weeks ago. I like posting pics on here so people see who i am. Again not a selfie, just a nice pic of me before going out for brunch with some friends. x x
  11. 5 points
    I have been disappointed lately with Admins decision to remove entire threads from the website. (I am talking in particular about the threads "what is a mentor?" and "what is a bully?" ) I think these can be educational tools and good case studies for us to ponder in the future on How Not to Behave in here. If people want to make fools of themselves, they should be able to do so and reap the consequences. These posts shed light on their character that otherwise gets obscured when the entire thread gets removed. There have also been legitimate and interesting points being raised within the threads themselves that get wiped out completely when this happens. The baby gets thrown out with the bath water. In general I dont think it's right to delete content unless it is flagrantly against the rules or inflammatory. The OPs of these threads knew exactly what they were doing and shouldn't be saved by Admin when the thread goes South on them. If nothing else, just remove the problematic language from certain posts, but leave the entire thread up as a learning tool.
  12. 5 points
    Oh vanillas can be very dense about it... I had one boyfriend who I gave ALL the hints to...finally one night I crawled over his knee naked and told him I'd been really bad all day. He said "oh sorry you had such a bad day" and proceeded to give me a back massage...
  13. 4 points
    I am getting married in july (2019) and have been promised a spanking on my wedding day. Firstly from my father, and later from my new husband. Neither will give me any details, but they have obviously colluded together to arrange these.. Si thinkof me on 6th July ! Antonia.
  14. 4 points
    Put this up as my new profile pic earlier. Crap pic quality wise, but I've had a terrible week so why not post a pic for a compliment or two? 😋😋
  15. 4 points
    Both. Punishment when needed to improve behavior and stay in track. Erotic spankings are for fun! Why stick to one when you can have both?
  16. 4 points
    Don’t give up hope. I figure it could take years to find the right person. It’s not easy to find someone you’re compatible with Good luck in your search.
  17. 4 points
    Sillygirl, a lot of good things have been written here, but I will add my 2 cents. I used to agonize over this thing we do called spanking. I would research it in my religious life as well as my psychological life. When it came right down to it, I could find nothing that said it was "wrong". And at first that miffed me because I thought there HAD to be something wrong with it if 1) most other people didn't do it, and therefore 2) you had to keep it a secret. I simply could not come to grips with it. So, one day I was talking with my mentor about it and, wisely, she said, "Just accept it. Period. It is what it is." I had to let that sink in for a little while, but after rolling it over in my mind and in my heart, I did come to just take it for what it is ... something that is not "wrong" or is "wrong with me", but it was something that helped me to become a better person. For me, receiving spanking was something that saved my sanity. I was molested as a child and had many traumatic experiences in my life. I had become a victim with a victim's mentality. I had stopped growing emotionally. Quite literally, I was a mess. I was carrying so much guilt that I could hardly stand up straight. My mentor and I had so many conversations where she let me vent and cry. She listened to me and loved me unconditionally. She would spank me to help alleviate the guilt. And it worked. It took around 5 years but I finally got through all of that and started becoming the woman that God made me to be. I don't have the need to be spanked now though I'm not saying I wouldn't do it for fun. I have become the spanker. And, to be honest, I don't have this driving need to do that, but if I was in a relationship where it was needed, I would. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself a break. Just because you like spanking, it is not the end of the world. It just might be the beginning of one!
  18. 4 points
    Only a few trusted people who aren't involved in this activity at all know about my interests. Obviously one has to be very discreet and know the people well enough to trust them not to reveal it to anyone else. Regarding professionals, in the 50+ years I have been active in spanking others and being spanked, I have observed that many people simply won't reveal their occupation or career for that exact reason. At the same time, I know professionals who are into spanking and being spanked that do tell exactly what their career is and I have personally spanked a nurse, and the wife of an elected official. I have been spanked as an adult by a school principal who was not associated with any school I ever attended, she simply did this for pleasure. The people I have told were good friends who I had known for many years, and none of them were judgmental, one was curious about how it was possible to connect with other like minded people and another wanted to discuss how we avoid any lasting physical injury. One said she had a relative in another state who had been into that for as long as she could remember and everyone in the family knew about it. No one said they thought it was weird or anything remotely like that. That's for sure about most people having something out of the ordinary in their lives. I worked for decades in a career that involved entering people's homes multiple times every day and no doubt was in tens of thousands of homes over those years. 50-60 per week is about 3,000 every year multiplied by 30+ years. You never know what you are going to see, or what explanation they will offer about certain things which they can't hide if you need to be in that part of the house to do your work. Saw more than one basement dungeon, or other equipment like spanking benches and even stocks that you wouldn't find in a home where they weren't being used by someone living there. Several places with paddles, whips, and restraints hanging on a wall neatly arranged. One thing I learned quickly was how many people are either nudists or exhibitionists, seeing one a month was not unusual and I was in more than one home where the entire family was casually naked and said just go about your work and don't mind us, this is how we live. A really large number of people are hoarders and have houses filled with stuff they feel is important to them. Some very well organized, others not so much. Many had stacks and stacks of unopened boxes of merchandise they had bought from those TV shopping channels on cable, I'm talking rooms full of unopened boxes from floor to ceiling. I asked one woman why, very politely, and she said that she might need those things someday and wanted to get them at a good price so she would have them available if she needed any of them. She had written on the outside of each box what was in it, but never opened any of them. A therapist or psychologist would have a field day with many of those people I met over the years, but none of them were dangerous, only different from what society might consider to be "normal" whatever that is. 50 Shades made a huge difference in average people who might do some unusual things like spanking or tying up their partner during sex actually being able to discuss those things with friends. I expect some people were shocked at what some of their friends admitted to doing, but the casual clues became way more obvious than ever before.
  19. 4 points
    Well this has been quite a good summer for us spankos! First my vanilla boyfriend then your vanilla wife!
  20. 4 points
    I don't think there is a "one size fits all" answer. As the needs and desires of every spankee is different, so are the needs and desires of every spanker. I'm a spankee, and through conversations with various conversations with spankers, I've learned that a spanker's fulfillment from a spanking is as unique as a spankee's. Some spankers do like a spankee that stays still in position, silent, and takes their punishment. They see that as both submission to the spanking and as being disciplined enough to take it well. Others like seeing reactions such as squirming, hearing gasps and cries, and even full on crying to know they are getting through to the spankee and being effective. Some people see being stoic as being submissive, others see it as being stubborn and prideful, like "you can't hurt me". Everyone has unique tastes and interpretations of what certain reactions mean. I think that as a spanker learns what the spankee is looking for and expects in a spanker, spankees also need to learn what a spanker is looking for as well so both sides can fully benefit. Communication is key. If a spanker says they expect you to be still and take every swat without moving or yelling, and you are willing to do that, do it. If they expect you to authentically react, do that if it suits you. Learn about each spanker in each situation and do what works for both of you.
  21. 4 points
    I want to point out that his "thing" is being an exhibitionist. So, spanking him is not a "non-consensual" thing. But, we get different things out of it. He just loves the idea of being naked and I love spanking. He feels it is a price he pays for my letting him be an exhibitionist. Would hate for someone to think I am abusing him or that he doesn't want to participate (I would not spank him if it wasn't a give and take situation).
  22. 4 points
    Sometimes it's best to just accept things as they are and not worry so much about the "why". I never could figure it out and finally stopped trying. Honestly I try my best not to think about spanking at all these days. I'm not in a position to persue the interest and likely may never be again so it's best for me to try to move on. That's easy said than done of course because I'm still here, hanging around much more often than I should be. Best of luck in your pursuits.
  23. 4 points
    Ya'll have a good day. This post is what happens when I have to get up to early. This is my mood today, hell everyday lol.
  24. 4 points
    I'm so happy for you!!! It's just wonderful that you're turned your struggles into wanting to help people!! I'll share some good news as well...my vanilla boyfriend spanked me for the first time this morning! He may not be so vanilla afterall...
  25. 4 points
    Just got married! I’m on my honeymoon, and my new wife is sleeping like an angel beside me. Not quite so angelic when she’s awake: She’s taken a hairbrush to my naughty bottom a few times. Now that we are married, I think she will probably upgrade to other implements.
  26. 4 points
    Censorship is sometimes necessary but it also allows some to escape their mistakes and to continue making them with new people. Just my two cents.
  27. 4 points
    I might be the only one who feels this way but my heart just sinks when I log into the forums here on spankingneeds and see somebody new says something that can be summarized as this: Young female, desperate, needs to be spanked, I live here, contact me. Now assuming the post is real, and some of them are, it is followed by a stream of good and well-meaning people saying SLOW DOWN! However, when you go to the individual's profile you will see a list of men who have checked the profile and likely some have sent a PM. Now while this does not seem bad, many of the men who checked the profile have zero posts or community interactions. I am not saying lurkers are bad but in this case, it is suspicious. I am sure our admins also perk up in this situation. But my heart sinks. A vulnerable person just advertised to some good and some not so good people they were vulnerable and willing to take a chance. I work with a lot with manipulative people in DC and in corporate America....and if needed I can play with the best of them. I know I could manipulate the situation to where I could gain trust and then violate that trust. I don't, but I am sure others on the web do. So please be safe out there. Take your time. Slow down. I get desperate too. If you read some of my other posts I am no saint. I know what it is like to become irrational and "act out" or just want something so bad safety does not matter. But all that did was get me in trouble. Don't make decisions out of fear, anxiety, manipulation, or a drive to do something at all costs. There are good men and women on here that will spank you. But the good ones will take time to get to know you, they will normally be active in the community, and they will help you - NOT HARM YOU. I also feel that in light of all the news coverage here in the US and even on this site. If you are assaulted speak up. I understand the legalities may not be in your favor, unfortunately, but if nothing else it is a warning to others. Even if it is just a PM to the admins, a few people you trust, or one person to speak for you. Please say something to somebody. Those of us who see spanking as more than a selfish interaction for ourselves will back you and be supportive. Please speak up to somebody honestly and truthfully. If you get really desperate PM me and I will listen. RESPECT - ok, I have been accused of being a smart @$$ more than once in my life. But I can guarantee you that as a person I respect you. Many people on this site are the same way. When engaging a new ER or setting up a session make sure they respect you. Don't compromise because you are desperate. You do not want to end up in a situation where you are desperate for something from somebody who does not respect you. For all the guys out there (sorry if I sound sexist but I am going with the most common case) - Respect and help people who are desperate. There is a song out right now in the Country genre about "taking a drunk girl home". Take a minute and listen to it. If you are a good ER and not just wanting to do something because you watched too much spanking porn, take care of the EEs out there. Especially the ladies, HAVE RESPECT. Make sure you are in this for the right reasons. Ok – Rant over.
  28. 3 points
    I do both. I don't particularly enjoy discipline but I will do it for the right person. I don't have sex with people I am not in a relationship with so erotic spanking is limited to that. That leaves a third category and it is my favorite - stress relief (or whatever you want to call it). Some people just want a long session (without sex) that can take them to a different head space. Afterward, their anxieties go away. Not saying this isn't intimate but, in my case, the intimate part is aftercare which normally involves wrapping them in a blanket and holding them while they come back to earth. An ex-partner used to call it a good, cleansing beating.
  29. 3 points
    Here is a quote from my ER, “A sore bottom is a small price to pay to keep your life on track, wouldn’t you agree?” Grateful.
  30. 3 points
    Yes, different names for different things, and I understand more that it's the names used in an individual relationship that matters. Thanks!
  31. 3 points
  32. 3 points
    I don’t chat often because I find it intimidating. For the most part, I just read what people are talking about. I only remember seeing spanking themed discussions a couple of times. Most of the time, people are just talking about normal things with people that they seem to know. It would be difficult to talk in main chat even if you wanted to do so. Within a couple minutes of being in chat, I am inundated with pms. I was talking to six people at the same time one of the last times I was in chat. There was very little discussion going on in main. I am one of those people that find it hard to be rude, so when someone asks to chat, I rarely say no. That’s why I don’t go in often. It’s stressful, and I only last 20 to 30 minutes. Having said that, I consider this a business problem. Like most companies, dilemmas comes with growth. Demographics change. The needs of the market change. I think this site has a community feel to it, but only through discussion and analysis can you determine if you’re still meeting the needs of the market. If people aren’t talking in main chat, then main chat is broken in some way. It isn’t meeting the needs of the market any longer. That’s where analysis and innovation come into play. Kroger is a great example of a company adapting to the ever changing market. You can order groceries and pick them up during a time you select without ever leaving the car. You can order groceries and have them delivered. They came out with scoop meals to compete with meal delivery services. They thrive because they do market research and are innovative. On the other side of this coin, we have Marsh, a higher end grocery store that went out of business because they reacted to market change too slowly. One of the worst business decisions ever is to ignore the need for change. That is a certain death blow. I feel confident that the leadership is not entrenched in this type of thinking. There is a way for this site to maintain relevance as a community but still offer new things that meet the needs of members. It will take honest discussion and analysis to get there.
  33. 3 points
    I have to know, trust and respect a person for a lecture to do me any good. Getting a lecture from a stranger before or after I was spanked by my boyfriend would mean nothing to me. It would cause me to be annoyed and angry more than anything. I trust and respect my boyfriend so his lectures are well received and listened to. Not listening to him and not taking things to heart would mean our relationship wasn't what it should be. A lecture from another would take something away from what we have. My punishment and discipline are from him alone. My advice is very similar to what jaded said...if you respect him, listen to him, pay attention and take it to heart. There shouldn't need to be involvement from others if you respect and trust him. Just my two cents...
  34. 3 points
  35. 3 points
    I'm not a doctor or lawyer or nurse...just a commercial artist who works on games and stuff but I can imagine there are clients who wouldn't want to work with me if they found out about my 'interests'. It's sad but true... And I feel so bad about the story with your wife...but that's also something that happens sadly. I don't know the whole story but I have had partners who turned around on this so maybe give it some time and try explaining it to her from different angles? Jillian Keenan wrote a really great NY times piece about coming out as a spanko...I know some people have used this to introduce vanilla partners to the idea. But you're right it isn't easy
  36. 3 points
    Sorry for typos (my English still needs some improvement). Bald. Not bold (but I can be bold sometimes too!)
  37. 3 points
    When you find these on your desk at work. I know what was going through my head but wonder if any of my coworkers had same thoughts ??? Lol
  38. 3 points
    I absolutely understand where you're coming from. I also can very much struggle with the question of "why?" at times. Sometimes because of shame, sometimes because it just doesn't seem logical to me that I need this for myself. Yet I have tried several times to try to remove all spanking-related activities and sites such as this from my life and live 100% without any trace of spanking. But even as hard as I try, the need always comes back to the surface and I come back, because it is simply a part of me. How do I cope? It can be difficult sometimes...I think because this is a part of our lives we often live in secret, it can naturally cause shame. While adult spanking within sex is more common, nonsexual adult spanking isn't mainstream, so we can't often be open about it. And I think a natural response to having to hide something about ourselves is feeling shameful about it, even if there isn't anything shameful about it. I look at a site like this and realize my need is a lot more common than it appears in the world. The fact is, if this is a part of you, it simply is. I think we often try to make sense of everything, put meaning behind our behaviors, which is natural. But whether it is something you learned and experienced, or something that was just there from your earliest memories...it's there. It's a part of you, and it's natural and normal. It doesn't make you less or inferior or mean anything is wrong with you. Everyone has different needs and everyone has their own ways of fulfilling their needs. Yours and all of ours here just happen to include spanking. So just know that this need doesn't take anything away from you and isn't damaging. It's just a part of who you are. And there is a whole site here of people who are wired the same way. It's not as uncommon as we think. It's a need, and it works for us. If it makes us happier and better people, than there is nothing wrong with engaging with this need and desire.
  39. 3 points
    I have no experience in this area but I think one of the main issues with vanillas understanding the part I underlined is how it is presented to them early on. I think a lot of spankos introduce it to their vanilla spouses as erotic to make it more palatable. Then, when they turn around and say that's only part of it, or that it's a completely separate thing for them, it confuses the vanilla partner. "So it was about sex when you wanted me involved but since I didn't like it, you want to go to someone else and it's 'non-sexual' and I'm supposed to believe that?" I don't know any solutions to that, just an observation. Also, I have to say, even when sex is taken out of it, spanking can be incredibly intimate emotionally. Yes, you can get spanked without all of that but that is a big part of the need for many. I think as a partner, I'd have a very hard time not being jealous that my partner was having their emotional needs met elsewhere.
  40. 3 points
    I try not to think about it. I wish I could say for certain that I am this way because I am "hard wired" vs. "wires crossed" but that's not the hand I was delt. I'll never get to know and for me it's not knowing if it's a result of trauma that makes it hard for me to accept. Wires crossed or hard wired, ir's too late to tell the difference. So it doesn't make a difference and I try not to think about it, the cause. The why Trauma has shaped me. Forged me. Some effects were negatives that I had to really work on to turn around. I like who I am. Maybe this is something made into a positive. No no no. Maybe I'm just hard wired. I try not to think about it. I try not to think about it because whatever the reason is, it doesn't matter. This is the way I am. This is what I need. This is what I want. And I am an adult, I can choose. So I choose.
  41. 3 points
    I like it alot when a spanking starts on my panties and then progresses. In a strange way getting spanked on my underpants is more evocative and embarrassing than on my bare bottom...it may have something to do with how I was spanked as a child. I confess I've always had kind of a thing for underwear...I think it really sets the mood especially for ageplay or roleplays... It can also just be fun! I once got a bunch of pairs of plain bikini ones and wrote little sayings on them with fabric markers like 'needs a good spanking' and 'bad girl'. My partner was quite amused
  42. 3 points
    Congratulations. I’ll share some good news since I’m here. My wife and I celebrate 34 years today.
  43. 3 points
  44. 3 points
    I'd like to echo what @Hope said on the topic. @AfterGeometry I generally agree that we don't want massive posts or thread deletions. There are some exceptions. Members are able to edit the content they have posted on the discussion forums unless they’ve been banned or the thread they have posted in has been closed or deleted. Additionally, members are allowed to delete posts they have made so long as it is not the first post in a thread (i.e. A new thread started by the member). When the first post of a thread is deleted, the thread itself is deleted along with all the posts in it. This standard exists because threads can contain posts from many members and it would be unfair and harmful to the community if individual members had the ability to remove the posts of other members (potentially hundreds of posts in a single discussion thread). For a short time, a setting was changed and allowed this to happen. Members can Private Message a staff member for a request of the thread they have created to be removed with a reason why and within reason it will be granted (i.e. Privacy). For the topics, you were stating as an example, were topics that had some major issues with them. Personal Attacks are against the rules. Editing those threads that you mentioned would have left only 1-3 posts visible. Our practices are to warn threads, edit them, and avoid even having to lock it, before full removal (to prevent it). In some cases, this isn't the case because the amount of editing that has to be done disrupts the flow of the thread and would get unfairly confusing. There are also times that we may temporarily remove threads from the public eye and discuss as a team if a thread is worth saving and then bring it back. My advice to help save threads from the point of no return is to utilize the report function if you see rule-breaking posts. The faster we see the spiraling trend of a thread --- the quicker we are likely to gear it in a better direction for the community and keep it active.
  45. 3 points
    " She is an aggressive, Yet submissive woman. This means, that she will dominate you if you allow her to, but will submit to you, if you are respectful, & masculine enough, to make her want to. It’s not difficult to understand. "
  46. 3 points
  47. 3 points
    Happy Father's Day to those who are fathers. Also, those who have taken on a fatherly figure role in someone's life! You are just as important and deserve gratitude, not just on this day but every day!
  48. 3 points
    I think there are a lot of so-called vanillas out there that are just spankos waiting to be brought along into the joys of spanking. That having been said, if you bend over your partners knee, present your bare bottom, and point out what a bad girl you've been, and you get a back massage, then, well, sorry, no spanko potential there. Move on.
  49. 3 points
    I noticed there are some fellow old movie lovers on here!! So here's a little illustration I did... I imagine the starlet is kind of a Judy Garland type about 19 or so and there's a scene at the end where she gets her comeuppance from the dashing leading man. But she's not 'showing enough emotion' so the director tells the actor to lift her skirt and spank her for real..
  50. 3 points
    I am a straight male, and only spanked females for many years, but was always interested to see what it would be like to spank a male. Finally tried it and found that it worked well and have done it several times since then, I am very surprised how many men there are that want or are willing to get a spanking from another male, some seem to enjoy the father/son, uncle/nephew type spanking, some get a male/male spanking because they cannot find a female to spank them.... all of mine have been just spanking nothing sexual, so yes it does work for some.
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