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Showing content with the highest reputation since 03/24/19 in all areas

  1. 7 points
    "You may not understand my lifestyle & you don't have to agree with it but please attempt to respect it. " - Quote by @Poison's
  2. 6 points
    Here's a little homage to comic books I made. I didn't actually like super hero comics that much but they're so iconic! I've always loved comic books though...when I was little it was Harvey (Little Dot, Richie Rich, Hot Stuff, Wendy the Little Witch) and Archie, then as a young teenager ElfQuest, then as a young adult underground comics (Lynda Barry, Peter Bagge, Daniel Clowes). Anybody else like comics?
  3. 5 points
  4. 5 points
    I have debated for hours whether or not to post but it's just really bugging me. First of all, I don't think anyone should spank in anger, it's too easy to get carried away and cross lines. I realize some may disagree but I'm pretty firm on that with anyone I'm involved with. I won't put up with someone touching me in any way in anger. Second of all, the point of spanking for discipline as I understand it is to be punished and then forgiven. If the spanker is still angry after punishing the spankee, it seems to be a wasted spanking.
  5. 5 points
  6. 5 points
    Hello! Yesterday we had some hiccups with a site update from the software we use (Invasion Power Board). In sandbox (testing) it worked perfectly, going live, it caused some issues late last week. @SpankingNeeds and I had planned on troubleshooting that further and updating the software later this coming this week (with only moments of downtime). Yesterday, during some normal routine moderation -- our site software thought it would be 'helpful' and execute (start the update) without checking with us! !! We spent a bit of time updating the software (back-end) and fixing the errors (that we knew would happen from last week's dry run) which was why we were waiting! Nothing user-facing has changed! I know I got a lot of messages with members asking what happened to SN and got a lot of "kicks" and "ptttttt, what are you guys doing now!?!?!" from angry people! We assure you that if we can we will be as transparent as possible if extended down-times occur. Both @SpankingNeeds and I had other commitments, mine with my health as I have had the flu, and he had family-related scheduled events going on earlier in the day. For many of us, including myself, this is a safe haven, and even a 12-hour window of being down is upsetting! Other than some downtime, we lost no data, and the site is now updated, thanks to @SpankingNeeds it is back running smoothly. We all thank you all for your patience and understanding!!! During the downtime yesterday several members asked if there was a way to help bring the site up faster via donations (was really honored when I heard this); we've also had this request in general if we'd accept donations and so I thought I'd address it. We will have a few options set up in the next couple of weeks (or a month), for those who would like to donate. There is no pressure and we are humbled and in awe that our community wants to help! !! It means so much!! In the meantime (or really, just in general) what would be super helpful, is if members created threads in the Board Help and Feedback section to tell us your ideas on how to make SN a better place (not that it isn't already a good place); the idea is to improve the website in all aspects (i.e forums, layout, chat, functionality, site bugs, and glitches etc). If you have something you need to discuss privately or don't feel comfortable sharing in the main forum, please don't hesitate to message @Child of Light, @SpankingNeeds or our moderation staff.
  7. 5 points
    I made it 30 days without a single bit of sugar! Not even artificial sweeteners!
  8. 5 points
    A disturbing trend is people who use "discipline" because they don't want to say "punishment" even though that's exactly what they're doing. Discipline is training and re-enforcing desired behavior. Punishment is a consequence for failing at something in discipline.
  9. 4 points
    I found that when I used to talk to potential spankers, there were some common things that I would hear repeatedly that would automatically turn me off personally from wanting to meet them, and even phrases that came off as red flags. What are some common things that are said to you as an ER or EE (I know it must go both ways) when speaking to potential partners that make you question if you want to consider meeting them? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A personal turn off phrase I've heard a lot is some variation of, "My hand is like a paddle." It just always came off as braggy and arrogant, and it always automatically made me significantly less interested in the idea of meeting them. A personal red flag I often came across was when a spanker would try to act as if spanking me would be a completely selfless service. It always felt off to me when a spanker wouldn't acknowledge that they also get some form of personal satisfaction from delivering a spanking as well...after all, they wouldn't do it if they didn't get something from it.
  10. 4 points
    "We should be lifting each other up and cheering each other on, not trying to outshine one another. The sky would be awfully dark with only one star."
  11. 4 points
    I agree gingerlee, spanking should never be done in anger. Discipline is done for failure to adhere to agreed-to guidelines, to meet specified goals, or whatever. It is not done because you are angry with someone. I classify that as punishment, not discipline. The original poster was wrong for two reasons. 1. Disciplining her because she made him "angry." 2. Suggesting that she should make a flippant remark to a healthcare professional about being a bad girl and getting spanked for it. Really? That's all I will say about that, although someone categorized it pretty well before the comment was removed (which I agreed with as well).
  12. 4 points
    What is your spanko bucket list? Here is mine (the checks being what I've tried and the x's what I haven't thus far). Get a Spanking ☑️ Being spanked OTK ☑️ Meet at least 10 people in the spanko lifestyle in-real-life (met 3 friends ) ✖️ Go to a "munch" or spanking fetish event. ✖️ Try being Mentored ☑️ Try a DD relationship ☑️ Try non-sexual D/s Dynamic ☑️ Try the cane ✖️ Be spanked in a public location -- but discrete. ✖️ Being spanked with a slipper (UK thing?) ✖️ Being spanked with a "loopy Johny" ✖️ Being spanked with a bathbrush ✖️ Being spanked with an actual switch from a tree. ✖️ Being spanked by a 'spanking machine' ✖️ Being bent over a chair during a spanking (i.e where I'd be leaning on the top of the chair and hands pressed on a seat).✖️ Hitting subspace ☑️ Crying during a spanking ☑️
  13. 4 points
    Some spanking humour for us poor ee's. 😏
  14. 4 points
    I think I'm most aligned with Kce89 on this one. Just because something is against the law doesn't, IMO, necessarily make it one of the issues that a mentor and mentee agree to work on. As an extreme example, even in states that have legalized recreational marijuana, it's still against federal law to possess it--yet I think it would be crazy for a mentor to unilaterally impose a "no MJ" rule. Even in states that haven't legalized, I don't think it's necessarily any business of the mentor whether a mentee chooses to occasionally partake and has no interest in changing that habit. Sure, the mentor can discuss this, can point out reasons why it's a bad idea, what the risks are, etc., but it's ultimately up to the mentee as to whether that's something to work on and should be a rule. In some cases, a mentee will choose to accept a rule that a mentor proposes, even if the mentee doesn't agree with it, simply because the mentee trusts the mentor's judgment that the rule is important. But it's still crucial, IMO, for the mentee to buy into the rule. If the mentee strongly disagrees with a rule, and the mentor strongly thinks it's necessary, there probably isn't a good fit between the two.
  15. 4 points
    Hi!! Thanks to everybody who chatted with me last night! It was quite intense...not sure I could do that every night...but it was fun!! I enjoy doing spanking art (mostly 3d style) mostly based on my own strong memories or fantasies. I told some people in chat about my complex relationships with belts LOL. Well this little illustration is based on my memories of getting hard belt spankings from my boyfriend when I was 19. Ah nostalgia!!
  16. 4 points
  17. 4 points
    It was really nice to meet Gingerlee this week!!!
  18. 4 points
    "To everyone who is trying right now - Trying to do the right thing Trying to stay open Trying to keep going Trying to hold on Trying to let go. Trying to find their flow Trying to stay afloat Trying to meet each new day Trying to find their balance Trying new things and new ways Trying to love themselves. I see you. I'm there too. We're in this together." --- S. C. Laurie
  19. 4 points
    The story of my life
  20. 4 points
    Members are free to use the site how they feel comfortable (as long as they are abiding by the guidelines). I am not going to force someone to use the main chatroom. When I first joined the site, I would have been horrified and likely left the site if I was told that I *had* to talk in public (this was a new and scary thing for me). Private felt more comfortable. We plan on engaging members more on "Hosted Chat Nights" for in-depth discussions on Q&A -- that we hope bounces chat a bit back up. But we aren't ever going to push someone away from a site they are getting support from. I want to address the 'privilege' part that you mention -- the site in itself is a privilege (i.e it's a free site); if we were talking about a brick and mortar forum -- chat in the whole would be a privilege. People that talk in PM might not bring public content to the site. However, there are some people that again, prefer PM, and help our members talk through their needs in a safe way. That itself is valued. The first person I ever spoke to on here -- only spoke on PM to people (and a lot of people got annoyed), but they taught me a lot, about my needs, about how to find my needs safety, and encouraged me to keep exploring. It's OK to lurk and be silent. And it's OK (and great) if you join in too. Can you think of ways we can possibly encourage (not force) members to join in public chat?
  21. 4 points
    I agree that we should be able to discuss adult subjects in the chatroom. Sex is one of those and spanking and sex is another. BUT, this site has always been based on the disciplinary, therapeutic, and accountability side of spanking and I hope it stays that way. I don't feel that a discussion based on sex in the chatroom is going to change that focus. I think if the discussion is taken to the boards it should stay in a small place under the erotic section. I don't think we need to branch out further. There are places like Fetlife for that. An open discussion in chat between adults shouldn't be a problem. Just because it's discussed in chat doesn't mean it's going to change the focus of the entire site.
  22. 4 points
  23. 4 points
    Relationships are a difficult thing sometime, probably most of the time. Finding someone you connect with can be tough. We all have certain qualities in a person that we prefer and not everyone fits that mold. When you start adding kinks to the qualities you desire the list of people that match those qualities gets even smaller. I recently gave up on spanking. My wife did it to humor me and it was never what I needed. I appreciated her attempts but it was obvious she would rather do something else so I decided that if I weren't having my needs met then why ask her to continue. That was what seemed right for me and my situation. You may have better luck finding someone if you forget about spanking or maybe not. Can you forget about spanking, or at least be content not practicing it? Some can, some can't. That's for you to decide.
  24. 4 points
    This is all me 😂
  25. 3 points
    Hmm...not sure about this. If my boyfriend started slapping my arm and shaking me, I'd get the urge to punch him in the nose and tell him to spank me like a real man!!! Sorry, couldn't help it!!!
  26. 3 points
    Being a spanko is wild. Currently on in upward trajectory with this ride and optimistic of it only continuing. The next two weeks can’t pass fast enough 😊.
  27. 3 points
    Trauma works in odd ways. After two years when I finally told him, he was mortified and wanted to help in anyway possible. I than got spanked for not being honest enough (after comfort and weeks of time he took to process it). The session was on my request (I was riddled in guilt for not being fully truthful). I wanted to for a very long time, but was fearful. We talked about how if he would of known the full situation he would of been there as a friend and everything else would of been on the back burners. And how he than understood my reactions to certain situations and they wouldn’t of been consequences. And that he over punished me for things out of my control. .... it was healing to hear. I never had issues talking to said person in depth again.
  28. 3 points
    This! If it is a mentor/mentee relationship then the rules should have been established before hand based on your needs and with both parties in agreement. If this was one of the rules established then there should be no reason for him to go back on the pre-determined rules unless you showed marked improvement. If it was not one of the established rules, then he shouldnt be concerning himself with it unless you ask him to help you with it.
  29. 3 points
    I agree with a lot that's been said. With a Mentor/mentee relationship the rules should be decided upon together. Those rules are in place to help you succeed and reach goals. a Mentor shouldn't be setting up rules on his own...that develops into a different dynamic such as mine. I am in a DD sort of relationship, but it's consensual non-consent. He makes most of the rules and I follow them. Mine is also a long term relationship. He should be willing to discuss all rules that are set. If he doesn't that would worry me. A Mentor shouldn't be about control. They should be about help, success and reaching goals. They shouldn't be running or micromanaging your life. I also understand his take, if he is asking you to follow the law. You shouldn't be breaking laws...that goes without saying. I think there are about 37 states that allow underage drinking, but most are in the home, with a parent present...the alcohol given to you by a parent. If you're out partying with friends, no matter if your parents know or not...you are breaking the law. I know in my state it's legal, but the minor has to be in the home and not leave the home after consuming alcohol. Technically it wouldn't be legal for you to even drink in a restaurant with a parent because it's illegal for the restaurant to serve a minor alcohol. Discuss it with him. If you're legal there shouldn't be a problem. He's your Mentor not your parent. If you aren't legal then I'd listen to him and follow the rule. He would be looking out for your best interest. I'm one of those people who feel that following laws should be common sense. They are in place for a reason.
  30. 3 points
    You are talking about a D/s dynamic and not a Mentor/ Mentee dynamic. Yes, in those dynamics, the bottom has the full say of the rules and how they are made (unless arranged to a higher D/s level). The purpose of mentoring is the mentee asking for help for certain rules. If her rules aren't helping her or can be made in a way that still allows her to do certain things that aren't interfering with her goals -- clauses should be amended in. For advice for the OP -- I'd tell him the rule that was broken and offer a reason why the rule needs to be changed. If he's truly a mentor and looking out for archiving your goals, he should be receptive.
  31. 3 points
    IMO, the heart of any disciplinary relationship is communication. A a disciplinarian myself, I feel my role is to provide accountability and consequences when mutually agreed-upon rules are broken. The rules are there for the "ee's betterment, so it stands to reason that if you think a rule is pointless or otherwise not of use, that it should not be enforced; otherwise it's just the top on a power trip. This is, of course, all different from you suddenly reconsidering a rule's usefulness as soon as you are in trouble! 😉 You seem reasonable and obedient, though, so I doubt that's the case here. Your top's refusal to talk about your issues is troubling, to my mind. Especially since he seems that he is also avoiding the issue. My un-asked-for advice would be to avoid the proscribed behavior (what IS it, if I may ask?) and discuss this seriously with your top ASAP. Again: rules and consequences are in place to help you on you path; NOT for your disciplinarian to get his jollies. Good luck!
  32. 3 points
    You forgot to mention that a true Dom if need be, would lay down his own life in defence of his sub.
  33. 3 points
    i know this post is old. I disagree that doms can’t/don’t love their submissives. First of all it’s too broad of a statement, as each relationship/dynamic is so unique. I loved my submissive deeply. Like family, but in someways stronger. I cared for her deeply. worried about her. Was protective of her. Above all i loved her and always will.
  34. 3 points
    Um how about accepting myself and understanding my spanking interests? Always a work in progress!!
  35. 3 points
    I don't have a spanking bucket list either. I think I've achieved most everything in that part of my life that I want. I'm in a long term relationship with the man I love. I'm a submissive. I get all the spanking I can handle (probably more so). I've come out to most everyone who knows me about my lifestyle. I don't have a problem talking freely about my lifestyle. I've tried spanking another. I've had multiple types of implements used on me. I've been restrained. I've been spanked in every position I can imagine. Tried self-spanking (could never get into it). I have lifelong spanko friends and a good support system through them. I've been to spanking get togethers with them. I've watched others get spanked. Others have seen me spanked. I've been spanked side by side with another spankee. I've been spanked outdoors, in public, in a car, in a tent, a motel, home, etc. I've cried during spankings. I've hit subspace. I've felt subdrop. I've had good experiences and I've had bad. Just 30 years of experience, I guess. Spanking has always been a serious part of who I am and done with someone I love. Although I once had a slight curiosity, I've never been to a dungeon or a large spanking event and I don't ever plan on it. Although some love it, for me it feels distasteful. I suppose if I had to choose something I have never done, it would be to have an actual whip used on me by someone who is experienced and knows what he is doing. It's just a curiosity of mine. I have heard that a whip can hurt, but it can also be sensual at the same time. I wouldn't mind finding out.
  36. 3 points
    It has been a year since I lost my beloved wife of 25 years. And it's been hard!..But thanks to my family and my friends on here, it has gotten better. A very special friend has been very helpful, and I'll be forever grateful to have met her..Thanks everyone!!
  37. 3 points
    For me, it's both. I need them for the stress relief and therapeutic purposes, but they work as discipline as well. I'm a submissive and spanking is wired deeply within me. The thing is, unless an adult wants to make the change in behavior a spanking won't accomplish anything. The change has to come from within. Spanking is an incentive to change. It helps to keep us accountable when we make mistakes or aren't working hard enough towards our goals. Sorry, but when it comes to something as dangerous as texting and driving in an adult...I tend to get frustrated. I don't understand the need to ask someone to help you fix that. It's a law as well as a common sense issue and as an adult it is something that just takes a little self control. In your case, there is a big chance that she is playing games with you, testing you or just using it as an excuse to get spanked. Is she truly serious about making changes? As you talk and get to know her, you'll probably quickly find out.
  38. 3 points
    AG, I don't come here looking to get offended. And I dontget offended by everything you say, but this is one of those posts that really bothered me. If you don't want people thinking you are veing judgemental, tone down the language. You say you don't know what value PM gives to the community, so we posted what value it has given us personally. Also, if you don't want to seem judgemental, maybe don't attack everyone that has a differing opinion of yours. There was no reason for you to attack Doug like that. You say that you were only responding to two of us but he clearly saw the same thing in your original post that we did. Why is that not okay to express? I enjoy talking to you, I enjoy debating with you from time to time. However, if you truly want to foster open discussion, maybe lose the inflammatory language. You could have posted your questions and even your suggestions in a way that would not feel attacked and judged.
  39. 3 points
    Please take another look at your original post: " I say we take everybodys PM privileges away until they can learn how to use a chatroom properly again. I think its utterly ridiculous that we can have upwards of 20 or 30 people in chat yet nobody is saying a word." That's a huge judgmental statement, in which you accuse people of not using a chatroom "properly"--based on your own concept of "proper." You then go on to say "I would say a large percentage of those who ultimately get banned are from this group of non-contributors," which is again a very judgmental statement about non-contributors, and unsupported by facts. Maybe it's true; maybe it isn't--I have no idea. But shygurl thinks just the opposite, that most banned are those from open chat. It seems to me that only the moderators would know for sure. Overall, your entire post is judgmental, devaluing people who use chat only for PM. The only way to not see that as judgmental is if one accepts without questioning your view that PM-only is bad. Personally, I have no horse in this race--I don't use chat, either open or PM. But I am concerned that people, particularly newbies, will be put off by this attitude, and not find the support and community they are looking for.
  40. 3 points
    We also need to remember that this could be someone' s first time, ever, addressing their spanking needs and that can be a daunting process. We were all in that situation at some point. They might have conflicting feelings about it, feel uncomfortable with them etc- this is true for some people where it isn' t the first time they are addressing them. Some will come on here just to read the forum posts so that they feel less alone or to educate themselves. Others will find support or comfort, from certain, people in pm. As a community we need to support everyone' s needs and make them feel comfortable- give them somewhere that they feel safe and free to express their needs...
  41. 3 points
    AG...I thought we got through all the judgmental stuff? This entire site is a privilege for all of us. It's a free site paid for by COL. She is allowing us to make suggestions, but we should not be making demands and putting down the choices of other members. I am one who hates the silence in the chatroom, but this stems from the past when we had numerous active members who used chat. The site has changed since then. Back then most of us were older (40's to 60's), mature and long time active members in the spanking community. We all had a lot of experience and we used the chat room to discuss our interests, helped newbies and answered questions. Nowadays, the site has more newbies and younger members, than ever, with little to no real life experience. They are nervous and scared, afraid to talk and ask questions out in the open. Technically it is none of yours or anyone else's business why each individual member is here. Everyone should have the freedom to talk openly or talk in private. From what I've noticed, most who are banned are the ones who use chat openly and cause problems, not the ones who are in PM. PM is used between Mentors and Mentees, friends, admin and members, for privacy, etc. People have met their significant others through private chat, they have met their Mentors and mentees that way and some of us have made life long friendships through private chatting. Yes, there are lurkers as well, but that's all a part of using the internet. Block them, report them and move on. Not everyone wants to air their lives in open chat. I am an open book, but there are still things I will only discuss in private. I have helped countless spankees and submissives through private chat. They have told me they would never be able to ask the questions they have asked me in open chat. There will be some who will never use open chat and there will be those who eventually get comfortable with it, but it should be a choice...not forced on them. The decision should be up to the individual not a few select people. The site is changing a bit and it's for the good of everyone. The chat filter has been lifted and adult subjects that were once banned have been opened for discussion. This alone will help chat in the long run, but it will take time. The hosted chat nights will be a great addition as well. I hosted many of those on COL's other site a long time ago and we had great attendance, great discussions and positive feedback. Those help to show everyone that we aren't here to judge and that they can feel free to open up and discuss TTWD. Also, as ginger said....you are often signed into chat and not talking in main chat. Are you lurking, talking in PM? It doesn't matter. The choice is yours.
  42. 3 points
    Heavier implements aren't the answer, imo, nor is spanking itself. If she doesn't want to change this behavior, spanking isn't going to make her. I think spanking can be a great aid in behavior modification, but it's only an aid. The ee needs to buy into the behavior change. Ultimately, only the ee can make the change; spanking is just an aid/reminder/incentive to work on it. This is especially true in a non-relationship setting, where the er's time with the ee is limited. Maybe, just maybe, in a full time relationship an er can cause an ee to change behavior by constant oversight and reinforcement, but I'm betting that even there the only real change will come after the ee decides that if it's that important to the er, it should be important to the ee as well, and desires to make the change in order to please the er. I just don't think that fear/pain by itself is going to be enough of a motivator to change deep-seated behavior.
  43. 3 points
    This member is from Siberia and likely speaks Serbian and did a pretty darn good job of translating words. A simple google search will explain what it means. Also I find it a more ‘tasteful’ way of saying blowjob.
  44. 3 points
    Okay just a proposal. We have a section called "Links & Spam" (Links to sites of interest, and off-topic posts.) How about changing this to just "Off Topic" ? ... I always thought it would be nice to have a place to talk about off topic matters in general. (Some forums really stretch it out and have Off Topic sub headings for things like Relationships, Politics, Family Dynamics, Jobs & Employment, etc, etc.) I don't think we need to go that far but it's an idea. As for the title of the heading though, I think "Spam" needs to be taken out for sure because who wants to read Spam? The whole word turns me off and turns me off from that whole section. "Links" isn't that much more exciting. Anyway just a small. small item to consider low on the priority list. P.S. What we really need is a place for noobs to place their silly personal ads because I am sick of seeing them in General Discussion LOL
  45. 3 points
    😂 yep I’m immortal about now!
  46. 3 points
    I am a straight male, and only spanked females for many years, but was always interested to see what it would be like to spank a male. Finally tried it and found that it worked well and have done it several times since then, I am very surprised how many men there are that want or are willing to get a spanking from another male, some seem to enjoy the father/son, uncle/nephew type spanking, some get a male/male spanking because they cannot find a female to spank them.... all of mine have been just spanking nothing sexual, so yes it does work for some.
  47. 3 points
    I think of "discipline" as something that implies teaching. A person who is disciplined is learning self control. Punishment is just something bad that happens to you when you do something wrong. The focus is on deterrence, not education.
  48. 3 points
    The Links forum is one of those places I created to keep bothersome posts corralled so members could choose to view them or stay out of that sub. Similar to the erotic forum. Not the focus of the site, but there to keep sexual posts out of the main subs.
  49. 3 points
    I walked past my old home last year In fact one of many But this one seems More than any other To be where my younger self stays In joy And in pain The years building and building Until time and memory slips And I am no longer that person But I saw my ghost And cannot forget.
  50. 3 points
    For some people a pro is their only option. I'm glad they are allowed to post here otherwise some may not know it's an option. Not everyone can find a spanker local to them or who fits their parameters, this is one way they may be able to do that. And besides, isn't what is posted here exactly why the links and spam category is available?
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