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How do you react when the spanker gets it wrong?



So it has been a couple weeks.  After a few distractions; no phone (internet) punishments, playing “King of Thieves” with my son (we are looking for guild members if anybody else plays), and some intense work travel I am finally back to getting something done.

I had several things planned to blog about but since most of you all want a blog post and not a book I will focus on only one.  Although I have already started my next one.

So every couple has struggled.  Incorporating discipline into the relationship helps in some areas but adds challenges in others.  A couple weeks ago was one such situation.  What do you do as the bottom when the top misunderstands or “gets it wrong”?  Especially when the top would be happy to stop at any time.

So here is the scenario.  I was traveling for work doing what I hate…working a tradeshow floor trying to make existing and future clients happy.  I am a technical guy who has moved up the ranks, not a sales guy.  Just not my favorite thing to do, but I can work a room and do it well so I “get” to do it.  Mentally this is very trying for me.  Add to that the fact I don’t stand all day normally and after a couple days my ankles, knees, back…the whole body just hurts.

During this trip we reinforced certain rules I would struggle with.  That main one is I am not allowed to maneuver myself physically to get a better view of a woman (first looks are fine as long as I don’t dwell since that is not preventable).  Women in business suits or skirts are my weakness and this room was full of them for a week.  While most of my male colleagues make a spectator sport out of getting the best views possible, I have made the decision that it is inappropriate, immoral, and disrespectful.  My wife helps to reinforce this.  I am required to confess instances where it went beyond a first look and had a second look or moving to get an even better view.

For those that are not in the tradeshow industry, professional skirts are in style along with bar stool height stools.  Every guy has already done the math but for those not following along it is easy then to find women skirts to look up and they were everywhere.  I spent most of the day consciously saying to myself don’t look and literally clenching my teeth.  Huge mental toll.

Overall, I did well.  Only three instances all week worthy of a confession.  For each, my wife assigned some kind of punishment.  She tries to make the punishment fit the crime and during travel it is hard.  One was no sugars or grains (i.e. wheat) for about 36 hours.  All our snacks on the floor became ineligible and I did not have time to run to the store.  So the punishment was much harder than she anticipated combined with the mental state I was in…I ended up not accepting the punishment gracefully.  After several complaints, any further punishment waited till I got home except one which was unrelated.

This complaining caused issues with her.  She was second guessing herself and ready to tell me that we would have to take a break because me complaining while she was taking care of everything at home while I was gone was too much.  Fortunately, I had a long plane flight to think about things and anticipated her thoughts (read her mind for once).

First off she admitted she got it wrong after the fact and was more severe than we normally would have in the situation.  During my flight, I had time to organize my thoughts and write a short letter where I apologized for my complaining and expressed how much this process means to me.  I also bought some flowers on the drive home.

Since we both agree on the process and respecting it is important I offered to receive a spanking and an additional punishment.  She agreed and was happy I owned up to everything without her having to bring it up and the letter calmed her fears and anxiety.

Fast forward to later that night after the kids were in bed.  I will say upfront the spanking was not near as bad as I expected, but she really hammered home a few points.  First, she made me stand for the first part of the spanking where I could look her in the eye when responding to her “questions” about the situation.  That was unpleasant.  After enough swats to get me sore she said to bend over.  While bent over using “the oar” (long thick mixing spoon for a large kettle) she made me say “We do this by my choice” “This is a result of the choices I made”.  After several more implements and swats, she had me go to my knees and left me there while she showered and got ready for bed.  Afterward, she came back down and let me know I had 5 one-hour timeouts, one each in the morning for 5 days before everybody was up.  So getting up early and timeouts.

After all that we now have a way for how do we resolve when she gets it wrong.  I can express my thoughts but if I start to complain, she gives one warning.  If I continue we are paused on the process for a while.  But I can give feedback after the punishment is complete.  But the bottom line is I get the punishment I get and even if she is wrong I suck it up and deal with it.  I made the mistake not her.

Keep in mind this is my wife and we are in a long-term committed relationship.  I would maybe change things up if it was somebody else and this happened on a recurring basis.

I am interested in how others deal with the situation when the top/spanker/mentor overcorrects.

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I just enjoy the spanking as a sexual thing. I can never understand why it is a punishment when one likes it. I love to be spanked so it would be useless as a punishment. I suppose we have an ordinary marriage apart from the spanking as part of sex. Discipline is not part of it for me. I try to do my best anyway.

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@Tony ConradThe psychology behind the punishment aspect is tough to understand if you don't experience it.  Not even sure most understand all of it.  I do know several people who are sex only spankers and the punishment aspect is not there for them.  That is fine too.  The really weird ones like me are the ones so confused we can actually like and dislike it, with or with or without sex.  But I have never claimed to be normal.

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I am in a very happy marriage and my wife is great-----but every so often my conduct with the guys really offends her moral and religious sense --so we both know I got a bare paddling coming-------I quick shower and get my naked butt paddled---I deserve it  so no argument      I do not know how one could get a spanking "wrong" Its just my naked butt across her lap and she has the paddle and no trouble hitting my butt until she is through------getting it wrong  is sure not a problem!  She has never failed to accomplish giving me a damn sore butt!   So I do not know how one could get it wrong  its not like major league pitching!    how do others get it wrong

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