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The Process, Psychology, and Spanking Part II



I was trying to figure out the best way to structure this post, and as life would have it I have received two spankings for different reasons since the last post and have a third one coming tonight.  So let’s just explore these specific spankings.

So we generally only spank for punishment right now.  We can for stress relief but our current agreement is it may be as hard as a punishment.  Right now all spankings hurt…no trips into any type of subspace planned.  However, we have this category for when I am experiencing anger and strong emotions to use a spanking as a reset button.  Even if my behavior does not get out of line, which is a punishment, (yelling, stomping, slamming…etc.) she can decide or I can initiate a spanking.  The two so far this week has been for this but under different circumstances.

About two days after the last post I was having a bad day.  I would get upset…and calm down…get upset and calm down.  I had a few self-imposed timeouts, went for a run, had a drink, but just kept ending up in the same place.  Additionally, I should have been in a good mood since my wife made it clear she wanted to have sex that night.  So I got frustrated that I was frustrated and ruining that….see the spiral downward here.  My cortisol levels jumped and my arms became painful.  But during all of this, I managed not to cross our established limits and receive a punishment.  However, that did not save me ?.

After we got the kids settled I was sitting in my recliner in a bad mood.  Up to this point, I have not communicated why I was in a bad mood to my wife.  She walked up to me and plainly said: “You can explain to me what is going on or get spanked, or maybe both”.  I actually did not want to get spanked at that point, which is rare but it does happen.  So I explained my day to her and what was bothering me and talked for about 2-3 minutes.  She acknowledged it and said,let's go downstairs”.  I was not happy and actually pouted and whined once “I told you so I might not get spanked”.  She just said grabbed my hand and said: “come on”.  She walked me downstairs and grabbed a stack of implements and told me to get on all fours (on the futon we have).  Since this was not a punishment starting out on all fours shocked me and I hesitated (also I did not want the spanking).  She just firmly said “all fours” again.  I got down and the Lexan paddle began.  After about 10-20 swats she pulled my pants down and began with the strap…then the Lexan cane (my mortal enemy).  Usually, this is a “grand finale” so I endured.  When she stopped she said “slide down and get over my knee” ?….here I will deviate from the story and come back.

My wife has been a “distant” spanker till that moment.  We did one time lay across her lap, but that was it.  The only other contact is a hand on my back if I start to move.  So I not only thought the spanking was about to be over…we were trying something new.  So the head did not want a spanking it thought was over but curious about what was happening….so now the rest of the story.

So I slid down and got on my knees, she had one leg on the futon that I leaned over and rested the top  (In hindsight it should have been the other leg so she could swing better with her dominant hand).  She picked up the wooden paddle and started swinging.  I could tell these were not full force but after that stupid cane, it still hurt.  After 15 or so swats she switched to an olive wood spoon and worked back and forth for several swats.  When she finally stopped she told me to stand up and bend over…what!?:o

I did (slowly) and she proceeded to use the strap and Lexan paddle again.  I should mention during this whole time she would ask if I had anything else to say in order to get it off my mind.  She then finally said I was done and to pull up my pants.  She then sat down and we cuddled.

So here is the bigger story.  Till recently my wife rarely initiated a spanking.  But in our discussions, we have found when I get in those moods and start to spiral even though I am trying other means, a spanking is a go-to reset.  Why?  Some of it is hormones.  My cortisol and adrenaline mess with my anxiety and a spanking releases different hormones.  Some of it knowing she has my back and is trying to help me.  It a strange way one of the ways my wife can show me she loves me the most is to spank me when I need it, even if I don’t want it.  I am willing to bet she still does not understand it but knows it works.  Either way knowing somebody is helping and sacrificing for me means a lot.  On top of that, she is now initiating more and trying new positions.  Which the following day we discussed technique on.

The spanking worked.  I was in a much better mood and after I had calmed down and got settled with some ice she then got what she wanted that evening….but that is for a different type of forum.  We did sit down and review and discuss the next day.  We discussed why she initiated it and I discussed how I felt about it and in hindsight, she made the right decision.

So the second spanking last night was not as eventful.  Two nights ago I was having a bad night but I have improved in not acting out those emotions in a  negative manner.  But they were still there.  My wife even saw this and gave me a choice of a spanking or trying to watch a show to calm down.  In these moods, I don’t want a spanking and have trouble asking.  So we watched an episode of Star Trek: TNG.  It did not really calm me but I went to bed and the next morning had arranged to sleep in.  Well the 6-year-old decided to sleep in was not an option and I had other various things throughout the day that compounded my bad mood.  So per a previous post, either one of us could leave a back scratcher on the dresser and it meant a spanking was going to happen.  After a couple attempts to get it out I finally did and left it there.  We continued through the day and after a dramatic bedtime by our two years old she came down and simply asked: “So what's going on”.  I explained a couple of different things and she said “ok” and asked about how intense it should be and I let her know I would accept whatever she decided.  So she said let's go ahead and “go downstairs”. 

When we got there she said to “lay down”, which I did.  She started with the Lexan paddle full force then moved to the wood one.  She then lowered my pants and got the Lexan cane out but it was not full force ?.  She finished using the olive wood spoon and then the Lexan paddle again a …full force.  She then said I was done and we did a quick hug.  This was much less than previous and during the spanking, she made a point that she was proud of me for taking the initiative to do this so I could continue to progress.

To summarize, if I initiate the spanking is sufficient, if she has to initiate it will be more than sufficient.  We have not talked much about this yet but probably will over the next few days.  I am interested in others thoughts on this.  While I prefer her to initiate I also don’t like the thrashing I get when she does…it might as well be a punishment spanking.  But it does seem fair.  Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Tonight will be different.  I broke one of our rules this morning.  So I am slated for a 2 minute continuous spanking with the implement of her choice…on a bottom that got spanked last night.  We shall see how well I take this.  I would also like to note that during this time one other rule was broken but “only” assigned 4 days of cold showers.

I hopefully with the holiday week be able to post again this week.  If you would like me to focus on anything specific let me know.

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I just found your blog and have read all of the entries.  If I may, what you and your wife have created is commendable.  The amount of thought and effort you both put into this process and it being clear, open, honest and considerate of your histories and current circumstances is nothing short of remarkable.

Congratulations to you both on creating and maintaining a dynamic that works to fulfill ever-changing needs in a complicated world.

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Thank you for the kind words.

I picked the title like I did for a reason.  Most of life is a journey.  We all change all grow in many ways.  Then you turn it into "our journey" when you get a spouse.  It takes work and being deliberate about it.

I am considering the next two entries being something like "the top things to do/not do to get your spouse on board".  I will biased to my experiences but the comments section will allow others to concur...not concur.

If anybody has thoughts I am listening.

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Your wife could consider using male punishment enhancement device the day before . These include but not limited to Chasity belts,,and plugs.

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