I just heard the sexiest remark anyone has ever stated to me. A remark that was filled with undeniable truth. A remark that silenced my need for spanking in a heartbeat. Well, silenced isn’t the appropriate word. My need for spanking transformed. Ah, that’s better.

My biggest turn on in another person is effort. My biggest annoyance with most people is laziness. Laziness has many forms from excuses, to sheer ignorance, to stagnation, etc. But, there is another form of laziness out there. Remember way back in the day when you were assigned to a group to complete a task at school or even at work? There was always the person that did the majority of the work while the others slacked around until it came time to turn in the task and they would scribble their names on the piece of paper to take credit for the work they didn’t even do. Their laziness was expressed by crutching on someone else to do the work.

Since I can remember, I have always been a discipline oriented spanko. I craved discipline as if I were craving to be reconnected to the most sacred place within my being. There is no greater thrill to me than to take my well being, my mind, my emotions, and my body and to put it into the hands of a discipline-oriented romantic partner. I enjoy being controlled and under the guidance of a partner and I crave to receive spanking as discipline.

About half a year ago, I met a very charming traditional man that opened many gates of self-discovery for me. I enjoyed things that I didn’t think I would enjoy. He articulated himself in a way that I simply couldn’t argue with because I came to find that many of the thoughts and feelings that I’ve had for many years were also perceived in a similar light by him.

One of the things I have always struggled with is my own form of laziness. I have always found purpose in my life based on my romantic partner and by helping others in society. If I don’t have a romantic partner to please then I lose a sense of motivation to push myself to become the best version of myself. When I met this man, I started feeling more and more like myself. I started pushing myself harder with each day. I started going to the gym on a frequent basis. I had no problems waking up at 4am. Then, conflict began to creep into our dynamic because I wanted spanking. I wanted discipline. I felt like I was just living my own life without his involvement. And I craved to engage with him. I craved to feel him involved in every aspect of my life. Waking up at 4am is a lot more fun for me when someone makes me go to bed at a reasonable hour. Going to the gym is a lot more fun for me when the person holds me accountable by requesting fun photos of me at the gym. I enjoy making things fun and seeing that my partner desires the same.

These bursts of neediness of spanking and discipline caused me to come to him and complain to receive more from him. He would always tell me that he will not give me another task until he sees that I can actually do the first one. The first task was to get myself back into shape and to prioritize myself. At the time, I understood it as he simply didn’t want to involve himself with me. I understood it as perhaps what he wanted and what I wanted was drastically different. I started to feel undesired and confused. Despite these feelings, every so often on his terms he would ask for a simple photo of me. He would ask for a normal photo of my face right then and there in the moment. I would send it. He would tell me how beautiful he thought that I was. He would tell me that the opinions, not even my own, mattered because the only thing that should matter was what he thought of me and what he saw was a beautiful woman. It warmed my heart when he did this. Yet, I still didn’t understand what he was doing for months. Each month, I would open the same conversation about a conversation about discipline. Each month he shot it down and told me that I need to first follow through on the first task and to actually learn how to listen.

Then the other night, I learned something new. Something I already knew but he stated it in such a blunt way that I felt as if I had an epiphany and wanted to laugh at my own ignorance along the way. I asked him once again to spank me or to become more involved with me to go to the gym or to wake up early or anything else. Again, I asked for more engagement.

He bluntly told me to stop using spanking and discipline as a crutch. He told me to stop thinking with my cunt and to start thinking with my brain. He told me that spanking and discipline do not belong here. He was right. His words made sense to me. I was using my own wellbeing as a way to receive spanking and discipline to my own detriment. The next couple of days I began to wonder if maybe spanking and discipline are purely sexual for me. I wondered if I was self-sabotaging my own well being in order to get off on my spanking kink. I saw the possibility in this and it honestly didn’t make me feel very good about myself because he was right. I shouldn’t use a kink to prevent myself from making myself into a better person. Naturally, I am pretty self-disciplined and thrive through obedience rather than misbehavior. But, obedience and self-discipline never got me the spanking and discipline that I craved.

A few days later, we chatted again and a similar conversation opened. This time, it was about my desires of being controlled and having a dynamic that we both wanted. I told him that I wanted to go on a date. I told him that I wanted to see him in person and to engage more with him. He reminded me that I was the one that stated that I wanted to focus on improving my wellbeing first prior to meeting him. In turn, he has been holding me to my own request. He told me that I am trying my hardest to have him cave in and give me what I want. He told me that I am being lazy to try to get what I want. But in fact, he is controlling me. He is giving me exactly what I asked for and he is immoveable. No matter how many tantrums I throw. No matter how many pleas that I give. No matter how many propositions I make, he will not cave in. My wellbeing must absolutely come first. He told me that I don’t like the way he is controlling me because I am not getting what I want. But, even so, he is actually giving me exactly what I wanted.

He stretched this further by telling me yet again that he will not put in more effort into our dynamic than the effort that I decide to put in. If I cannot put in the self-discipline to prioritize my own well being why would he put in more effort and provide me with spanking and discipline. If he caved in and gave me what I wanted that would actually reverse our roles. He would no longer be in the place of a Dominant because the control would shift onto me. He made it known that the only reason I am whining for more engagement is because I am not getting what I want. But, he knows that I don’t want to get what I want. He listens, thoroughly. And all he expects out of me is to put in effort into myself and into our dynamic. The moment he sees that I commit and follow through, he will put in more effort as well. That is what keeps the balance of a dynamic such as this. That is what builds trust in a dynamic such as this.

He could be a crutch for me and casualize the dynamic by simply playing the role of a Dominant man. Or he can actually be a Dominant man and ensure he is paving the path to a resilient relationship that has revolves around what we both need. And he left me with a question that spoke the deepest truths to me. “Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with someone that cannot even put effort into themselves?” If someone doesn’t put effort into themselves do you genuinely think that they can put effort into their partner?

It was this conversation that worked so much better than any spanking could ever work on me be cause it radiated the most profound truths. It was a beautiful lesson on self-discipline and effort that I simply needed to hear in this moment.