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  2. It sounds like she is not comfortable spanking you. The fact that she never did it again and and regretted it and felt guilty leads me to believe it would be very uncomfortable for her - and why put her through that. Some people on here gave good advice: save your money and pay a professional. If there aren't any near you then perhaps find one who lives somewhere you want to visit and make a vacation out of it.
  3. I just noticed this question. I imagine it is different for each person on the receiving end which makes it difficult on the spanker. What works well for one spankee may have the opposite effect on another. For me, the number one thing I would ask is please don't rub my bottom during the spanking. I love the stinging sensation from a spanking and rubbing my bottom takes away from the sensation I like and crave. I would also say if I start to make noise or move a little I am okay. Please don't stop or ease up. I am approaching my limit but still have a ways to go and I enjoy it when a spanker takes me past my limits. Trust is important in that case and it is reassuring to have a conscientious and experienced spanker who is monitoring the condition of my flesh. I would also want the spanker to know that marks don't last long with me - they go away quickly. Some spankers have stopped too soon because of the way my bottom was looking - but in a relatively short period of time there was little or no evidence of the spanking. I would definitely want the spanker to know that she or he is in charge and I like it that way. I want and need the spanker to take charge - in a firm but fair way. I like real spankings for real reasons. I can take more spanking and am in a better mental place if we talk about why I am being spanked, be it punishment or stress relief, some dialog definitely adds to it. Some things that don't work for me: When a spanker is constantly changing implements. I have had a few spanker that seem to bring out every implement they own and want to give me a specific number of hits with each - it becomes predictable and interrupts or prevents me from getting to my limits. I am going on a bit so I will wrap it up. Good question, Chawsee. I applaud you for doing this research and striving to be a better spanker - although from things you've said, I believe you already give a good spanking.
  4. That sounds amazing. I would really, really appreciate if you could send that our way, especially the online contacts. We have struggled to find someone who is able to understand our situation, especially in our rural and isolated area.
  5. I’m gonna ask for some help from our members here. I know I have seen postings from spank friendly therapists and many therapists now work via zoom. Can anyone suggest a kink friendly therapist for him? Thanks
  6. This post is out of context, however if there may be an adult female in need of a good scolding, spanking, and corner time to correct any errant behaviors , I am able to set up a consultation soon. We all know these destructive behavior patterns seldom resolve themselves. My kik id is overrmykneemiss, I can be reached there or by this site. Be rid of the guilt, clean the slate and be a brand new girl again. I am waiting to hear from you. Sir.
  7. I often like very harsh spankings. But, they aren’t really punishment spanking as you are discussing them. I’ll spare you the details because I’ve talked about it before, but I can feel a successful one several days later.
  8. I like the spanker to talk to me about why I am getting spanked. It is also nice to be told that it is my behavior that is not liked (as opposed to me). I like to feel that the spanker has my best interests in mind and is going to spank me because it will help me. When I give spankings that is my goal as well. I want to be forgiven afterwards - that's not to say that additional punishment hasn't been earned. I like the spanker to be in charge - which could mean additional punishment at the discretion of the spanker. One thing I have found effective after I get spanked is having to sit on a hard wooden chair. I have also received bed spankings - which is very effective if I have been spanked earlier. Geeky_child put it very well in the post above as far as the spanker deciding the extent of the punishment and the spanking hurting more than I want it too. Another great thought provoking question, Chawsee. Thank you.
  9. Today
  10. In my teens I was into "fun" hand spankings that were erotic in nature. In my twenties I got into punishment strappings and did not find them erotic while the belt was in play. In my thirties I began a long term spanking relationship with a male friend and co-worker. I would lay across his lap sometimes for more than an hour alternating between spankings, conversation and relaxation. These spankings were both fun and painful, though not brutal, and unlike my earlier strappings did not leave welts and bruises only a nice red bottom. I can appreciate each individuals personal needs and expectations when it comes to spanking. Be safe and have fun.
  11. As most of you know by now, my home hometown of Minneapolis is under siege by protests-riots-looting-and violence brought on by a rogue cop charged with murder of an innocent man, George Floyd. I’m asking my fellow spanko friends to please pray for justice for Mr. Floyd, and bring quick healing to my precious city. 😔 thank you😊😊
  12. There are many BDSM friendly kink couple therapists. I am sure I can find the list. Whilst she might feel the need to do a session with someone else -- let that happen, but also see if she would be willing to go to a BDSM friendly therapy with you? They have some in person and online. I'll have to find the list of therapists if the two of you are interested. My personal therapist is a BDSM friendly therapist and knows and does not judge my lifestyle choices!
  13. shygurl

    New

    Welcome to the site. Check out the post Power and Control in the safety section! Be safe!!
  14. You’ve nailed it - it’s hard for me to compartmentalize. It’s even harder when it seems to me that she doesn’t necessarily seem to want to compartmentalize either, or at least, won’t agree to boundaries to prevent it from becoming something more serious. Unfortunately we’ve seen several marriage counselors without luck. Part of the problem is we’re from a small rural area without a lot of options as far as therapy goes, and we haven’t had any luck with the handful we’ve tried. I asked her to at least go to a new therapist with me before going to her spanking session, but she refused, saying that she doesn’t believe a therapist will understand her needs. Me too. Thanks Jon.
  15. I’ve gotten punishment spankings in a number of different ways, and so long as they hurt more than I wanted them to, they were all effective. I think it’s more important to me to relinquish control to the ER than it is to have any particular spanking elements. I change my mind about what elements I “want” all the time anyway.
  16. OnlySolutions

    New

    So sorry to hear that. Yes, a great group of people here. Take your time to get to know people and reviewing the safety section is a very good idea: https://www.spankingneeds.com/board/index.php?/forum/73-spanking-safety-and-advice/ As well, see if you can get to know some EE's in your area. They may know ERs who are safe and who to stay away from - people are pretty easy to get to know and this is a great site! OS
  17. I found the group, but before clicking search, etc, I had to click on the “Activity” tab. This is a good thing you’ve done, Hope...
  18. Ha: I am probably unrepresentative, but for me, a bottom warming is a bottom that is still warm two days later and then sore week later. (Okay, I'm extreme.) And, understand that it's my bottom were talking about. I wouldn't do this to someone else.
  19. I know I'm very late with this comment. It's difficult to separate spanking from the relationship with the person who's giving and receiving the spanking, in your case a spouse. Most of us here seem to want a relationship that includes spanking, not just the spanking alone. There are plenty of places you can go to pay for spanking or meet people at spanking parties who will spank or be spanked on the spot. I'm not judging those people, but the sort of things we tend to share here are about how to integrate spanking into some other sort of relationship. That often includes converting a spouse, finding a new lover, or finding a spanking partner that can be a friend. This is a huge challenge. But so are relationships in general. It seems to me that considering the basis for your marriage would be relevant in reaching a satisfactory resolution. Different people have different assumptions about what they expect from a marriage, whether they consider it to be permanent, under what circumstances they would leave, and so forth. If you are having difficulty in other areas of the relationship, I can't imagine how you would easily compartmentalize spanking, given its meaning for most of us. I have seen people go to counselors and therapists who have successfully resolved these issues. I'm sure you've thought of this but just wanted to make a suggestion. I hope you get this worked out in a manner satisfactory for all of you.
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