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Safety, Assault, and Respect in the Spanking World


Somthingrandom

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I might be the only one who feels this way but my heart just sinks when I log into the forums here on spankingneeds and see somebody new says something that can be summarized as this:

Young female, desperate, needs to be spanked, I live here, contact me.

Now assuming the post is real, and some of them are, it is followed by a stream of good and well-meaning people saying SLOW DOWN!  However, when you go to the individual's profile you will see a list of men who have checked the profile and likely some have sent a PM.  Now while this does not seem bad, many of the men who checked the profile have zero posts or community interactions.  I am not saying lurkers are bad but in this case, it is suspicious.  I am sure our admins also perk up in this situation.

But my heart sinks.  A vulnerable person just advertised to some good and some not so good people they were vulnerable and willing to take a chance.  I work with a lot with manipulative people in DC and in corporate America....and if needed I can play with the best of them.  I know I could manipulate the situation to where I could gain trust and then violate that trust.  I don't, but I am sure others on the web do.

So please be safe out there.  Take your time.  Slow down.  I get desperate too.  If you read some of my other posts I am no saint.  I know what it is like to become irrational and "act out" or just want something so bad safety does not matter.  But all that did was get me in trouble.  Don't make decisions out of fear, anxiety, manipulation, or a drive to do something at all costs.  There are good men and women on here that will spank you.  But the good ones will take time to get to know you, they will normally be active in the community, and they will help you - NOT HARM YOU.

I also feel that in light of all the news coverage here in the US and even on this site.  If you are assaulted speak up.  I understand the legalities may not be in your favor, unfortunately, but if nothing else it is a warning to others.  Even if it is just a PM to the admins, a few people you trust, or one person to speak for you.  Please say something to somebody.  Those of us who see spanking as more than a selfish interaction for ourselves will back you and be supportive.  Please speak up to somebody honestly and truthfully.  If you get really desperate PM me and I will listen.

RESPECT - ok, I have been accused of being a smart @$$ more than once in my life.  But I can guarantee you that as a person I respect you.  Many people on this site are the same way.  When engaging a new ER or setting up a session make sure they respect you.  Don't compromise because you are desperate.  You do not want to end up in a situation where you are desperate for something from somebody who does not respect you.  

For all the guys out there (sorry if I sound sexist but I am going with the most common case) - Respect and help people who are desperate.  There is a song out right now in the Country genre about "taking a drunk girl home".  Take a minute and listen to it.  If you are a good ER and not just wanting to do something because you watched too much spanking porn, take care of the EEs out there.  Especially the ladies, HAVE RESPECT.  Make sure you are in this for the right reasons.

Ok – Rant over.

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Reminds me of Facebook. I think Facebook is the only social media where the members are THANKFUL when their personal data is stolen from Facebook! They WANT exposure and followers! Weird but true.....

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Well said. It seems to work both ways. There are people who have no interest in developing relationship and just want a quick fix. Always take time, you can get a feel for a person. 

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I must agree with the safety aspect. It should be pointed out that DISTANCE seems to be a problem with ALL spanking sites.

Now then when two people get together for a spanking session they should TALK before hand. Understand what each person needs. Both should know what to expect. If the spankee just needs a few soft spanks say so. If the spankee needs a long hard blistering spanking (like me) say so. Makes the experience better for both also keeps the spanker out of jail if they know the limits not to pass.

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As a christian I would always find a problem with sex out side of marriage which spanking is. I just have to distance myself from it. My advice is that if you really need to be spanked, do it inside of marriage. If you are not married hold fire until you are. It is better to be married than burn in your lust for one another. It may be wiser to discuss this spanking thing very early on with a potential spouse before you get married.

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@Tony Conrad I will disagree that spanking is sex or a sexual act.  Alot of spanking has took place for many years outside of marriage...in fact most spanking has been in prisons, schools, and homes in situations not between spouses.

So while some incorporate it into the sexual act, it in of itself is not.  I think you could ask questions of nudity and intimate interactions being proper.  But is being nude to a doctor not proper?  Is a massage improper (a real one...not a shady one)?  My chiropractor touched and contorted my 500 differant ways today...all nonsexually.

I think extreme caution and deliberation should be taken to discern your motives.  If they are sexual...then yes, wife only.  If they are not I think you can argue that with proper precautions it is not much differant than a therapist or a massage logically.

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I was only thinking of marriage. I know that the discipline aspect has happened more in the past. Some people get aroused by this. I think maybe that is because they need a reason for it to happen in their fantasies which can then be transferred to reality. I keep well away from that in marriage. As having a wife who disciplines you rather than just spanks you doesn't feel right to me. I don't want to change who she is. She is happy to spank and that is wonderful, full stop.

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I agree with everything that you've said here. However, since this topic was started... I do have to add: 

If you're a spankee looking for a Spanker because you are seeking discipline and guidance, stick with that. Do not EVER let that go. These are your needs and should never be compromised. Some vanilla people will offer to spank you and it may seem tempting because you want to get spanked but there is an art to providing discipline and guidance. On the other end, some Dominants that are typically looking for D/s or M/s with a sexual element may also promise the discipline and guidance... However, they will not always deliver it or not in the way you are seeking to receive it. Whether you're only into spanking or into some D/s, sexual or nonsexual... define your needs and do not compromise them. It is your life and you build the life you want, no one can tell you what you should want or need. You define that yourself even if you need help reaching a true awareness of yourself... that's okay... but never lose sight of who you are and what you want in your life for the sake of the experience of a spanking. It will come. And you deserve to have it delivered the way you've always wanted it to be. This is a journey of self-discovery and self-love. 

Sometimes when we really want to experience something we become impatient. However, it is better to be patient than for one experience to throw you into bitterness. 

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My spanking is non-sexual, and no relationship wanted either way. Its just adults who need / want to be spanked / spank.

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Very clearly put. I tend to be somebody who prefers to PM, mostly because I have little to say in blogs, and little time to write. However the issue of respectful consent is paramount. And consent means informed consent too.

So if like me you are an ER, recognise that we need to exercise judgement and self control.

Reply to well written rant over.

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Very well said, I want to mention something, although yes I know your target demographic is the female EE... there is a massive point that should also be addressed. Men also need to be wary of manipulative woman. As spanking enthusiasts many of us have learned duplicity as our second language. After all we have to cover our desires from our vanilla family friends and co-workers right? This might be and isolated incident but submissive and switch men should be made aware of predatory female tops, or disciplinarians. Particularly those who ask if you were a single dad. this is not my story however, a dear friend of mine, and his family was hurt. Do not be misled, men are not the only ones who seek an immediate or even predatorial fix.

 

Edited by AffectionFromCorrection
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On 11/1/2018 at 7:41 PM, Somthingrandom said:

@Tony Conrad I will disagree that spanking is sex or a sexual act.  Alot of spanking has took place for many years outside of marriage...in fact most spanking has been in prisons, schools, and homes in situations not between spouses.

So while some incorporate it into the sexual act, it in of itself is not.  I think you could ask questions of nudity and intimate interactions being proper.  But is being nude to a doctor not proper?  Is a massage improper (a real one...not a shady one)?  My chiropractor touched and contorted my 500 differant ways today...all nonsexually.

I think extreme caution and deliberation should be taken to discern your motives.  If they are sexual...then yes, wife only.  If they are not I think you can argue that with proper precautions it is not much differant than a therapist or a massage logically.

Usually I'm not one to agree with an explanation rooted in theology. However Spanking technically is very much so sexual. For the longest time I regarded myself as asexual, that was until I discovered a spanko, is a form of paraphilia "an innate unchosen and lifelong desire." The term sex to me is about as arousing as toothpaste. I view it apathetically in fact the only Act that has any interest or arousal factor is spanking however I've never desired anything beyond a spanking. Well most choose to idealize the Pure or innocent reasoning behind a spanking, intent does not matter. 

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Be careful of what? It is sexual for me too. I never want it to be punishment as that does not sit with my marriage relationship which is the most important thing to me. I need to consider my wife's desires and she considers mine. One cannot argue about these things. 

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well said...... A relationship in which spanking is or not including, needs to be built upon:

communication

mutual respect

mutual understanding

and yes built slowly allowing chemistry to be closely evaluated 

😉

 

 

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Lots of valid points all worthy....

Safety is key 

Trust is key

Play safe and with respect for each other

😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

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