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spanked till you cry?


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#1 pbaby

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Posted 21 September 2010 - 09:58 PM

I was wandering if anyone has ever been spanked as an adult to the point of crying .I would love it but not sure it could be done as an adult.

#2 Guest_lilac_*

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Posted 21 September 2010 - 10:00 PM

I was wandering if anyone has ever been spanked as an adult to the point of crying .I would love it but not sure it could be done as an adult.


Of course it's been done, ALOT!!! With the right disciplinarian, the right words and the right type of spanking trust me the tears will flow. It might take awhile till the trust is there but it happens, trust that. I hope it happens for you one day.
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#3 Aslyn

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Posted 21 September 2010 - 10:05 PM

I've never been spanked (being an 'er' instead of an 'ee', as you guys put it), but I have spanked several spankees to tears in the years that I've been doing this. In my experience, it's difficult at first to push through that, simply because I'm inflicting the level of pain necessary to get someone to break into tears - never an easy thing when you otherwise wouldn't hurt another person. On the spankee's part, it requires a level of resignation and submission that isn't easy - you have to entirely relinquish control and simply accept that the pain won't stop until the spanker decides that it should, and therefore you'll take whatever's coming to you, no matter what. Once you've resigned yourself to it, it's easier to drop those emotional inhibitions which tend to stop you from releasing those tears.

You will hear some spankers spouting the bravado that they won't stop until they've made you cry and then some, but that's nonsense, more often than not - a lot of spankees (particularly those with deeper-seated emotional issues) find it hard to cry, simply because it's an outpouring of feeling that they're almost not wanting to release outright in such a way, since crying leaves you vulnerable, and most don't enjoy that feeling. That said, once you do it, there's a lot of pent-up emotion cleaned out of your system, and by the time you calm down, you'll more than likely feel much better about yourself than you did beforehand.

My only advice to any spankee is this: be sure of what your reasons are for having the spanking. If it's to get something off your chest, don't think too much about trying to hold onto a modicum of control. Trust your partner to keep you safe and let it all out, so you can feel better about yourself once your bottom is suitably warmed and your tears shed. You only hurt yourself by resisting, usually, because you're wasting a good opportunity to just release whatever's in there.

#4 pbaby

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Posted 21 September 2010 - 10:32 PM

wow i'm a 30 male but i act like a little boy its hard to image how to allow it to happen

#5 Aslyn

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Posted 21 September 2010 - 10:37 PM

Ah, well, yes, male spankees don't tend to cry as much as female spankees, as far as I'm aware, but we're naturally more reserved than women due to the nature of our social lives (most isolated than communal), so that can present an issue. Still, no doubt it does happen - just need to be spanked hard enough or have your punishment delivered in the right way (lecture, spanking, impositions etc).

#6 rampup1

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Posted 22 September 2010 - 01:40 AM

I'm a male, 53, and have a spanko top that I see regularly for daddy/son punishment scenes. I get several cycles of his razor strap OTK, then the last spanking cycle is with a small wooden paddle. The hard paddle stings so much that I cry deeply every time he uses it. I feel much better emotionally afterwards.

#7 Guest_shybaby16_*

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Posted 22 September 2010 - 06:54 AM

wow i'm a 30 male but i act like a little boy its hard to image how to allow it to happen


Pbaby, I am much older than you are, but act very much like a little girl, doing the same mistakes over and over again. Yes, I chose this path to correct my behaviour, but, I am always scared to go over my mentorís knee for what I truly deserve and be spanked to tears. Even if I do realize I have earned it and should be spanked severely for it, I am constantly hesitant and would deny the fact that I needed to be punished, and would think of all the excuses I could to get away from it, especially if I know I am going to get implements that are painful like brushes or paddles. Unfortunately, it doesnít work that way with my mentor.

It takes time for tears to flow, and when it does, it is a mixture of the pain and hatred I have for disappointing my mentor. Much that I try to do my best, wanting to show my mentor I learned from the spankings already given, I still fail and needed to be lectured and reminded all the time. Not only do I have tears flowing while being spanked, there were more tears after, especially when I am hugged and forgiven... My mentor feels bad hurting my little bum, and I feel bad for letting him down. Itís just a long journey that I have to take, learning so many things, and having to be spanked to tears as I learn. I guess this is part of the growth deep inside our childish hearts that mentors would like to help with. They want us to grow into mature responsible adults, but before we are able to reach that stage, we just have to face the consequences each time. I guess those are the tears that will make us remember, they are tears that mentors were able to successfully bring out from us.

Shy

#8 PonyGirl

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Posted 22 September 2010 - 07:14 AM

I'm a male, 53, and have a spanko top that I see regularly for daddy/son punishment scenes. I get several cycles of his razor strap OTK, then the last spanking cycle is with a small wooden paddle. The hard paddle stings so much that I cry deeply every time he uses it. I feel much better emotionally afterwards.



Crying is such a personal thing. I don't think it is so much what will make you cry for some, but what will allow you to. It might be a good hard spanking or you may need a more emotional session with lecture. It might be with or without a certain implement. Work with you mentor and be honest about what worked or didn't work for you and eventually you will find the what works for you.

#9 Aslyn

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Posted 22 September 2010 - 07:17 AM

Good advice, Pony. Kudos for that.

#10 too cheeky

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Posted 22 September 2010 - 09:26 AM

Wonderful topic with wonderful input. Thank you all.

At my first adult spanking I wanted to cry but could not. Quietbrat knew what I wanted and spanked hard until a little blood seeped. He quit. That almost made me cry. ;) I think my frontal lobe brain damage from an auto accident has messed up my tears though I have, a couple of times, cried during a movie or when some deep emotional chord was touched in my heart. Go figure?

As a spanker crying as occurred when 1] the spankee asked for tears and release and 2] I spanked long and moderately hard with an implement that did 'light' damage stinging like bee and 3] with no pause--the spankee knew only one thing would stop the spanking--their tears. Once we realize that we WILL ATTAIN our heart's desire no matter what, we can let go.

#11 Guest_quietbrat_*

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Posted 22 September 2010 - 11:07 AM

One thing has really worked well for me past and present, is to always define a "good scolding" as a scolding that moves *against* the grain of any existing bad or toxic self-esteem scripts. Some spankers refer to these bad scripts as "down-talking."

Down-talking by a submitting partner is absolutely forbidden in both my home and our disciplinary "practice" in general.

In my experience, the idea that tears are a rare event for adults is reinforced not just by toxic "encouragements" in the other, repress-thy-feelings direction such as the classical "Big Boys/Girls Don't Cry..."

It can also be perceived as dangerous for more experienced spankers to teach about reaching tears because the first mistake novices on both sides of the hairbrush tend to make is in thinking that tears are, or that they OUGHT to be, about the physics...that is, simply about the delivery of MORE PHYSICAL pain to the bottom's bottom!

I tend to go in much the other direction, and say that tears are function of established trust. Ideally, they *ought* to begin even BEFORE the spanking begins, such as during the set-up lecture, and it is really NOT necessary that they be about either guilt or fear.

Here I have to respectfully disagree somewhat with my honorable friend Too-Cheeky, because IMHO making tears any matter of PERFORMANCE on the part of the spankee simply tends to set up a deeper emotional block most of the time.

I heard Tatt2blue say something utterly fascinating about tears the other day that I definitely agree with in principle: She maintains that tears are largely the natural result of feeling utterly comfortable and safe with your spanker...and I suspect that this remains true no matter what other emotions are being brought out and released at the moment of a tearful catharsis. That is why I am even willing to take weeks or months in the process of setting the mental tone for a particular spankee...I want to be "walking around deep inside her head," so to speak, before I ever bring hand or brush to her bottom.

Set the right psychological triggers into place for the right reasons, and only a light to moderate amount of actual pain may be necessary...the real reason to use stronger pain depends on the seriousness of the issue in the relationship, or else the real reason to bring more pain out of her by literally "giving her more to cry about"...not to be confused in any way with old abusive saw of the same name, thank you very much!

Of course, even though the Adult parts of us all know deeply what a rare act of trust a really good cry is intended to be, it is always useful as one of those preparatory triggers, for the spanker to talk and act as if *because tears are an entirely natural response to a good spanking*, the charge "certainly will NOT be given any other CHOICE but to cry..."

In the end, I think THAT is the position that the respected TooCheeky may have been aiming at.

Respectfully, Quietbrat

#12 Guest_2bspanked_*

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Posted 22 September 2010 - 12:13 PM

WOW! What a great topic, thread and responses, especially for someone as new as myself , a NBS (Never Been Spanked). This is a huge issue for me because at this point, I am pretty much past the "will I" decision, and have moved onto "how, when, etc" and along with that all the gazillion questions I never thought of when I had this relegated to just fantasy. The more I've contemplated making a real spanking a reality, the more I've awakened to the idea that it is really the act of submission, accountability and trust that would put me in a place to release some of the emotional baggage weighing me down and clouding my vision - even more so than the pain of a spanking.

From a practical standpoint, one of my stumbling blocks was thinking "How do I set up my spanker with the expectation (goal) that I want to be powerless to resist or stop a punishment that is hard enough to "break" me.....and at the same time stay safe? My emotions are so blocked right now that my fear was that no amount of force will bring me to tears, and that a spanker will escalate to a level way beyond discipline and spanking (not my thing), thinking they were giving me what I want.

Through this forum, in just days I've come to understand that this is much more of a head & heart thing, rather than a butt thing (although the butt thing certainly charges things up!)

After just speaking on the phone with one member yesterday - I think if she had been close enough to just my cheek (any ;) ), I probably would have "let go".....because the real portal is caring......a spanking is just another way of showing that, and probably a catalyst.

great stuff - thanks to all
2b

#13 Guest_lilac_*

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Posted 22 September 2010 - 12:23 PM

Set the right psychological triggers into place for the right reasons, and only a light to moderate amount of actual pain may be necessary...the real reason to use stronger pain depends on the seriousness of the issue in the relationship, or else the real reason to bring more pain out of her by literally "giving her more to cry about"...not to be confused in any way with old abusive saw of the same name, thank you very much!


Respectfully, Quietbrat


This exactly right. I could be spanked hard for a long time and never shed a tear but when I needed to cry all I needed to say was just that "I need a good cry" and my disciplinarians could make it happen. Not by spanking harder or longer but by using the right psychological triggers. Good point.

#14 spank_mike_hard

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Posted 23 September 2010 - 08:18 PM

This exactly right. I could be spanked hard for a long time and never shed a tear but when I needed to cry all I needed to say was just that "I need a good cry" and my disciplinarians could make it happen. Not by spanking harder or longer but by using the right psychological triggers. Good point.


I have been spanked very hard quite a few times, but I have never cried (never been able to); neither from physical pain,
nor from having my emotional buttons pressed.

I do cry when I am by myself, but never in front of others, including those closest to me. The last time I cried in front of
anyone was as a teenager, in school, in front of some class mates. That was the start of a very long, and often brutal,
period of bullying, which continued until I completely snapped. It completely destroyed my secondary school experience and
I eventually left school (and home) at the age of 16 (returning to school much later). I have been unable to cry in front
of anyone since then. When I find myself in situations where others might cry and I normally probably would, I scream (often
horrible obscenities).

I was surprised the other day, to find that someone whom I was visiting for discipline and who was lecturing me, touched on
a subject that almost made me cry. There was something about the way she made me talk about it, that triggered it ... some
guilt that sits so deep, that I tremble every time I think about it. Even then though, I was focusing all of my attention to
swallowing those tears. This only takes a few seconds, since I have become very good at doing that. I was standing in the corner,
my head turned toward the wall, as we were talking, so I had enough time to suppress the tears ...

Finding a loving mentor ship, where I can do this sort of thing again is a dream, but it has absolutely nothing to do with
a certain threshold of pain that has to be overcome ... I have had plenty of physical pain in my life; I know that doesn't do it.

Mike

I am a smart ass and I love a women to make my ass smart ...


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Posted 28 September 2010 - 01:17 PM

What a good topic. Crying is a release...a way to purge negative emotions in order to re-focus and "feel better." As a disciplinarian it is never my goal to make someone cry, although it does happen sometimes. As already stated it is not about how hard you spank or what you spank with, although that does play some part, it is the fusion of several factors. At the core is the relationship you have with your mentor. Hopefully that is a relationship based deeply in trust, security, and mutual respect. When one truly feels safe, secure, and able to let go of worrying about how something makes them look, the floodgates can open. Working with the right person means they will be able to help "push those buttons" and get you exactly where you need to be whether that means crying, feeling contrite, or letting go of the bonds that hold you down from guilt & shame.

MaMa Blue


#16 RDDA

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Posted 01 October 2010 - 11:51 PM

I have never made it through a spanking without crying. My pain tolerance is just low I suppose. I always try to fight back the tears when getting a real one because it's just so embarrassing and when it finally does happen I just lose it with big chest heaving sobs and begging whoever is doing it to stop. In the long run I wonder why I even like spanking now. The last one was given to me by my ex-girlfriend. I was sleeping on a Saturday morning and I felt something soothing on my legs. It was her, she straddled my legs and tucked both of my hands underneath my stomach so I couldn't move. Then I feel her fingers in the waistband of my underwear and I thought to myself. Hm, sex already this is going to be a wonderful day. Then it happened, my bottom was bared and I felt a very cool breeze followed by very fast and sharp spanks. She did it because I ate most of her caramel popcorn. I couldn't help it. It was so good. Back to the spanking. She was landing really good spanks to my backside and the pain was shockingly horrible. She ended up reducing me to tears and me crying like a baby. I did tell her I was sorry but she still wasn't convinced for at least five more minutes. Strangely enough I want to go through this again. Am I crazy or something?

#17 jswannabme

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Posted 02 October 2010 - 06:05 AM

I am almost completely convinced that crying is something that will never happen for me (though I still strive for it). As Mama Blue has stated, it is a combination of things that allows it to happen, but I have yet to discover that perfect combination...and all the things she mentioned are apparently present in my relationship. It just doesn't happen. Oh, I wail and hollar out. It hurts like crazy. My wife has become quite good at delivering sound discipline. I even have the appropriate feelings of remorse, regret, and shame for my behaviors. It just doesn't happen. I think, maybe once, tears came to my eyes...as in just a faint wetness in the eyes, but that may have just been from me closing my eyes so tightly.

Who knows how this ever comes about, but I know if it ever does happen for me, it will be huge.

#18 Intrigued

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Posted 12 October 2010 - 01:56 PM

Aslyn,
I truly appreciate your articulate response. I gained understanding.
I am new to this, and have not had my first real spanking yet. There is a part of me that feels the need to be spanked to tears, and then there is the fear I will be. I am made of "strong stuff", but I feel the need to surrender totally, all power and control relinquished, and be pushed past any internal resistence. Emotional walls erected through the years will have to come tumbling down, but without it catharsis is not possible.
I am integrating this part of myself for the first time, opening up and sharing with others on this site. In less than a week I have transitioned from previously referring to it as my "dark secret" to my now "colorful secret."
I hope that when I am ready to do this, committing fully to the experience, it is with a mentor of your caliber.
Sincerely,
Intrigued
"Adventure can be an end in itself. Self-discovery is the secret ingredient that fuels daring."
Grace Lichtenstein

#19 SassyChassi

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Posted 12 October 2010 - 02:02 PM

I have cried during a spanking a time or two. I am more likely to cry afterwards. I think for many it's hard to cry while receiving pain. The spanking has to be done in cycles and increasingly rapid way for me to cry during with a good lecture.

#20 Intrigued

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Posted 12 October 2010 - 02:30 PM

Dear 2b,
I could relate to you instantly and felt a connection! It was crazy when I read your response, because line by line, I could relate to every thought, feeling, concern etc! I saw myself mirrored in every word.
I also am a NBS coming to terms with this part of myself in the realm of reality and not fantasy.
I am so glad you put your thoughts and feelings down in such an open manner. As the Navi' say in Avatar; "I see you."
I am glad to know you are out there.
By the way, I love your baby hedgehog and have to keep going back for another look.
Your "sister" on this journey,
Intrigued
"Adventure can be an end in itself. Self-discovery is the secret ingredient that fuels daring."
Grace Lichtenstein




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