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who should spank me?


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#1 spankmecena

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 03:41 AM

When i first told my husband about my need to be spanked he was quite mean about it and said very hurrtful things to me. A few times he even hurt me. While he was getting used to the idea i found a mentor online. We really connected our first session and i cant imagine any one else spanking me. Now my husband wants to learn what i need and to give it to me. Im glad he wants to but still feel like i need my mentor too. Ive been told i have to forget about my mentor and just let my husband learn and do it. I dont know. My mentor has helped me so much already, i dont want to stop seeing him. Please let me know what you think.

#2 Guest_Imperial_Pony_*

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 04:30 AM

When i first told my husband about my need to be spanked he was quite mean about it and said very hurrtful things to me. A few times he even hurt me. While he was getting used to the idea i found a mentor online. We really connected our first session and i cant imagine any one else spanking me. Now my husband wants to learn what i need and to give it to me. Im glad he wants to but still feel like i need my mentor too. Ive been told i have to forget about my mentor and just let my husband learn and do it. I dont know. My mentor has helped me so much already, i dont want to stop seeing him. Please let me know what you think.


You say your husband hurt you...was it physical hurt? If so you really need to get away from him, and I don't say that lightly. If he hurt you once, he could easily do it again in the future. Please tell me if I read that incorrectly because it's coming across like he's physically lashed out at you.

This is a very sensitive and touchy situation. Does your husband know of your mentor? If not it could severely complicate things, as there are people who would see this as a form of cheating, even if there is no sex involved. You need to discuss this with your husband. Would he support the idea of you keeping your mentor while he learns what to do? In the end it, IMO, it should be your husband doling out the discipline, not anyone else.

It is very difficult for us to tell you what you should do, as we don't know a lot of the situation. You need to have open communication with your spouse and if he physically hurts you because he doesn't like the idea of spanking, you need to press some sort of assault charges and get away from him as fast as you can.

#3 Guest_Phreddy Bear_*

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 04:42 AM

I would suggest having your husband learn from your mentor. And then, once school is over,
dropping the mentor with your thanks. The injuries your husband inflicted could have been
accidents just waiting to occur.

No one can tell you what to do, there are too many variables involved. But. in this world, there
is nothing more dangerous than an enthusiastic amateur.

#4 spankmecena

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 06:39 AM

You say your husband hurt you...was it physical hurt? If so you really need to get away from him, and I don't say that lightly. If he hurt you once, he could easily do it again in the future. Please tell me if I read that incorrectly because it's coming across like he's physically lashed out at you.

This is a very sensitive and touchy situation. Does your husband know of your mentor? If not it could severely complicate things, as there are people who would see this as a form of cheating, even if there is no sex involved. You need to discuss this with your husband. Would he support the idea of you keeping your mentor while he learns what to do? In the end it, IMO, it should be your husband doling out the discipline, not anyone else.

It is very difficult for us to tell you what you should do, as we don't know a lot of the situation. You need to have open communication with your spouse and if he physically hurts you because he doesn't like the idea of spanking, you need to press some sort of assault charges and get away from him as fast as you can.

Thanks for your reply. Myhusband tried to spank me and the first few times he hurt me physically. He said he was trying to give me what he thought i wanted. He knows about my mentor and knows i want to keep seeing him at least for a while. We are meeting saturday and my husband will come and watch. He said after that he will decide whether i can ever see him again. My husband isnt sure what exactly goes on when we meet. I ultimatly want my husband to spank me but right now i feel better seeing someone who knows what i need. Im still tryinfg to understand this lifestyle myself.

#5 spankmecena

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 06:43 AM

I would suggest having your husband learn from your mentor. And then, once school is over,
dropping the mentor with your thanks. The injuries your husband inflicted could have been
accidents just waiting to occur.

No one can tell you what to do, there are too many variables involved. But. in this world, there
is nothing more dangerous than an enthusiastic amateur.

Im hoping my husband does learn from my mentor. I just want to keep seeing him and give my husband time to get used to this and learn what i want. He wasnt trying to hurt me, thought he was giving me what i want. I guess thats why im nervous about fully trusting him with my disipline needs.

#6 word-weaver

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 06:53 AM

I ultimatly want my husband to spank me but right now i feel better seeing someone who knows what i need. Im still tryinfg to understand this lifestyle myself.


I think that communication is key is this kind of situation. Our husbands, especially those who aren't natural born "mentors", don't always get this spanking thing. Also, I can say from experience that I allowed the need to be spanked consume me to the point where I ignored his needs. It took a while, but we came to a mutual understanding. That old adage that Rome wasn't built in a day is certainly true.

I am glad that your hubby is going with you to a spanking session, and that you are so open and honest with him that you've sought a mentor. Maybe you could communicate better what exactly is lacking (or overpowering) in his spankings, and what it is you get from your mentor's spankings... how they differentiate. The best time to do this is when the two of you are relaxed, and the conversation is not leading up to a spanking. Men need time to chew on information before they can put it to practice.

Lastly, I want to add that there is nothing wrong with getting spanked by your mentor, as long as your are honest with your husband about it, and he agrees that it is okay. Most men equate spankings with sex, and he might be feeling as if your mentor is using you for that, and may want you to stop. Again, communication is the key.
DINGO: Wicked wicked Zoot ... she is a bad person and she must pay the penalty. And here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment ... you must tie her down on a bed ... and spank her. Come! ~ Monty Python and the Holy Grail

#7 Guest_Mr.Tanyerhide_*

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 07:20 AM

I would interject hear that your Huz is literally starting at ground Zero. First, he not only must focus on your physical limits, but also your psychological & emotional boundaries gradually before progressing to each step. You would be the Only One to know as to whether he was overzealous & unintentionally crossed your boundaries or just plain abusive. Either way can be damaging. His first step to establish the degree of the spanking to be within Best Interest & Welfare. If you value your marriage, then I would suggest that you remain within your bond, Drop the mentor, communicate & learn from each other. Both of you should also learn to be patient.

#8 spankmecena

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 07:31 AM

I would interject hear that your Huz is literally starting at ground Zero. First, he not only must focus on your physical limits, but also your psychological & emotional boundaries gradually before progressing to each step. You would be the Only One to know as to whether he was over zealous & unintentionally crossed your boundaries or just plain abusive. Either way can be damaging. His first step to learn is the degree of the spanking to be within Best Interest & Welfare.

That seems like a good reason to see my mentor a little longer. Give him time to learn before he tries to take on my serious issues. I know he has alot to learn and want him to understand and be able to give me what i need, I keep thinking giving him time to get this would be the best. Also give me time with someone exsperienced to figure out exactlly what i need. Im new to this lifestyle too and not sure how i feel about things. I know the big issue that has come up over not being able to stand in the corner, he just got upset with me for getting so upset about it. He tried having me stay bent ove the chair to think about my spanking but i still couldnt do it and he was upset again.

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 08:32 AM

I know the big issue that has come up over not being able to stand in the corner, he just got upset with me for getting so upset about it. He tried having me stay bent ove the chair to think about my spanking but i still couldnt do it and he was upset again.


If someone is punishing you, I think you should submit until the punishment is over unless some condition prevents it. I have a pair of bum legs, so having me stand in the corner would be ridiculous.

#10 Guest_Mr.Tanyerhide_*

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 08:40 AM

I know the big issue that has come up over not being able to stand in the corner, he just got upset with me for getting so upset about it. He tried having me stay bent ove the chair to think about my spanking but i still couldnt do it and he was upset again.


"Unable" or "Defiant". They are two separate issues.

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 10:10 AM

Any possibility of meeting in the middle ground by having Mentor actively train husband? It occurs to me that any jealousy issue *might* straighten itself out IF everybody was actively working together to get on the same page...that would be an ideal situation, IF it can work at all.

#12 mip

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 10:13 AM

it is a very touchy situation
does your husband want to taker over being your spanker because he open his mind to the idea and want to share that experience with you
or does he want to be your spanker because he feel insecure about you having such intimate contact with
another male ?
if he offering to be your spanker because he truly want to help you get something you need all is well
on the other hand if his offer is based on jalousy then it might not work out
i know that a lot of husbands would not be confortable with their wife having such intimate contact with another male
did he share with you why he change the way he felt about spanking
are you confortable with him spanking you and not ending up hurting you again

#13 Guest_Mr.Tanyerhide_*

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 01:16 PM

Any possibility of meeting in the middle ground by having Mentor actively train husband?


Wise Advice

#14 Guest_Mr.Tanyerhide_*

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 01:31 PM

When i first told my husband about my need to be spanked he was quite mean about it and said very hurtful things to me. A few times he even hurt me.


It appears that he has some self-control issues. AND.
First & foremost, NEVER discipline or spank in anger.

#15 spankmecena

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 02:59 PM

"Unable" or "Defiant". They are two separate issues.

Its not defiance. It scares me standing in the corner. I cant stand to feel alone and i cant stop crying when im standing there. I have tried to do it and i dont want to seem like a brat but i really cant do it.

#16 Guest_Imperial_Pony_*

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 03:51 PM

Its not defiance. It scares me standing in the corner. I cant stand to feel alone and i cant stop crying when im standing there. I have tried to do it and i dont want to seem like a brat but i really cant do it.


You need to have a very serious discussion with him about this, then. Corner time is not for everyone. I like it because after a spanking I am generally not very receptive and want to be left alone for several minutes so I can get my thoughts in order. Corner time allows me to do that.

Based on what you describe happens to you, it sounds like corner time is doing far more harm than good.

#17 spankmecena

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 06:47 PM

You need to have a very serious discussion with him about this, then. Corner time is not for everyone. I like it because after a spanking I am generally not very receptive and want to be left alone for several minutes so I can get my thoughts in order. Corner time allows me to do that.

Based on what you describe happens to you, it sounds like corner time is doing far more harm than good.

I think it does hurt me. My mentor understands that. He doesnt get mad about it like my husband did.

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 06:52 PM

I think it does hurt me. My mentor understands that. He doesnt get mad about it like my husband did.


Forgive the forwardness of this response...but your husband seems to have anger issues. If my husband was that way I wouldn't let him spank me at all. Period.

#19 Louise

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Posted 09 July 2011 - 01:18 PM

I can understand your husband not being keen on you seeing a mentor. I don't suppose most men would be keen on their wives being spanked by another man. It is a rather personal thing. It would be better for your marriage if you could let your husband do the spanking, if he is willing to try.

It would probably make it more appealing for him if he can spank you for things that he considers are important to him, if there are things he would rather you did/didn't do etc. It certainly makes my husband more interested in spanking me because he can spank me if I have done something he doesn't like me to or not done something he does want me to etc. He enjoys 'taking it out on your bottom' as he puts it, when he is annoyed with me about something. It is lack of control, rather than anger, that is the problem.

Louise

#20 PonyGirl

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Posted 09 July 2011 - 02:28 PM

Hard to say anything about your husband and if he has anger issues from the little that we have been told. If you want your husband to spank you then I agree with others that you should try to have your mentor teach your husband.

I know first hand how attached one can get to a mentor. I had a little bit of a difficult time transitioning from my mentor to my boyfriend. I had my mentor frist and he was the one who introduced me to the whole spanking thing. I have special feelings even now for him.

Over time though I really do prefer my boyfriend to meet my needs. I got used to his style, and then there is just the nature of the love relationship, there are certian things perfer with him. I think you might find over time, as you learn to trust your husband in this issue, that you will perfer him.




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