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History and What We Punish For



Since I now have a follower and @ax013 told me to keep going we shall continue.



Before we were even married I disclosed in a very nervous manner my proclivity for spanking,, the first time I told anybody.  This was while she was visiting on spring break (she was a middle school teacher and I think they enjoy spring break more than the students) after we spent the day at the beach and she was in a good mood.  She took it well although neither one of us really understood.  In hindsight it is like our marriage, you don’t really know what it is till you do it right and wrong for a while then you eventually find your place.

The first spanking she gave me was on our honeymoon.  It was awful…but neither one of us knew that.  At that time video on the internet was limited so I had only seen a view…and she had no frame of reference.  No videos, movies, or personal experience on either end (we will talk about our childhoods some other time) …NOTHING.  It was just a few swats with my belt while I was bent over the bed and then a few with me flat on the bed…which quickly turned into that other thing you do on your honeymoon you are no good at the first time (I would like to be high and mighty and say I was not sexually active prior to marriage for some good moral reasons…but that was only part of it.  I was a math nerd and celibacy was not a choice most of the time).

Early in our marriage we spanked prior to sex for a special occasion here or there but we always had a tension between us on it.  Basically, she did not feel comfortable with it but never said anything.  The amount would go up and down and then after our first kid it went to almost nothing.  Which then brought the subject to the forefront.  Between this issue and some of my personal struggles (addictive behavior, PTSD behavior from my military days, etc.) I went off the rails for a season.  While I always maintained a certain level of personal and social standard, internally I was grinding down fast.  This led me to counseling and us then to marriage counseling.  Which changed the whole conversation.

Fast forward a year of counseling and we came to an agreement we could try to start spanking again in a very controlled and deliberate manner.  This we did for about a year where we would spank for my stress or for sex.  We experimented a lot and gave each other feedback.  I also built an almost sound proof room in our basement that looks like a normal office since we were up to three kids.  Then about a year ago, at my request, we changed.

In 2017 we started doing punishment spankings.  I requested it and we discussed for several months to help her understand (our communication was much better than earlier in our marriage) and we went through “Spanking and the Male Mind” (Link below).  The book helped her.  Additionally, I went through and discussed “This is me”, “This is not me”…and so on.  It helped her to understand this is something more than just a passing phase…it was a need in some ways not a want.


WHAT WE PUNISH FOR (By Agreement):

Improper Sexual Behavior


Outburst of Anger


Improper Sexual Behavior:  For health (addiction), personal and religious reasons I don’t want to masturbate, look at pornography, treat women inappropriately, and other items that can fall under that umbrella.  This is not some FLR domination thing.  I really wish to stop these behaviors after years of addiction (pornography and masturbation especially) that negatively affected me.  As I mentioned in the last article it is not just spanking.  It can be cold showers, waking early in the morning, and other things I will describe at another time.  But this is an area of my life that has seen to most improvement and feel like I have my life back in many ways.

Lying:  Early on in life I learned to be a good liar as a defensive mechanism from events in my childhood.  I am REALLY good at it and have a mind that is an expert at covering my tracks.  But obviously need to quit.  This extends to all aspects of my life and I am expected to monitor and confess ever instance.  This even includes the little lies…like telling a 3-year-old “we are out of chocolate” even though we are not.  Obviously, my wife varies the punishment with the crime and most are not spanked for, but it does happen….

Outburst of Anger:  Most of these ties back to the fact I have trouble regulating my emotions due to reactions related to my PTSD.  However, I need to and have learned to manage it more once I submitted to my wife on having consequences for it.  This always begins with a timeout.  During the moment my wife just stops me and lets me know and it is an automatic 10-minute time out.  She will then decide if further punishment is needed.  But before we can do anything I have to calm down and be able to talk about it.

Generally, all these relate to events and habits I developed many years ago.  Some dating back to 6 or 7 years old.  The full detailed history can be for another post.  Like last time I would have liked to give you something to read regarding the latest spanking.  But I have not been spanked since then.  However, I did tell a small lie that got me two days of cold showers and folding the laundry (which I normally help with anyway, but I rolled with it).


Next entry (unless you all fire me) will be more history and how we do “our process” – Confession, Discussion, Consequences/Punishment, Close Out.

Let me know if you all have questions.

 Spanking and the Male Mind Link:



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You have probably detailed this before, but refresh my memory- was your wife vanilla before and needed to be prompted to start the spankings?

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Vanalia in this sense yes.  She would not be doing this at all if I had not asked...and even then takes lots of discussion, reading, education...etc.  All of that is still playing out to this day.

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Did spanking get brought up during marriage counseling and did the counselor encourage your wife to try it?

And thanks for the link. I'm not familiar with the book. My wife is sick of reading things I give her on this subject, but maybe this one will be different.

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It came up because it was tied into part of the reason we were there.  Which I may cover in a future post but that is deeply personal.  The counselor stayed very neutral except to say that if it was done in a consensual and healthy manner it could be something to discuss.  But we spent enough time working on communication and issues from our individual pasts that this really became a secondary item.

For the book.  I would preface it with this.  My wife was put off by the tone in that it assumes a woman should want to spank and it is fun.  For my wife that never is the case.  She does it for me not for her.  I would also recommend you printing it out and highlighting in it.  Green = This statement is me, Yellow = Maybe/Maybe not, Red = Hell not that is not what I think or want to do.  This allows it to be a way to speak to her and communicate without having to come up with the words yourself.  It covers a wide area and could be a great tool but take it slow so it does not confuse.  Know it yourself first.

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I’m so impressed you’ve learned to communicate about this so well.  It’s so difficult.  

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30 minutes ago, CHJ52417 said:

I’m so impressed you’ve learned to communicate about this so well.  It’s so difficult.  

It is an acquired an practiced skill...along with couples therapy/counseling.  It was not overnight and natural.  The first 10 years of marriage it did not exist...and we are still working through it.  But thank you...we have worked hard at it.

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